I Want to Live Life

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As she nodded in acknowledgement, it almost felt like the way things were which was the way she missed things. “Then I can finally be a normal member of society… Wouldn’t that be nice,” she said as humor rattled her strained voice. As he laid down beside her, she didn’t waste any time. No, she rested her head on his chest, draping her arm and good leg over him. She could blame it on the drugs but she didn’t want to, that wasn’t her goal in the slightest and with every word he spoke, she only grew happier. “I… need you too, I just keep fucking up without you,” she paused while she looked up at him… “You did fuck up and when I’m angry I’ll probably bring it up just to hurt you but –– You’re my person. That still hasn’t changed.” 

Holding her against him once she moved over to lay on him, Alex kissed the top of her head. “You don’t keep fucking up, that’s not true” he said, choosing to ignore every time that she had fucked up before in their relationship, hoping that if he could forget her fuck ups she might forget his. “That’s fair, I deserve that” he nodded when she said she was going to use him cheating in later arguments, which he knew was going to kill him in the future but she had every right to stay mad about it. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that” he said with a sweet smile

“I know. That’s exactly why I’m saying it. I can help you legally or illegally. It’s your call,” she rasped, the drugs taking away the pain from her shoulder and her leg. Probably shouldn’t give her more than needed otherwise she’ll get hooked again. “Maybe after I can finally get that stupid shoulder surgery,” the girl scoffed, her smile dropping when he said he missed her.  Of course she missed him, she thought about him constantly and all she wanted was to do was to go home. Shifting slightly on the bed, she got to one side before patting the space next to her. “I miss you too.”

“One month....just one month” he repeated, looking back at her. he smiled a little when she spoke again, “We’ll get your shoulder all fixed up after this and everything will get better, we just have to take it one step at a time” he said, climbing up on the other side of the hospital bed to lay with her. “I want you to come home, Ev... I can’t..” he paused, looking back at her. “I can’t keep doing this without you, I need you” he spoke quietly as he looked at her. “I know I messed up and I’m going to spend the rest of my life making that up to you, I just need you by my side”

“You’re not listening to me, this thing… I am going to finish it because if not, then she’s gonna find me, I can fade out, just give me time.” The girl rolled her eyes, “I don’t need your permission, I can still do it without the police. So if you don’t want to protect me, then you can do it,” she huffed before she cleared her throat, dropping his hand. “Of course not.”

“If you do it without the police then you get arrested for everything you do with them, you understand that right?” he sighed, thinking to himself for a moment. She put him in a tough spot. He didn’t want the mission to continue, but he didn’t want her to do it alone, and he really didn’t want to arrest her. Shaking his head, he looked back at her, “1 month. I’ll give you 1 more month, that should be enough for you to fade out” he looked down at her hand as she let go of his. “I miss you, Ev”

Cain just stopped walking for a moment, his blue eyes looking emotionlessly into Alex’s. “Hm,” he said, looking back to see the man had long been gone. “Forget the drink,” Cain spoke before walking away.

“Fucking coward” Alex scoffed and shook his head as Cain walked away. “This is exactly why you’re alone, Cain. It’s no one’s fault but your own” he called out before turning around and going his own way. He wasn’t going to waste his time on someone like that, he didn’t need to. He had bigger fish to fry.

“And I won’t stop denying it, Alex,” she spoke, her thumb brushing on the backside of his hand. “I know –– I don’t but, I’m trying to,” the girl huffed, sadness reaching over her. “You don’t have a say if I go back in or not and if I … If I forgive you then things are going to have to change. You can’t call the shots like this anymore.” Evie wanted to take her hand away but knew that she just needed to be close to him. “Have you been seeing anyone?”

“Unfortunately, I do have a say in if you go back or not, you’re my informant” he looked back at her, “You can’t make that call, Ev. I get that you don’t like me being in charge of you in this, I hate it too, that’s one of the many, many reasons why I didn’t want you to go through with this in the first place. But you don’t have the authority to say that I can’t call the shots, you’re not a cop and you’re not in charge of this operation. I’m sorry, but if I don’t pull you from this investigation, you still report to me” he said before shaking his head. “No, I haven’t. What about you, have you..been seeing anybody?”

Cain couldn’t even muster up a smile as his old friend spoke to him, not being able to give one back. Cops were annoying to Cain, they always have been. On one hand, if he left Alex, he could get shot and that would only get him off his back but he shook the thought from his head, keeping his lips shut. Cain kept walking, his eyes flickered towards the nearest block. “Just stop joking around and do what I’m asking of you. Then you can get your drink.”

Alex rolled his eyes, “I’m not kidding, if you’re being followed the answer isn’t to grab a random person and walk to a bar. You know how stupid that plan is right?” he said, never being the kind of person to not speak his mind in a situation that could get him killed.

“Listen very carefully,” he spoke as he put his hand on the persons shoulder, pushing them along with him as he walked along the side of the dark alley. “Someone is following,” now while he didn’t specify who, he knew that it would be best for them to tag along –– someone in danger always obeys. “You’ll be fine,” his scottish accent thick with his words. “Step by step. We’re going to round this corner and one more block and I’ll buy you a drink,” he said picking up pace. “How does that sound?”

Flinching slightly when Cain put his hand on him, instinctively holding his hand over his firearm. “Christ man, you can’t just do that I almost shot you” he looked at him. “Who is following? You know I’m a cop, you don’t have to run from someone following you, I can handle it” he reminded before scoffing, “I know I’ll be fine, I’m not scared, you ass” he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure fine, you’ll buy me a drink. And then you’ll explain what the hell happened over the past year, how does that sound?”

“Well, you chose me for a reason, maybe it’s cause you like rescuing stupid girls,” she smiled weakly, turning over on her good side, looking at him with glazed eyes. “Alex,” she warned. “You… kissed someone else, I had a right to be angry especially since that’s how we started. You can’t put that on me,” her defenses growing higher by the second, her heart picking up pace. “I didn’t want to die without you knowing how I really feel.”

“That’s not true and you aren’t stupid, Ev, I keep telling you that” he said as he looked back at her. Sighing, he looked down for a second. “I know, I know. I messed up and you have every right to be mad at me. But how we started was not like this, you have to believe me” he said, pausing for a second. “You weren’t some random girl at a bar who threw herself at me, I’d already fallen in love with you before I’d ever even kissed you. This was just some stupid, stupid mistake and I would take it back if I could, you were never a mistake. I need you to believe me on this” he shook his head. “You’re not going to die, I would never let that happen, that’s why I have to pull you from the case”

“Then it looks like we’re both shit out of luck,” she mused with a weak appearance, dismal features taking over. “I’m pretty happy about it I’m just mad that this isn’t my first time being shot, I still haven’t mastered the whole ‘staying out of the way’ thing.” Evie tried her best to stay still but it wasn’t any use, no matter what she did, she was still going to be riddled with pain. “Yeah, I thought that was true but it took you thinking I was dead to come and find me.”

“I don’t think anyone gets good at dodging bullets, people are just usually good at avoiding areas and situations where they could get shot....you usually go toward those situations” he said before shaking his head. “It took you thinking you were going to die for you to talk to me again, any time I tried to see you before now you’ve barely spoken to me” he frowned. 

“I’m not gonna change my mind,” she said, the bandage on her leg coming undone as she tried to move to a comfortable position which just made her shoulder ring with pain. “Easy for you to say, I don’t see any bullet holes in you,” she cursed before narrowing her eyes. She had to shake it off. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that,” she spoke, looking over at him again with a softer expression. “I was freaking out when I was there ––– at the place. I just didn’t to die and I kept thinking about you and how you weren’t there,” she continued as she squeezed his hand. “And I was scared when I woke up here alone.”

“Neither am I” he said, giving her a look when she commented on the fact that he’d never been shot. “Normally you’d be pretty happy that I don’t have any bullet holes in me” he said, nodding a little, “You don’t have to apologize, I get it. Just trust me, you’re going to be in more pain if you keep moving” he said, giving her hand a light squeeze as she spoke again. “I know, but I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere” he said with a small smile, “I promise, you don’t have to be scared anymore, I’m here”

“Alex, don’t. You can’t just come in while I’m recovering, rules blazing and expect me to follow them,” she said, eyes narrowing as she felt a pain in her chest as she tried to move. “The deal did change but, can we drop it? It’s not fair that you’re head of this and I have to follow what you say,” she spoke. “Can we just talk about it later,” she said, eyes dropping as he mentioned them as a them. Evie held her hand for him to take again, “How’d you know it was me?”

“I tried to say all of this before you ever got hurt doing this and you still didn’t listen to me. It doesn’t matter when I bring it up, you’re always going to dismiss it” he said, looking back at her. “Don’t- don’t move. You’re just going to hurt yourself if you try to move, just rest, please” he said, his voice soft. Sighing as she asked to talk about it later, he complied, not wanting to upset her more when she was in this condition. Taking her hand, he looked back at her. “I was at the station when the call came in over the radio, I heard the descriptions and I just-...I knew it was you, I don’t know, I felt it”

“I’m not done,” she said, her eyes riddled with saddness and pain, she just wanted to be close to him again, but this wasn’t what she had in mind, not in the slightest. She looked over towards him and frowned, “I don’t know why you won’t let me,” she said, her hand clenching the railing of the bed. “It wasn’t.. I wasn’t ready, it wasn’t even against me,” she begged, her eyes welling with tears again. “You’re not going to lose me, I’m right here,” she  pleaded with a rasp. “The deal changed, you know that.” 

“I won’t let you because you’re gonna get killed out there. It’s a dangerous environment full of dangerous people and I-....That scares the shit out of me, I want you to be safe” he shook his head, “Ev, you can guarantee that I won’t lose you- I mean look at you right now, you could have died today. The deal didn’t change, no matter what happens between us, I would rather die than see you get hurt. I don’t want you going back out there, I didn’t want you going out there in the first place”

She was alone in this. she went in alone and she thought that she could finish this even without his help. and now here she was, feeling like and looking like shit and completely branded as a failed experiment. as he took her hand, a wave of relief washed over her, she felt safe now, more than before anyways. “No Alex, that’s not what I want,” she rasped, her voice hurting as she spoke. “I don’t want to stop,” she pulled her hand away form his, ‘I’m not done yet.” 

“What?” he said, looking back at her as she said she didn’t want to stop working as an informant. “Ev-..I..” he struggled with finding the right words to say about it. “I can’t let you do that, you almost died today, I’m not going to lose you” he shook his head. “I told you going into this that the only way I was going to be okay with it was that I was pulling the plug the second you got hurt, I stand by that”

It happened so fast, everything that went down, she could still envision it in her mind. She wasn’t even supposed to be there let alone be waking up in a hospital. The gang members weren’t even apart of Val’s, they were all different –– independent and Evie just caught herself in the crossfire. Her arm went to go palm her leg, letting out a soft cry as pain shot through her body. But then Alex came running in. She couldn’t even see the image of him kissing that other girl, all she saw was the memory of him telling her that if she ever got hurt, he was pulling her and she came so close. Of course seeing him hurt her, she just wanted to go back to how they were and after she cut him off, her heart broke, still not even on the mends of being fixed. She wanted him to be okay and happy but apart of her wanted that to be because of her. Their bubble got shattered, her hand reaching out as she laid on the stiff bed. “Alex,” she sniffled, a tear falling down her cheek.

Taking her hand, Alex leaned down and kissed it, “It’s okay, you’re gonna be okay” he tried to assure her. Quickly grabbing the chair near the bed with his other hand and pulling it closer before sitting down. “I’m not going to leave your side, you’ll be okay. We’re pulling you from the investigation, I already made the call, you’re safe now, you don’t have to go back” he said, wiping under his eyes where a tear was forming. “I’m just so glad you’re alive- I’m so sorry”

Connor laughed softly, “Thank you.” he told the other man before shrugging lightly, “That doesn’t mean you have to miss all the fun. Plenty of people do things the weekend before too.” he pointed out. “You could just … celebrate on Saturday instead?” he added.

“I’m working the whole weekend, but I’m getting so much overtime for it so it’s definitely worth it” he nodded, “And there’s usually a lot of action on halloweekend so I shouldn’t be bored. I’ll be having my version of fun, I just wont be out partying- though sometimes I wish I could”

    Gunshots were the last thing she heard before everything started to fade. From the sirens to the flashing lights and the screams of someone across the street, after that it went dark. The last thing she remembered was reaching out for something. “Alex.”

–––

The ER quickly arrived to the scene, four dead bodies, one unconscious, three males, two female. As the dispatch came through, the hospital brought the unconscious survivor into their facility, noting a bullet wound through the right shoulder and leg and took the female into surgery. Descriptions were given to the police as no ID was found on the survivor. She under went minor surgery and is now resting in a private room, awaiting questioning.

––

As she came to, the bright lights blinded her hazel eyes, everything aching as she tried to sit up. Not only was the pain preventing her her pale body, the wires connected to her restrained her from doing so. As she looked down she noticed surgical bandages covering her leg and one on her shoulder too. She wanted to speak but everything came out as an estranged rasp and as she panicked and looked around the room, everything was white –– she was in a damn hospital room. Her fingers came up to trail her face, wincing every time she ran over a cut and bruise and her face was riddled with them. Laying back down, Evie panicked knowing there was no way she should’ve been alive after the night prior. As her breath began to pick up, the monitor beside her started to beep faster and faster and a nurse wearing all red came in, pressing on her shoulders to keep her down while repeating things like ‘keep calm” and “you’re going to be okay” but she couldn’t possibly believe that at the moment. As a couple minutes passed and they changed her drip with something stronger, Evie laid back down, just wanting a familiar face, someone to give her peace at mind. 

Alex was off duty when the call came in about an incident involving several dead gang members, but he happened to be at the station talking to a few of his friends when it was called over the radios. Hearing the descriptions of the people involved in the incident, and the description of the survivor who was in terrible shape, his mind immediately jumped to Evie. That had to be her, it matched her description exactly. Stealing the keys to his friends patrol vehicle, Alex rushed to the hospital, sirens blasting. At the hospital, nurses were telling him he wasn’t allowed in the room, but he’d waved his badge around and lied about it being vital to a case he was working on to get into that room, they finally budged and he was allowed to go in. Rushing into the room, Alex looked over at Evie as she laid in the hospital bed. “Evie-...” he said, in a hushed tone, almost on the verge of tears seeing her in the condition she was in. Going over to her bedside, Alex hesitated to reach out to her, unsure of how she’d react to him being there. “Evie...” he spoke again, finding himself at a loss for words as he looked at her extensive injuries.