here you will find all my stories, whether short and long fanfics or one-shots.
my taglist <3
i accept requests most of the time, just send it <3
ź§ šššØš®š š¦š ź§
ā iām 20 (April 12th <3)
ā my focus in this blog is the walking dead/criminal minds, anime (bnha, jjk, one piece and some others), and previously, formula one
ā english is not my first language so i apologise in advance for any typos and/or mistakes
ā everything that happens in my texts is purely fictional
ā all texts have warnings of possible triggers along with the synopsis, if you believe there is any trigger not mentioned please send me a message
ā here's my masterlist ā
The awkward Variables of Us
synopsis: You werenāt looking for distractions ā especially not in the form of a tall, brilliant, and hopelessly awkward new TA. But between chance coffee encounters, lab gossip gone wrong, and a wink that should be illegal in an academic setting, avoiding him becomes statistically impossible.
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader (AU!PhD students)
status: completed; one shot
Love under contract
synopsis: Your father, Lawrence Stroll, and basically your boss have a good opportunity of linking Aston Martin with Ferrariās stocks. But for that Binotto demanded you, first driver of your dadās formula one team, with your impeccable reputation start a fake relationship with the Ferrariās golden boy Charles Leclerc. Which happens to have a not so good popularity, publicly cheating on with his ex girlfriend plenty of times and being a complete asshole with his ex teammate, Sebastian Vettel, who now is your teammate.
pairing: charles leclerc x fem”stroll!reader
status: discontinued
last updated: 23/07/2023
Ten things I hate about you
synopsis: Daniel Ricciardo is insufurable, adorable to everyone but you. Through the years you gathered ten reasons to explain your hate towards him. But be careful, the line between love and hate is thin.
pairing: daniel ricciardo x fem!reader
status: complete; one-shot
+ danny ric with kids (pics)
Fear is made of ice
synopsis: Growing up in Montreal meant you have to choose: ice figure skating or hockey. Your family and the Stroll are ones of the most influentes of the country, and unfortunately this includes Lance Stroll. What happens when you suffer an accident and now have to train with the most unbearable hockey player?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
summary: two years had passed since you first met gojo satoru, and it was two years of having an agonizingly one-sided crush on the white-haired genius. for the most part, you were okay with keeping it down and acting like the nights you spent fantasizing about what it would be like to be his were normal. you were fine keeping it hidden until something between the two of you shifts, and you're left wondering if this crush you have on him is truly as delirious as you think.
genre: 18+, nerdjo, slow burn, angst + happy ending (duh), fluff, eventual smut (nerdjo being a munch), some mention of insecurities but nothing major
word count: 33k (oops)
note: nerdjo bu set in oxford! art credit! @to00fu
jjk masterlist
It began at one of the English department get-togethers.Ā
Two years ago, when you felt like you had to come to every single event in the hopes of striking expeditious luck at one of them. And itās not that you particularly disliked these events, but they werenāt the first thing youād think of when it came to how youād prefer to spend your free time.Ā
The weather was just getting chilly enough where youād rather stay in your dorm and wrap yourself in three blankets and a sweater, and the year had been dragging on long enough where youād rather just talk about the wonders of Shakespeare and his sonnets in the confines of your next research paper and not with academics who made you feel inferior.Ā
You had been invited weeks in advance, and yet you still found yourself dreading being here, the more it led to it, and even more when you were in the thick of it. Awkward small-talk with students youāve seen around briefly and stiff handshakes with male professors who think that they have better places to be were just mentally taxing, and you counted the seconds until it was all over.Ā
Thankfully, it was busy enough that you could slip into the background without many people even noticing you were there, but not so crowded that you could just slip away entirely without somebody asking where the great Dr. Howardās research assistant had gone. And anyways, it wasnāt too horrible. You had taken to silently recounting Othello in your mind moments before everything changed.Ā
There was a small tap on your shoulder. It startled you at first, and you looked around in your small corner to see a man waiting patiently behind you, a sheepish look on his face as you tried to gather yourself up.Ā
āIām sorry,ā he stammered, and you blinked out of your stupor as you tried to recall in your brain if you had met him before to save yourself from the embarrassment of him having to re-introduce himself, āI didnāt mean to surprise you.āĀ
He looked familiar. His eyes were a deep amethyst, his smile was soft and kind. His dark and shaggy hair was tied behind his head in a small bun, and his ears were adorned with multiple piercings. Although many at Oxford, especially the men, tried to appear as blank as usual, he seemed apt and content with going against the stuffy and old notions.Ā
You must have seemed confused because the man stuttered as he introduced himself.Ā
āIām Suguru,ā he restarted, his hand leaving his side as he extended it to shake yours, āI think we had the same English survey course last semester.āĀ
Your confusion melted away into a wide smile as you shook his hand, his own eyes crinkling around the edges as he grinned back, letting out a breath of relief as you nodded insistently, shaking your head at your own self.Ā
āRight, right, Suguru! I remember you!ā You exclaimed, setting your cup down to the side as you watched him tuck a strand of loose hair behind his ear, āYou sat a little bit in front of me, right?āĀ
His head ducked down momentarily as he chukked, putting his hands in his pants pockets as he nodded.Ā
āI did,ā he chuckled slightly, āRight in the line of fire for when Howard needed to pick on someone.āĀ
Your lips quirk up slightly as you nod, remembering how the professor you work for now used to terrorize your class and quiz random students on particular syllables and grammatical imperfections in the reading they were supposed to have done.Ā
The class was small, as were most major-specific courses you were taking. Although you didnāt have many of your friends in the class, you had gotten a good sense of who was in there and who Dr. Howard preferred to pick on. Suguru, for the most part, did the reading and did his work, so he came out unscathed compared to some of the other students. He sat near the front with some of his own friends, and you had talked to him in passing a couple of times when the class as a whole would band together to compare comments on assignments. He was kind, from what you remembered, which is probably why you felt your shoulders growing less tense the more you two talked.Ā
āThatās her style,ā you say, shrugging as you fiddle with your fingers. āIt took a while to get used to it,ā you admit. Suguru rolls his eyes at your humility, remembering clearly just how much Dr. Howard favored you, but he doesnāt say anything as he lets you continue, āI donāt know if youāve had Creemer yet, but heās worse with his cold calls and isnāt half as nice.āĀ
āI have him right now for rhetoric and grammar,ā he said with a sigh, shaking his head in dismay, āHeāsā¦sadistic, I think.ā
You giggle, nodding feverishly at the statement as you recall your past couple of classes with the hellish professor, an infamous name for many English majors and someone that you try to avoid at all costs if possible.Ā
The party, or gathering, as it said on the invitation, drones on in the background as you look around to see if anybody is looking in your direction. Most of the time, you can do what you want, but seeing that Dr. Howard had warned you before tonight that somebody from the department might want to swarm you to ask questions that you most likely didnāt have answers to, had put you on edge.Ā
āAre you enjoying yourself?ā He asked, motioning to the rest of the people with a knowing glint as you politely smile, shrugging your shoulders as your lips press tightly together. Whether it be your shy nature or how you preferred smaller crowds, it mustāve been evident on your face that you werenāt necessarily having the most amount of fun.Ā
āI am,ā you answer, wincing at the way your voice sounded warbled, āIām trying to make the most of these opportunities, I guess.āĀ
Suguruās head dipped in understanding, taking a sip of his drink as he bit the inside of his cheek, leaning in slightly as he lowered his voice.Ā
āThese things drag on for a bit, though, yeah? Iām feeling my fingers prune from how long Iāve held this glass.āĀ
You let out a sigh of relief, sharing the same sentiment as the two of you share a knowing look.Ā
āIā¦I, um, I heard that Howard chose you to research with her, though, right? Thatās gotta be pretty cool,ā Suguru asked after a beat, bringing you back to the conversation as his head tilted slightly, and you felt heat rush to your cheeks as you swallowed. He seemed kind, not asking the question bitterly as some other people have.Ā
You nodded again, trying to contain your smile as you leaned against the stone pillar next to you. Letting out a small hum, you swallow again, trying to scope out what sort of place he was coming from.Ā
āIt is,ā you answered, biting on the inside of your cheek as you were still reeling from being selected from such a wide pool of applicants and such a rigorous interview process to work on her next paper analyzing Moreās work through a modern lens, āItāsā¦strenous, sometimes, but Iām having a lot of fun working with her,ā you fidgeted with your fingers, āSo yeah, itās pretty cool.ā You say sheepishly.Ā
Suguru smiled at your hidden enthusiasm, the tip of his boot nudging something on the ground. He went to usher you to continue before his eye caught something behind your shoulder, his eyebrows shooting upwards in surprise as his smile grew even wider, his hand raising in a wave.Ā
āSorry,ā he apologetically muttered, and you craned your neck around to see what it was, or rather who it was that Suguru had seen, āI think my friend just arrived.āĀ
Thatās when you felt your breathing stop.Ā
The bustling group of students and faculty members almost seemed to part theatrically for the man walking towards the two of you, but you couldnāt even blame them.Ā
He stuck out like a sore thumb, with his icy white hair and strikingly beautiful eyes. His lengthy frame made him nearly a head taller than even the tallest man in the room, and his wide shoulders helped him wade through the bodies as he navigated to his friend. His face seemed stoic, bordering on bored, but you couldnāt help but widen your eyes in shock at seeing the most devastatingly gorgeous man to ever exist. He adjusted his glasses over the bridge of his nose, his lips moving in quiet apologies as he tried to move through the people without bumping into them.Ā
You suddenly became hyper-aware of the fact that it had been days since you had last had a good night's sleep and that the bags under your eyes were most likely even more evident in the dim lighting of the old hall, and how your sweater was lumpy from being shoved in the back of your closet for so long. You swallow thickly as Suguru quickly excused himself as he stepped away and walked a bit away to hug the stranger, exchanging some words with each other as you stood awkwardly to the side.Ā
You watched them silently as they talked for a little bit more before Suguru stepped away, his hand on his friend's back as he, for some horrifying reason, seemed to guide him towards where you were stiffly standing as the two of you made eye contact before you became aware of the way your eyeballs felt in your socket and how heavy your tongue was in your mouth.Ā
When Suguru finally pulled away from the modern-day Adonis, you felt like a creeper and a loner as you wondered whether or not to leave or stand in the corner while they talked, but ever the kind person that he was, Suguru led the man by the back to where the two of you were with a wide smile on his face.Ā
āSorry about that,ā Suguru abashedly apologized, chuckling deeply as he rubbed the back of his neck, āBut this is my friend, Satoru,ā he said brightly, pushing the man a little harshly towards you as you stared at him silently.
The man, Satoru, gives you a tight-lipped smile, nodding once in your direction as he looks around, looking uncomfortable and shifty. Suguru rolled his eyes, sighing deeply as he patted his friend's back.Ā
You grinned back, swallowing the spit in your mouth as you felt him stare at you once he was done looking at the room, your cheeks heating up. You felt his eyes drift over your outfit, at your posture, and the way your hands were clasped tightly together. This stranger assessed the way you swayed slightly, awkwardly, not knowing how to fill the silence as you tapped the tip of your battered shoes on the ground. When he was done, his chin lifted again, his stare lingering on your blinking face as you glanced between him and Suguru, waiting for somebody to say something before you imploded and left with the lingering scent of your vanilla body spray.Ā
Seeing that he was fine with checking you out, you took the time to do the same. He seemed like one of the generational students of the school, the ones whose parents and grandparents and cousins and siblings all came and went and made something important with their lives. They werenāt hard to detect, especially him, with his steamed jumper and his creased pants. His leather shoes were shining back at you, and though his hair was somewhat messy, it seemed to be classily messy, unlike what you and some other students would call freely messy.
āI force him to come to these things with me,ā Suguru explained, but you could barely hear him over the rhythm of heartbeats in your ear as you tried to fly, appreciate the man a few feet in front of you, āOur friend Shoko sometimes comes, but she had things to do tonight.ā
The manās nose wrinkled ever so slightly, his brows drawing tightly together as he glanced at his friend with a look.Ā
āI had things to do too,ā he muttered, his voice deep as you felt your heart stupidly tumble at the sounds.Ā
Suguru snorted, shaking his head as he shrugged indifferently.Ā
āSure,ā Suguru replied sarcastically and glanced at you, his brow slightly raised at the way you had gone silent, his lips quirking slightly when he noticed the way you couldnāt stop staring at his friend, not voicing anything as his hand on Satoruās shoulder loosened, āJust act like you want to be here for twenty minutes, yeah?ā
You bit your teeth into your cheek, a finger raising slightly as you pointed to the newcomer's face.Ā
āI like your glasses,ā you said brightly, your smile gentle as you fidget with your own, watching the way his striking eyes moved over to you again, squinting slightly as his hand raised upwards, as if he had forgotten that his glasses were even there, āThey frame your face really well.ā Your head tilts a little as you try to place something, āWhereād you get them? If, if you donāt mind me asking. Mine is so old and dingy, and the rims are basically glued on, and Iāve only had them for a few years.āĀ
āErm, well, thank you,ā Satoru says stiffly, not used to the direct attention and compliments, his cheeks slightly dusted with pink as Suguru watches his friend struggle for words, taking the glasses off as he turns them to the side, trying to read the logo, āThese are, erm, from Cartier. But I usually wear contacts, anyway.ā
You let out a startled laugh, not a stranger to hearing students at this place don expensive items, but this being the first time youāve seen one of them bashful about it.Ā
You nod, your smile still there, softer as you take in his slightly awkward nature and let him put the glasses back on before you continue.Ā
āContacts are more practical,ā you agree, even though youāve always had a phobia of things touching your eyes and would never wear contacts unless somebody forced you, shrugging as you say, āBut Iāve always appreciated the look of glasses.āĀ
Satoru gnaws on his lips, nodding quietly as Suguru starts talking about his friend's major (biochemistry, you came to find out), and how long theyāve known each other, but you could only feel your stupid feelings when Suguru stayed, his friend included, and talked with you for the rest of the evening.Ā
That was your sophomore year.Ā
Nearly two years passed after befriending Suguru alongside his small group. He introduced you to Shoko after that night, swearing up and down that the two of you were destined to be near each other. And we werenāt wrong, not in the slightest. You two girls bonded strangely fast, as if you were twin flames that were being fanned out. Suguru and Satoru seemed to mirror the two of you, but the group functioned as a whole, for the most part. You spent so many nights over at their dorms that you could walk around blindfolded and still find your way to the others with no issue. It was fun, it was what you had dreamt of for so long. It was something that you were fine with, more than content with, ending your university career in a couple of months.Ā
Well, everything for the most part, you could consider it as such if it wasnāt for your debilitating and soul-crushing feelings for the stranger you met that night.Ā
Itās been four semesters, and you still donāt think Gojo Satoru has a clue. Which, in all honesty, is for the better.Ā
Although his stoic nature spares nobody, it feels as though you're always on the worst end of it. With his lingering stares that seem to border on questioning why you were even there whenever he sees you, to the way he grows dim and quiet around you, it feels like youāre actively attempting to hurt yourself the more you fall in love with the little things you hadnāt noticed the day prior.
Even worse, you know deep down that such feelings are most likely, under this sun and every other universe, with most certainty and heavy grief, unrequited.Ā
But youāre fine keeping it down.Ā
You were fine until recently.
ā
āIām debating switching majors.āĀ
Shoko declared from the couch, her legs hanging off the side, knocking occasionally on your shoulders as you crane your neck back on the cushion form where you were seated on the ground to look at her upside down.Ā
āTo what?āĀ
She shrugged, rubbing at her eyes as she held her neuroanatomy textbook in one hand, her phone in the other as she scrolled through the different majors Oxford offered, as if she wasnāt a semester away from graduating.Ā
āFilm?ā She read out, and you snorted, rolling your eyes at the prospect of Shoko going into film, āHmā¦maybe art history?āĀ
āGave up on the med school dream?ā Suguru quips from the other side of the couch, knowing fully that Shoko was just going on another one of her tangents as she shifted slightly to shove him harshly with her socked foot.Ā
āIām sure your counselor wouldnāt mind,ā you reply, looking at her as she glares, her eyes falling back to her phone as she peers at the screen. She looked boredly a little bit before her eyes flitted upwards slightly, squinting as she read the new notification.Ā
āSatoru said heās going to be here in a few minutes,ā she muttered, reading the next message, āAnd that he wants you,ā she nudged Suguru with her foot again to motion that it was him that Satoru was referencing in the text, āTo move to your bed so that he can do his work on his side of the couch.āĀ
Suguru peeked up from his doom scrolling to look at Shoko, his eyes narrowed in a glare as he let out a huff of annoyance.Ā
āHis side?āĀ
Shoko shrugged, her knee knocking on the side of your head as you knock it back, the book you were reading resting in your hands as you listened to Suguru mutter distastefully about how this was his dorm and that Satoru had no right claiming his couch, but you heard him shuffle to his feet nonetheless.Ā
You tried not to show any peek of interest when the infamous name was called out, but it was hard not to. It had been two grueling years of mulling over your childish crush, yet the sound of his name could still send pulses to your veins that you were sure were minor heart attacks.Ā
Because it was Gojo Satoru. You wanted to bang your head against the coffee table just hearing it.Ā
Truth be told, you werenāt a stranger to having crushes. It was normal, it was human. Or at least, thatās what you convinced yourself when you were sprawled out on your bed, staring blankly at the ceiling as you tried not to think about the way his fingers ever so slightly grazed your wrist when he handed you some chopsticks earlier at the restaurant.Ā
But your crushes came few and far between, and you preferred keeping it that way. Seeing that you were too terrified to ever admit them, and the few, very few times you have, theyāve backfired horrifically, you try not to catch feelings as much as possible. But there was something about Gojo, something beyond reason, that pulled you to him.Ā
At first, you bargained. You tried convincing yourself that it was just his appearance that was drawing you in, his suave looks that made peopleās heads turn whenever he entered a room. But you have seen him at four in the morning with his old band tees (a sight that still made you swoon), with his hair crusted with glitter and his eyes pink with eyeshadow as Shoko attempted to put him in drag. Even then, he was insanely gorgeous, so you knew it had to be beyond that.Ā
When you had finally accepted that it was a mind-numbing and life-ending crush that you were feeling towards him, you finally gave in and decided to admire the tall brute from afar. It helped that the two of you had gotten somewhat closer over the past two years, but out of everyone in the group, he was the one you talked to the least. In your defense, he didnāt have much to say to anybody, and that was just his nature. He spent most of his time studying and researching, and the other time watching, observant as other people gossiped. It wasnāt his forte, and nobody pushed him.Ā
So you took in his quietness and his stoicism, appreciated his god-like looks and his overwhelming presence. That was fine.Ā
What made it even worse was that he was so unattainably perfect in other ways that your crush festered into something that made you scream into your pillows and throw your balls of clothes at the wall as you wallowed in self-pity.Ā
Everyone at this damned university was intelligent, and you had made amends with them early on. But you loved men who were smart, guys who could actually hold a page down and dissect it and make the most of it. And worst of all, Gojo Satoru was probably the most intellectual person you have ever met, and will ever meet. It seemed like his memory was photographic, his mind working twenty thousand times faster than the regular brain as he computed formulas and equations at speeds that you couldnāt fathom. He made biochemistry seem easy, something that you sometimes felt guilty for not pursuing. And sure, it didnāt help that you were on the other side with your texts about Russian classics and books diving deep into the restoration period, but even Shoko, who could rival Gojo at times, would begrudgingly admit under her breath just how stupidly genius he was.Ā
Therefore, when you put those things together, his charming looks, his bookish self, his brooding structure, and just everything else, it made him unattainably perfect.
And thatās when you get the man youāve been hopelessly in love with since the moment you saw him at that wretched party that wasnāt a party.Ā
So, when Shoko read off his texts, there was good reason why she looked at the top of your head, a knowing look in her eyes as she playfully nudges you again, watching as you threw her a dark glare to just keep it down seeing that she was the only other soul who knew, despite you trying your best to hide it, about your feelings towards her other friend.Ā
āDid you hear that Toji is graduating a semester late?ā Suguru asked, leaning back against his pillows, his long legs strewn along his bed as he chewed on some gum.Ā
You and Shoko both hummed, not looking up from your respective tasks, having found this information out weeks in advance.Ā
Suguru groaned in annoyance, his chest vibrating with the noise as you snorted, rolling your eyes as he threw a small pillow at your head. It bounced off the side of your face, but you didnāt look up from the page you were on, too engrossed to hear the door behind you click open and heavy footsteps suddenly thudding through the dorm.Ā
You shuffled against the couch, your back feeling stiff as you tried to get comfortable, not knowing that the man of your dreams was moving around somewhere behind you as he hung his coat up (vintage leather, something you found out as he grumbled about getting it wet when Shoko and Suguru insisted on walking in the rain once), kicked off his shoes, and slung his bag around as Shoko craned her neck to see what he was doing.Ā
āHey,ā Shoko called out, and your eyes widened slightly when you heard a familiar voice grunt back a tired greeting, trying not to look as your ears suddenly sharpened to pick up on the sound of him pulling on his sweatshirt as he rounded the couch, standing at the opposite end as he plopped his backpack on the cushions.Ā
You finally allowed yourself to peek over, your eyes following his figure upwards until they landed on his face, and your fists balled in frustration at how pretty he was even when he was simply existing.Ā
Gojo sent you a small, tight-lipped and courteous nod, polite and curt as he looked between you and Shoko, glancing back at the bed where Suguru was lying, his fingers barely lifting from his phone as he gave his childhood best friend a lazy three-fingered wave.Ā
āWhyāre you here?ā His blunt question was directed at Shoko, something that held no bite but mere wondering as he situated himself on the soft cushions, his large hands feeling around his bag as he opened up the zipper to get his laptop.Ā
āI thought that it was allowed,ā Shoko replied dryly, āApologies.āĀ
You chuckle softly, flipping the page, trying not to let his signature cologne distract you from the words in front of you.Ā
āHow was your lab?ā Suguru asked, sounding monotone as his thumb swiped on the screen.Ā
You watched as Gojo gave him a glare, his nose wrinkling, something he often did when he was frustrated but didn't want to ruin his outward appearance, and rubbed at his tired eyes. His hair was messy with goggle indents lining the upper half of his face.Ā
āAn offense to my intelligence,ā Gojo grumbled, his face illuminated by the glow of his laptop as he clicked around a little bit, āI canāt believe some people have made it this far.āĀ
You flipped another page, not fully having read the contents of the last one, but in an attempt to seem indifferent, tried to keep up with your regular reading pace as if anybody was keeping track.Ā
Watching as he riffles through his bag again, you know, almost like clockwork, what heās going to pull out. His routine is one that youāve familiarized yourself with despite your best judgment, and you know that what comes next are his glasses.Ā
Glasses are normal. You have your own pair that you only wear for lectures and outings, but forgo them for times like this because they sit a little too heavy on your nose. But his glasses are something else.Ā
They elevate his face ever so slightly, but so much so that it makes you want to keel over and scream. They accentuate his perfect nose with the perfect crook and his freckles that sometimes sit just beneath the frames. He looks even more dashing, if that was even possible, with the way he looks up sometimes, and the lenses make his eyes seem even more blue.Ā
He took them off for labs and put them somewhere safe. In moments like this, you were reminded of just how truly stunning this man really was.Ā
Gojo unfolded the two prongs, holding them up to a source of light as his nose wrinkled again.Ā
Smudges.Ā
You watch silently as he dives back into the bag, his long fingers searching through his pockets for something you knew you always kept on hand for yourself and deep down, for him.Ā
After a few seconds of not finding the microfiber cloth that you both silently cherished, you gave in, pulling your own bag towards you as you unzipped the smaller pocket, pulling it out stealthily and motioning for Shoko to hand it to Gojo.Ā
He took it, his face going so far to relax momentarily as he went to clean the lenses, his head nodding once in quiet appreciation in your direction as you allowed yourself a nod in return.Ā
Shoko looked at you with a raised brow, and you chose to hide behind your book.
āWas it Lainey?ā Suguru asked, looking over at his friend, the name piquing your interest as you cast a quizzical look at Shoko, but she shrugged, watching Gojo as his expression soured. He handed you back your little cloth, muttering a thanks under his breath as his bitter gaze found Suguru, as if he was cursing him silently for bringing up the sensitive subject.Ā
āWhat do you think?ā He grumbled out, his right eye almost twitching as his fingers stretched out, typing something quickly as Suguru huffed out a laugh, noting how you and Shoko were both confused, and his smile only grew.Ā
āYou didnāt tell them?ā Suguru asked, a gleam in his eyes as he shuffled to sit upwards, his back resting on the headboard, āOh, this is class. Do you two know Lainey? Lainey Andrews?āĀ
You cast a look at Shoko, your lips pursing as your eyes squinted, trying to recall the familiar name.Ā
āThe ginger?ā Shoko asked, her head tilting to the side, her hair falling around her shoulder, āPixie cut?āĀ
Suguru nodded, his shoulders raising as your brows furrowed before your mouth slightly fell open when your head bobbed quickly, snapping as you matched the face to the name.Ā
āOh, Lainey!ā You exclaimed, āSheās really pretty,ā you added, remembering her bright green eyes and the spattered freckles that made her look like a painting, āSheās also crazy smart - sheās double majoring in bio and poli sci."
Shoko laughed softly under her breath, giving you a small look because this was somewhat typical of you to know random people, with nearly everyone on campus having had a conversation with you at some point during your four years here.Ā
Suguru raised a brow, clicking his tongue as he pointed his phone at Gojo, seeming like he was already anticipating one of his sly comments.Ā Ā
āSheās also just crazy,ā Gojo muttered, looking above his laptop, above his wispy lashes at you and then to Shoko, āShe spent half of the lab playing with my hair.āĀ
Your book almost fell out of your hands as Shoko sat up with a barking out a stunned laugh, your hands mirroring each other as they flew to cover your mouths in shock, and Suguru nodded again, his eyes wide as he clicked his tongue.Ā
Another thing about Gojo? He hated being touched. Despised hugs, only suffered through quick handshakes, and shuddered at the thought of someone touching his face. Youāve seen the way he pulls back whenever someone approaches him with open arms, seen the way he tries to brush people off of him. He can tolerate Suguru and his insistent bear-hugs from time to time, can sometimes allow Shoko to swat a fly away from his face, and for some reason, doesnāt grumble whenever you try to fix his ties before events, but whenever a stranger or someone he isnāt close to attempts to touch him, he grows reclusive for the rest of the day.
āI told her to stop, too,ā he adds, his big frame seeming to grow in frustration as he thinks back to it, āIt was only after I had to shove her off that she got the hint. I forgot my disinfectant too, so I was justā¦ā he shuddered, his eyes fluttering shut as he shifted uncomfortably, and you watched him let out a restrained exhale as he dropped it and went back to work.
But, after studying him for as long as you have, you know that he probably washed his hands and his face a couple of times after that. You know that he also wouldnāt feel complete without some sanitizing wipes and a good shower, so you do the closest thing to that and fish out a hand sanitizer from your bag, an item that you refused to move around without due to your own cleanly nature, which was ironically something else that you and Gojo silently shared, and passed it to him, knowing that he was probably itching till he was able to shower again.
Your friends sometimes joked that you had a Mary Poppins bag, but it came in handy for times like this.Ā
Gojoās ears perked up at the sound of your rumaging, his eyes almost brightening at the sight of the hand sanitizer, and you pinched it between two fingers before throwing it his way, watching as he effortlessly caught it and began spraying his large palms with the lavender scent.Ā
āThank you,ā he mumbled again, his voice slightly losing the edge it had from before as he passed it back to you, and you smiled, nodding once before you zipped it back up.Ā
You tried to ignore the way Shoko was staring at you.
āLucky us that we donāt have labs, huh?ā Suguru called out, throwing another tiny pillow in your direction, but this time you dodged it, moving your head down slightly so that it would miss. You huff a bit, looking over at Suguru as he shrugged, winking as he went back to his phone.Ā
Suguru was another English major, the reason the two of you got familiar in the first place. He liked to say that the two of you balanced out Gojo and Shoko, but you just thought that it pushed you even further down the list of potential people your pathetic crush could be interested in.Ā
There were a couple of things that you had come to terms with if you were going to crush on him. One was that you had to know in full certainty that nothing was going to come from it. You werenāt going to risk the friendship, no matter how small, by going and confessing and having everything be messy. Two, was that you werenāt going to feel, or at least try not to feel, jealous if he entertained the idea of pursuing something with someone else. And three, was that Gojo Satoru was so incredibly picky when it came to potential partners, that it might be impossible for even the most amazing people to snag a chance.Ā
āI donāt know,ā you mumbled, eyes squinting as you tried to make out what one of the characters was saying, āYou didnāt have to do that project with Armie.āĀ
Suguru hummed, his brow raising as he thought back to your shared class and the project that paired you up with people you didnāt know, Suguru getting the better end of the stick while you were stuck with someone who insisted on plugging the project prompt into a generator.Ā
āDidnāt you report him?ā Satoru asked, his eyes still trained on his work, but the question was now directed to you given the fact that he had sat in on a couple of your tirades in which you would drone on about how the boy was nearly about to graduate and still couldnāt cite sources when he, in one of his brief moments of providing comments, would reiterate to report it to the professor.Ā
You sank into your spot, giving him a suppressed look, one where your eyes met before you shared a glimpse with Suguru. Your friend rolled his eyes from across the room, shaking his head in annoyance as Satoru looked between the two of you.Ā
āShe said that she didnāt want to ābe a bitchā,ā Suguru said, restating the words as his fingers move up and down in the air, quoting the statement you had said to him moments before you had to present the assignment in front of the class, shushing him as you pushed him away, insisting that even though you had done the entire project on your own, that it wasnāt worth the hassle to make a report with the professor and potentially have someone out for you, āI said otherwise, but she,ā Suguru gave you a pointed look, āSaid sheād cut my hair if I made it a ābig dealā.ā
Satoruās eyes lingered on the side of your face, and you purposefully kept your head ducked and the book closer, so close that it was nearly touching your nose, as you tried to shield away their judging eyes in embarrassment.Ā
āYou need to stop caring about what other people think,ā Shoko said as she shoved you with her knee, this time just a little bit harder because she knows you and knows what you hide in the fear of making others think something of you that wasnāt good, āI really think your professor wouldāve heard your case if you made it.ā
You groaned, swatting at her leg with your book as you shuffled away, backing into another corner as you tried to readjust to the new position.Ā
āYeah,ā Suguru added, resting his phone momentarily on his chest, āI think it would help if you were more selfish.āĀ
You rolled your eyes, shaking your head at the prospect.Ā
āI just hate confrontation,ā you murmur defensively, gnawing on your bottom lip as you flip a page, āAnd, plusā¦you have to give me some credit - at least I told him that he was being frustrating,ā you say, pretending to ignore them, your eyes re-reading the same word over and over again until you were confident that they were going to drop this subject, this horse that theyāve beaten multiple times, one that ended with you assuring them that you were going to speak up more until it all looped back again to times like this.
āSpeaking of confrontation, did you ever get a refund for that ticket?āĀ
There was a beat of silence before you let out a frustrated groan when Shoko reminded you of the one task you had forgotten to do in the past couple of days, your head falling to your knees as your palms jammed into your eyes.Ā
āNo, oh my god, youāre so right,ā your voice is muffled as you bookmark your page, your fists clenching at your own mistake as your eyes crack open, āOh my god, I canāt believe I forgot to follow up on that!āĀ
Shoko chuckled, rolling her eyes as Suguru and Satoru shared a look, them now sharing confusion as you writhe on the floor at the thought of knowing you couldāve saved a couple of bucks had you not forgotten to call up the school of drama help center for accidentally buying an extra ticket to the showing of The Beggarās Opera. And, seeing that it was Tuesday and just days before the theatre program, one that needed funds, was about to perform, the deadline for your refund was most likely up.
āSo does that mean you need me to come with you next Saturday?ā Shoko offered, her lips quirking up slightly as your head shot up, nodding quickly as your hands flew to hers, shaking them feverishly.Ā
āWould you? Would you really?ā You ask, and her laughter grows, shoving you off playfully by pushing your forehead back to where you were sitting.Ā
āIāll see what I can do,ā she says with a sigh, winking at you before she goes back to her phone, and you settle back in your seat as you gnaw on your lips, thinking back to how on earth you could have possibly messed up so bad when you so usually only buy one ticket for yourself, but you push it aside, thankful that your dearest friend was at least going to make use of it.Ā
You, Suguru, and Shoko shared a small laugh and went on with the conversation, but you heard a low, deep noise, something only you could hear, as Suguru and Shoko returned to bickering about which major Shoko was best suited for.Ā
The sound made you glance up briefly, looking over the pages to see Gojo still staring at you, his lashes fluttering before he snapped back to it and went back to doing his work.Ā
Minutes turned into a few hours, and the room was filled with the occasional story and laughter, but mostly the four of you worked together on different assignments, sometimes looking up as you would recall something from the past couple of days that you were saving to tell them in person.Ā
It seemed like everything was going smoothly until Suguru got a notification on his phone, his face lighting up as he swiveled out of his bed, jumping onto the floor as he tugged his shoes on, not explaining anything as the three of you glanced up, waiting.Ā
āMy foodās here,ā he said over his shoulder, practically gleaming as he cocked his head in Shokoās direction, āCome down with me, will you? I need some help.āĀ
You scoff, smiling to yourself as you try to imagine just how much food he had ordered, but careful not to be too loud because you knew he would be sharing it with you all after some choice complaints were heard.Ā
Shoko grumbles, but obliged, lifting up from the couch as she stretches, nudging you playing with the tip of her foot as she throws a pillow your way, walking towards Suguru as he holds the door open for her, the two of them calling out some brief goodbye as they head down to the lobby.
When the door clicks behind them, youāre suddenly aware of the fact that itās only you and Satoru left, and you let your stare linger on the wall for a bit before you look away, suddenly sheepish when you catch his glance from his seat on the couch.
He clears his throat, eyes flickering from his screen to the book in your lap, the highlighters strewn around you, sticky notes sticking out from between the pages, and he points a finger at it.Ā
āWhatāre you reading?āĀ
Your brows raise slightly, and your chin ducks down to the book, and you sit up a little straighter as you place a bookmark in the middle of your page you lifting the cover, letting him read the cover as he adjusts his glasses over his eyes.Ā
āOh,ā he says, his voice holding a lithe of acknowledgement as he slowly sets his laptop to the side, shifting slightly closer, āIāve read this, I think.āĀ
Your head tilts a little, lips quirking a little bit at the sides with a small smile as you look back at the cover.
āYouāve read The Norton Anthology, Volume C before?ā
His mouth parts, closing it before he gapes at you, and your grin turns into a big smile, waving it away as you shake your head, shrugging at his stammering expression. Heās so cute when caught in a lie.Ā
āIām only kidding,ā you swear, setting your book down, your knees pulled towards your chest, arms wrapping around your legs, āIām sure youāve had to read something like this for one of your previous classes.āĀ
āYouāre bothersome,ā he murmurs, but his voice holds no bite as you let out another barking laugh, rolling your eyes as he tries not to smile, āIām only trying to be polite.āĀ
You purse your lips together, giving him a questioning look as he shoots you one back.Ā
āI didnāt know politeness was in your artillery,ā you quip, and he scoffs, moving his glasses upwards as he rubs at his tired eyes, resting backwards into the cushions as his legs part, and you try not to let your eyes linger on his thighs.Ā
āI have a reserve for choice people,ā he says, opening his eyes back as he looks back at you, yawning as he moves on, āHow was your presentation?āĀ
Your smile falters for a second as your stare turns questioning, chewing on your lips as it turns into something sweeter, something smitten because heās asking about the presentation you had mentioned once in passing the last weekend you had hung out, stressing over your slides and sources, and trying to seem nonchalant as you finger traces little patterns on the floor.Ā
āIt was good,ā you tell him, trying not to seem too prideful as you murmur, āMy professor said it was exactly what he was looking for.āĀ
His face shifts, no longer annoyed as you try not to appear bashful, but his teeth shine as his rosy cheeks pull upwards as he gives you one of those smiles that makes you feel warm and happy and giddy.Ā
āYeah?ā He asks, shifting a little bit as he waved his teasingness off, rolling your eyes as you groan, nodding exaggeratedly as you go back to organizing your highlighters and pens, but he seems intent on pushing this: āDidnāt you say it was the hardest assignment of the class?ā
You look up at him from above your lashes, trying not to smile again as you shrug indifferently, done with arranging your stationery based on colors as your knees knock together, throwing a pillow his way that he effortlessly catches.
āI mean, everyone told me that it was really, really hard, so-ā But youāre cut off by the door swinging open, and the two of you crane your necks around to see Shoko and Suguru arguing over something irrelevant, food nestled in their hands as they close the door behind them with a slam.Ā
They start telling you two about the delivery fee and the outrageousness that one of the containers had tipped over, but youāre still busy thinking about how Satoru remembered something so trivial, giving them quiet hums as they spread out the food on the small coffee table, and trying to act normal.Ā
Like you have for the past two years.
ā
The week passed as it usually does, with papers, readings, and assignments that needed to be completed at an unmanageable rate.Ā
You had expected the usual and mundane things, and for the most part, thatās what came your way. Nights spent in each other's rooms as you finish up your work, spliced with moments where you would all talk, days filled with going to lectures and walking around campus till you found a quiet study spot. Things that you could predict and plan for.Ā
For the most part.
Another thing that your little group would occasionally do was meet up at the end of the week at one of the pubs around campus, most of them serving mediocre food and somewhat better drinks, and offer you all a time to reconvene after a usually stressful couple of days.Ā
The pub was small and quaint, but you enjoyed the warmth and laughter that muddled together to make the ambiance somewhat private. Either Suguru or Shoko would arrive there early and try to secure the usual spot at the booth near the end of the establishment, seeing that either of them didnāt have classes on Fridays, while the other three would meet up outside of Satoruās biophysical chemistry class and walk there together.Ā Ā Ā
Which is why you found yourself back on that Friday, sitting next to Shoko, settling into your seat as she clambered in after you. Suguru almost pushes Satoru in, impatient to sit down and get back to talking, and you watch as the white-haired man sits in front of you, his hands clasped together as he stares at the wood-grain of the table.Ā
āHow were classes?ā Shoko finally asks, looking between you and Satoru as she takes a sip from her drink.Ā
You sigh, shrugging as your fingers play with the bottom of your cup, the condensation slipping down as you rub at your tired eyes.Ā
āFine, I guess,ā you say, drinking some water as you wipe at the corner of your lips, āMy professor couldāve ended the class, like, twenty minutes earlier than he did.āĀ
She nods solemnly, patting your thigh in solidarity as she passes the bowl of crisps towards you, nudging you to take one to help settle your stomach after having back-to-back classes, knowing how hangry it made you.Ā Ā
āIs this the professor who needs you to see a classical play?ā Suguru asked, taking some of the snack as his arms crossed on top of the table, leaning in slightly as you licked some of the salt from your lips, nodding.Ā
āYeah,ā you heave another sigh, elbowing Shoko as you continue, āWhich is why Iām seeing Beggarās Opera next week. I mean, the theatre program did a couple of Shakespeare ones earlier this semester, butā¦ugh, I just canāt watch another performance of Romeo and Juliet.ā You murmur with a groan, resting your chin on the palm of your hand as Suguru hums in agreement.Ā
āYou donāt like Shakespeare?ā
Your eyes shift over to the man in front of you who asked the question.Ā
Your brows furrow slightly in the middle, lips pulling into a small pout as you shake your head, playing with the ring of water your drink had left as you itch your nose, trying not to focus too hard on the pretty pink color on Gojoās cheeks because of the slightly toasty feel of the room.Ā
āI do,ā you say slugishly, āItās just that when the only work of his that tends to be popular isnāt The Tempest, I get a little annoyed.āĀ
Suguru snorts, shaking his head as his fingers wag at you.Ā
āThatās not even nearly his best stuff,ā he argues, and you roll your eyes, your head tilting badly in annoyance after knowing what this was going to lead to, āI canāt believe you still think that it outweighs Richard II.āĀ
Satoru and Shokoās eyes bounce between you and your ink-haired friend.Ā
āIād rather die on the hill of petty magic versus royal family drama,ā You quip back, your brow slightly raised.Ā
Suguru huffed, shaking his head in dismay as he lightly shoved your foot underneath the table, a small smile on both your faces.Ā
āIs Tempest the one with the shipwreck?ā Gojo asks, his head tilting slightly as his glasses lean on his nose bridge. You nod, grinning at the fact that someone in the group was able to identify such a classic piece of literary work.Ā
You open your mouth to agree, but Suguru beats you to it.Ā
āHow do you know that?ā He glances sideways at his friend, his brow raised in slight shock as Shoko snorts.Ā
Gojo shrugs, his elbows resting on the table as the fabric of his sweater tightens around his arms, making him look delectable and otherworldly. You have to tear your eyes away from it before it becomes too noticeable.Ā
āWe went to the same secondary school,ā Gojo argues, saying it as if it were the most obvious explanation in the world, āI paid attentionā¦clearly more than others,ā he adds under his breath, causing you to drop your hand to your mouth to hide the satisfied grin from when Suguru deflated in slight embarrassment.Ā
āOh, speaking of blast from the past,ā Shoko shuffles, looking at her phone screen as if suddenly remembering something, āViās coming back for break.āĀ
You watch as Gojo and Suguru stop their silent bickering by messing with each other's stuff as they look up to Shoko. Suguruās thin brow shoots upwards, his mouth turning into a surprised line as Gojo stares blankly, an unreadable expression on his face as you poke Shokoās thigh, shaking your head in confusion.Ā
āWho?ā You murmur, your eyes squinting as Shoko looks at you, her mouth slightly dropping as she also remembers that you didnāt grow up with them.Ā
āVivienne March,ā Suguru explains, beating someone once again to explain something because he could never hold onto a piece of information for longer than three seconds if he knows that somebody in his vicinity doesnāt know it, āShe went to school with us for, what? Five, six years?ā He looks between Gojo and Shoko, and they both nod, Shoko unlocking her phone as she goes to pull up the girl's instagram to show you what she looks like, āSheās his ex,ā he murmurs as if secretly, pointing at his friend next to him as you feel something in your gut shift, but he clearly doesnāt tell because he leaves that point entirely.Ā
āBut I thought she preferred to stay in America till her spring semester was over?ā He asks, confused, waiting for you to be done looking, as he waits for Shoko to explain it.Ā
You take her phone gingerly, looking at the girl's account as you carefully click through her posts. Youāre greeted with an aesthetic array of photos, some of her friends, some of her cat, and pretty pictures of old brick buildings and fall trees. But your eyebrows slowly move up your face when you see her.Ā
Your thumb swipes through each post as you see her stunning hair framing her face in freshly done curls, her eyes striking and delicate as she wanders around a bookstore. Her outfits are always perfectly curated, and her makeup delicately done to accentuate her already natural beauty in a way that makes a part of you, something you tried to bury and starve, twist with envy at the effortlessness of her perfection.Ā
āGuess she had a change of heart this year,ā Shoko says, taking her phone back from your outstretched hand, turning it off as she placed it face down on the table, āShe texted me this morning saying that she was āgonna be here for December and some of January and that she wanted to catch up.āĀ
āYou would like her,ā Suguru directs his attention back at you, his words matching the genuine smile on his face, āSheās super bright and bubbly. And sheās so funny. Oh, and she's, like, insanely smart. She graduated from Cambridge when she was nineteen, and sheās doing grad school at Harvard.āĀ
āHmm, yeah,ā Shoko hums, āI mean, she almost came here if she didnāt get the call from Harvard,ā she nudges you with her shoulder, āBut I donāt know how much he,ā she points her eyes to Satoru, watching the way his mouth slightly parts at being called out, āWouldāve appreciated that, though.āĀ
He scoffs, his tongue poking at his cheek as he leans in slightly, his arms crossing the table as Suguru snickers.Ā
āI have no issue with Vivienne,ā he argues, his brows pulling into a cute little frown, āShe was justā¦ā
āWhat?ā Suguru juts in, Shoko scoffing a laugh next to you as Gojo only peers at him from the side of his eyes, āMadly in love with you? Was going to pick Oxford to be with you? And you wereā¦what, days away from breaking up with her when she came sobbing to us that you have the emotional intelligence of a rock?ā
Your eyes widen slightly, looking over at Shoko for confirmation, one she returns with a faint grin. Despite the sunken feeling in your heart, one that you often get whenever you are reminded of the fact that, unfortunately, literally everyone is also in love with Gojo Satoru, you have to control your face not to giggle at the statement.Ā
Gojo makes a noise deep in his throat, the tips of his ears slightly pink from the added attention.Ā
You swallow as you try to grapple with all this information. But, as always, the conversation moves on and you push everything back as you find yourself smiling once again, listening to how Suguru animatedly tells the story of how he bombed one of his essays because he forgot which citation format to use, and you try to not make it obvious how youād peek over at Shoko now and then and see who it was that she was stalking, probably some girl from her class that she was plotting on.Ā
The music lolls on in the background, the pub getting more packed with students and tired workers, and you find yourself content with listening to your friends tell you about their week, taking small sips from your straw as you grin and laugh as poke Shokoās thigh whenever a cute guy, devastatingly never as cute as Gojo, walks by the table, and she, gripping your knee whenever a girl her type flashes her a look from over their shoulders.Ā
āI think Iām wanted somewhere else at the moment,ā she whispers, leaning closer to your ear as you follow her line of sight to a girl sitting at the bar, her long blonde hair thrown over her shoulder as she steals the occasional glance at your friend, āIāll be back.āĀ
You giggle, pushing at her to go as she swats your hand away playfully, sending you a wink as you send one back, watching her go as Suguru and Gojo watch silently, sending each other knowing looks before Shoko disappears behind the other booths.Ā
āWell, if sheās going, might as well take this time to piss,ā Suguru states, putting his hands on the wood as he hoists himself up, sending a cheeky little smile as he imitates Shokoās sashay, āDonāt wait up.āĀ
You roll your eyes, trying not to watch him leave as if to draw out the silence that will inevitably follow, seeing that itās just you and Gojo remaining. Your fingers play with your empty glass as you glance back to him, sending him a small smile as you feel chagrin already seeping into your veins.
He clears his throat, his eyes darting from your face to your arms, his tongue poking his cheek as he swallows. You wonder how much heās dreading the awkward silence that has the possibility of ensuing.
āWater?āĀ
Your eyes squint at the sudden question, looking down to the long finger he has pointed at your glass, and you look back up at him, wondering if he was stating the obvious or if your feelings for him had made you delirious and unable to compute anything that comes out of his mouth.Ā
āDo you want some more water?ā He explains, and you feel your cheeks heat again at your blunder, āIām going up there to get a refill anyway.ā
You nod gratefully, swallowing your feelings down as you glance up at him, handing him your empty glass with ice sloshing around as your smile wobbles.Ā
āIād appreciate it, thank you,ā your voice dips slightly as you grin stupidly the longer you look at his long lashes and his pink lips, somewhat glad that he was getting away so you could less opportunities to screw up, and you watch as his beautifully large hand wraps around the glass like it was nothing, sending you a small nod as he crouches slightly so that the overhanging light wouldnāt hit his head on the way out.Ā
Leaving you alone, you pull out your phone, also thankful to have a little moment to yourself as you quickly try to catch up on the notifications you had gotten in the past couple of hours, as the noise around you mixes, adding a comforting ambience as you lean against the old walls, your head leaning against your fist.Ā
You were so engrossed in your own little bubble that you didnāt notice the figure hovering near the other end of the table, only noticing the man when you looked to the side, thinking that either Suguru or Gojo was back, only for your eyes to widen in shock and surprise to be greeted with an unfamiliar face.Ā
Letting out a small noise, adjacent to an audible gulp, you sit up straighter, looking bashfully at him as you turn your phone off, taking in his slender frame and the rectangular-framed glasses that sit wonkily on his nose as he fidgets nervously with the hem of his lumpy sweater. Ironically, having everything that Gojo has but wearing it so drastically differently that you have to snap yourself out of the comparison.Ā
The boy's hair is slightly parted, light blonde, and his eyes framed with what seemed like brown lashes. His cheeks are dusted with light freckles, and his smile is lopsided as he scratches the back of his neck.Ā
Cute in a schoolish way, you think.
āH-hi,ā his voice is high, squeaking and wobbly as he leans on the booth, not knowing what to do with his arms as he uses the back of his hand to push his glasses upwards, āHi, I justā¦āĀ
Your head tilts slightly, curiosity filling your eyes as you give him a gentle smile, waiting patiently for him to find his words.Ā
āIām Kento,ā he stammers after a second, scratching behind his ears as a red flush settles over his high cheeks, āIām sitting over there,ā he points to a table behind him, and your neck cranes to see a group of boys his age all staring at his back, āAnd I just thought-āĀ
He opens his mouth to say something else, but pauses, his gaze drifting to something, or rather someone, coming his way, and youāre too focused on the way sweat dots at his hairline or the way he fidgets with the hem of his sweater to even notice the full glass of water sliding in front of you from the other side of the booth.Ā
Your back straightens as your head whips to the side, eyes widening when you realize that Satoru had returned, his one drink nestled in his hand as his stare bounces between you and, who you evidently had just discovered, Kento.Ā
Blue eyes flicker over your face, a moment's decision faltering in his mind as he slithers into not his original seat in front of you, but next to you, his large frame taking up half of your side of the both as your brows furrow in confusion, lips pulling into a tote as your eyes squint at the way he hunkers in like it was normal.Ā
Is he okay? You try not to have your heart burst out of your chest and flip flop around on the table like a fish out of water at being in such proximity to Satoru, but you donāt even have time to think about that as the rest of your mind falters, trying to make sense of this behavior.Ā
One of his beefy arms unravels from his side as it stretches above your head, resting atop the cushioned seats as he sighs deeply through his nose, taking a sip of his drink as if he hadnāt interrupted anything, and his chin turns over to the boy, waiting.Ā
Kento stammers, even worse than before, as he pushes back his spiky hair with a hand, looking between you and Satoru as you blink slowly, not really knowing what to do, awkwardly lingering in your seat as you wonder if anybodyās going to talk.
āEverything alright?ā Satoru asks finally, his voice slightly lower than usual, somewhat taunting but hard to tell, seeing that his face was blank, thick as it almost bounces off Kentoās skull, his cheeks turning into a bright pink as you lets out a small exhale of air, something resembling a shocked laugh at the strange and sudden shift in his behavior.Ā
āI, uh, I,ā Kentoās voice wobbles as he seizes up Satoruās size and his overall presence, a strange look of shock and even awe as you gnaw on the inside of your cheek, not fully knowing what was going on as Kentoās head dips in embarrassment, āIām sorryā¦I didnāt know, uh, that you, you wereā¦yeahā¦sorryā¦ā
His arm raises in a small wave, quickly turning on his heels, the back of his neck almost red as you blink rapidly, letting out a small huff of air as your neck almost snaps towards the man next to you, stammering as you try to find your words.Ā
Satoru looks at you, taking another sip.Ā
āWhat?āĀ
You scoff, eyes nearly bulging out of your head as you stumble over a slew of words.Ā
āWhat? W-what do you mean what?ā You let out a bewildered laugh, looking across the pub at the boy and his group of friends that almost seem to be comforting him, their hands on his shoulders as he profusely shakes his head, āWhat the hell was that for?ā
His white brows pinch in the middle, as if he doesn't understand your startlement, as if you were the one being crazy.
But you werenāt being crazy. Not in the slightest.Ā
You brushed it off the first time Satoru scared off a guy who was talking to you. You thought it was strange, sure, how in the middle of your lively conversation of John Milton and Paradise Lost that he wandered from the other side of the room, suddenly attached to your side, his height towering over the other guy as he quieted down and scurried away. You just chalked it up to him being bored, despite how annoyed you were.Ā
The second time, a guy was seconds away from putting his phone in your number when Satoruās voice rang in your ears, and you watched, horrified, as he peered down at the guy's cracked phone screen, scoffing at the fact that he was listening to some stupid band he disapproved of.Ā
Then there was the time when you were at this same pub, getting some drinks for Shoko, waiting at the counter, flirting with the guy next to you when Satoru found his way back to you, as if pulled by a magnet, and asked the guy if he always chose to talk to girls he didnāt know with a fresh hickey on his neck. (That one you werenāt mad at, more so embarrassed).
But itās happened countless times. At the pub, at gatherings, at galas heās invited you to as his plus one because he said nobody else could make it, at the library when he came a little too early and a guy from your class was sitting next to you, at the cafe, and at the small party he threw last year.
And if you werenāt so in love with him, youād be madder than you were. You knew he was just being a protective and caring friend, not wanting you to get hurt, but you knew youād have to start moving on from this debilitating crush, and he wasnāt making it any easier.
āI just asked him if everything was alright,ā he explained, his tone bordering on bored as he pulls out his phone, checking the time as he angles his body slightly to look at you better, and you're somewhat aware of the fact that his arm is still somewhere above your head, āHeās the one that scurried away.āĀ
Your mouth drops open, your palms jamming into your eye sockets as your head hits the table, banging it a couple times as you try to pull away from him, slightly angered, slightly, and very, ever so slightly, internally flustered at something you definitely should be flustered over.
āYouā¦you scared him away!ā Your voice is muffled as you groan, not caring much as you shoot him an angry and bitter look.
Satoruās lashes flutter slightly, his pink lips pulling into a confused line as you shove his knee with your own, realizing that you were, in fact, not joking and were seriously considering the idea of giving that blubbering mess a chance.
āAre you - are you serious?ā His thumb jabs in the general direction of where he had gone, āHim?ā
You roll your eyes, chest heaving with a sigh as your forehead continues to rest on the cool tabletop, the tip of your nose rubbing against the varnish as you groan.
Deep down, you know that this crush of yours is fruitless and useless. Itās never going to get anywhere, and the only thing it can offer you is more hurt and rejection. You know that you are so far from his type and out of your league that heād never see you as more than a friend, if that, but you continued to have it because it lit a fire inside of you that you sadistically enjoyed.Ā
That being said, you would prefer, at some point, to have a romantic moment, even if fleeting, and having the man youāve been in love with for two years chase away the only guy whoās had the balls to come up to you made you irrationally annoyed for some reason that you didnāt fully understand.Ā
āHeā¦he seemed nice,ā you argue, your eyes closing shut as your hand shifts, and you rest your cheek on the back of it, your back bent at an angle as you look up at him from your position on the table, āAnd he was cute-āĀ
Gojo cuts you off with a startled laugh, a disbelieving one as his eyebrows shoot upwards, showing more than the five emotions you usually see him with as genuine shock laces his features, and it only spurs on that angry fire inside of you as you press.Ā
āWhat? What? He was cute!ā Your head lifts quickly from its spot on the table as your body shifts to look at him even better than before, trying not to notice the cute wrinkle of his nose or the frosty irises of his eyes that are looking so intently at you that it could knock the air out of your lungs if you stare long enough, āAnd Iā¦I donāt know, I think he wanted to talk to me!āĀ
Gojo snorts, his arm tightening around the cushion behind you, his hand dangling off the end, his fingers dangerously close to the side of your ear as you swallow thickly.Ā
āWell, of course, he wanted to talk to you,ā his other hand pushes his glasses upwards, the veins on the back of his hand evident, ā I just canāt believe that heās someone youād want to entertain.ā
You stutter, hurt flashing across your face as it pulls into sour bewilderment.
Youāve barely talked to Satoru for more than a couple of minutes at a time about classes or projects or annoying classmates, and you canāt believe your luck that the first conversation between the two of you that stemmed outside of those points is about this.
āWhat, whatās that supposed to mean?ā Your voice dips slightly, embarrassed, as his own expression slightly shifts at your tone.
He pinches the bridge of his nose, clearly not expecting this to blow up in his face as it did, and he sighs, retreating to his old, composed self as he explains himself.Ā
āLook, I have him in a couple of my classes,ā he starts again, lips pulling into a thin line as he looks over his shoulder to Kento and then glances back to you, āHe shows up late and never does his work and always asks to most ridiculous questions,ā Satoru adds and you try not to have your lips quirk at the sudden revelation, not wanting to give in and let your foolish feeling stake the wheel and guide you to forgiving him, but itās not use as he continues, āI just figured thatā¦someone like that isnāt someone good for you. Even if he did just want to talk.āĀ
Your mouth dries up, and you try not to let your head burst and remind yourself that heās thinking about this from a friend's perspective, something kind and caring and companionly, but not in the way you would want from your crush, but Satoru is still waiting on your response so instead you swallow everything down and your lips tote, avoiding eye contact as you attempt to seem indifferent despite your outburst.Ā
āHow ridiculous are his questions?ā You finally ask, peeking over at him from where your gaze had been training on the ice in your water, and you swear you see a flicker of surprise take over his gorgeous features, as though you were going crazy with the way his blankness faded momentarily and gave way to a little smile.Ā
He sighs, this time lighter, his hand behind you shifting ever so slightly to push at the back of your head, gingerly but in a teasing way as you try not to smile a giddy smile, one that doesnāt reflect the fact that you couldnāt really care about the guy who had come up to talk to you when Satoru cared enough because he didnāt think he was good enough for you to talk to.Ā
āEven more ridiculous than asking if adding ice to rice would help it steam up more than if you used water,ā he says, picking up his drink as he nurses it over his mouth, fighting back a smug grin at the way you sputter, pushing him roughly as your cheeks heat up again for bringing up one of your late-night queries.Ā
āFine, fine, fine, Iāll give you this one!ā You rub at your eyes, shoulders hunched, āBut you have to stop scaring off every single guy that tries to talk to me! He could be a normal guy whoās going to come up, and youāre going to disapprove of him just because he wears mismatched socks or only writes in pen!āĀ
Satoru snorted indifferently, proving your point that he didnāt seem to care.Ā
āWriting solely in pen is psychotic behavior,ā he grumbled to himself, recalling the time one of his classmates had the gall to ask you for your number before he quickly shut it down, inserting himself in the middle of the conversation until the guy gave up and left.Ā
You groan, head dropping back onto the table as you tap it lightly, a quiet thud reverberating in your tiny corner of the room.Ā
āOne of these days youāre going to have to come to terms with the fact that the reason you shut people down is different from the reasons I shut people down.ā You say, moving your arms upward so that you could set your cheek on it, looking at the empty seats in front of you instead of the man youāve had a crush on, sputters.Ā
āWhat do you mean?ā His voice drops a little bit, and you angle your head to look up at him, brows pinching in the middle as you let out a little laugh, something sardonic as you shake your head to yourself.Ā
āYouā¦ā you pause, stopping, sighing to yourself as you try to control your words before you say something youāll regret, āYou have likeā¦perfect people coming up to you. And if you choose to reject them, thatās up to you, I get it. But last week you turned a girl down because she said that Star Wars was a waste of money,ā the two of you share small laugh because you can recall just how red he got, embarrassed but peeved when somebody just offended his entire lifeline, but you continue, āItā¦itās just,ā you press your lips together as something in your chest clenched, āI donāt really have that luxury. I donāt have perfect guys coming up to me with little quirks, you know? Thereās always something wrong with them, even if I donāt see it then. Like they donāt show up to dates or they make fun of my major, or justā¦only want to sleep with me, and then when they find out I donāt want that, they leave. And any of the sane ones that have small issues, youāre always there to shoot them down!āĀ
You stop, taking in a deep breath as you try to regulate your emotions, refusing to look at him right now as you let some pent-up feelings loose, just grateful that he hasnāt left and decided to let you figure this out on your own.Ā
āLook,ā you glance at him, giving him a small smile, āIām thankful that you care. Really, I am. Butā¦but I just want to experience somethingā¦with someone, yāknow? At least once when Iām still in university. Iām almost twenty-one, and I havenāt even had my first kiss!ā Despite how embarrassing it is, it slips out, and your chees heat up as you hurry on with your ramble, āAnd if it has to be with something who asks stupid questions or says my name wrong on the first attempt or doesnāt know what my favorite color is, I guess Iām just gonna have to bite the bullet and take that risk. I,ā you look away, back to focusing on the leather cushions in front of you as you gnaw on your lip, āI donāt really have any other option.ā
Giving it a moment, you let your shoulders sink, going back to playing with the straw wrapper in front of you as you debate whether it would be better to just throw yourself out the window or risk saying something else that youād stay awake the next couple of nights pinching yourself over.
You heard him inhale exaggeratingly, the arm behind you moving a little downwards in order to hook one of his fingers around the collar of your sweater, trying to grab your attention. You tilt your chin sideways, lips pursed, and attempt not to let his overwhelming presences budge how bitter you were feeling for some reason.Ā
āI think,ā he sighed again, gnawing on his bottom lip as he tried to formulate his thoughts, the overhead lamp casting a soft orange light over his face and it made your pitiful stomach churn with desperate want, āI think that if youāre too pessimistic.āĀ
That getās a dry laugh from you, and you roll your eyes at his statement. Before heās able to say anything, he gets interrupted by Suguru rounding the corner, sliding into his seat with a wide grin, one that falls when he sees his friend has changed the seating arrangement.Ā
āWhyād you move?āĀ
Satoru paused, tearing his eyes away from the side of your face as he glanced at his friend, his fingers moving upwards as you tried not to look at him and make anything obvious. You hope he doesnāt bring up Kento and your little meltdown, but he seems to read your mind.Ā
āYou were bothering me too much,ā he mutters, and Suguru lets out a startled scoff, throwing the hair tie around his wrist at him as Sator just flings it to the side. Suguru doesnāt push, though, and starts telling the two of you that he was held up at the bathroom entrances because a couple was having a ālover's spatā, his words not yours, and he just had to hear it before he left.
The rest of the night continued as it usually does.Ā
If you could consider the uneven rhythm of your heart as normal.Ā
ā
Another week had passed, another seven days of agonizingly slow school work and duties.Ā
It seemed like the days would flicker away at a snail-like pace until it got you to the one day of the week that you actually wished wouldnāt arrive, and would force you to stalk around the limited space of your dorm room as you think about what to wear to the theatre production thatās taking place in thirty minutes.Ā
Your hand was on your hip, feet tapping against the floor as you looked at the two outfits you had hung on your dresser, lips pursed as your eyes moved back and forth between the one that would go better with those pair of kitten heels you thrifted with Shoko, or the dres that you rarely get to wear.Ā
It took a couple more seconds of deciding, but you ultimately picked the more comfortable option, knowing that the university theater was always freezing, especially in October, and that a cute sweater was probably the better choice.
Thankfully, this gave you some more time to fix your hair and touch up your makeup, humming along to the music as your eye kept wandering down to your phone and then to your door, squinting as you turned it over, confused as to what was taking Shoko so long.Ā
Instantly, your eyes widen at the plethora of messages you have from Shoko, a telltale sign that something was seriously wrong, given the fact that she never sent more than two messages at once.Ā
shoko: pick up
shoko: girl ur literally always on ur phone wya
shoko: pls pls pls pick upĀ
shoko: ur making me beg rn pls can u call me backĀ
shoko: plsĀ
You donāt have time to send her one of your stupid stickers, your fingers fumbling around as you look at the five missed calls you have from her, shaking your head in dismay at how it was possible to leave your phone alone for twenty minutes and come back to this.Ā
It doesnāt take more than a ring before she answers on the other line.Ā
āAre you okay?ā Your voice cuts through immediately, rushed and worried, your legs bouncing as you hear some people talking in the background, and you can hear the way Shoko snaps at them to hush so that she can hear you better.Ā
āHi, yeah, no, no Iām fine - hey can you guys just,ā she calls out again, hey annoyance dripping form her tone, some shuffling happening over the line as she moves somewhere where the noise is less, āHey, hi, sorry for the noise,ā she starts again and you just hum, eyebrows still pinches together in worry as you wait for her to continue, āIām really sorry for spamming you, but I have some news.āĀ
The worry on your face melts as you lean back in your seat.Ā
āYeahā¦?ā you ask, but already predicting what it was that she was stressing out over telling you, but she lets out another exhale, and you could imagine her nodding wherever it was that she was at.Ā
āIām so sorry but Iām at work right now and,ā some clattering happens in the background, the kitchen in great hustle for the Saturday evening rush it usually has at the restaurant she waitresses for, āGod, Tommy just screwed everything up with our shifts and I thought he had written me as off for tonight but he wrote me as off for next Saturday and I wasnāt able to fine somebody to-āĀ
You laugh softly, cutting off her rambling.Ā
āāKo, babe, itās fine, donāt worry about it,ā you stress, leaning in slightly as you hear some silverware being unloaded, āItās so okay, your job is so much more important than-āĀ
āNo, youāre more important than this - believe me,ā she cuts you off this time, and you can see her standing hunched in the corner, gnawing on her fingernails in stress, āAnd I promised you Iād come with you and I canāt, and now Iā¦I feel horrible.āĀ
A smile creeps onto your lips, and you shake your head.Ā
āItās fine,ā you stress, chuckling at her incoherent rambles, āI promise. The playās going to be lengthy anyway, might as well take the time to make some money while youāre at it.āĀ
You hear nothing except the kitchen roaring in the background for a few seconds before she sighs, clicking her tongue as she hums softly.Ā
āYou sure?āĀ
āIām sure,ā you tell her, hearing her chuckle softly over the phone, the disappointment evident in her voice, and you didnāt want to push her over the edge despite the small flicker of disappointment of having to go alone, āI promise youāre not gonna be missing anything.āĀ
āLook, I know itās not the same, but I was with Suguru when I found out, and heās said that he could-āĀ
This time, sheās cut off, but not by you.Ā
A knock sounds over your door.Ā
You sigh, smiling at your friend as you slowly rise, āYou guys are so sweet, but you shouldāve told him Iād be fine. Really, I usually do these things by myself anyway.āĀ
She groans at your antics, somebody calling her name from the back as she tells them that sheās almost done.Ā
āShit, I have to go, but promise me youāll tell me about how tonight goes, yeah?ā She sounds hurried, and you make a few steps towards your door as you snort, rolling your eyes as you unlock the brass knob, shaking your head at the thought.Ā
āTell you about what? Oh, like how Suguru has a horrific attention span and canātā¦ā You swing the door wide open, but you trail off as your mouth hangs slightly, not greeted by your black-haired and eyebrow-pierced friend,Ā
But Satoru.Ā
Shoko seems to have picked up on your silence as meaning that you finally understood what she was talking about, and you can barely register her sing-songy bye as she leaves, the phone in your hand lying limp as Satoruās brow raises skeptically at your dumbfounded expression.
Damn you, Shoko Ieiri.Ā
āHi,ā you say breathlessly, almost stupidly, as your hand falls from behind the door to your side, tilting your head a bit as Satoru just stares, hands in his pockets, and you shake back to reality, laughing apologetically as your neck prickles, āSorry, Iā¦I was just expecting someone else.ā
His brow arches even more, and you huff out a laugh.Ā
āShoko just said that Suguru was coming,ā you explain, stepping back from the entranceway as his mouth parts slightly.Ā
āRight,ā he nods, his hair falling gracefully in his face as you churn in your spit at the magnificent sight of him in his denim jeans and the navy sweater he was in, āI hope itās okay that I came. Suguru couldnāt make it.ā
You blink, wanting to say that you were so okay with him, but you swallow that done as you shake your head, waving his statement away.Ā
āThis isā¦this is fine,ā You stammer to say, your smile wobbly. You hope that he canāt pick up on the way that your eyes are roaming over the way his button-up sits comfortably on his broad chest, or the way his glasses look on the bridge of his nose, āI, uh, I just have to do my mascara, so give me like,ā you look at the clock behind you. Your eyes bulge at the fact that you have only five minutes left, āTwo seconds and Iāll be done.ā
He nods, his head tilting slightly to the side as he looks at your face and his eyes travel down your outfit. His hand raises, a finger pointed at your sweater.Ā
āNice sweater,ā he says, something teetering on teasing, and you look down, suddenly realizing that itās the sweater he had given you last year for your birthday, the one that you had seen months prior after walking past a vintage store and exclaimed how much you liked it, only to be stumped by the price.Ā
Your confusion melts into a wide smile, your head still poking out from outside your door as you survey the material, not noticing the way his eyes soften just a smidge at your flighty reaction.Ā
āOh - right, thank you again for getting it!ā You say cheerfully, an entire evening or perfection and romance already forming in your head as you try not to appear too excited, pointing back to your room as you duck away, āIāll, uh, Iāll be back, then!ā
Satoru nods, giving you a small smile as you shut the door behind you, your back hitting it as you give yourself a moment to reciprocate, curse Shoko and her blasted antics, and calm your heartbeat down long enough.Ā
This was so fine, you tried to tell yourself,Ā
Everything was going to be fine.Ā
ā-
The lobby of the Oxford theater was unusually packed, and you even voiced your surprise when Satoru led you in, your eyes wide as you took in all the students, some looking at the programs, others waiting in line for the bathroom.Ā
āDamn,ā you mutter, squeezing past someone as Satoru follows behind you, āI didnāt think it was going to be this busy.āĀ
The walk here had beenā¦fine. You had talked for most of it, which you had predicted, and with the few times Satoru would interject and give some comments on the stories you told him about your week, you feel like you told five times that amount of embarrassing and lame jokes, shutting yourself up once after wincing at how terrible it was. Satoru cracked a small smile, though, a pitiful one, most likely to keep you from shutting up the entire night.Ā
Itās strange, just how different you act around him. In attempts to make yourself seem cooler and interesting, you wind up embarrassing yourself even more. You could have sworn that you never acted like this with Shoko or Suguru, or literally anybody else, even your old crushes, but when it came to Satoru, you seemed to lose the sense of normalcy you had come to know.Ā
But you donāt have time to worry about that, now trying to put your attention on wondering how many of the students here are from that stupid class youāre taking right now, and even looking in the sea of bodies confirms that answer when you see some familiar faces. The concession stand in the corner, the one run by the theater department to raise some extra funds, seems to be swarmed, and your stomach grumbles instantly at the smell of buttered popcorn that wafts through the air.Ā
āWhereāre our seats?ā Heās standing by you now, and you have to crane your neck slightly to look at him. You sift through your tote, pulling out your wallet and opening it to reveal the tickets tucked inside, and hand one to him while keeping the other for yourself.Ā
āRow H,ā you read out loud, āYouāre seat 18, and Iām 19.āĀ
He nods, pocketing it before he looks back out into the lobby, his eyes focusing on the wide double doors that led you into the theater, watching the ticket taker check the peopleās tickets before looking back at the concessions, remembering how much you were raving on your walk here about how good the snacks were.Ā
āDo you still want someā¦?ā He juts his chin towards the hand-made sign that reads Beggars Snacks!Ā
āHm?ā You look back at the table, and you let out a small laugh, āOh, yeah, right,ā you look through your wallet again, putting your ticket there for safekeeping as you glance back up at his gorgeous face, āYeah, Iāll be back. You can go find your seat, if you want.āĀ
Satoru opens his mouth and then shuts it, glancing at you and then the doors, and his shoulder straightens slightly.Ā
āRight, wellā¦.right,ā he murmurs, looking a little torn, his voice drowning out by the roar of sound around you two, but youāre able to make out the low grumble of his after being near him for so long, āIāllā¦Iāll see you in a few.āĀ
You smile again, giving him two thumbs up as you turn on your heel, your hands clenching in frustration at how utterly inhuman you seem to act around him, somehow making it seem like it was your first day on this planet.Ā
Peeking over your shoulder, you watch as he leaves towards the entrance of the theater, and you duck your head down as you find your way to the large line leading up to the snacks. Coming here for the past four years has taught you to go for the popcorn, pass on the homemade cookies, and snatch up the little boxes of candy if they have them.Ā
Checking your phone as you wait idly, you text Shoko a slew of messages cursing her and her entire bloodline for blindsiding you like this, hoping she sees them after her grueling shift and only feels worse about leaving you like this.Ā
Keep a tab of the line as it slowly moves, you eye the clock, knowing that the show was going to start soon. It seems to dwindle a bit, as some people in front of you and behind you give and leave, deciding it wasnāt worth it, and after scrolling through your feed a little bit more, you find yourself next in line.Ā
Glancing through the snacks, your stomach protests louder, ravenous after a day fueled on granola bars, a pathetic excuse of a yogurt bowl, and some crisps you had lying around, until you feel your hopes and dreams plummet when you see a small sign at the edge of the table that says only cash.Ā
Fucking bullshit, you think angrily, whipping your wallet out again as you rifle through the confines, who still uses only cash? What medieval system was this? They accepted cards last time, this is entirely-
And you could complain petulantly in your head as much as you want, but your face falls as you search through for the third time, coming to the consensus that you didnāt have a lick of cash on you. The person in front of you is almost done, but your shoulders sag as you begrudgingly step away, shaking your head in dismay as you make your way to the theater entrance, flashing your ticket to the ticket taker as he lets you in with a wide smile.Ā
The ushers point you towards aisle H, and you patiently dispute the hate still inside of you, burning. Waiting as those in front of you find their seats, and it doesnāt take long before youāre able to see a pop of hair standing high amongst the rest of the people in the audience.Ā
You move past a couple of people talking as you move closer, almost skidding when you stop instantly, realizing that Satoru was, in fact, not alone.Ā
From this angle, you could see the girl standing in front of him, a wide grin on her face as she laughs at something he says. Your eyes go to his face, your posture falling even more when you see the little quirk of his lips, a sign that he wasnāt necessarily hating the conversation, and the loss of the popcorn feels pointless now as your stomach churns for another reason.Ā
It was selfish to think that you were the only person who liked Satoru, but it didnāt hurt any less when you were confronted with this fact at least once a week. You knew you couldnāt expect anything from this stupid crush, a theorem forming inside your head that you continued to fall for Gojo Satoru just because you liked the sting of knowing you had no shot with him, and seeing other girls and their gleeful smiles at the fact that you probably had a chance is what maybe hurt the most.Ā
You werenāt ever angry at these girls, understanding them completely, even admiring the way they could flirt so effortlessly, and treated you kindly whenever you were near, but it singed a part inside of you that liked to act that you were in this small fictional bubble that you dreamt of whenever he looked your way.Ā
Like he was right now.Ā
Standing awkwardly to the side, at the end of the row, you sway idly in your spot, looking at the two of them and then around, wondering when the lights were going to start dimming and notify you of when the show was about to start.Ā
You hear your name being called, a familiar cluster of syllables from his throat, and you look away from the painting on the wall to the side as you see Satoru throwing up a hand, trying to grab your attention.Ā
When he sees you finally looking his way, he turns back to the girl, saying a few more words as she nods, her smile still soft as she glances at you, a strange look on her face as she sends you another smile, and you canāt help but return it despite the sinking feeling in your gut.Ā
She leaves through the other end, and you mutter a few apologies as you finally make your way down to where he was standing, ducking your head down sheepishly as you fidget with the strap of your tote.Ā
āHey,ā you say meekly, your cheeks heating as you finally get to him, āI didnāt mean to interrupt anything.āĀ
One of his hands waved, shaking his head as he looked back to where the girl had retreated with her friends.Ā
āYou werenāt interrupting,ā he tells you, and your brows furrow slightly because that was a white lie if youāve ver heard one, āI knew her from my lab,ā he he says, scratching the back of his neck as his eyes trace of your face, falling to your empty arms as they squint, the conversation with the girl suddenly feeling his head as he points, āWhereās your popcorn?ā
The past couple of moments seem to flee too as you wring your hands awkwardly together, shooting him a tight smile as you try to appear indifferent.Ā
āOh, they didnāt take card,ā you mumble bitterly, āAnd I forgot my wads of cash back in my dorm, so,ā you shrug, laughing it off as you point to the seats, āBut itās fine, Iā¦erm, wasnāt really feeling it anyway,ā a lie, since that was all you could talk about, but you push past him as you sit down, setting your tote on your lap as you look at him, waiting for him to do the same.
Satoru peeks at you, his lips pressed into a thin line as he swallows, not doing anything to sit down as one of your brows moves upwards, confused about the mental turmoil that he was going through, which made him reluctant to sit.Ā
āEverything okay?ā You ask slowly, shifting your legs, wondering if he was tight for room, but he just nods, tongue poking through his rosy lips as he glances back towards the double doors as he briefly nods.Ā
āI need to use the bathroom,ā he mutters, and you nod, lips pursing in understanding as you look over your shoulders, watching as more people start taking their seats.
āOkay,ā you sit back a little bit, your finger pointing behind you to where the bathrooms were, āWell, you, you should probably go, like, now. I think the shows going to start,ā you say with a light chuckle and check your phone, realizing that there were only five minutes left till the lights turned off, āIn a little bit.ā
Satoru just nods again, saying spoke few words before he turns to leave, murmuring apologies to the people sitting down as his long legs knock their knees, and you watch him leave the aisle and go before you turn your attention back to the stage, taking the time to admire the props and the set design, trying to think back to the original story and see if it lines up with how you remembering it starting.Ā
When the overhead lights start flickering, and Satoru isnāt back yet, you churn in your seat, looking over your shoulder every couple of seconds, hoping that he doesnāt have to navigate back in the dark.Ā
You send him a small text saying that it was almost going to be lights out when you see his figure in the corner of your eye, watch as he nears your row with his arms full, and you squint, trying to see through the dimness to see what it was that he was holding.Ā
The closer he gets, the more youāre able to see, and itās only until heās lowering himself to sit down that you make out the popcorn bag in one hand, and some boxes of sweets in the other.Ā
He says nothing as he shoves the popcorn into your hand, settling in as he looks around the seat, trying to move the armrests up only to see that theyāre stuck in place, completely oblivious to your wide-eyed stare as he lets out a big sigh, resting back as his legs spread out a little bit. He opens a box of Maltesers, adjusting his glasses as he looks at the stage.Ā
āWant some?ā He finally says, his voice low as he pushes the red box towards you, and your cheeks are almost on fire as you glance at the paper bag of popcorn in his outstretched hand.Ā
āIā¦ā you blink, holding onto the popcorn so that it doesnāt spill, āHere.ā You dumbly give him the bag back, assuming that he had only given it to you so that he could sit down more comfortably.Ā
Only now does he tear his eyes away from the stage, tuning out the voice over the announcements, the regular message of turning off your phones and staying quiet, as his elbow pushes your arm back to your seat.Ā
āCanāt have corn,ā he says bluntly, looking over at your startled expression, āItās yours.āĀ
Itās yours.
Hereās another moment you're going to mull over before another minuscule thing he does happens again, and you spend the next months thinking about that. Ā
āAre you sure?ā You whisper, already pulling your phone out to Venmo him for it, but Satoru can already tell what you're about to do as he flicks it away, as if it was repulsive to him, and you donāt have any time to argue because the curtains pull outwards and reveal the actors.
You drag a hand over your face, trying not to look over at him anymore as you begrudgingly accept the kind token, trying to relax in your seat as the show begins, a tentative finger plucking out a popcorn as you bring it to your mouth, hoping that the only person who can what the blood roaring in your ears is you.Ā
ā
Nearly a quarter in, and you start to realize just how bad an idea this was.Ā
The play itself was great. The actors were delivering their performance in a manner that felt reminiscent ot the campy nature of the original text, and some people in the audience were keeling over with laughter in certain parts.Ā
You found yourself with a wide smile throughout most of it, recalling some of the bits and others jogging your memory, but you were thoroughly enjoying it nonetheless. The issue was, the person next to you seemed to be despising it.Ā
The rare couple of times you peeked over to see his reaction to a couple of things, you noticed his jaw clenched, sitting straight and uptight as his eyes never left the stage. He barely mustered up a smile during the funny portions, looking utterly depleted during the serious bits, and his hands were clasped together, fingers interwoven as he sighed, unamused.Ā
Every time somebody would do something weird, youād glance his way and would still see the same stone-cold expression on his face. You were aware that the play itself was over exaggerated and strange at times, but that was the whole appeal of it in the first place. But at times, you tried to view it through the lens of someone who didnāt go in-depth into literature and read the nuances of somebody like Satoru, who would rather spend their free time studying and working on their mountain of assignments, not something like this, and you felt your chest getting heavier and heavier with each second.Ā
When it neared intermission, you couldāve sworn you had nearly melted in your seat, your popcorn done as you glanced over at Satoru when the lights finally turned back on, people around you standing up to leave or stretch.Ā
A beat of silence passes before you clear your throat, mustering up a wobbly grin as you jab a thumb to the curtains.Ā
āFunny, huh?āĀ
Satoru blinks, as if coming back to, and you debate if he had been half asleep. The thought makes you sink even deeper in embarrassment.Ā
āItās, uh,ā he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back as he swallowed thickly, āItāsā¦interesting. I havenāt really seen anything like it before.āĀ
You pause, chew on the side of your lip, rubbing at your eyes as you try to think of anything else to say. Youāve spent time with him alone, sure, but never in a situation where it felt like you had to defend yourself, your background, the whole reason why you were here in the first place, like you are now.Ā
People bustle around the two of you, and he sits up a little straighter, pushing his shoulders back as his neck cracks a bit.Ā
āItās raunchy and⦠theatrical,ā you try to explain, attempting to seem unconcerned as you fold the paper bag up and set it neatly on the ground, making a mental note to pick it up before you leave. āBut I think itās really interesting given the period it was written and how vulgar, everything is, and the characters are all super unlikable, which you donāt really see in these kinds of productions, and, well, itās supposed to be funny andā¦fun, I guess,ā your voice dies down, your lips almost chewed raw as you wait for a reaction, a facade of interest, a pitiful acknowledgement to what felt like your livelihood, but he just nods.Ā
You suck in a deep breath, gaze darting around the theater as you try to look at anything else.
Noticing your sudden silence, his eyes leave the stage for a moment as they rake over your expression, see the way your lips pull into a small, worried line, the crease between your brows, something that appeared whenever you were stressed or confused. His face seemed to melt to mirror yours.Ā
āIs there a reason why they keep calling the daughter a slut?ā He finally asks, and your eyes dart back to him, and your cheeks puff, blinking slowly as you nod, embarrassed for some reason as you stammer to find words.Ā
āItās, erm, well, itās in the original material, but,ā your words mesh together as you try to call back on the research paper you did for this piece, your mind blanking as your cheeks heat, āBut I think they keep it in because itās supposed to be a demonstration of the degradation of women and the differentiation between men who also exhibit premarital interest in the sexā¦and itās not supposed to be funny but they repeat it a lot, so you kind of become numb to the meaning of the word...ā Your rambling quiets near the end as you shoot him another tense smile, wringing your hands together as your lips tremble, looking away as a last resort to save your dignity.Ā
After spending two years with him, youāve become familiar with his routine and what he expects from his day-to-day life. What some describe as the prodigal son, Gojo Satoru, if not with friends, is usually found in the back of the library, in his dorm, or somewhere quiet with papers strewn in front of him, with his laptop out, typing away. He sometimes goes to benefits and galas, some to attend because of his parents, others because of his biochemistry path, but his time isnāt usually spent at the theater watching vulgar plays.Ā
Thatās what you did.
And of course, you didnāt come here weekly. You had to be here for that godforsaken Literature in English class. But this was a part of you, this play, this environment, these exaggerated dialogues are what you spent your time obsessing over. The history and the meaning, and the importance of English literature and writings are your life, and having someone next to you, watching a personification of it live, felt like inviting them into a piece of your mind, even if they wouldnāt view it as such.Ā
But to you, you who liked to overcomplicate and read into things, saw it as such, and your heart was thumping erratically when you realized that Satoru probably saw this, you, as equally insane for enjoying something like this.Ā
And you hated how much the thought made you spiral, made you think of yourself less than when there was a possibility that this wasnāt what Satoru was thinking at all, but the slight chance, the small probability, is what stirred the trepidation in you.Ā
āAre you enjoying it?āĀ
His question brings you out of your mental fever, and you bite your cheek, wondering what the right answer would be. Heās watching you, waiting, and you exhale shakily, smiling poorly as you swallow back some bile.
āI, I am,ā you say finally, āItās justā¦I did this huge essay on this last year, and Iāve been looking for a rendition of it, but thereās only this old movie thatās so far been made, soā¦seeing this live is pretty cool.āĀ
He nods, looking at your stalled expression as you keep your eyes trained on the curtains, not wanting to show your internal thoughts on your ever-so expressive face, and he tries to keep his slight confusion at bay for your suddenly reserved self.Ā
As you try to feign indifference by going on your phone, you can watch him from the corner of your eyes, look around, and uncharacteristically fidget in his seat as he debates doing the same as you or talking some more, which, at the moment, you donāt appear content to do. But the more you try to ignore him, the more it seems like your body has a physical reaction to it, protesting your desire to keep to yourself.Ā
āDid you do anything fun today?ā You ask, putting your phone down as you scratch at the inside of your wrist. He blinks, looking a little quizzically at you before he clears his throat.Ā
āWell, Suguru had set me up for a double date,ā he explains, and you feel your chest tighten a little bit, āButā¦eh,ā he shrugs, āI wasnāt really feeling it,ā he drags a hand over his face, āIf only he knew where Iād end up instead, huh?ā He nudges your elbow with his, a teasing grin on his face, but blood roars in your ears upon hearing his words.Ā
Gods, the man who despised dates and unaccounted occasions and strange meetings would rather take that over this.
You let out a little puff of air, trying to give him a smile as you feel sweat dot on the back of your neck, your palms clammy as you wring your hands together, looking down at your shoes as you try to bite back the lump in your throat.
Heād rather be anywhere else than here, your mind blares, the unspoken words ringing in the small expanse of your heart.
Thereās a strange gurgle in your stomach, one that shifts sharply, and you wince. This is definitely not a part of your internal trade, and you hope that when you shift to place a hand on it to try and calm it down. You turn your phone off, pocketing it in your tote, and the sudden movement makes you jerk in pain. You sit back up, hoping that he won't notice.Ā
But, of course, he does.Ā
He angles his body towards you, brows cinched as your eyes twitch barely.Ā
āAre you okay?ā His voice his deep, tinged with worry, his head leaning towards you just a bit so that you can feel his minty breath fan across your warm cheek.Ā
You wave him off, shooting him a horrifically terrible smile as you shift, your head tilting to the side as your stomach makes another alien noise.Ā
āYeah,ā you mutter, almost like a question because even you donāt know if youāre alright, āYeah, I just think itās the popcorn on an empty stomach.ā But even that explanation made no sense. It seems like your stomach is churning even more with each passing second, and you really wish that he couldnāt tell that every moment is a testament to your battle for control of your own body.
āDo you want some water?ā He asks, looking over his shoulder to the doors, remembering that the concession stand was also selling bottled drinks, āIāll get some-āĀ
But your hand shoots out, gripping the fabric of his sleeve as you tug on it, shaking your head as you attempt to situate yourself back in your seat, your act going well besides the slight crack in your face at a particularly painful jab.Ā
āNo, no, itās fine, Iām fine,ā the lights flicker again above you, and youāre somewhat grateful for them, grateful hat you canāt see the obvious fear on his face at the prospect of you being sick near his very hygienic self, āThe shows starting, anyway, so just,ā your voice dips a little as you try to contain a groan, āJust stay.āĀ
He goes to protest, but your hold on him is strangely tight for someone so riddled with pain, and his mouth parts to say something, but the glare you shoot him nearly shuts him up.Ā
āPlease,ā you mutter, the embarrassment from several things thick in your voice as you wince, your eyes melting into something pleading as the applause begins, and his face falls for a second, but you look away, weakly clapping along with everybody else.Ā
You feel tears prickly in your eyes.Ā
And you hope he canāt see the shining gloss when you try to blink them back.Ā
ā
When the show ends, youāre nearly debilitated with the pain in your abdomen, and the mortification from having watched Macheathās other wife battle it out with Polly alongside Satoru. They mix into a terrible combination, one that forces you to come back into consciousness in the middle of the theater, the bright overhead lights nearly sending you into a psychosis.Ā
There must have been something horrifically wrong with either the popcorn or the butter they put on it, because, despite your blurry view, you can see a few people in the audience huddled up in their seats the same way as you, despite the play ending.Ā
Satoru cleans up next to you, taking his boxes of candy and your strewn popcorn bag, and sits back up to look at you nervously.
āAreā¦are you sure youāre okay?ā His gentle tone is one that you barely register as your hands grip onto the armrest. You can barely even muster up a hum, giving him a shaky thumbs up as your stomach gurgles again, this time, audibly.Ā
You try to stand, but your knees wobble, and you grip onto the back of the seat as your head sways. You can feel his grip on your elbow, nearly knocking over some people's bottles beside him from how fast he stands up, and your clammy face looks upward at him, swearing that he looks like an angel with the light framing his hair.
āI,ā you clamp your mouth shut, swallowing thickly as you wince, taking a few seconds before you start again, āI have to use the loo.ā The declaration comes out as a whisper, an ashamed one, and you canāt look him in the face, even if his nods insistently, an arm of his wrapping around the expanse of your back as he tries to steady you
āThereās one near the concessions,ā he tells you, his voice strangely considerate and temperate, head leaning down to get closer to your ear so that you could hear him better, āDo you think you can make it?ā
You feel like a child, but you only nod, neck and face flaring up in embarrassment as you allow him to guide you through the aisle of people, not looking anybody in the eyes as you make it out, your legs shaking slightly. If it werenāt for him, youāre sure you wouldāve toppled down in pain by now.
The walk out of the theater becomes a blur, letting him guide you towards the bathrooms with one of your hands wrapped tightly around your stomach, as if it would ease the pain, and you feel the two of you come to a stop as you stand next to the ladies' door.Ā
His arm around you falls, and you miss its warmth. He looks crossed with different emotions as you use the wall to hold yourself up, wobbling towards the bathroom as you shoot a look over your shoulder.Ā
āThanks,ā you whisper, your eyes widening and then shutting instantly at how much it hurts your head, āIāllā¦Iāll be back.ā The words slur in your mouth, and you donāt give him any time to react before you leave through the wooden door and book it to a stall.Ā
The moments that follow afterwards are what youād expect from a case of bad butter.Ā
You kneel on the floor, heaving everything up, trying to be as quiet as possible so the girls in the stalls around you canāt hear, but itās not a process that youāre particularly fond of and can feel your will to continue weakening as you leave back on the wall, your head in yours hands as you hear the toilet automatically flush.Ā
At least getting it out of your system seems to have made the painful throbs dull down to an annoying little jab, but you feel like the bulk of the damage has already been done. Satoru was sweet enough that heād try to never bring this up again, but you knew youād have to live with the humiliation of this evening for a couple of months before you did something else that would top it.Ā
You let your head tilt back and heave a gulp of air, palms jamming into your eyes as you attempt to swallow, your mouth too dry to produce any saliva. If Shoko were here, sheād at least try to make you laugh about the ridiculousness of it all. But itās just you and Satoru, and you donāt know if you can even look at him for the next week after tonight.
Giving yourself a little more time to calm down, you heave yourself up from your position on the floor, careful not to touch the ground, and pluck your bag off the hook, miraculously throwing it on before you hunched, so as it wouldnāt touch anything too icky.Ā
You wash and scrub your hands, feeling dirty and still a little sick as you splash some water on your face, hoping the cool water will help snap you back. The girls around you talk, some drying their hands, others touching up their makeup in the mirror. One of the girls next to you watches you through your reflection, her face pale and strands of hair wet as she splashes some water onto her face.Ā
āPopcorn?ā She asks, and your eyes find hers through the mirror, blinking slowly as your hands grip the counter.Ā
āYeah,ā you take a deep inhale of air, sharing a small smile with her as you turn off the faucet, āDo you want some hand sanitizer?ā You offer, going to reach into your tote, but she waves it off, giving you a kind smile as she continues to wash her hands, probably feeling just as bad as you were.Ā
Giving her a small nod as you go to the paper towel dispenser, you reach around for your phone, opening it up as you quickly send a text to Shoko to update her on where you were, nothing too long, just to be safe, and tap the tip of your shoe on the ground, debating what to do next.Ā
You could go see Satoru, probably waiting outside, and awkwardly explain that you should probably walk back, seeing how his germaphobic personality might not mesh with the fact that you had basically deposited your entire day in the theater washroom. You could also try to sneak away and hope that he was standing somewhere that granted you the option of stealth, but you quickly shook that off, quickly understanding how pathetic and childish it was.
After another moment of thought, you ball up the towel and throw it away, pushing the door open with your shoulder as you enter back into the lobby, the business having died down just a bit, and look around bravely for the man.Ā
Spotting the pop of white near the end of the room, you take a few steps forward before you halt, stopping near a wall that offered you a little bit of insight as to what he was doing as you peeked around the corner.Ā
2 - 0, you think sunkenly, watching the way Satoru talks to another girl, his broad shoulders shielding her from where you originally were, and that familiar ache enters your chest as you play with the hem of your sweater.
You could be sadistic when it came to your unrequited feelings; that much you had made peace with. But the universe was horrifically masochistic for the situations it thrust you into.Ā
His face is a little more stiff than before, but still polite and kind as he cranes his neck to look at the girl. Her hair is pulled into a sleek bun, one that you always envied with how clean and precise some girls were able to make theirs, and watched how her hand lingered on his arm, something you could never get away with without his face falling into contained disgust.Ā
Itās unfair to think this way of this stranger, you remind yourself, after all, if you had the guts, youād try to make a move on him too.Ā
So, in another moment of decision-making, you get your phone out again, trying to contain the little tremble in your lips as you start drafting a message to him. Itās for the best, you try to reason, telling him that you were too sick and didnāt want to give him what you had. You send another message, saying that you were going to make your way back to your dorm and that you hope he had fun, thanking him as much as you could without sounding pathetic for how much he did this evening and for coming.Ā
You also sent him the venmo transfer for the popcorn you were going to make earlier for good measure.Ā
Where you were presented you an easy way to slip out of the building, one of the exits a little bit behind you, as you rubbed at your tired eyes, wrapping your arms around your torso as you prepared for the cold gusts of wind that were going to hit you the moment you stepped out.Ā
People around you were talking in muted voices, laughter ringing around your ears as you ducked your head down, hoping that this time by yourself could give you some moments of peace, even though you knew that being alone with your onslaught of thoughts was going to do the exact opposite.
This campus was always bustling on a Saturday night, so you never felt too alone as you made your way away from the theater, pulling out your headphones as you geared up your phone to listen to some music before you heard a muffled shout from behind you.Ā
Brows furrowing and your eyes slightly shifted in confusion, you, along with some other students around you, looked to see what the sound was.Ā
To your utter horror and stupefaction, you watch as Satoru whips his head around, as if he were looking for something, or rather someone.Ā
You stand like a deer in headlights, hands raised mid-way to your ears to put your headphones in them as you see him check his phone and then look up again, not caring that other people were looking at him strangely as he runs a worried hand down his face, typing something furiously fast as he looks around again.Ā
Finally, it seems like he found what he was looking for when your eyes lock, and he sends you an ice-cold, deathly glare, one that made you glance around as if it were someone behind you more deserving of such a look, but before you can do anything, heās jogging over to where you were frozen in place.Ā
The closer he gets, the more you can see the agitation and vexation in his microexpressions, things youāve taken pride in before in reading, now not so much because you were on the receiving end of them.Ā
When he comes to a halt, phone still in hand, his chest rises and falls a little fast, as if he were out of breath, and he runs another frustrated hand through his white locks as he pushes them back.
Your mouth gapes, and you suddenly remember that you were supposed to be ādeathly illā according to the text you had sent him, and try to make your breathing seem more labored, your posture more haggard, but that doesn't work as he eyes you like he knows.
āWhere the hell are you going?ā He snaps, and you wince slightly at his tone, and he reels, shooting you an apologetic look despite the fire burning inside of him from the way youāve been acting this night.
āBackā¦back to my place,ā you whisper, voice hoarse, and he hears it instantly, expression melting as he takes the time to really dissect the way your eyes are slightly bloodshot, your lips chapped, your lashes clumped with tears, and he takes a small step back, taking in a deep breath.
āNo, I, shit,ā he stammers, restarting, āAre youā¦ā His voice comes out as thick and low, and you almost feel it in your bones as he pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to calm his nerves as he gives you a tilted look, āAre you okay?āĀ
This time, heās not asking because you were exhibiting signs of ailment, but because you had been acting like you were strangers since the moment you saw him tonight. Because your behavior was so off and unlike you, he was struggling to understand if there was something beneath the surface, something that had happened that he wasnāt aware of, that was fueling this shift.Ā
Your eyes seem to waver as you try not to look at him, attempting a nonchalant shrug that is anything but, as you think of how to lower your voice to a deeper register to appear more sick than you really are.
āI feel sick,ā you mutter, coughing feigningly as you pull on the straps of your tote upwards, as you clear your throat, trying not to feel the weight of the looks other people were giving the two of you.
A single brow of his raises, one that you know is detecting bullshit as you rub at your nose.
āIām sure,ā he finally murmurs, rolling his eyes at the obvious statement, āI think the entire lobby heard you throwing up your small intestine.ā That statement alone almost makes you keel over in shame, humiliation, embarrassment, and disgrace, but he continues, āButā¦are youā¦okay? Youāve beenā¦offā¦the entire night.āĀ
And you know you canāt sidestep this landmine because you know how weird youāve been acting this evening, knowing that your attempts to make things better have only backfired, and the past couple of hours come screaming back at you, and for some stupid, depressing reason, cause a sting of tears to prick behind your eyes.Ā
Your bottom lip catches between your teeth as your head falls slightly, your stomach still aching, your pride and confidence bruised, and you can still smell the lingering perfume of the girl he had been talking to, another reminder that you probably didnāt smell like that perfume you had spritzed on so long ago.
āIām okay,ā you murmur, looking at the cracks on the ground, your voice shaking and wobbling and so clearly not true that you tilt your head back up to see his reaction, your face crumpling into a little wet laugh when he seems completely unmoved. Upon hearing your little giggle, his anger fades a bit, but is quickly replaced with another emotion when he hears you sniffle.Ā
āLook, you-ā he looks down at his phone to reread the text you had sent him, and his confusion seems to grow even more when he reads another notification, āDid you Venmo me?āĀ
You nod again, weakly, and when you look up at him, you see him fighting back a startled laugh, the quiver on his face making your lips pull up into a wobbly smile, your own emotions turning into something strange as you watch him shake his head in dismay, running a stressed hand through his hair.Ā
āDid something happen today?ā He asks, not taunting, never taunting, but something you canāt place as you weakly not, a sheen over your eyes as you tug at your sleeves.Ā
āā¦no,ā you whisper, but the two of you know itās far from the truth because even you canāt hide the way your lips tremble and your hands shake slightly.Ā
He presses his lips together tightly, his jaw ticking as he takes in your sunken form, something heās never seen before, and chews on his cheek, thinking.Ā
Sighing deeply, he pockets his phone, not able to look at your texts anymore because they made him too nauseous, and moves to be closer to you.Ā
āCome on,ā he says after a moment's silence, āLetās go.ā
You peek over at him, your brows furrowing slightly as you huff out a breath of air, trying to contain your tears as you sniffle again. Your bottom lip trembles slightly, and your stomach still has a lingering ache, but thereās something else thatās causing you to be like this, and you donāt like whatever it is.Ā
Heās waiting, his elbow budging yours, and so you heave a sigh, rubbing at your cheeks as you nudge him back slowly.Ā
āThank you, āToru,ā you murmur, and he pauses, his tongue caught between his teeth because you rarely call him by that nickname, rarely use it unless you really mean it, āFor everything. And Iām sorry,ā you peek over at him from above your lashes, looking back at the ground at your shoe so you couldnāt see his reaction, āI didnāt mean to spoil your evening like this-ā But before you can say anything more he raises a hurried hand, cutting you off.Ā
āYou didnāt spoil my evening, love,ā he says quickly, his tone soft and teetering on worried, the little title slipping out of his mouth like it was natural, and if you werenāt feeling like a pile of shit, you might have fixated on it more, his eyes roaming your anxious face.
But you insistently nod, your lips pressed together as if you were trying your hardest not to let out a pitiful cry in front of him.
āI-I did,ā you voice cracks, and you rub at your eyes as some treacherous tears escape, and if only you could truly see the way he looks like he was breaking seeing you like this, āWith you getting the popcorn and then me getting sick and then the s-stupid show,ā and he winces because he knows you were enjoying the play, could hear your twinkling laugh and he hates it whenever you feel the need to shut down the things you like because youāre worried other people will judge you for doing so, āAndā¦and I wish you had told Shoko o-or me about your date, I would have totally understood,ā you try for a smile, your words choked and wobbly and if only you knew what you were doing as you ramble, āIām justā¦Iām really sorry for everything." You finish with a quivering chuckle, your heart shaking like a leaf as you finally meet his eyes, hoping he canāt see the little shake in your breathing when you finally do.
He breathes in deeply, and you can hear the gears in his head turning. But you nudge his side again, wanting to leave it at that. You can feel his eyes burning into the side of your face, but you donāt want to look.Ā
And youāre grateful that to some extent, he understands that, even if not fully. He murmurs a gentle come on, his hand gingerly wrapping around your arm as he tugs to next to him, his warmth enveloping you as he leads the way.
ā
As much as you insist, the one thing he doesnāt seem to budge on is taking you back to your dorm.Ā
You pleaded with him, begged him not to get him sick, but he wouldnāt listen. Itās almost as if he steered you towards his building, a hand hovering over your back as he led you inside and up the elevator and to his room before you could even have the ability to ditch and run away.Ā
āIf youāre going to talk, fine, but donāt think Iām insane enough to leave you alone right now.āĀ
That alone could have sent you into a psychosis if you werenāt so worried about puking all over his bed.Ā
With the way his germophobic and clean tendencies forbade him from going to public restrooms, youāre stunned that heās even standing near you with everything that has happened this night. He even lent you his old band shirt and trousers from when he was going through a phase.Ā
It was a blur as you spun around his room, rifling through his drawers for towels and soap and things he thought you might want to use in the shower. You stood awkwardly at the foot of his bed, not sitting down on the mattress because you knew how he felt about outside clothes on his sheets, and you said nothing as he handed everything to you, shooting you a shaky smile, one that was tense because you figured he was most likely worried about you staining or ruining one of his clean things. You donāt say anything as he suddenly ducks, his knees hitting the floor as he starts undoing the laces to your shoes, mumbling something about how you bending over might not be the best for your stomach.
He was lucky enough to be in one of the newer buildings, meaning that he had a personal washroom, so he just led you to it and let you know to use the shower and to call out to him if you needed anything. He even had an extra pack of toothbrushes and boxers that he hadnāt touched that he set aside for you.Ā
You watched as he shut the door, the water roaring behind you as it began to heat up, and you silently stripped, neatly folding your clothes as you set them to the side. You took a tentative step inside his very clean shower, letting the steaming water hit you as you stood there for a couple of minutes, reflecting.Ā
Washing your face, scrubbing roughly at the makeup and the evening away, you feel some salty tears bite at your cheek, and you donāt even know why youāre crying right now. Well, in all honesty, you do, and thatās probably what hurts the most.
Youāve never cried over Gojo Satoru before. Youāve never felt like it was so depressingly lost where youād need to use these muscles and these feelings that you reserve for truly important things, but it felt like tonight was a confirmation and closure all in one. It felt like you slowly came to your senses, realized that despite your wishes, it was fruitless. You just werenāt the kind of girl that he could cherish, at least, not in the way you wanted him to, and you knew it would be selfish of you to ruin any chance another girl could have of him being hers.Ā
It took you a little longer than expected, but you feel like you were slowly gaining consciousness, the reality at hand as you turned the water off, patting yourself dry with the soft towel he had provided you.Ā
You move carefully, brushing your teeth, pulling on the clothes he left you, as you assess yourself in the fogged-up mirror. Your eyes are a little puffy, but you can just tell him from earlier. Your voice is croaky, but youāll just bite your words back tonight until you can go back to your place in the morning and start distancing yourself from him until your feelings are choked out. Itās time you began moving on, anyway.Ā
Braving the other side, you take a deep breath before you carefully open the door, peeking around the corner until you see him sitting on the corner of his bed, furiously typing away until he hears the creak, looking up from across the room as you sheepishly smile.Ā
He quickly puts his phone away, standing to his feet as he rubs his hands, not knowing what to do as he buffers.Ā
āWas, erm, was everything good?ā He motions to the bathroom, and you quickly nod, walking away as the steam from behind wraps around you, your body adjusting to the shift in temperature as your eyes stray to the couch in the corner, pillows and blankets set up in a makeshift bed.Ā
āIt was great, thank you,ā you say gently, āIām sorry, again-ā But he holds a hand up, cutting you off as he insistently shakes his head.Ā
āReally, it was nothing,ā he stresses, his cheeks dusted pink, his glasses discarded on his desk.Ā
You nod again, embarrassed, and smile stiffly, pointing to the couch as you make your way over.Ā
āThanks for this, too,ā you say, but he seems to awkwardly shuffle, his hands behind his back, looking like he wants to say something, and your brow slightly quirks at his odd reaction.Ā
āThatāsā¦thatās for me,ā he explains, moving away from his lofted bed as he shows you the changed sheets and the new pillow case covers, what he must have been doing in the time it took for you to shower, āYou can sleep here.ā He pats the mattress, and you let out a disbelieving chuckle, shaking your head as you move closer to the couch, feeling like the worst person in the world.Ā
āI couldnāt,ā you stress, but heās already moving closer to you, looking like he wants to move you away from the cushions, āIāve already imposed enough. Iāll sleep here. Itās fine, really, I like couches.ā
He opens his mouth and closes it, lips pressed into a thin line.Ā
āYou havenāt imposed,ā he finally says, as if thatās all he took away from your rambles, and you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose as you wave aside his polite nature and hold your hands up.Ā
āIf I sleep on your bed after everything, Iām never going to be able to look you in the eyes again, okay?ā You put it bluntly, āSo Iāll take the couch, and youāll take your bed, and itāll be fine. Okay?āĀ
His tongue darts out, blinking rapidly as if heās assessing his different options, and he looks at you, to the couch, and then to the bed. He seems like heās torn, but he figures that the next best thing is to ignore this completely, shaking his head to himself as he moves around you to the cupboards behind your body, shuffling around until he finds what he needs.
āIām going to wash up,ā he mutters, glancing briefly at you as he pulls in his towel to his chest, his new pair of clothes, and you feel your chest tighten at the sudden dismissiveness in his tone, ad if heās given up with you, and he makes his way to the separate room, āMake yourself comfortable.ā He calls over his shoulder before he shuts the door behind him, and you give it a few seconds before you wince, falling back down onto the couch as you pull a pillow to your chest and allow yourself some time to relax before he comes back.Ā
You allow yourself some time to look around, appreciating his tidy room and the mess-free atmosphere. You can smell the lingering scent of bergamot, and you see the warmer on his desk, a candle right under it. The wall that his desk is parallel to is littered with postcards and retro movie posters (mostly Star Wars and Star Trek). There are some polaroids he has pinned up, some with Suguru and Shoko from their years in secondary school, some photos he had taken himself with his camera. His bookshelf, which is nearly leaning over with how heavy it is, is at the end of the couch, and you shift to get a better look at the books he has on his shelf.Ā
Youāre so rarely in here, especially by yourself, so you peek around, hearing the water still running, and lift from the cushions, your eyes squinting as you move closer, trying to make out the names on the spines, your curiosity getting the better of you.Ā
Most of the shelves are full of textbooks from previous courses he had taken; therefore, most of them are science-related. Your eyes shift across the spines, seeing some books about botany and a couple about astronomy and astrophysics, a specific interest of his despite specializing in biochemistry. Notes are jammed into the empty spaces, and you make out his cursive on some of them, smiling despite yourself when you pull some of them out, making out his quick scribble from when he was either in class or studying.Ā
The bookshelf itself is insanely tall for no reason, tall enough that youāre sure Suguru or even Satoru, in his sprawling height, would struggle reaching to top, so you have to go onto your toes, stretching your calves as you tilt your head upwards to look at some of the higher shelves, pulling some books out by placing a finger on the top of the spine, careful not to disrupt anything as you let yourself get lost in the names.Ā
Suddenly, in the midst of all the chemistry and biology and Latin names, something familiar catches your eye, a book that was resting on its side on the highest shelf, and you struggle but can wedge yourself up on the edge of the couch to reach it.
The Count of Monte Cristo.
Your eyes widen in spite of your heavy emotions riddling your mind, and you turn it around, reading which edition and publisher it was as you scour through the pages, seeing his little citations in blue ink in the margins. You flip through the pages, each one highlighted and marked for different reasons, similar to the way you read through a book, and you close it shut, feeling like you were somehow intruding on something private as you set it back down in its initial place on the shelf until something else caught your attention.Ā
Familiar titles and authors all paint the top level of his bookshelf, books that have nothing to do with his major or classes or even remotely with something you think he might enjoy reading, and you almost fall as you try to get closer.Ā
A small box at the edge of the shelf piques your interest, and your lips catch between your teeth as you put all of your focus on this task, your nimble fingers moving closer, plucking it from its spot as you hold it gingerly in the palm of your hand, looking back to the bathroom as you hear the pipes groan as he turns the water off, an alarming sound, one that meant that you didn't have a lot of time left.
The box itself is also familiar, this one for more reasons than most, because you remember this box; you gave it to him for his previous birthday. amongst other little trinkets, finding it at a flea market, and thinking he could make some use of it. The wooden grain and the carvings on it were delicate, and your hold is even more careful as you unlock the little latch, the top lifting open as you peer inside.Ā
Your eyes adjust to the sight, something you werenāt necessarily expecting, as what you can only describe as junk littered the inside of it. A ticket stub from a movie he had seen, a dried leaf, candy wrappers, spare coins. You huff a little in disappointment, your nosey nature quelled by the contents within as you rifle around a little more, knowing you should stop and sit down and act like you saw nothing when you feel a glossy texture beneath your fingertips.Ā
Gently, you pinch it between your pointer finger and thumb, pulling it out from beneath all rubble as you hold it closer to your face, your breath catching in your throat.Ā
Itās a polaroid of the two of you.
You remember the night well, a couple of months ago, during the summer. The four of you and a couple of mutual friends had rented a car and had gone up to a cabin, one of the many properties Satoruās family owned, and had spent the weekend there. Suguru had insisted on setting up a fire and eating around it, and you had huddled up next to Shoko as the night got colder. You remember the voices and the laughs and the squeals as some of the friends, people you didnāt know that well, began chasing each other, and you and Shoko watched, amused. You remember how one of the boys had been carrying a jug of water, one meant for inside, when somebody bumped into him, and he tripped, and the water came falling on you. You remember letting out a small laugh, shocked and forgiving as you assured the stranger that it was okay, shivering, nonetheless, as Shoko laughed uncontrollably.Ā
But above all, you remember how Satoru hurried over from wherever he was, his stare worried that you were hurt, everything shifting when he saw the playful glint in your eyes, the fireplace illuminating your features in red, yellow and orange hues as you shrugged his worries off, his hands on your elbows, steadying you as Suguru took a photo of the moment, of your head thrown back in a laugh and his eyebrows pulled into an anxious line while his lips pulled into a gentle smile, the stars twinkling in the background as he steadied you to your feet.Ā
You distantly recall hearing the click and asking Suguru about the photo, but hearing him say something along the lines of the lighting being too dark, but clearly that was a lie because you were holding the small photo in your hand, staring at it with no problem.
Before you can spend more time thinking about his junk box and what the hell this photo was doing in it, you heard some shuffling on the other side of the bathroom, the door clicking open as you scramble to put the box back, nearly tripping as you jump down, going back to where you were seated on the couch in a flash, appearing to look nonchalant as he stepped out.Ā
You donāt let your eyes linger too long on the way his shirt stretched tightly across his chest, or the way that the water has caused the fabric to slightly stick to his arms. He shakes his hair into a towel, ringlets of water falling as he pushes his hair back. You also try not to fawn too much over his mismatched pajamas, or how his trousers have prints of lightsabers in different colors all over them.Ā
āHey,ā he calls out gruffly, rubbing at the back of his neck as he tosses his towel into the hamper, his feet padding over to his desk as he checks the clock and then his phone for any notifications. He sighs, and your throat is dry, heart hammering in your chest as you realize a grave mistake.Ā
In your haste to put everything back, the careful clutch you had on the photo had appeared nonexistent, and you had, for some reason, made the blunder of still holding the photograph of the two of you resting in the palm of your hand.Ā
His back is still to you, and you swallow thickly, shuffling across the couch as you try to deposit it onto one of the nearer shelfs, hoping that if he were to see it he would think it had mistakenly fallen out or something less drastic, but his ears turn towards your movement, looking over his broad shoulders at the way you scramble to dispose of the film.Ā
āWhat areā¦?ā His eyes pierce yours, and you sheepishly snap around to look at him, your hand going behind you as you shake your head, acting confused as his head tilts to the side, jumping from your seat at the edge of the cushion to your leg, angled towards his bookshelf.Ā
āI was just looking at your books,ā you quickly state, trying to cover your ass as lips purse together to give you a knowing look, a white brow rising so high that it disappears in his hairline, one calling you out on your obvious bullshit.Ā
āHm,ā he hums, taking a step closer to you, his skin still glowing from the shower as he makes his way to where you were sitting, towering over you as his arms cross deliciously across his chest, āThen what do you have behind you?āĀ
You feign innocence, blinking as you shake your head, acting dumb as you shrug.Ā
āI,ā you scoff, leaning back into one of the pillows as you shrug, āI donāt have anything behind me.ā
āRight,ā he drawls out, his voice slightly deeper, intimidatingly so as he crouches down a little until his face is to face with you, his fingers moving to poke at your arms, twisting at an odd angle to hide behind your back, āThen you wouldnāt mind if I gave you some medicine, yeah? Something that requires both hands?āĀ
Damn him.Ā
You shake your head, swallowing as you shoot him a shaking smile.Ā
āNot at all,ā you stress, shifting uncomfortable as he nods, his eyes raking over your face one last time as he moves to his desk, pulling a drawer out, his medicine drawer, you deduce, and watch as he pulls out a bottle that seems to promise helping with stomach aches, and he turns it over, reading the label until he seems satisfied.Ā
He strolls back to where youāre seated, holding the medicine bottle out towards you as he patiently waits.Ā
You shoot him a fake smile, biting back annoyance as you shift awkwardly, wringing out a hand from underneath your body, the one thatās not holding onto the photograph, as you take the bottle from his outstretched hands. You stare at it, realizing that heās waiting for you to open it, and if it wasnāt for the unimpressed look on his face, youād almost wager that he was amused.
āSomething wrong?ā He asks, fully knowing the answer, and you shoot him a glare.Ā
āNo,ā you bite back, your other hand moving slowly, careful not to crumble or tear the film as you place it under your thigh, showing him both of your hands as you twist the cap of the medicine bottle off, āSee?ā
He nods, still unbelieving of your little tactic, as he takes the bottle away from you. You watch as he moves to set it down on the table, assessing the situation as he moves down in one swift motion, not giving you any time to understand what was going on as he loops one hands under your knees, another across your back as he lifts you up and over his shoulders like you genuinely weighed nothing more than a sack of flour and you screamed in horror at the rudeness of everything.Ā
āFreak!ā You shout, your face looking at his muscular back as he chuckles, not seeing anything yet as you try to kick his face, āThis is so degrading, put me down!ā You scream, horrified and mortified as he pinches your calf that was near his chest.Ā
āStop squirming,ā he chides, but his voice is anything but chiding as he swivels around, your body jerking sideways as your head drops, motion sickness from already feeling a little off from earlier tonight, and you weakly punch his back, groaning.
āIām going to puke all over you,ā you threaten, but he just chuckles, shaking his head as he pretends to drop you, only to catch you last minute, his chest shaking with the sound, and you go to snap at him again,
Ā But you feel it, hear it the moment he sees the polaroid you had taken.Ā
He goes tense, his grip on you tightening a little bit out of shock, and heās suddenly silent. You wince, turning around, hoping he could take the hint and set you down, and he finally does, carefully setting you on the ground as he bends, picking up the photograph from where it had fallen onto the floor, and staring blankly at it.Ā
Your hands clench, chest tightening as his eyes flicker from it to you, his face unreadable as his jaw clenches slightly.Ā
Nobody speaks for a moment, the room suddenly as tense as it was when you first entered, and you watch as he puts the photograph face down on a random shelf, turning back to you as he sighs deeply.Ā
āWere youā¦Were you going through my things?āĀ
The question shakes you, and your mouth parts as you clamp it shut.Ā
āN-no,ā you finally say, āWell, no, not really, but I guessā¦I donātā¦I was,ā your head drops to your hands in mortification as you motion weakly to the bookshelf, āI was only looking at your books.ā You mutter weakly, not even able to look at him as you keep your stare trained on the books and their titles.Ā
āI didnāt mean to see it, butā¦ā You trail off, thousands of emotions racing through you as you try to deny it in your mind, sadness from before, anger with yourself, and suddenly feel vexation towards him for no particular reason as your eyes snap to his, āGod, why do you care? Itās just a photo! I didnātā¦I didnāt mean to look, but I saw that thing I gave you, and I had thought you wouldāve tossed it away by now, and I just wanted to see what youād keep in there andā¦yeah, fuck, okay, I looked! Iām sorry, okay? Butā¦I mean, you keep it as a junk box anyway, itās not like itāsā¦like itās an heirloom!ā Youāre trying to ration and reason and trying to justify your clearly immoral actions as you ramble again, a terrible trait of yours, as he just takes it, takes your anger and your slew of words and your hurt as you feel your eyes water for no reason again as you hug your arms to yourself.Ā
He says nothing for another moment, his eyes dark and piercing.Ā
And then he moves.Ā
His arm reaches upwards, up to the shelf, up behind your head to where the box was resting on the top shelf, and he slowly brings his hand down, your heart in your throat as he nearly throws the lid open, beginning to pull everything out one by one.
āThis,ā heās holding the ticket stub, āThis is from tonight.ā
Your hands instantly drop to your sides as the anger fades and utter confusion floods your senses.Ā
ā¦huh?
You had just looked at the box; how did you not notice? But you look closer at it, the date and the row and seat number nearly the same as the ticket stub you had thrown away after leaving the theater in a hurry, and your eyes flee up towards him, his chest heaving as he continues.Ā
āThis is from when we went to the beach,ā he pulls out a chipped seashell, and you recognize the pattern instantly, remembering the one time the four of you had gone to the shoreline, a seashell you had picked up and thought was interesting, showing it to him before Shoko called you away, but you donāt have any time to compute that as he pulls out the next time.Ā
āThis is from the candy you gave me during a study session we had,ā he pulls out a wrinkled wrapper, āThis is the hair tie you left at my place and forgot,ā he has a simple black elastic band sitting in the palm of his hand, but he could very much so be holding your pittering pattering heart the more he continues, his voice quivering slightly, and youāve never heard him ramble like this, ramble like you.
āThis is the leaf that was stuck in my hair that you pulled out,ā he admits quietly, holding up the dried leaf from the time you had been walking next to him in the fall, the trees shaking in the wind, giggling at his white hair littered with the colorful leaves, āThese are the coins you gave me because I didnāt have any change,ā heās holding up the spare sterlings you had lent him when he wanted some ice cream but forgot his card at home, and your eyes move up and down, a strange thumping sound in your ears because you feel like youāre about to faint, and he slows to a stop, his cheeks flushed and his hands shaking as his hand fills with all of the things you have given him over the past two years, things that a normal person would have thrown away or used or given back.Ā
āThisā¦ā his lips tremble as he shuts them for a second, looking unlike the person youāve begun to know so deeply as his fingers wrap around something, pulling out a neatly folded white napkin, unused, as he takes in a steadying breath, āThis is the, erm, the napkin you lent me. From the night we first met.ā
The box is empty now, but the room fills with moments in time, moments that you would cherish in the deepest parts of your mind before you went to bed, and pretended like they were fleeting and didn't matter so that you could face him bravely the next time you saw him. Moments that you thought he treated like normal moments in time that would pass and would never be remembered again, moments that you didnāt think he wouldā¦hold onto.
Not the way you did.
āItās notā¦junk,ā he admits thickly, āFor me itās not.ā
He stops, taking in a deep breath as he pushes his hair away from his face, carefully putting everything back in the box, including the photograph, as he sets it down, turning back to face your stunned expression.Ā
āLook, have you ever seen me without my glasses?āĀ
You blink. Realizing that heās waiting on you to answer, you blank before shaking your head slowly, and he nods.Ā
āRight, right, well, I used to wear contacts. All the time. Ask Suguru o-or Shoko butā¦ever since you said that you like the way glasses look, Iā¦I donāt know, I kept wearing them, hoping youādā¦ā he trails off, his cheeks completely red, the tips of his ears a bright pink as he ducks his head down, scratching his nape sheepishly, whispering, āHoping youād maybe say it again.ā
Your eyes go wide, and you blink owlishly, swearing you look fish-adjacent with the way you can only give him this look on repeat as he takes your silence as an okay for him to go on a rare nervous tangent of his own.
āWhen I was little, my grandfather taught me how to tie his tie. He said that I should learn how to do it by myself so that I wouldn't need any help when I grow up.ā
You donāt say anything, and he doesnāt get angry at your silence, but simply offers you a small, worried smile.Ā
āIāve gotten pretty good at it,ā he confesses with a farce laugh, something empty and shaky, "But you always ask to tie them, andā¦I always let you. Youāre the only person I feel comfortable with; the only person who it doesnāt feel like,ā he shivered, wincing slightly as if his skin was prickling at the thought of other people touching him the way you do, āThe only person who can touch me and I feelā¦okay.ā
āI have a shelf of all the books youāve talked about,ā he persists, motioning upwards, and you slowly look around to where The Count of Monte Cristo was sitting, along with all the other books youāve raved about in the past, thinking heād only listen and give you kind comments, not knowing that he had gone home and sat down and read them all afterwards, āI stopped drinking whenever we go out together because you said you donāt really like the smell of alcohol on peopleās breaths. Iā¦ā he rakes his hand through his hair again, a nervous fidget of his as he looks pleadingly at you, āI have my spot on Suguruās couch because your spot is right next to it.ā
āAnd our friends tell me that Iām not crazy, thatā¦that I might have a chance,ā he motions a shaking hand between the two of you, and you allow yourself this time to blink again, āBut, I donāt know,ā his head ducks as he chokes back some tears, and your eyes widen even more, your eyebrows up in your hair at this point because youāve been rendered speechless, āItās like any time I try to get closer to you, you leave or immediately want to be anywhere else or seem uncomfortable and I donāt want you to feel that way, especially because of me.āĀ
When he looks up, his eyes are glassy, looking like a stormy ocean, and you feel tears prickle at yours, your breath lodged in your throat as you try to pinch yourself, swearing that you were in some vision, but this is real, and heās not stopping, saying the words youāve only dreamt of.Ā
āI know Iām not reallyā¦the kind of person that youād usually go for,ā he explains, his voice dim, āIām not good with literary nuances or dissecting medieval texts. I canāt read the way you read, and Iām not good with understanding people the way you do, butā¦I want to be. I want to be that, I want to be good for you.ā
Your mouth is wide open as you gape at him, trying to make sense of the words that you could only imagine as you stared silently at him saying to you, saying them to you here. The two of you donāt say much for a second, your eyes blinking rapidly as your mind travels faster than the speed of sound, and you realize that heās not lying or trying to make you laugh. Heās not confessing his love for another girl, but instead clutching his chest because it felt like your silence was leading up to a personal rejection, and you can barely muster up any actual words as you surge towards him, stopping his rambling as your arms wrap around his neck, knees knocking against his as your lips slam against his.Ā
Your heart plummets as you feel him still, his arms still at his sides as his eyes widen in shock, and you feel like youāve completely screwed things up, going to step away before his hands shoot upwards, wrapping around your waist and legs as he hoists you up, his lips moving against yours hungrily.Ā
āYouāre soā¦so stupid,ā you mutter in between breaths, his lips parting yours, soft and gentle and fast and desperate as they chase the way you taste, wanting to savor the plushness of yours as you mewl at the way his fingers dig into your soft skin, moving you effortlessly towards his bed as the two of you smile against each other, laughing in the air as your back hits the mattress. He fidgets with his glasses, pushing them up with his middle finger, coming a little loose after everything.Ā
āYeah?ā He murmurs, happy, giddy, his eyes bright and alive and electric as he nips at your bottom lip, his own shining with spit as he ducks down again, pressing kisses to your face, and you feel lightheaded, āTell me how Iām stupid, baby.āĀ
You groan, lightly hitting his chest as he chuckles lightly, his kisses moving to your cheek, across your nose, as your smile turns bright enough to power the sun for the rest of eternity if it were to die in this very moment.
āI,ā you huff, your chest burning and your hands tangled in his hair, fisting his shirt as you bring him in impossibly closer, āIāve had thisā¦debilitating crush on you ever since I saw you,ā you admit quietly, and he pauses, his sunset dusted cheeks turning into a wide grin as he huffs out a laugh and push his face away from your as you turn away in discomfiture, āAnd Iāve done everything to get you to notice me. Iāve embarrassed myself like, twenty times a day, hoping youād look my way.āĀ
Satoru raises a slender brow, and you have the urge to pull him down by the collar, pressing your lips to his as he happily obliges, his tongue poking out to tease yours as he turns to an even bigger taunting menace as he pulls away.Ā
āI canāt stop looking at you,ā he mumbles shyly, ducking down as he kisses your throat, and you shift slightly to give him more access, your breath catching in your lungs as his kisses turn into him sucking in a patch of skin, licking it over when heās satisfied itās going to mark. āI could barely focus on the play tonight because I kept looking over.āĀ
You let out a giggle, curling his soft strands of hair around your finger as he glances up to see your smile, pressing a chaste kiss as if he wanted to taste the way your unabashed happiness felt.
āAnd I try to sound smarter whenever youāre around,ā you admit, and he snorts against the skin of your cheek again, enjoying how plush and soft it was, biting it as you squeal, but it was never hard enough to hurt, just experimental, and he laughs, āAnd you never even acknowledged the number of times Iād bring up a science-y article I had spent the entire night analyzing just for you to ask me about my stupid book report.ā You pout, and he attempts to kiss it off of you, his hands roaming the exposed skin of your waist and stomach, hot against your cold self, and he rolls his eyes.Ā
āThatās only because I was having tiny aneurysms whenever youād do that,ā he reasons, his face morphing into something sweet and gentle and something so entirely new andā¦yours that you wish you could take a picture of it, āAnd I wanted you to know that I remembered the things you told me.āĀ
You throw a hand over your face, not wanting him to see the gleefulness on your face, but he just wrings your hands away, slotting his long legs in between yours as he lets out another joyous laugh.
āCome on,ā he insists, nudging his nose against your jaw, āHow else am I stupid?ā
You let out an exaggerated groan, biting your lip as you try to think through your muddled thoughts.Ā
āYouā¦youā¦you kept only the ridiculous things I gave you!ā You argue, and he moves upwards slightly, giving you a pointed look, as if you were offending his lifeline or treasures, āIāve given so many things andā¦ā But you trail off, feeling his large hand gently wrap around your face, turning it to the side so you could see his room from his point of view.Ā
āLook closely,ā he softly urges, and your eyes trail across the walls, the shelves, the tabletops, āThis room is full of you.ā
And heās right.Ā
The postcards he has up are the ones you gave the three of them from the time you had gone to Paris with your family over the summer, picking out individual ones you thought each of them would like. Vintage telescopes and microscopes you imagined him enjoying, but never enough to actually put them up. The music box that plays the theme of A New Hope, a simple melody from his favorite movie that you had also gotten for his birthday, sits on his bedside table. The books you had found on sale about plant biology, a little thing you thought he might like, rest on top of his bookshelf.Ā
Your bottom lip catches between your teeth, and he chuckles at your quiet reaction, dipping down to kiss you again, wanting to nudge those sounds from you, even if he has to take them like this.
āIs this why youād scare off any guy who came up to me?ā You ask, but you already know the answer, just wanting to see the look on his face as he groaned, pinching your side as you giggle at his antics.Ā
āI thought I was being so obvious,ā he murmured against your lips, his tongue roaming through your mouth as you part it slightly for him, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling, a string of spit connecting the two of you as he pulls away, āEveryone could see how badly I wanted you.āĀ
You shrug, feeling sluggish from his movements.Ā
āI didnāt,ā you argue faintly, and he looks up, white lashes fluttering as he grins, kissing the tip of your nose as he smiles.Ā
āGuess I didnāt either,ā he whispers teasingly, āGuess weāre both stupid for that.āĀ
You go to fight back, but you let out an embarrassing moan at the way his hands travel across your stomach, pushing your shirt upwards slightly as your back arches upwards to chase the feeling.Ā His hands are large and travel expertly across your body, as if heās mapped out the small things that make you squirm and the things you itch for, as if heās spent the past two years studying you instead of his dusty textbooks, and the thought alone makes you shake with anticipation.Ā
āCanāt believe I waited this long,ā he murmurs against the skin of your stomach, kissing the plain of it as you shake with an uncontrollable giggle, āWhy didnāt you say anything, hm? Did you like tormenting me like this?ā
The question makes you stop.
Suddenly, everything from before comes rushing back.Ā
It seems like it sets off alarm bells in your head, as if you had been functioning through a rose-tinted fog for the past couple of minutes, and suddenly reality hits you becauseā¦you havenāt told him for a reason. The months and months of pining after him werenāt just because you liked torturing yourself, but because of your frankly very real fears of rejection for more reasons than one.Ā
After a second, you huff, hands clenching by your sides as you feel a surge of feelings, deep ones that youāve choked on and tried to hide, and he notices the instant way you tense up, stopping his movements as he glances upwards at you.Ā
āDo you want to stop?ā He asks gently, tugging the hem of your (his) shirt back down to cover your stomach, and you let out a delicate laugh, a pensive look on your face as you chew worriedly on your face.Ā
Sighing, you rub a hand down your face, sitting upright with your back resting on his headboard, and turn to look back at his desk, feeling the weight of his stare more than before as heat licks at your cheeks.Ā
āWhat aboutā¦what about the others?ā
The question rings through the room, bouncing off the walls, and his brows furrow in slight confusion as you still refuse to tear your eyes away from his desk, your hands resting in your lap, and he moves slowly, his large hands encompassing yours, unraveling your fingers, alleviating the tension you didnāt know was building.Ā
āWhat others?ā Satoru asks after a moment, unjudgmentally, tenderly, and caring, patient as you huff out another shaky laugh, shrugging your shoulders as they fall in a heavy drop, your chest rattling with the emotions you had been trying to kill off from the past two years.
You chew on the inside of your cheek, feel his fingers against yours, and your gaze flickers to his before going back to focusing on something to the side.Ā
āThis is gonna sound stupid,ā you preface, but his thumb presses into the palm of your hand, a small sign that he wasnāt going to judge anything that came out of your mouth because he just showed you that he kept the first napkin you had ever given him.Ā
āButā¦ā you drop your head into your hands, your voice muffled as you continue, āI see the girls that come up to you. O-or your ex. Viā¦right?ā You peek up, and his eyes are slightly squinted, nodding slowly, as if he wants you to make your point before he says something, āAnd theyāre just soā¦ugh, I donāt knowā¦perfect? Like, they seem perfect for you. Either theyāre stunning, or theyāre in your major, or theyāre both, or justā¦so different, and I feel like Iāmā¦notā¦that.āĀ
He blinks slowly, piecing this together with the fact that he asked you why you hadnāt spoken up sooner, and his lips tug upwards in a little grin, one that makes you want to roll your eyes if not for the storm brewing inside of you, and he tugs you closer, one of his hands wrapping around your waist as he drops his head onto your chest.Ā
āI think youāve got it backwards,ā he says against you, his voice vibrating off of you, and you feel it shake you to your core, his hand moving up and down the expanse of your back as you hand unconsciously move upwards, back to his soft white locks, āBecause none of those girls could measure up to my perfect girl.ā
You stop, glad he canāt see the large smile on your face as you head falls backwards, thumping against the wood as your chest swells with joy, and when he looks up, his goofy grin could match yours, and you push him away by the cheek, but he just moves, kissing the palm of your hand as you laugh softly.
āYouāre so stupid,ā you repeat, but he knows youāre only masking the giddiness you feel as he nods against your hand, his eyes shimmering and bright as he sits up a little straighter, nearly encompassing you with his body as he leans closer, his nose nudging yours as the two of you smile against each other's lips.Ā
āYouāve got that right,ā he whispers in the small space of air between you, āIām such a fool for you.āĀ
You decide then that you donāt give him any more time to talk or say something else that could turn your insides to mush, so you tug him down by his neck, his lips curling upwards as they press against yours.Ā
He seems like heās experimenting with kissing you, as if he knows youāre learning in real time, and has no qualms taking it slow. He lets you take the lead when you want, lets you dart your tongue out slightly, and opens his mouth to welcome you in. When you get a little shyer, he takes the initiative, hands roaming around your hips, pulling you into his lap as you mewl him again. When he could tell you needed some air, heād pull away, kissing the corners of your lips, your cheeks that he loved so much, the edge of your brows that would pull into the cutest furrows whenever you were confused, and cherished you the way heād been aching for ever since he saw you at that stupid English department banquet.Ā
You chase the feeling of his skin on yours, the way his fingers feel when they trace your features, the way his hands run up your arms, the way his palm cups your jaw. Your hands seem to have a mind of their own, his as well, as they drop down to the drawstring of his trousers, running up the smooth and hard skin of his abs, feeling greedy as you run a finger down his delicious v-line. You feel him shuddering beneath you, and you grin evilly, your mouth water as you untie his pants, your fingers running over the white tufts of hair of his happy trail, and your shuffle around a little bit to help him as he tugs up the hem of his old band shirt that you donned, and you almost let out a whine when they suddenly stop, lashes fluttering open to see what he was going to do next.Ā
His forehead drops onto yours, one of his arms pulling you closer to his chest, the other still cradling your face, and you see the way his face has gone pink, a light hue that you rarely see him in.Ā
āJust so you know, this, em, this isnāt how I wanted things to go.āĀ
You let out a stark laugh, your hands pressing against his as your fingers curl around his hair, tilting your head slightly to the side.Ā
āYeah? How were things supposed to go?ā You ask, trying not to sound too selfishly drunk on him as he shrugs, his lips pressing together as he divulges you in his own fantasies, things heād only think about when it was the two of you together and heād be wanting to confess his undying love for you while youād be rambling on about John Milton or another one of your other favorite authors.
He looks shy, and you want to bite him, watching him gather up some of the courage you had kissed away as he takes one of your hands away from his arms, playing with your fingers as he pushes some of his tousled hair away from his face.
āWell, I was planning on telling you how crazy I am about you after this whole day I had planned out,ā he starts, scratching the back of his neck as he turns a little red, āI had, erm, bought tickets to the museum youāve been wanting to go to,ā he says, his eyes flickering from your face to the side as his head drops, and you nudge it back up as he chuckles, āThe one displaying the original copies of those old books you like so much.āĀ
He swallows, taking a deep breath, and then continues.Ā
āAnd I wanted it to just be us, nobody else. I would have obviously read up on all the authors on exhibit, so I wouldnāt look like a total idiot when, or if, you had come, and Iād spend the entire time sweating and hoping you couldnāt see.ā You giggle, and he squeezes your hand, rubbing his thumb up and down the back of it in a soothing gesture. Your eyes drop, urging him gently to continue because you feel like youāre in a dream, and if he stops, youāre going to wake up from it.Ā
āAfterwards, Iād take you to this restaurant Iāve heard is good,ā he grins boyishly, tongue poking in between his lips, āAnd when we were done, Iād walk you back to your place andā¦tell you that I liked you then.āĀ
You canāt stop smiling, and he canāt stop either.Ā
āJustā¦just that you liked me?ā you tease, humming as he shifts a little, his arms wrapping around your waist, āNot to beā¦selfish, or anything, but I feel like this way was so much more romantic with your little box of trinkets and your rambling.ā He groans, pinching you lightly as you snicker, but he ultimately shakes his head, smoothing over the place he pinched with his soothing touch.
āNo, no,ā he mutters, his face determined, as if he was recounting everything he had planned to say, āIād tell you how much I liked the way you look when you start talking about your day,ā his thumb brushes across your cheek, running across the soft hair of your brows, āAnd how much I like the way you care about everything you do and everybody around you. Iād tell you that I really like it when you tell me about the book you just finished, and how much I admire your kind heart. Iād tell you that Iā¦I like how wonderfully weird you are, and how I wish I could be half as interesting as you are on a regular day. I would have told you how youāre always the first person I look for when I enter a room. Andā¦ā his shoulders rise and drop as he pulls you impossibly closer, āI would have really hoped that Suguru and Shoko were right about this because Iād beā¦a little embarrassed if not.ā
You hum, pretending to think as you twirl his white strands around your pointer finger even though you feel like youāre on fire and you canāt breathe and everything feels like itās burning in the best way possible, try not to freak out because the guy youāve been in love with basically just admitted the most amazing things to you, so you take a steadying breath, your head tilting as you smile.
āAnd what if I didnāt want you to stop?ā You feel heat blossom across your lungs when you hear his breathing hitch, āAfterā¦after youād do all of that?āĀ
He nods, surveying his different options as his blue eyes turn into a slightly different shade, as if they were dependent upon his emotions, and his hands turn a little heavier as they roam across your stomach, up across the skin of your ribcage, and they stop right under your bra.Ā
āHmm, well, I wouldāve have asked you what you wanted to happen next,ā his smile is wicked as his face drops down to your neck, leaving wet kisses until he ends up at your collarbone, right at the neck of your shirt as you nearly whine, feeling his teeth scrape just barely over the soft skin, āWhat is it you want, baby? What else would you want me to do?ā
Your breathing stutters, and you arch your back a little, letting his nimble fingers fiddle with the clasp of your bra, giving you enough time to turn him down, but you donāt; you want, no, need, for him to continue.Ā
āI,ā your breath lodges in your throat when he opens the clasps, helping you tug the straps down until your old ratty bra, the comfortable one that you were sure wouldnāt matter being worn tonight because you never imagined something like this happening, but he doesnāt care, setting it to the side as he wait patiently, menacingly, for you to find your words, āIād probably ask you toā¦to come up.āĀ
He groans lightly, a mix between a guttural moan and a laugh.Ā
āYeah?ā Itās not so much a question, but a confirmation as you nod, shivering when his hands move back upwards, your chest heaving as you feel his nimble and long fingers cup your tits, his fingers running over your nipples as your head falls to his shoulders, āThen what? What would I have done after I came up?āĀ
You go down, you want to say tauntingly, but donāt have the willpower as his thumb flicks over a nipple, and you whine.Ā
āEh, youād, uh, Iād, we, would probably end up onā¦on my bed and Iād probably be wearing something cuter than this,ā you try to say indifferently, and he rolls his eyes because you could be wearing faux feathers glued to the entirety of your body and heād still think you were the most beautiful woman to ever exist, āAnd Iād probably be a little more confident telling you what I,ā you gulp audibly, your cheeks heating up, āWhat I want, seeing that you wouldnāt have just seen me at my virtual lowest hours earlier.ā And he chuckles, and it feels right, feels like this was meant to happen as his hands fall from your breasts, trailing down your stomach as you shuffle a little, moving to lie back on his pillow as he shuffles to, situating his body in between your thighs, waiting for your next command.Ā
Satoruās grin turns soft, like he knows what it is you want, but needs to hear you say it for him to feel okay doing the thing thatās setting him alight. His hand moves, taking yours into his again and intertwining his fingers between yours.
ā⦠what do you want, love?ā His voice is thick, and it settles deep in your bones as your head falls, squeezing his fingers as you sheepishly mutter something, and he barely hears you, nudging you to say it a little louder as you groan in embarrassment, an arm flying over your face as your head falls back, not able to look him in the eyes as you timidly whisper;
āFor you, likeā¦to do stuff,ā you murmur so quietly you think that your lips barely even moved, āToā¦to eat me out orā¦.or whatever.āĀ
When he says nothing for a moment, you peek between your fingers and see his cheeks flushed, a shit-eating grin on his face as he sets his chin down on your stomach, his glasses crooked as his brow arched. He moves, gingerly tugs your arm away from your face, and sits down by your side as he presses a chaste kiss to your stomach.Ā
āYeahā¦.yeah, I think I can āeat you out or whateverā,ā he says, and you groan ever louder, flicking his forehead as he chuckles, taking your words as the sign to go, go, go, his fingers moving excruciatingly slow as they start to tug the waistband of your pants and boxers (his, again), down, looking up at you for a little assistance, and you lift your hips, allowing him to slide them down fully.Ā
You blink, relaxing that youāre completely bare right now, but he doesn't give you any time to be self-conscious as his pupils seem to blow up with lust, hungrily eating up the way your pussy is glistening with want and need, his cheeks a fiery red as his chest moves in a large exhale, like the air had been knocked from him.Ā
His hand raises upwards to take his glasses off, but you make a sudden movement, as if your body was functioning on autopilot, when your hands wrap around his wrist, stopping him from doing anything else.Ā
āDonāt,ā your voice is barely above a whisper, āK-keep them on.āĀ
His white lashes flutter slightly, and he gives you one of his boyish smiles that you love so much, his teeth shining as he presses his lips to the inside of your wrist, nodding slowly as he pushes his glasses back on.Ā
āIf I knew that waiting so long for you to tell me that you liked my glasses would have been when Iām about to do this, I think I could have waited another couple of years more.ā He says honestly, dropping himself down between your thighs, and your eyes flutter shut, head falling back on the pillow as you feel his warm hands slowly move up and up and up, parting you ever so slightly so he could situate himself better between them.Ā
Your mouth parts when you feel his fingers move on the outside of your lips, collecting the slick, and you hold back a wanton moan, your hands flying up to his hair, tugging him closer. You watch as he pushes his glasses up by using his shoulder to move the frames up, and when his lips suddenly latch onto your clit you actually think youāve gone insane.
His tongue darts out, moaning like a whore when he finally gets to taste your saccharine taste, his eyes rolling back as he parts your lips, the sound greedy as he moves a thumb to circle your clit, moving down to run his tongue selfishly up and down your pussy for his own pleasure, needing to feel you or else he was going to go mad.Ā
āYou taste,ā his voice is muffled as he pants against your cunt, using a finger to move up and down the slit, āYou taste sweet,ā he said it like he was startled, like he had spent hours and hours studying female anatomy and how to pleasure a girl and what to do, but never could have expected this unexpected turn, to taste you and realize that you were sweeter and more delicious than any candy heās ever eaten before, āWhy do you taste soā¦so sweet?āĀ
You would laugh if you werenāt so turned on, saying some jumbled-up words as he ducks down again, your fingers digging into his scalp as his thumb goes a little faster on your swollen nub, his long pointer finger rubbing at the outside of your pussy, getting ready to push it in.Ā
When he finally does, your walls instantly clamp down on it, and you moan, not expecting the stretch, and he gives you some time to adjust. Itās not like youāre a prude, youāve at least attempted this before, but your fingers arenāt like Gojo Satoruās, and you feel like you could come just from this.Ā
āFeeling good, baby?ā He questions, and you hurriedly nod, hearing him chuckle.
āYeah,ā you stutter out, your teeth clenched as you feel his finger start to move out, and then your mouth falls open as he starts to slowly pump it in and out of you, a mind-bending pace that has you clenching around him, āFeels good.āĀ
He nods, taking it as confirmation to keep going, and he switches between a finger and his tongue, darting them inside of you. He keeps his pressure on your clit, and you grow impossibly wetter when he leans down to lay a cute little kiss on it, his glasses slowly fogging up.
Gojo Satoru eats you out like youāre his last meal, like heās been living like Tantalus for his twenty years alive, and finally, the fruit tree doesnāt move from his grasp, and heās able to divulge like the greedy and sinful man he always has been.
Sometimes the hand thatās occupying your clit moves upwards, pulling his old shirt up and over the expanse of your torso to see your supple skin shake beneath his large palms, and he cups your tits, groaning like a slut when he feels your nipples pebble, and he pinches them between his pointer finger and thumb, twisting a little to feel you squeal, and he grins, softening his touch as he smooths it over, moving back down to your nub as if nothing happened.Ā
You watch from hooded eyes, watch the way his eyes close, like heās savoring your taste. You see the way he slowly ruts into the mattress, like he was getting off to this, and the thought itself makes you gush even more.Ā
When heās satisfied that youāve adjusted to his one finger, he decides to slip another one in, and the size alone makes you whine, the stretch something that causes tears to dart in the corner of your eyes in delicious pain.Ā
āHmm,ā you moan, one of your hands fisting the sheets, the other tangled in his white hair as you guide him up and down, and you can swear you feel him smiling against you, as if your reactions were a symphony to his ears, āItās not like I really have a metric butā¦youāre good at this.āĀ
Satoru chuckles, looking up at you, and the sight knocks the air out of your lungs. His cheeks are flushed, wet in the dim lighting of the room, his glasses crooked, and his hair a mess, but he looks positively radiant as his smile flashes bright.Ā
āI hope I am,ā his voice is lower than youāve ever heard it, and it vibrates against your pussy, āIāve been studying.ā
Despite feeling lightheaded, his statement chased you to come to your senses a bit, sitting up on your elbows as you looked at him through furrowed brows.Ā
āStudying?ā You parrot, and he nods eagerly, his thumb putting pressure on your sensitive and swollen clit as your mouth falls open in a silent moan, barely able to keep your eyes open as he explains.Ā
āMhm,ā he hums, his nose, the beautiful nose that you want to kiss all over, rubs expertly on the hood of your clit as he presses chaste, sloppy kisses to your cunt, āI read all these posts and books and papers about what the best way to eat a girl out,ā his voice is hoarse, licking up and down your syrupy inner walls, his two fingers never stopping their relentless pace as something deep in your stomach begins to build up, āBrushed up on someā¦.anatomy and the sorts.ā
You let out a breathless laugh.Ā
Because of course he had.Ā
āYou,ā your mouth clamps shut when he hits the spongy part deep inside of you that makes your toes curl, your lashes fluttering against your hot cheeks, and you canāt talk correctly but make the attempt to, barely above a whisper as you mutter, āY-youāre insane.āĀ
He rolls his eyes, but doesnāt deny it as his thumb swirls in figure eight patterns on your clit, his pointer and middle fingers curling upwards, and you canāt really find it in yourself to chide him when heās making you feel heavenly.Ā
You feel like youāre unraveling at his skillful hands, and it definitely doesnāt help that whenever you have the guts to open your eyes youāre met with the view of Satoru loosing himself in your cunt, as with each second that passed, he was going just as crazy as you were, and it felt like that familiar feeling of an orgasm building, but unlike anything youāve ever felt before.
Itās almost like he knows, because he seems to go faster, switching between licking and his fingers, and your grip on him tightens, and he moans, welcoming the sting.
āCome on,ā he presses, urging, needing you to finish around him, to taste your relief on his tongue, āCome on, baby, I know you wanna come.ā
You nod, sweat dotting your forehead, your chest heaving up and down with labored breaths, that knot inside of you tightening as your thighs clamp down around his head, your walls pulsing around his fingers.
It gradually builds, but that feeling suddenly snaps, and you jolt, your back arching, moving into him, his fingers never stopping, his thumb and lips on your clit, suctioning in a perfect way that sends you over the edge. You clench tightly around him, creaming, spasming as you gush, your eyes rolling back in your head as you let out the quietest but sweetest moan, and when you feel your orgasms slow to a dull pulse, you fall back onto his mattress, limp as he doesnāt stop instantly.Ā
Instead, he lets his fingers slow down carefully, as if youād get immediate withdrawal from the feeling of having him inside of you. He kisses your clit once, then twice, and pulls away, connected by a string of spit, slick and your cum, and when you finally have the energy to wring your eyes open, the sight of him wrecked form eating you out makes you even more wet.
You take a few moments to catch your breath, your chest heaving up and down, your hand falling away from his soft locks as it sprawls across your stomach, and you stare helplessly at the ceiling.Ā
Blinking owlishly, you awkwardly scootch upwards until youāre resting on the back of the headboard, and you watch as he brings his fingers up to his mouth, grinning coyly as he moans at the taste of you, and if you could, youād pinch him, but you just weakly push him with your foot, looking away abashedly.Ā
āNasty,ā you whisper hoarsely, your voice gone, and he coos, crawling towards you, bringing his face towards yours as he nudges his nose with yours, and youāre weak, giving in as he hungrily presses his wet lips to yours.Ā
You can taste yourself on him, and you mewl, feeling his tongue in your mouth, licking inside of you, wanting you to enjoy what he just enjoyed, and your shaking hands grip around his neck. He pulls away a little bit, biting your bottom lip before kissing it, and he rubs a loving thumb across your cheek, his eyes turning gentle as he peers at you through those ocean eyes through those stunning glasses you adore so much.
You donāt trust your voice, so instead you let your hands unravel from his nape, moving upwards towards the expensive frames, straightening them on his nose, making sure they rest correctly on his pink ears, and he watches silently, reverently, as you push him back gently by the chin, making sure that they looked right on the bridge of his nose.
āHmm, looks better,ā you whisper affectionately, kissing the tip of his nose like youāve always wanted, and that seems to push him over the edge, quickly wrapping his arms around your midsection as he pulls you closer to him, falling back on the bed as he tugs you into his chest, his head resting in the crook of your neck.Ā
At that moment, you feel it, and your eyes blink rapidly from their hazy state as his hard-on pressed against your thigh.
āHey,ā you murmur, poking his side, but he doesnāt seem like budging, his overwhelming heat and size covering you, his thick arms not moving from caging you to him, and you canāt even wrangle free, āāToru, what about you?āĀ
He doesnāt even lift his head, just hums against the skin of your neck, his lips busy leaving hickeys all over it, ones youāre going to deeply regret in the morning but canāt seem to care right now except for the boner youāre sure is deeply uncomfortable.Ā
āWhat about me?ā He dreamily replies, his voice barely audible, and you roll your eyes. From this angle, you can see the way his shirt is riding up, his abs on display, the veins leading downward prominent, and his trail of white hair is calling your name.Ā
You wedge your hand in between your bodies as you press against his cock, the movement causing him to yelp and shudder, whimpering against you as you snicker, sure that now heās going to give you some more undivided attention.
He sits up a little bit, resting his head on his fist, his elbow on his pillow as he peers down at you, his brow slightly cocked, not looking impressed with being tormented like this after treating you so kindly by giving you the best orgasm of your life.
āNot nice,ā he reprimands warmly, poking your side as you yelp, his finger much more sturdy than yours, āYouāre not really supposed to grab dicks like that, yāknow?ā
Your cheeks heat at his choice words, and you shrug, feigning innocence as you bring his hand to yours, admiring the large size a syou play with his fingers, feeling more touchy than usual, and youāre ever so glad that he lets you.
āIām just saying,ā you mumble, flashing him a look that sends a nonexistent punch to his gut, the blood rushing south because you look ethereal like this, āDonāt you want me toā¦return to favor? Tit for tat?āĀ
He chuckles, his thumb moving across your eyebrow, soothing the furrow as it moves down to rub against your cheek.Ā
āWe can do tat later,ā he uses your terminology and you giggle, your lips pulling into a bright smile because youāre sitting in a post-orgasm afterglow with your crush, and that stupid theorem you had stressed over doesnāt even matter anymore because the impossible outcome is happening right now and you donāt bother with looking normal because youāre feeling anything but, āI still have a date I need to take you out on.āĀ
You try not to gush like an idiot, your head falling into his sturdy chest, and his hand moves up and down your back, tracing stars and circles and hearts and writing his name, as if he wanted everyone to see the invisible ink thatās bleeding from his fingertips into you.
His finger hooks around your jaw, tilting your head upwards so he can see you better.Ā
āYou wanna date me?ā You ask breathlessly with dizzingly joy, the question holding no weight because the two of you already know the answer, but he indulges you, his head falling to yours, forehead against yours, glasses sitting perfectly on his perfect face thatās pressing against your perfect one.Ā
āI want to be yours,ā he murmurs, vulnerability thick in his voice as your lashes flutter, āSo, yeah, I want to date you.āĀ
You giggle again, and you lift your head a little to slot your lips against his plush ones.Ā
āI want to be yours too, Satoru,ā you say, and he groans, his eyes rolling back like those were the only words heās been dying to hear, and he lets out a victorious laugh, something happy and sickeningly sweet because the girl heās been in love with for the past two years just so happens to love him back.Ā
Ė ą£Ŗą«®ā š.ššš šššš & š.šššš šššš š ā are twins you're fucking. . . but you think they're both the same person.
⤿ ź° you get caught between the campus' valedictorian and hearthrob, completely unaware that they're actually twins and not just one annoying person :: college au :: smut :: named twin :: m.masturbation :: f.oral :: overstimulation :: dumbification :: marking :: creampie :: panty stealing :: jealousy/possessiveness ź±
Ė ą£Ŗź° NERDJO ź± ĖĖ is the guy you wanna be. gojo satoru is the top of all his classes. pretty boy valedictorian. yeah he's a little awkward and emotionally inept but that big of a brain has to come with some kinda catch no? he's quiet, cold, and observant. the one you don't notice at the back of the classā but ever ready to throw a sharp tongued comment. he's not very expressive about his more popular twin. in fact, he doesn't talk about him at all. silent and seething in his shadow.
Ė ą£Ŗź° BIKERJO ź± ĖĖ is the guy you wanna be with. gojo satoshi is the campus heartthrob. all smooth talk and bedroom eyes. walking like the world owed him something and grinning like it already gave it to him. yeah, he's a bit of a player. a fuckboy by nature but heyā the girls fawn for a reason, don't they? he'll ditch class for a ride round town. pick up another pretty thing with an engine rev and flip of his visor. he's a lot more vocal about his twin. teasing and belittling whenever he's nearby. but god knows he'll never seek him out willingly. he can't stand the smart talks and sharp eyes.
Ė ą£Ŗź° BIKERJO ź± ĖĖ knew he wanted you the second he saw you trotting outside campus. he was parked. occupied with his phone. but the second you passed by? he glanced up. and oh. he's never seen a girl so pretty. of course he did what he always didā threw some charming flirt. revved his bike. flipped his visor with a smooth, āhaven't seen you around. you new here, pretty girl? need a tour?ā
but when you just glared at him? huffed and gripped your bag tighter? something in his heart fluttered. he just had to chase after you.
ābad mood, sweetheart? lemme cheer you up. take you out sometime. get to know you better.ā he crooned. absolutely not getting the hint until you spun around and jabbed a manicured nail to his chest.
ādo me a favour and take a hike, won't you?ā
and that, was the first day satoshi had ever been rejected. and he fucking loved it.
Ė ą£Ŗź° NERDJO ź± ĖĖ met you in class the day after. you recognised him, of course. the white hair, those killer blue eyes. seemed he had glasses now. you glowered as you realised the only seat left was next to him. the jerk who couldn't take a hint yesterday. you sat yourself down. took out your books. focused on the lecture. relocating campuses after a semester wasn't the most ideal and you had tons of work to catch up on.
so of course you were even more frustrated when a tap on your shoulder interrupted you mid class.
āhey, do you have a spare pen?ā
you snapped your gaze towards him. eyes narrowed. yesterday's irritation bubbling at the seams. āare you dumb or just stupid?ā
you watched his eyes widened behind specs before he returned your glare with a hissed, āthe fuck's your problem?ā
āyou are. now for the last timeā leave me alone.ā
and that's, how you made an enemy. completely, blissfully unaware that the man you were actually mad at was satoru's twin.
but for entire semester, you wouldn't know they were two separate people.
Ė ą£Ŗź° BIKERJO ź± ĖĖ would try his luck. you and him were in a thursday and friday class, and he'd use his every waking opportunity to grab your attention. flirts, charms, everything infuriating in between. he caught you in town once, rushing to get to campus and of course, offered you a ride.
āc'mon babydoll. is being late to class really better than takin' a ride with me?ā he'd grin.
you'd flip him off. hiss another rejection. you knew about guys like him. you saw him in the hallways. loud, boisterous, flirting with any pair of pretty eyes that looked his way.
it confused you though. why'd he only flirt with you on thursdays and fridays? also where were his glasses?
Ė ą£Ŗź° NERDJO ź± ĖĖ would go on to be your enemy of the semester. ever since your altercation in class, he's made it his personal life goal to hate you with his entire being. unfortunately for him, you were also smart. but a bit too confident for your own good, it seemed. did you really think you could compete with him? and so began the most fiery academic rivalry in history.
you'd be neck in neck. fighting for first place as professor's pet and battling it out on the grade scoreboards.
he'd get an assignment back with a stellar 99%, only to look over at your measly 94%. he'd grin, like an asshole. āmust be hard being such a loser, huh?ā
only to crumple his next assignment into tight fists when you managed to get just one percentage higher than him.
he'd exchange banter with you. debate you in class. call you a brat when you tried to prove him wrong and challenge him.
you were brilliant and unfortunately, beautiful. satoru didn't know what was happening to him. it slowly became something that wasn't just academics. and that terrified him.
as for you? you were in the same boat. the last thing you wanted was to fall in love with this asshole. but you had to admit, he looked cuter when he decided to wear his glasses and tone down the fuckboy act every monday and tuesday.
why'd he switch so drastically through the week? what a weirdo.
Ė ą£Ŗź° BIKERJO ź± ĖĖ listened to his brother rant about the irritating girl that was his astrophysics desk partner. about how she was so unnecessarily rude and even more audacious. satoshi couldn't help but grin. was satoru, his loser of a brother, actually finding love? and when he found out that the girl in question was you? he couldn't blame him. he's been trying for months to get your number, let alone get up your skirt. he dubbed it as competitiveness. he's never had a girl reject him and thusā it's made him a little obsessed. he couldn't stop thinking about you. in bed, in the shower, hell, seeing you walk around campus and not even look at him was torture.
Ė ą£Ŗź° NERDJO ź± ĖĖ hated himself for the way he turned out. he's not sure how it happened. just one day after a heated debate with you, he'd stormed off back to his dorm. collapsed in his desk. shoved his glasses into his hair. and soon, angry scribbling in his notes became desperate jerks of his hand as he fucked his fist. to the thought of you. that grating voice, that beautifully sharp mind. everything. he hated himself. hated that he was thinking about this. he wasn't satoshi. he didn't want girls like thisā he sure as hell didn't fuck his fist this needy to one either. and yet when he spurted all over his hand, panting hard and whispering your name, it felt oddly right. it scared him.
Ė ą£Ŗź° BIKERJO ź± ĖĖ dragged satoru out at the end of semester to a party. told himself he was being a good brother. might as well try to get along, right? but satoru was so boring. he didn't drink, didn't chat, just sat in some corner with his headset on and scrolled through his phone. and satoshi? he was all over the place. bouncing and bubbling, bumping and grinding. a red solo cup in his hand. keeping as far as fucking away from his twin as possible. fuck. why'd he even bring him here?
his irritation washed away the second he saw you, however. dolled up, dangerous, looking like both sin and sugar. he left behind his friends, ignored whatever girl tried to come his way.
he found you at the drinks table. propped his forearm on it and grinned at your little glare.
āthis isn't really your scene, babydoll. tagged along with someone?ā
āa few friends.ā
āwow. so she can be polite.ā
you rolled your eyes and noticed he wasn't wearing his glasses. seemed that the fuckboy persona was on for the night. you bit back your questions and swirled your drink in your cup.
āyou never give up, do you?ā you mulled.
his head took a charming curve as he sipped his drink.
ānot when I want something, no.ā those blue eyes raked down your frame. tracing every curve. familiarising every inch.
he dared to lean closer. white lashes batting as his grin sets into a stunning smile.
āespecially when that something is as a pretty as you.ā
your heart fluttered. you shouldn't have talked to him. shouldn't have kept talking to him.
you're not sure how it happened. maybe finally accepting his flirts. maybe after months of touching yourself to the academic rivalry. this heated push and pull between the both of you.
you should have known better, butā you did it. you let satoshi take you to his dorm.
Ė ą£Ŗź° BIKERJO ź± ĖĖ has been around the block. his touch dripped with experience. he unclasped your bra with ease. barely missed a beat in kisses. large hands roaming your sweet body he's been dreaming about since the start of semester. not an inch of hesitance in his fingertips as he slipped under your dress and dragged your damp panties down. āsuch a pretty girl,ā he crooned to your ear. how many girls had he said that to? how many did he mean it?
he's been after you for months. chasing, wantingā yearning. satoshi never yearned. he got everything he ever wanted in life.
maybe that's why he loved having to work for you. for your smooth body on his bed, opened up and so soaked for him. maybe that's why he actually took his time. mouthing on your skin. burying his face in your cunt.
he only ever ate women out as a way to get them ready. courtesy, if anything. but now? fuck, he's never actually feasted on a girl. with his hands, calloused from endless hours on his bike, dragging your thighs over. trapping you. mouth messily moving on your slit. slurping, sucking, shaking his head and nudging his nose into your clit.
he fucked you on his tongue. made you cum on it more than any girl ever has. and as you gripped his hair and whined for him? not some prissy comment or attitude? he almost came in his pants.
Ė ą£Ŗź° BIKERJO ź± ĖĖ couldn't even care less if you didn't suck him off. he didn't even want you to. he needed to be inside of you. needed to hold you down and fuck you into his sheets. make the girl who was so unattainable finally his.
the second he was buried to the hilt inside your welcoming pussyā he couldn't breathe. you were hot, tight, suffocating him with your dripping slick and clenching cunt. he's had many girls in this position before. but no one looked up at him with those eyes. no one sounded this sweet. made him lose his fucking mind.
satoshi wasn't gentle. he couldn't be. the second his tip smooched your cervix, his hands clamped on your waist as his hips started snapping. hard, controlled. an experienced rhythm that stuffed all his inches deep into your gooey heat and meshed your clit with his pelvis.
āfuuckk, babydoll,ā he groaned from the back of his throat. hunching over you. one hand gripped your hip while the other slipped around to cup the back of your head.
he was losing himself. losing his fucking mind. the bed creaked. headboard tapped. but your pretty moans were all he was focused on. your sweet whimpers and little whines as he alternated rhythms. rolled his hips. went from grinding to humping to thrusting, until your toes curled and your back lurched off of the bed.
pretty nails down his back. teary doll eyes on him as your slick dripped down his balls and splattered all over his thighs with each firm thrust.
your lips parted. eyes glossed. he saw it. cradled your head close and slipped a thumb to your clit. he knew what it meant. saw his name on your tongue.
a groan built on his. thrusts surging into wet, rushed slaps pounding against your ass.
āsay it for me baby. c'mon, say my name.ā
ās-satā satoā. . .ā your eyes fluttered. head thrown back. loud and needy, your moan broke into the air.
āsatoru!ā
and broke satoshi's mind.
you didn't know any better. they're both reffered to as āgojoā in class and you've only heard one other person refer to one of them as āsatoruā. you thought that was his name. thought they were one person.
Ė ą£Ŗź° BIKERJO ź± ĖĖ frozen. stiffened mid thrust as the last syllables stung his ear. satoru. satoru. his twin brother? did you really just fucking call for his twin while he's balls deep inside of you. making your cunt cream and cry for him. making youā wait.
didn't satoru say you were rude to him for no reason at all?
satoshi's mind worked fast. piecing the puzzle and timeline together. you confused satoru for him back then. he didn't know whether to be amused or angry.
amused because, how in the hell did you think they were the same person?
angry because, he's the one who's been working his ass off for you attentionā and it's his brother's name that you call instead?
either way, he grinned. halfway a threat and a taunt. āoh?ā he crooned, bucking his hips hard into yours so that his fully seathed cock dragged on all of your sweet spots.
he leaned over you. white hair dusting over icy blues. your jaw trapped in his strong hand.
āyou want toru baby? want me to go get him for you?ā
your confused look almost had him cackling. before he slammed! into you again. hands bundling your thighs. grin turned sharp. he yanked you down to choke your cunt on his cock and jerked forward. pounding you into the mattress and snapping the headboard into the wall as your moans pitched into cries.
āsatoā!ā
he gripped your jaw tight. shoved two fingers on your tongue before you said his name again and made satoshi fuck you until you were a limp cumdump.
āsatoshi.ā he corrected with a pointed sneer. his rabid pace not once letting up. frustration pulsed into every vein of his ramming cock.
āsatoshi. satoshi.ā he grit, punctuating each repeat of his name with a rough thrust.
āsatoshi's the one fucking you. not satoru. satoru's my fuckin' twin. I'm the one fucking this pretty cunt stupid. I'm the one you should be calling for.ā
Ė ą£Ŗź° BIKERJO ź± ĖĖ didn't give you time to process the fact that you'd thought he and his brother were one person. egged on from the frustration of wanting someone more than he's ever wanted anyoneā only to have them moan out his twin's nameā spurred his mind feral.
he pounded you into his sheets. pummeling your poor pussy until you squirted all over him. again, and again, and againā until you were saying his name. whining his name. sobbing his name.
he's not sure how many rounds he fucked you through. three? four? he pushed and pulled you into whatever position he could think of. threw your legs over his shoulders and fucked you until your eyes crossed. shoved you onto your stomach and pounded against your ass until your drool stained his pillow.
he couldn't care about finally having you anymore. if you wanted to act dumbā he'd fuck you stupid. fuck his silly girl who couldn't tell the obvious difference between him and his brother who actively despises him.
he made sure it was his name you knew. made sure you knew it was him inside of you. his cock making you cum. his hands holding you through it. and for extra measure? he sucked his name in hickeys on your collarbone.
TOSHI in blushing bruises.
he made sure to cum inside. creampie you nice and full until it was dripping. then snatched your panties and wiped the mess clean with them. he stashed them away for later.
Ė ą£Ŗź° BIKERJO ź± ĖĖ stirred the next morning to you shuffling out of his arms. he tried to pull you in, kiss your head, but you were up and frantic. he cracked an eye open, watching as you shuffled out of bed and searched for your clothes. you looked almost panicked. he couldn't help but grin at the sight of your nude body prancing around his room, littered in all the marks he'd given you.
he propped his head onto one of his hands, brow arched and grin audacious. āsomething wrong, babydoll?ā
oh, there's that glare he loved. only now you looked utterly embarrassed. flushed face and glossy eyes as you clumsily pulled on your clothes.
āshut up.ā you mumbled, but made the mistake of looking in the mirror. you saw it. hickies spelling out his name. the night crashed back into you.
right. you thought the twins were one fucking person.
satoshi could only grin. tilting his head and pouting. as if he felt sorry for you.
āawww baby, embarrassed? 's okay. it was cute.ā he sat up, raking his eyes that grew progressively darker down your wrecked frame.
ājust a reminder. that it wasn't toru fucking that sweet cunt. toshi bruised those pretty thighs up, kay?ā
he snickered as you tossed a pillow at him. still called you babydoll as you called him creep.
Ė ą£Ŗź° NERDJO ź± ĖĖ texted his brother the same day.
āthe fuck did you dip to? could have told me.ā
he nearly broke his phone at the reply.
āsorry. your little rival was all over me. had to take care of her.ā
satoru stared at his phone. telling himself it was fine. that he shouldn't be mad. he didn't feel a fucking thing for youā why should he care?
maybe because satoshi always got the girls.
maybe because he hated him.
he shoved his phone into his pocket. got up and went to class. you weren't looking at him. guilt riddled in your stare that remained forward.
fucking. great. of course you were just like every other girl on this campus.
he was in a mood all day. avoided his brother like he always did and kept to himself. all he wanted was to get to his dorm, kick off his shoes, study, maybe read some manga, play on his switch.
so imagine his surprise when he found a crumpled pair of cum-filled panties strewn over his bed and heard the familiar engine rev from outside his window?
it didn't take a genius to know whose those were.
his hands trembled. glasses fogged and slipped down his nose. red swarmed his vision.
satoru didn't quite know how to throw a punch, but he's never wanted to break his brother's jaw more.
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"An In-Depth Study on Why This Shouldnāt Have Happened but Did Anyway"
synopsis: You werenāt looking for distractions ā especially not in the form of a tall, brilliant, and hopelessly awkward new TA. But between chance coffee encounters, lab gossip gone wrong, and a wink that should be illegal in an academic setting, avoiding him becomes statistically impossible.
word count: 4.6K+
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader (AU!PhD students)
warnings: just pure fluff to be honest, as a huge fan of the Ali Hazelwood style i just had to put my man in this setting, 1st person POV, some basic biology shit but please pretend i'm a smartass like my characters, mentions of some good books (so if you want, get the recs), i might do a part 2 focused on how they work it out.
It started like most mediocre Tuesdays in grad school do: with a too-hot coffee in a paper cup that burned my fingers through the cardboard sleeve, a half-hearted attempt to look like Iād slept more than four hours, and Mia ā my best friend, lab partner in chaos, and part-time stand-up comedian ā whispering an unfiltered review of our professorās tie collection in the middle of our Molecular Biology class, which should be my favourite class having my research in mind but with this old grumpy ass professor itās impossible to love it as much as I should.
"That man owns a mirror," she muttered under her breath as Professor Lewis adjusted a bright green tie patterned with DNA helices. "He just chooses to ignore it. Constantly."
Normally, our TA, Daniel, was the one delivering the boring-but-necessary announcements ā upcoming quizzes, grading rubrics, occasional doodles of Punnett squares that could win awards for Worst Artistic Attempt ā but today he was absent. I didnāt think much of it.
Until he walked in.
Tall. Slim. Messy hair that looked halfway between āI styled thisā and āa strong gust of wind got me on the way here.ā Glasses a little too big for his face, the kind you only see in library stock photos or on adorably awkward characters in movies who somehow end up being the most charming person on screen.
And then ā the voice. Soft and low, careful, like he was measuring each word before letting it exist in the air, picking them up from a mental shelf and weighing it before letting it out.
"Hi, Iām Dr. Spencer Reid. Iāll be covering for Daniel today."
The āDr.ā threw me off. He didnāt look like any of the professors I knew ā not a trace of the smug āIāve been doing this for twenty yearsā demeanour. No, he didnāt look much older than me. Maybe a couple of years? But there was a slightly dishevelled genius aura that screamed both āI know the square root of pi to ten decimalsā and āI might forget my own lunch on the kitchen counter.ā
I leaned toward Mia without taking my eyes off him. "Heās⦠kind of cute. Like⦠nerdy cute. Like⦠hot?"
Mia followed my gaze and arched an eyebrow. "Cute? He looks like the human embodiment of a pocket protector."
"Shut up," I whispered, grinning. "Heās got⦠something. The awkward academic thing. Itās hot."
"Hot?" she mouthed back, still incredulous at the idea, suppressing a laugh.
I ignored her. Dr. Reid ā Spencer, apparently, according to the name on the syllabus ā didnāt talk much beyond what was necessary. He moved through the lesson with efficiency, asking a few questions here and there, offering a faint, crooked smile whenever someone got an answer right. He never called on me. I wasnāt sure if I was disappointed or relieved, since at every answer offered, he would complement with specific details no one in their right minds would be capable of remembering.
By the end of the hour, all I knew was: 1) he was definitely smarter than everyone in the room combined, 2) Professor Lewis is definitely a bigger fan of Dr. Reid (or Spencer, that suits him a lot) than Daniel, our official TA, since he lets the cute boy basically teach the whole class for him, and 3) I had a very inconvenient crush on someone who might not even remember my face by next week.
The door chimed, and in walked Dr. Spencer Reid, wearing the same style of sweater heād worn in class, this one a soft beige that made him look even more like a cosy academic fever dream.
He wore a soft beige sweater layered over a button-down shirt, the cuffs rolled just enough to reveal his wrists. His hair was a little messier than I remembered, like heād either been caught in the wind (again) or forgotten to check a mirror that morning.
I stared for exactly two seconds before snapping my gaze back to my book, heart doing a weird, jittery thing.
He ordered a coffee ā black, no sugar ā and then scanned the room. I thought I was safe. Until his gaze landed right on me, I felt the weight of his eyes and thought he would walk over, but he sat some meters away from my secluded table. I try to hold in my giggles when I canāt help but notice the absurd amount of sugar packages he puts in his cup.
I try to go back to my book but fail. It was my third time reading pass those underlined passages anyway, I just grabbed whatever was in the mess of my bag to not stay in my phone while eating and drinking in this overpriced place. I take the last sip out of my coffee almost as liquid courage and walk over to him.Ā
"Thatās⦠Fowles, right? The Collector?" My voice was just as careful as I remembered his to be, each word deliberate.
He blinked at me, caught off guard. "Youāve read it?"
"Twice," I say without hesitation. "Itās unsettling. Brilliant, but unsettling."
The next twenty minutes disappeared in a blur. We debated the morality of the ending, whether Mirandaās fate was inevitable, and the psychology behind Frederickās behaviour. He had this way of dropping small, fascinating facts ā like how Fowles had worked as a teacher in Greece and drawn inspiration from his time there ā that made me lean forward without realizing it.
He was funny in this understated, blink-and-youāll-miss-it way, and every time he pushed his glasses up his nose, I felt this weird swoop in my stomach. And then it was over. He checked his watch, murmured a polite āSee you around,ā and left, taking with him the faint smell of coffee, cedar and the cosy feeling of a leather hardcover of a book.
Shit, I didnāt even get his number.
ā¢
By December, the campus was practically a ghost town. Finals were over, most students had fled for the holidays, and only the most dedicated (or masochistic) grad students were still haunting the labs.
That being said, Mia and I were sitting in the ground of the empty hallway outside my lab, containers of definitely not healthy food balanced on our knees. Gossiping under the echo of fluorescent lights that hums in between the few opened labs and the hypnotizing white walls that somehow donāt make us sick just from looking at it.
"So," Mia began, sipping her iced coffee like she was immune to the weather, "howās it going with the weird guy you found unbelievably hot? You stalked him after he left our class or something?"
I groaned. "Oh my God, Spencer? I thought about itā I chuckle, āBut thankfully, the universe worked in my favour and Iāve got to see him once after class. Coffee shop. We talked about some books. It was⦠disgustingly cute.ā
āDid he stared straight at you? For how many seconds?ā With the clear confusion in my face, my dear friend offers an answer, āYāknow researches say that a man needs just 8.2 seconds to āfall in loveā with a woman, if he stared directly at you for longer than that he might like you back.ā
āOr, that he was just paying attention to what I was talking about? Heās⦠ugh, the way he talks, like heās shy but then suddenly drops a random fact that makes me want to let him rail me right in that goddamn public desk." I giggle like a mischievous kid.Ā
Mia grinned. "Exhibitionist much?"
"I would do it if it wasnāt so fucking unhygienic." I deadpanned. "That man says the word mitosis and I would even let him hit it from the backā"
I freeze, feeling some movement behind me and definitely something caught Miaās eye since she immediately covers her mouth.
Out of the open door of the genetics lab across the hall stepped the tall, sweater-wearing, glasses somehow balanced on his messy hair, very-much-in-the-flesh:Ā
Spencer Reid, holding a damn clipboard.
He glanced at us, expression perfectly neutral except for the tiniest quirk at the corner of his mouth.
"Do you guys mind keeping it a little bit more quiet?" His voice was polite, measured⦠and then he winked.
And walked back to his lab.
Mia nearly dropped her coffee, wheezing with laughter, and I just sat there, staring at the now-empty hallway, wondering if it was possible to transfer labs purely to save face.
We immediately set off running and giggling to the outside of the building, just like teenagers that were dared to do some stupid shit. The thermal shock hit my blushing cheeks first than anything, making us regret the decision on this freezing cold weather and run back inside, hitting our backs on the cushions by the reception.
āOh my god Iām gonna kill myself!ā There were 10 solid seconds of silence. Then she made the sound of a kettle boiling over.
āOh. My. God.ā
I stared at the now-empty hallways, my brain doing a speed-run of the last sixty seconds, replaying each word in hi-def horror. āHe heard.ā
āHe definitely heard,ā Mia confirmed, grinning like sheād just been handed front-row tickets to my public humiliation. āDo you guys mind keeping it a little bit more quiet? Wink? Oh, thatās iconic. Thatās going on your tombstone!ā
āIām never coming back here again,ā I muttered, shoving my lab coat closed like I was sealing away my shame.
She leaned in, wide-eyed with faux sympathy. āWhat exactly is the part youāre freaking out about? The mitosis comment? Or the things I canāt exactly say in an academic building part?ā
I dropped my head into my hands. āBoth. All of it. Every fucking vibrating molecule of sound that left my mouth today.ā
Mia was enjoying this far too much. āWell, on the plus side, now he knows you think heās hot. Saves time.ā
I groaned so loudly it echoed off the linoleum. āNo. No, this is the opposite of saving time. This is a one-way ticket to me avoiding him until I get this damn degree and finish my research. How can he be everywhere?!ā
She sips at her water bottle, unfazed. āOr⦠hear me out⦠you could use this. This is the perfect meet-cute energy. You said something mortifying, he overheard, he winked ā now all you have to do is run into him in a slightly less embarrassing setting, and bam, fuck, go to Vegas babygirl.ā
āHe is from Vegas, Mia.ā I chuckle quickly before giving her a flat look. āAnd thatās not how real life works. Thatās how Netflix originals work.ā
Mia shrugged. āSame thing, if you commit to the bit.ā
The problem was, I was already committing ā but not in the way she meant. My brain had already decided that from now on, every hallway, stairwell, and a lift in this building was a potential Spencer Reid ambush zone.
I tried to focus on my actual work that afternoon, but it was hopeless. Every time I picked up a pipette, I saw his face. Every time I labelled a sample, I thought about that faint twitch at the corner of his mouth before the wink. Every time I opened the lab fridge, I contemplated climbing into it to avoid further social contact.
By the time I got home, Iād managed to construct an entire series of what-ifs:
What if he only heard part of it, but the worst part?
What if he thinks I talk about every vaguely attractive man that way?
What if ā and this was the true nightmare ā he didnāt think it was funny?
I told Mia I wasnāt going to think about it anymore. Then I thought about it while microwaving leftovers. Thought about it while brushing my teeth. Thought about it so hard I almost labelled an entire box of Eppendorf tubes, āPlease Forget Everything You Heard.ā
The next morning, walking into the building, I caught myself slowing down outside the geneticsā labs hallway. The door was closed. No voices inside. I told myself I was just curious. Not looking for him. Definitely not looking for him.
Of course, Mia saw me lingering and smirked. āYouāre like a Victorian heroine pining at the window for her sailor.ā
āStrategic retreat,ā I whispered back.
āCowardice,ā she said. āCute cowardice, but still.ā
And just like that, it became a thing: avoiding Spencer Reid while also scanning every corridor for signs of his existence. My days turned into a bizarre combination of lab work, coffee runs, and the kind of self-conscious awareness usually reserved for sitcom characters stuck in awkward love triangles.
The worst part? I was pretty sure he knew.
Since that mortifying hallway moment, I had become an expert in the art of strategic avoidance.
I charted my daily routes through the building with military precision, timing my trips to the bathroom, the printer, even the vending machine to minimize the chance of running into Spencer Reid. I told Mia this was all āpreventive damage control.ā Even if she called it āa slow-motion disaster waiting to happen.ā
But no matter how many stairwells I chose or how many corners I lurked behind, fate ā and probably a lot of bad luck ā kept almost throwing us together.
The first time it happened, I was carrying a stack of freshly printed research articles to my desk. The hallway was empty except for a figure at the far end ā tall, glasses catching the overhead light, his head bent over a sheaf of papers.
Spencer.
He didnāt see me. Perfect. I ducked into the nearest empty lab, heart pounding so hard I was sure the entire building could hear it. I almost crouched behind a microscope like a guilty criminal.
The problem: my phone buzzed loudly in my pocket. And I nearly died. But he didnāt see me, apparently too entranced in his papers.
ā¢
A few days later, I was waiting in the lobby, juggling my laptop bag, coffee, and a questionable croissant that looked like it had seen better days.
And there he was, walking briskly toward the lift bank, arms full of books, some stacked so precariously I was waiting for the top one to tumble.
He spotted me just before the lift doors closed. His expression was calm, unreadable.
I didnāt say hi. I didnāt even think about it. I just smiled awkwardly and looked away, wondering how Iād managed to go from ācalm grad studentā to āflustered teenagerā in less than a month. And how that social awkward nerdy fucking guy turned into this sleazy man?
Mia was merciless about my ācode redā avoidance tactics.
āHonestly, youāre like a Victorian heroine in a Gothic novel,ā she said one afternoon while we shared slightly overcooked pasta in the lab kitchen. āConstantly swooning and hiding in secret passageways.ā
I rolled my eyes. āCan you stop with your Victorian Era shit?! Iām trying to act normal.ā
āNormal?ā Mia laughed. āYouāre about as normal as a cat at a dog show.ā
I knew Mia was right. I was overthinking everything. But the stakes felt impossibly high.
Spencer Reid ā brainiac, genius, walking encyclopedia ā was also apparently adorably awkward and charming in that way that made me trip over my own thoughts.
How did you even talk to someone like that without making an idiot of yourself?
One afternoon, fate almost smiled on me.
I was on my way to the break room, clutching a cup of lukewarm tea, when I saw him near the lifts, again. He was standing there, scrolling through his phone, utterly oblivious to the world.
For a split second, our eyes met.
I thought, This is it. Say something. Be normal.
My brain froze.
So I did what any rational adult would do: I nodded awkwardly like I was acknowledging a distant relative at a funeral, muttered, āHey,ā and walked away at top speed.
Later, Mia found out about this and immediately started teasing me. I should honestly start keeping things to myself, and keep taking the stairs.
āDid you say hi?ā
āNo.ā
āWhy not?ā
āBecause,ā I said, lowering my voice, āI was sure Iād say something embarrassing. Like, āYour mitosis is very⦠fascinating.āā
Mia laughed until she nearly choked. āYou do realize heās just a person, right?ā
āYeah, but heās a person with a PhD in terrifying intelligence and a library of weird facts.ā
āAnd youāre a person who canāt say āmitosisā without blushing.ā
Despite the awkwardness, I found myself watching for him more often ā the tilt of his head when he explained something to a colleague, the way he pushed his glasses up his nose (and how often his glasses would disappear, making me realize he only uses them for reading), the slight hesitation before he answered questions.
Each tiny detail added to the puzzle of who Spencer Reid really was beneath the layers of lab coats and science jargon.
And every near-encounter left me wondering: If I could just find the right moment, maybe Iād get to talk to him again. For real, this time.
ā¢
The hum of the labās fume hood was usually comforting, but today it was a reminder that my experiment was going sideways in spectacular fashion.
I stared at the petri dish under the microscope, willing the little fluorescent markers to glow brighter, to show me some sign that my CRISPR edits were actually working. But no. The cells looked as dead as my hope of graduating on time.
Mia popped her head around the corner, balancing a tray with two slightly questionable sandwiches and a carton of orange juice that definitely tastes more like orangeās peel.
āLunch?ā she offered.
I pushed away from my rolling chair, rubbing my temples as I follow her steps. āIf I donāt eat soon, Iām going to start using these micropipettes as drumsticks and maybe stick them in my eyes.ā
She laughed and set the tray down on a nearby table. āWant to rant?ā
āPlease.ā I flopped into a chair beside her, grateful for the distraction.
For the next ten minutes, I vented about gene knockouts, plasmid vectors, and a certain lack of cooperation from my bacterial cultures. Mia nodded along, offering the occasional āOofā and āYikesā in just the right spots.
āSometimes I think the bacteria are conspiring against us,ā I said, finally.
āProbably have better social lives than we do,ā Mia deadpanned.
We ate in companionable silence for a while. The labās common eating area was almost deserted ā the semester about to begin again, and just some people being brave enough to be here already. The quiet made the space feel oddly intimate.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, Spencer Reid lingered like a bookmark I couldnāt quite remove. Like later that evening, I curled up on my couch with The Collector again. The pages felt heavier this time ā not because of the story, but because I remembered how Spencer had dissected the characters over coffee, how heād pointed out details Iād missed.
I caught myself rereading a passage just to hear his voice in my head, analysing Frederickās psychology like it was some complex genetic code.
Then came the inevitable Google rabbit hole.
Within minutes, I was staring at Spencer Reidās published papers ā articles on genetic sequencing, computational biology, neural network modelling. The guy was a walking encyclopedia, sure, but also a bona fide genius in his field.
I felt a strange mixture of awe and intimidation.
The next day at the lab, Mia cornered me by the printer.
āSo,ā she said, grinning like she had a secret, āyou looked at his research.ā
āMaybe, and add an ES to that end. Researches, plenty. I felt dumber and dumber by every word read.ā
āCome on, you can tell me.ā
āHeās⦠impressive,ā I admitted, feeling oddly shy about it. āLike, really impressive.ā
Mia nodded knowingly. āI told you. Heās the ātoo smart to be realā kind of guy.ā
āAnd also the āmakes me feel like a bumā kind of guy,ā I muttered.
āYeah, but youāre not a bum. Youāre just⦠temporarily in awe.ā
That afternoon, I overheard a couple of grad students gossiping near the coffee machine.
āHave you seen the new TA in the genetics lab?ā one whispered.
āYeah. Tall guy, always carrying a ton of books. Looks like he hasnāt slept in weeks.ā
āSeriously, I think heās been living in that lab.ā
I smiled to myself, feeling a warm glow of familiarity. That night, back at my apartment, I ran my fingers over the spine of The Collector and smiled to myself.
Maybe, just maybe, Spencer Reid wasnāt so unknowable after all.
ā¢
The common area at lunch smelled like burnt espresso and microwaved leftovers ā a scent so distinctly ālab lifeā it almost made me nostalgic for the week Iād just spent away.
Not that my ābreakā had been restful. It was mostly me reading compulsively, making overly ambitious to-do lists for my research, then ignoring them, then panicking about ignoring them.
Still, I was glad to be back in my natural habitat: a mug about to be filled with mediocre coffee in one hand, a stack of journal articles in the other. Because yes, I print articles so I donāt freak out with many screens.
I look around and god damn, the semester was back in full swing, and the usual January lull had been obliterated by a tidal wave of caffeinated grad students, frenzied faculty, and lab techs darting between tables with half-eaten muffins. Iād been gone for a week, a little break Iād promised myself after my experiment went so spectacularly sideways.Ā
And though Iād hoped the chaos would help me blend in unnoticed, the moment I stepped into the room, I felt it. I felt him before I saw him. That subtle shift in the air when someone tall moves into your peripheral vision. My brain immediately went, Please no, because the room was packed and I was banking on that chaos shielding me from having to talk to him.
But fate is a petty little thing.
āHey,ā came a voice behind me, low and measured, but with that soft, almost curious inflection that was all him. I turned slowly, mug half-filled of coffee long forgotten in my right hand, plastering on my most nonchalant smile.Ā
āOh. Hi.ā Dr. Spencer Reid.
He looked the same ā tall, a little rumpled, wearing a cardigan that probably had a story. But there was an ease to him today, a quiet confidence that hadnāt been there the last time we spoke.
āI was going to askā¦ā His eyes crinkled in a way that made my pulse trip, while tilting his head slightly, eyes narrowing with something almost like amusement. āHow was your break?ā
That was⦠unexpected. No āsorry for overhearing your⦠colourful December hallway commentary,ā no awkward acknowledgement of that moment.Ā
āYou noticed I was gone?ā My voice doing that embarrassing little upward lilt, his mouth quirked.Ā
āYou were gone for a week. Thatās noticeable.ā He replies, with his eyes darting between mine.
I blinked, scrambling to sound normal. āUh⦠it was fine. I read a lot. Freaked out over my research. You know, standard āgrad student in crisisā holiday package.ā And he nodded like this was a perfectly acceptable way to spend oneās time off.
āSounds productive.ā He gave a soft chuckle.
āDebatable,ā I reply instinctively, and he almost smiles, āWhat about you?ā I ask quickly, hoping to even the conversational playing field. His expression brightened just slightly, like Iād stepped into familiar territory for him.
āIām officially the new Molecular Biologyās TA now,ā he said, as if it were just a minor administrative update, though the way his eyes lit up told me it mattered more than he was letting on. āWhich means more hours, more grading, and more chances to argue with undergrads about their citations.ā
āLiving the dream,ā I offered, teasing.
āMm. Letās go with that.ā I was about to retreat to my coffee when he tilted his head at the mug in my hand. āIs that all youāre getting?ā
āJust the coffee,ā I said cautiously. āWhy?ā
āOh, I was just going to grab something to eat at the coffee shop,ā he said, almost offhand ā except his gaze flicked to mine in that way people do when theyāre checking your reaction. āThough, they need to upgrade those cappuccinos. Not enough sugar in them.ā
āThose 8 packages of sugar arenāt enough for you?ā I ask, mentioning our first encounter at the Willow & Finch.
āDo you wanna come with me?ā I nearly laughed. That smooth fucker. My brain instantly started doing Olympic-level gymnastics ā Was this just lunch? Was this him just being nice? Was this some advanced form of Reid-level social experiment?
āSure,ā I said finally, telling myself not to read into it. At all.
The lunch was unexpectedly⦠easy. Conversation rolled between us like it had been waiting in some hidden queue, ready to spill out once we were both sitting across from each other. He told me about his first week as an official TA ā the chaos, the humour, the fact that a student had emailed him three times to ask if mitochondria were real. I laughed until my sides hurt.
At one point, he asked about my current project, listening with genuine interest even when I veered off into tangents about CRISPR techniques. And somewhere between his half-smile when I got animated and the way his fingers tapped against his coffee cup in rhythm to my words, I realized I was enjoying myself far too much for a ācasual lunch.ā
He also didnāt bring up that December incident ā and for that alone, I silently thanked every deity I could think of. By the time we headed back, I was warm from more than just the cappuccino.
As we pushed open the buildingās front doors, Spencer glanced sideways at me, his expression almost ā almost ā impish.
āSo,ā he said casually, āafter our lunch today, I can confirm that table is⦠very unhygienic indeed.ā
āWait. What?ā I stopped mid-step, staring at him.
āYou know. The one you and your friend wereāā He chuckled, clearly enjoying my wide-eyed reaction.
āYouāre awfully confident for someone who listens in on other peopleās private conversations. Youāve been holding on to that?ā I narrowed my eyes.Ā
āIn my defence, I didnāt expect such⦠memorable material.ā He shrugged, unbothered, but thankfully I can see the faint blush in his cheeks.Ā
āCareful, Dr. Reid. I have enough embarrassing material on myself already. I donāt need you adding to it.ā I smirked, falling into step beside him again, crossing my arms, narrowing my eyes at him.
āGuess youāll just have to keep having lunch with me to balance it out.ā He tilted his head, the corner of his mouth quirking up, before adjusting his glasses. āJust to be clear, I did stare straight at you for more than 8.2 seconds, right? Personally, I counted 12 secs.ā
Fuck.
He grinned, and for once, the awkward genius routine was replaced by something else: a quiet, knowing look that made me wonder if Iād just agreed to a game I didnāt fully understand. And damn it, I couldnāt think of a single comeback that didnāt sound like agreement.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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pairing ; jaime lannister x stark!reader (she/her pronouns)
synopsis ; wolves and lions tend not to be friends, much less lovers.
words ; 47.8k
themes ; heavy angst, action, fluff, (actual) enemies to lovers, slowburn
warnings / includes ; war/violence/murder/injury/blood, attempted sexual assault, this story covers the events from game of thrones s1-4, politicking, incest, talks of sex, foul language, animal cruelty, a lot of generally terrible things going on but what else can you expect from asoiaf, reader is known as the bitter wolf and is nedās youngest sibling, bittersweet ending
main masterlist.Ā read on ao3!
You first met Jaime Lannister during the Year of the False Spring, at the Great Tourney of Harrenhalāyou had only been ten years of age, still starry-eyed and gentle-of-tongue. Knights, lords, and ladies hailing from all over Westeros were buzzing about the opening feast. Chalices of golden ale, platters of fruit and cheese, and sizzling trays of freshly-roasted meats were splayed out over several long tables.
To your right was your eldest brother, Brandon, biting into a large turkey leg and gingerly offering you a piece when he caught you ogling him. To your left was your sister Lyanna, popping voluminous grapes into her mouth and chattering to your two other brothers, Benjen and Ned, across the table. Her grey eyes were alight with glee, and she tipped her head back to laugh when Benjen made a snarky comment about Nedās overgrown hair.
You were well into your second serving of glazed lemon cakes when the crown Prince, Rhaegar Targaryen, stood up front. A hush descended upon the crowd when the handsome, silver-haired man brandished a large, golden harp.
i kinda forgot how to write about real people, canāt continue my leclercās and russellās fanfic iām so sorry
i wonāt discontinue them because i still have hope but iām working on a twd fanfic, daryl dixon x fem!reader which will be crossposted in my wattpad account (idk why but wattpad twd fandom is bigger), the word count is currently on almost 29K
in this fic the reader is a BAU agent (bc i have no self control) who was working on a case on King County (where the series start and where Rick and Shane lived) and is on Rickās hospital when the apocalypse breaks out
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