ꨄ︎

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

⸝⸝⸝ bias corner ⸝⸝⸝ all the groups i've stanned and biases/bias wreckers !

nct 127 → johnny/yuta

nct dream → jeno/jaemin

nct wish → sakuya/ryo

wayv → xiaojun/yangyang

&team → nicho/yuma

cortis → james/ keohno

enhypen → jungwon / niki

riize → sohee/anton

lngshot → ohyul/woojin

exo → sehun/baekhyun

got7 → yugyeom/jayb

p1harmony → intak/jiung

svt → joshua/dk

bts → jungkook/taehyung

txt → soobin/hueningkai

ateez → san/mingi

day6 → wonpil/young k

monsta x → joohoney/shownu

shinee → onew/key

the boyz → jacob/eric

the rose → taegyeom/woosung

skz → jeongin/changbin

riki was the type of person that stuck up even after everything. in high school when you both first met each other and he had confessed himself to you, you had rejected him. all in all he stay. continued to be your friend, by the time senior year passed by, you realized how much he loved you.

at least you thought so.

riki and you had been in a relationship for the past 3 years, close enough to finding a ring on your finger. till one night, you had found him in his car with a friend of yours.

your life felt like it was over.

the only boy you’ve ever truly loved, with someone else, sharing what once was yours.

he apologized a million times, told you he was drunk, which he was, and promised he’d never ever do it again. you didn’t give in, no matter how much you loved him.

until one day about 3 months later, you missing him like usual, thought of the amount of times he had stuck around you no matter what mistakes you made.

obviously, nothing ever compares to cheating, but let’s just say you weren’t the most amazing girlfriend.

before any of this had happened, you had issues with him ongoing over the years; commitment, communication, trust issues, different priorities, emotional distance, boundaries, resentment, jealousy.

it was a long list, your relationship wasn’t perfect at all. but he had stayed, he always did.

so, you thought all day, at work, driving, eating, writing essays for your college class, attending patients over calls, what if i had called him ? what if maybe we could talk things out ? lunch or dinner ? i could give it a chance

and you did.

call from y/n

“hello ?”

riki stared at his phone for a second. it had been weeks since he saw your name on it.

“hey y/n” he replied

“hey riki, how are you ?” you asked hoping to keep things mutual at first

“i’m alright just got out of work, how are you ?” the tone in his voice changing a bit when he asks about you.

“i’m good, working a lot, you know how to clinic is” you shoot, getting impatient.

“listen riki, i’ve been thinking lately..” you pause.

“we didn’t end off in good terms and this whole closure feeling isn’t going away, i was hoping if we could talk over dinner or something..?” you end in silence from both sides of the line.

after a few long seconds riki finally answers.

“can i pick you up later ?” he asks softly agreeing to your plans.

“yes, come at 8:30pm, i’ll be ready by then” you tell him exhaling the nervousness inside you.

“okay, see you later y/n” he ends the call and finally you’re glad you can get it all of out your system.

the next hour or so you got ready. you wore a short black halter dress that revealed all your small tattoos and some wedged heels since it was end of spring and the weather was starting to get warmer. you didn’t go to fancy but you made sure you looked cute, it had been a while since he’s seen you.

your makeup was subtle, little blush and contour just how he liked it. he always said natural women looked best. your hair was straight, long behind your ears showing off your cute jewelry them.

you tried your best to look good, hoping it would hide the fact that you missed him deeply.

it was 8pm sharp and you got a text from him.

text from rikii

“i’m here”

your heart almost pounding out of your chest.

you left your house keys in your hand as you closed up and placed them in your shoulder purse. you saw his car parked in front of your house and him, being a gentleman like always, standing outside next to the passenger door.

he looked at you, stared, his eyes fluttering the more he did. you can tell he miss you. his expressions gave it all away.

“wow, you look pretty y/n.. it’s been so long” his eyes tracing your silhouette. as he opened the car door.

you couldn’t lie, he looked sexy. riki was a really attractive man, his tall figure, his facial features and those pretty birthmarks you kissed so much when he was yours.

he was wearing a pair of dark washed jeans with a black leather jacket, what he usually wore. he managed to still make you feel a type of way just looking at him.

that type of way.

you both agreed on eating at a steakhouse near by since it felt like the most appropriate place to have a “serious conversation” in. you got a table, ordered food and whine, talked about your daily lives after the break up and what you’ve been up to.

then the real reason why you were both here struck.

you started.

“well, i obviously didn’t invite you to dinner to just act like nothing has happened.” you said hoping the words will come out of you perfectly.

“i’m here because i miss you riki, and i don’t mean to be that type of girl who runs back to her ex, but you always did even when i did things wrong, so why can’t i ?” you mentioned him always sticking around, him looking at you seriously knowing he felt the same way.

“i don’t want to give this one more chance, i just want to see where it goes. i want to feel like your still here, and i don’t want to to be mad anymore riki.. im tired of being bitter of being angry. i just want to be normal again.” you let off your chest the feelings you’ve had for the past months.

“i get you, and i wouldn’t have a problem with it. i just don’t want to hurt you, you give me your word and i’ll give you mines.” he said knowing what he had done was wrong, not wanting you to regret anything.

“you know how sorry i am, but i don’t want you to do something you’ll never be able to go back from.” he didn’t want to force you or make you feel like you owed him something from all the times he ran back to you.

“i won’t, let’s just be us again. friends ?” you stuck out your hand and smiled just like in the movies.

“friends.” he gave you his hand and shook it.

you both laughed as you continued talking about the memories and the moments you both had as teenagers.

you didn’t realize how long it had been. 6 years, you and him were inseparable.

the drive to your house was long, him driving a little slower due to the rain that broke out. both of you enjoyed it, the silence in the car, music playing at a low volume. it felt normal. finally all you wanted.

you arrived home and told him to park his car in the driveway since it started raining harder and there was no way of you getting out of his car without getting completely soaked.

you looked at him, not knowing what to say.

“thank you, for giving me a chance.” he says looking down at his hands, remembering the past argument you had with him.

“make it worth it.” you said facing your body towards him.

he looked at you, his right hand on your left. gosh you missed him. the little things he always did with you. his face when you did something silly. his hands on your thighs while he drove. everything came flooding back the moment his hand was in yours.

so did those things you did with him.

you let go of his hand and leaned in a bit, his breath hitching from the distance between your face and his.

“riki..” you wanted to stop yourself, wanted to take things slow. but you knew that would never work.

you kissed him, hand on his jacket pulling him in as much as you possible could. he hummed against your mouth feeling your lips after so long.

his soft plump lips parted when you pulled away

“i’m sorry i shouldn’t have” you sat straight again in your seat hand on your forehead. you were worried he’d say something to you but then again you remember how riki was.

“it stopped raining, let’s go inside.” he said unlocking the car doors. he ignored your apology, riki knew the moment you’d be taking it back.

you both walked to the front door as you looked for the keys in your bag. finally finding them you open the door, your cat greeting you and a familiar person you brought along with you a while back.

you stood at the entrance placing your keys and bag on the little decor table that was there when you first came into the house.

he was already in the kitchen looking around seeing how the small details in your house had changed. the pictures of both of you now gone, swapped for some of your family and friends. the flowers you got from you boss sitting on the island. the bean bag he used to sit on, not there anymore. the curtains now beige instead of black.

a lot looked different and he liked it. he was happy you grew comfortable with change, almost as if he wished for you to stay this way.

you made your way to the couch and he was right behind you. the ambience lights leading the way. your heels were still on and you sat down to take them off but struggled a bit.

“need help ?” he asked sticking his hand out.

“could you ?” you said to him already frustrated with ankle strap.

he laughed seeing how irritated you were and slipped the strap out of the loop taking the heel off. he grabbed your other leg, him still sitting next to you, and he placed it on his lap undoing the other strap.

you looked at him as he did, never forgetting his kindness.

his took of the second heel placing it on the floor next to the other one. he massaged your foot, his hands slowly moving up your leg. you watched carefully, his fingers moving on your soft leg, pressing gently.

riki leaned down, leaving a kiss on your knee and two more above it. your hand in his soft hair as he did.

“you have no idea how much i’ve missed you y/n, maybe even more than you’ve missed me” his lips kissed your inner thighs now, you laying back on the couch.

he came up leaving a kiss on your jaw. “can i do this ?” he asked, tucking a string of hair behind your ear.

you nodded desperately knowing you’ve wanted to feel him like this for so long. he kissed your lips, poking his tongue in your mouth making you moan quietly from the sudden sensation.

his hands like always all over your body finding their way up your short dress. he touch between your legs, his middle finger finding that little sensitive stop.

“mmh riki” you moans against his mouth as he managed to move your panties to the side enough for him to rub you with your slick on his fingers.

“so wet for me princess, this pussy missed me huh” he growled on your neck leaving his possessive marks all over it.

his hair tangled between your fingers while his hand touches what was yours at some point. his fingers played between your folds, sliding, making you wetter by the second.

“you drive me crazy when your like this ma. you”ll always be mines.” he said grabbing your waist, wrapping your legs around his.

he picked you up from the couch taking you to your room. he laid you down on your bed as you watched him take off the leather jacket he had on and his black tank top.

his preying dark eyes made you nervous, seeing him like this after a while made you want him even more.

he pulled of your mini dress, mouth going straight to you chest sucking your tits roughly while pulling down your black laced panties.

the feeling only made you gasp loudly as his desperate hands roamed around your whole body.

he turned you around, flipping you on your stomach, pulling you by your legs so you could arch your back a little for him.

you’re hands were over your head and you looked back enough to see him take off his pants. he palmed himself before brutally sliding himself inside you.

“fuck riki, your.. gonna kill me” you words faltered from how thick he felt inside you.

he twitched a few times before thrusting full force into you. his thrusts became deeper and harder the louder you moaned like if he wanted all your neighbors to hear you were back with him.

he smacked your ass leaving red hand prints all over.

“mm your mines you know that right ? don’t ever leave me again baby” he new you were close from the noises you made in your pillows.

“riki i’m gonna come — don’t stop..” you said in broken moans. his hands held your waste tighter, arching your back further making himself go deeper, reaching that sweet spot of yours.

“hah, lemme come inside doll” he said while his hands then went higher up towards your shoulders as he was completely inside you.

you moaned, reaching your orgasm spasming all over him, you felt his warmth filling you up like never before.

he pulled out, laying besides you, exhausted from how rough he had been. you felt your legs become sticky from your leaking pussy.

his head turned towards yours after you had laid on your back. he stood up and pulled you by your legs.

“hey !” you yelling in surprise, him picking you up and throwing you over your shoulder.

he went to the bathroom, letting you down in the shower as he turned on the hot water. stepping inside, you both washed up and laughed playing with the soap on each other.

you had your bestfriend back, your boyfriend.

he rubbed your waist, putting his head on your shoulder while you washed your face.

you rinsed the soap off and turned around opening your eyes to him smiling at you.

“i love you y/n, i hope you know that more than anything, more than my mistakes, more than words could even describe. no matter how much time passes, that will always be the truth and if I could take back every moment that made you question that, I would without hesitation.”

you smiled at him placing a kiss on his lips.

if only you knew how much you were failing right now. but you didn’t due to the fact that your parents were caught up in a divorce and blamed more than half of it on you.

your whole life you thought you had been the worst daughter. not because they told you so, but because they always made it seem like you did everything wrong. little details your parents never realized. it'd always be like this ever since you can remember, "in reality you weren't even planned" they once told you. so all of it made sense.

they would bring it up in family gatherings how they had sex and never planned to have a child, they'd say you were a "blessing" yet brung up how much they wished they could've done things differently before you were born. almost as if they wished you hadn't been born.

they hated the idea of having another child.

it made it seem like you were in despair or miserable but you never felt that way. of course, yeah, you had your family problems and what not, but you always had the bright side on your mind. you had an amazing bestfriend, anabella lee. she had been your bestfriend since the second grade where you met each other after you caught her kissing a little boy under the park's slide.

you were never the type of girl to go out so having a boyfriend wasn't in your bucket list, yet bella made it fun since she was the heartthrob.

she gave something your parents never provided you, unconditional love. she gave you hope and she gave you a sister your parents couldn't ever give you.

most importantly, the relationship you had with your grandmother. the lady who took care of you more than your own mother. she was the place you always went to when it rained. the lady who taught you how to read, paint and write. you couldn't thank her more. all the love you carried was from her and no one else.

you learned everything one learns from two parents from one person.

she had passed away a few month before starting college. starting college wasn't easy at all, being alone, without support from your parents or anyone in your family other than anabella was just the beginning of it.

thats what brings you here, failing your second semester in college, horribly.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

8:49am

text from annibelly

"helloooo, r you ready for the calculus test today ? i think i might fail ngl i went to sleep last night really late with jake."

"hello ?"

"oh my gosh y/n dont tell me your asleep.."

"HELLO???"

" WAKE UP Y/N WE HAVE A TEST TODAY YOU CANT MISS THIS ONE TOO"

"y/n youre going to fail calculus class"

and she was right. YOU were going to fail if you didn't go. she was more worried than you and you could always tell she cared deeply about these things although she'd be failing herself.

you have already missed a whole bunch of lectures and you were completely sure if you missed one more you probably wouldn't even remember what the process of differentiation and integration even meant.

you stretched in your white sheets, room quiet, sun spilling in between the curtain gaps. you check your clock, "oh shit" you say, eyes widened. your calculus class started at 9:00am. it was 11am already. quickly you washed up, changed and ran out hoping you could created a valid excuse for the professor.

you walked in through the main doors there stood anabella with the professor handing in the test as she had stayed a little longer waiting for you to arrive. she was the last person there, the upcoming class already coming in.

"miss yeun, what brings you here so late ? you missed the test." professor park remarks. your cheeks burned in embarrassment and before you can say anything, the most dreadful words came out of his mouth. "miss yeun, you have already failed this class if you haven't noticed" he says in his most serious, disappointed tone. you turn to anabella and she looks at you with a frown on her face. you can tell they were expecting more from you.

the worst part was how disappointed you were at yourself, you've always been the girl who studied, made sure you were the top student.

the moment your grandmother died, that all ended. you snooped around, you procrastinated, you hid from everything. you did everything she taught you to never do. you had also lost a lot of weight, which also worried anabella the most.

yet nothing ever worried your parents enough. you were always a letdown to them. something they never wanted. especially in the state you were in. it made you hate yourself more than anything.

then proffesor park made a face almost as if he had an idea. "i'll give you one more chance miss yeun, make up all your work and i'll let you take the test. If you fail to do so you will not pass." professor park blurred out. the heaviness on your chest released a bit after knowing you had a second chance. well maybe like the fifth chance but that was besides the point.

you exited the class with anabella, "see i knew he'd give you a chance, you weren't the only one failing anyways !" she tried to bring a smile to you face but all you could think of was how much pity that professor had for you. you hated it.

"its not that easy anabella, you have no idea how much work i have missed and have to turn in. plus how the hell will i take that test if i have no idea what he's been giving in the lectures. im fucked and i only have one month" you told her while she listened carefully knowing you needed some type of comfort.

"y/n, we'll find a way out of this, don't worry. i'll help you get over this" she told you while walking you to your car.

you couldn't ask for a better bestfriend.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

going home was your least favorite part of the day, finding your parents either fighting or drunk. not it. especially after a day like this you wished you could disappear.

"look whose finally home" your mom blurt out in the most sarcastic tone ever.

"can't you just realize how much pain you've brought to this house, your father can stand either of us. yet you're just like him, you hide from your problems like a coward, maybe his mom couldn't even teach you to be less like him. maybe she didn't teach you everything after all like you make it seem." she was drunk, you can tell because all of it was random, you had no idea what she was talking about.

all you knew was how deep she had cut you with mentioning your grandmother.

"you never were my mother the way she was, and you have no place to talk for her. so i expect you to have some decency and learn to talk truthfully when you sober up rather than hold a bottle in your hand trying to mend the pain" you tell her not looking as you heat up some food you had from yesterday.

you tried to stay as calm as possible so you wouldn't stir anything up.

you can tell she was angry by the way she set down the bottle.

"how about being a little grateful you have a roof over your head. and food in your stomach." you can tell she was far gone because all these things you mentioned, you paid for them yourself.

"these things i have are mines, i pay the bills, i buy and cook my food, i'm the one who does everything in this house. don't try to scramble your way out." you completely regretted saying anything as you saw her look at you with the straightest face possible. you knew what she was going to say was not good.

"get out of my house."

You froze. you didn't know if she was being serious or if it was the alcohol talking.

"i mean it, i want you out by midnight. you want responsibilities go have at it. you're out.

you couldn't believe it, you lost your appetite from the form of those words. and just like that you went to your room and picked all your things up, at least all the important things.

you ran out of the house with bags and suitcases you managed to pack in two hours all in your car.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

12:23am

you had no idea where to go. you had been parked in a gas station for the past hour trying to think of anything possible. you didn't want to bother but you seriously had no other choice but to go to anabella's house since she was the only person you were truly close to.

a thirty minute drive felt like hours from all the thoughts formed in your head figuring out what you were going to say to her. you were drowned in tears endlessly crying realizing you could never go back.

scared to crash you wiped them away.

it was the end. you had nowhere to go home to anymore. all your childhood memories of your parents being somewhat affectionate when they remembered to or when your dad loved her little girl before she became a woman.

everything was just over. kicked out and driving in raging rain.

there you were parked in a house you came to regularly every other weekend to hang out while your parents forgot about you.

you noticed another car, in the garage parking, usually where you left your car.

maybe jake, anabella's recent friend with benefits buddy.

you got out of the car grabbing a backpack that was in the back seat with your essentials; a pair of pjs, soap, a toothbrush, some face wash and your glasses along with your computer and papers from that calculus class.

you walked to the front door, completely soaked. hesitating to knock on the door.

you knock finally, it being one in the morning, you doubted anyone was awake. you held your face in your hands thinking you were ridiculous for being there so late.

the door finally cracked open. there stood a tall, lean body with a grey hoodie and some black sweats. it wasn't anabella but someone familiar. anton, anabella's older brother.

"y/n ? its so late, are you okay ?" he said in a concerned tone. his eyes looked first at how soaked you were from standing in the rain and then to your bag slung over your shoulder. he quickly let you in.

"what happened ? your all soaked, you could get sick out there" he grabbed your bag from your shoulder after throwing a warm blanket around you. you tried to explain but your words caught in your throat and tears rolled down your cold cheeks.

"oh y/n" he caught you in his arms.

he was warm, smelled like freshly washed clothes with a hint of that sweet smell he carried around. his arms snaked around your back and kept you snug tight. you felt safe, something you hadn't felt in a while. it almost caught you off guard.

anton was the brother that you always wished for. anabella would tell you how much he protected her even after he found out she had lost her virginity to the jerk team captain of the football team.

he stood up for her when he could.

he was a quiet yet observant boy, he always knew how to make you laugh whenever anabella wasn't around. but you weren't as close with him as you were with anabella.

anabella and him had a two year age gap which made both of you two years younger than him. he was already on his junior year in college while both you and anabella had just started. he had helped both of you get in so it was easier for anabella since she'd always use him to cheat.

ever since high school started, you both grew distant with him since he was older and had his own things to deal with. he was the captain of the swimming team and the leader of the mathematic & statistics club.

you didn't know much about him, you just knew he'd poke around once in a while when anabella needed him.

he had set you down on the couch. "i'm going to grab bella for you, i'll be right back okay ?" you nodded and he left to find her.

anabella hurried down the stairs scared, in pjs with her short black hair all messy and in her glasses, almost as if she was ready to go to sleep.

"y/n ! oh my god are you okay ? what's going on.. " she cupped your face with her hands making you look at her as she kneeled in front of you.

"i just got kicked out" you said after explaining everything in the best way possible. she leaned her head on your knees and looked back up

"everything is going to be okay, there's an extra room here and you can stay for as long as you want. i promise" she pulled her pinky out like she did for everything, anton watched in silence.

you thanked her and she took care of you. you got to the room, washed up and went to sleep as fast as you could wanting to forget everything that just happened.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

your eyes fluttered open.

you, in a new bed, room, house. well not everything was completely new, you had been here a hundred times ever since she bought the house , but still it felt new.

you brushed your teeth and headed to the kitchen. there anton was making breakfast while anabella sat on the couch.

"hey y/n, i'm making pancakes and bacon, there's fruits in the bowl on the counter if you want some too" he pointed at the fruit bowl anabella put on the kitchen counter.

"how'd you sleep ?" anabella asked stretching her arm out so you can sit besides her on the big couch she had. the tv on playing friends, her favorite show. " i slept well, probably the best i've slept in weeks." you told her with a half forced smile on your face although you told the truth.

"im glad" she gave you a pout.

"stay as long as you want you'll give us good company" she looked at anton as he brought a plate of pancakes with bacon accompanied by the bowl of fruits he had told you about earlier.

"eat" anton gave you the plate hoping you wouldn't lose your appetite.

you all ate on the couch watching the tv, laughing together at the stupid jokes chandler would make.

after an hour or so anton got up and went to what you thought was his room.

"did anton move in ?" you cut the silence asking anabella the question in curiosity since you never saw him around when you visited and found a car in the driveway.

"yeah, he moved in about 2 weeks ago because he hated the dorm rooms at the university. when i bought the house i had asked him to move in but he had said no, i guess he gave up." she laughed and managed to get a giggle from you.

"i can't believe you got a house before him" you mentioned remembering you always told anabella when you were little she would be homeless when she grew up.

the day carried on. making jokes, you talking to her, just like before, everything felt peaceful again.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

it was late, you laid in anabella's bed, her next to you. anabella looked at you " hey y/n, you know who could help you with the calculus work.." you raised an eyebrow at her wondering who she was going to recommend

"anton" she smiled knowing how much she used him in high school for all her math tests.

"you think he'd help me with all of that ?" you knew it was a lot and if you were in anton's shoes you would not like to help someone with that much work.

anabella rolled her eyes "ugh you are so arrogant, just go ask him, i know he'll help you" you shrugged your shoulders and thought to yourself, maybe he would.

anabella had fallen asleep and you walked out of the room quietly to grab a few cookies from the pantry. you saw a light coming from another room, not yours or anabella's. anton's room. then you thought again about anabella's recommendation, maybe you should ask.

you slowly walked to the room and knocked gently as you extended your hand out towards the door

a low "come in" came from inside and you gently poked your head into the room. you saw his guitars on the wall, his books and papers laid out on the desk with his laptop. the light of the turned on tv filling the room.

he sat up in his old tee shirt and grey shorts. "hey y/n, everything alright ?" he could tell you were nervous to ask whatever you were going to ask him.

he was always sweet to you.

"hey anton, i was wondering since you were good at math, if you could help me with a difficult class i have." you covered up the fact that you were failing horribly to not face embarrassment.

his face lit up, you asked him for help and he felt contempt. " yeah of course, when would you want to start ?" he tilted his head happy to give you a hand.

"uh whenever you want.. how much do i have to pay you ?" he looked at you and rolled his eyes, looked just like anabella. " why would you pay me? don't, i'll do it without the money."

you kind of felt like you didn't deserve it. "are you sure?" you asked hoping he'd give you a price.

"yes, i'm sure" a nod followed his phrase.

"we can start now if you want, i'm not doing anything maybe a few math problems could tire me a bit" he said, it was late and he couldn't sleep.

you couldn't really sleep either and accepted grabbing your laptop and calculus papers from your room.

then you started.

"let's find the derivative of f(x)=3x2+5x−4f(x)=3x2+5x−4. what's the first step?" you looked and then stared at the numbers, god you hated math so much.

" i don't know" you said covering your face as your cheeks turned completely red.

he laughed "don't hide this is how you learn" something in that sentence drove you insane.

the way he reassured you. how he pulled your hands away from your face.

no you couldn't. thats anabella's brother.

you brushed it off and continued after he explained a bit.

"so the answer is f′(x)=6x+5f′(x)=6x+5?" you waited for his approval while he looked at all you work. "perfect. you got it." a soft smile appeared in his face while he looked at your work.

he continued explaining the details, things you had to remember. his pretty slim fingers pointed at things on the paper, you tried to focus on the numbers and letters rather than his veiny hands. how his breath hit your neck sometimes when he'd get a little closer to you.

but most of all his voice, how gentle and soft spoken he was. you can just catch yourself thinking about how he'd sound if he called you "baby" or how his name rolls off his tongue so perfectly it made you press your legs together involuntarily.

then the dirty thoughts you've never had about your bestfriends brother started.

how it would feel to be all his, the way he would teach you little things in his bed completely naked, just like he was teaching you about differentiation. his hands all over your body and his mouth on yours.

stop, you can't. you thought to yourself.

"y/n ?" his voice reached you. you snapped out of it quick.

"what is the answer to this ?" his eyes locked in with yours, you could feel yourself grow hot. almost immediately moving his gaze back to the paper knowing that it didn't feel normal.

you cleared your throat and finished the work on the paper. "times 6x" you said plainly. "yup, why do you even need help, you've gotten most of them right" he said almost proudly, trying to ignore the eye contact that just had happened.

"i didn't get all of them right though so" you added not being happy with only a few being correct.

he looked at you, you stared at the paper. the pen you had in your hand rolled off the table after you let go of it.

you both bend down to grab it, fingers brushing against one another. bringing yourselves back up; again making eye contact.

this time he didn't look away, he stared, and you froze. his gaze lowering a few times to your lips.

you heard a knock.

he washed out of the trance. "yes ?" he called out, anabella came in after you thought she was asleep she woke up to ask her brother something.

"anton i need to go out tomorrow, i forgot to ask if i could borrow your car since mines at the dealer?" she looked at the papers in between both of you with sleepy eyes.

"yeah you can, i just need it after six, sohee invited me to his house." he said in an awkward tone no one noticed but you.

he wasn't going to be home the next night and it kind of bummed you since you looked forward to another lesson.

"thank you !" she said happily, with a thumbs up towards you for asking him to help you before closing the door behind her.

you both ignored everything that just happened and cleaned everything up. you grabbed your things and before you left you turned around as he watched you

"thank you for agreeing to help me" you say to him with a faint smile. he nods without saying anything giving you that big smile he always gives you. still a bit awkward.

you walked to your room, freshened up and got in bed. and just before you thought you had completely brushed off the feeling:

oh gosh, i can't be falling for anton.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

it's the next day and anabella had left to the mall to buy a few things as she said the night before. you were alone with anton but you had avoided each other all day.

you had no idea if it was because of the staring or maybe it was just him being his normal self.

you couldn't seem to stop thinking about him. the way he looked at you, his fingers still on yours while you both grabbed the pen. the way he was startled by anabella when she walked in, almost making it feel like he was doing something illegal.

it wasn't normal, you wanted it to not be normal. you wanted to study, you wanted to study with just him.

the day passed by and anabella had come back home, you laughed with her as the hours passed by. she had told you how happy she was you were there, how maybe it was better like this.

and honestly it was. it felt right, it felt correct.

anabella went to her room after she got a phone call. you watched her and she had her index finger up telling you to give her a second. after a few minutes she walked out of her room in her work clothes unexpectedly "y/n, i'm sorry to bother but can i borrow your car i just got called in randomly for an extra night shift, i'm so sorry"

she looked at you, feeling bad. you looked back at her rolling your eyes "grab the keys you idiot, grab them whenever you want" she laughed and sprinted grabbing them quick kissing your head, the way her mom used to when you were all younger.

"i don't know what'd i do without you. thank you so much" she dragged out her words and smiled at you as she shut the front door.

you were by yourself for the first time, the anxious feeling of it ran through your body since its been so long a house had been this quiet but you calmed yourself to a shower.

right after you pulled out the laptop and your papers from last night and finished some of the many works you had pending. you studied till late not realizing it was already 1:30am.

keys jangled at the door, and anton had arrived. he closed the umbrella as it had been raining again that night. he went to the kitchen, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge.

his eyes caught you looking at him as he took sipped from the bottle.

you look away quickly trying to focus back on your papers. "you're up late, you should probably go rest. those late night study habits suck, coming from someone who has study insomnia" he said all while walking towards you.

he sat down besides you on the floor where you were, back against the couch, papers on the coffee table in front of you. the light from the laptop lit up your face and his as he looked at all the work you've been doing.

"this is wrong." he said pointing at an equation full of messy numbers. you almost let out a groan hoping he wouldn't have noticed. he explained, in that soft voice you still couldn't get over.

"thank you" you appreciated him. he gave you a soft smile, but he could tell you were tired of all those equations.

"hey, you should probably go rest, seriously there's nothing worse than learning math all worn out." he raised his eyebrows knowing from experience.

you laid your head on the edge of the table, his hand crept up your back rubbing just the top, close to your nape. his slender cold fingers against your warm skin. you were wearing a black silk tank top with matching shorts, lace on the hems.

you brought your head up, his hand freezing when you look at him. there was tension, you both felt it and it was more than noticeable.

the house was quiet, too quiet. him letting go of the water bottle setting it down on the table sounded louder than ever.

he looked at you a little more like if he was making sure you were alright with everything. the hand he had flat on your back slowly went to cup your face. he got closer, gaze dropping to your lips coming back to your eyes.

you couldn't think straight, wanting to feel all of him but hoping deeply that anabella wouldn't walk through that door catching you kiss her own brother knowing that would make her go insane.

his lips brushed over yours still waiting for some type of green light worrying about crossing a line. you finally gave in kissing him, your lips bleeding into his perfectly. his mouth kept things steady while both of your hands were around his neck.

you can feel him start to get needy making the kiss sloppier, he pulled away making sure you were alright "i've been wanting to do that for so long" he confessed against you lips. you never expected him to say something like that. your face surprised.

he stood up as you looked up at him confused, he closed your laptop and stood you up. he organized the papers and picked everything up, one hand full of your things and the other holding yours leading you towards his room.

this is horribly wrong, you thought to yourself. the same way he told you your equations were incorrect.

he let go of your things on his desk and propped himself the edge of the bed still holding your hand. he spread his legs and pulled you between them.

"if you're not sure of this just tell me to stop, y/n" there it was that soft voice again. you looked down at him and his puppy eyes the way he looked staring up at you. you couldn't say no, you couldn't tell him to stop.

you gave him a nod, "say it aloud, i want to hear you say you'll tell me to stop if you're uncomfortable" he said making sure you were both on the same page.

"i'll tell you to stop if i feel a certain way, i promise" you whispered almost breathless looking at him. the warmth between your legs grew into heat the more he reassured you.

he grabbed the back of your thighs, one by one, pulling you onto his lap. your hands on his shoulders. he didn't spare any time and dove his lips into the crook of your jaw and neck. his hot mouth leaving butterfly marks, soft enough to leave by the morning.

"anton" his name slipped out of your mouth in a soft moan. his hands slipped up your shirt, warm, possessive yet gentle.

his hands brush up against the underside of your breasts. "can i ?" he asks mouth still kissing along your neck. you nod as he pulls of the thin material off your body.

"no bra ? you're lucky were alone here, you'd drive me insane if we weren't" he chuckled against your lips and you smiled before he pushed his tongue into your mouth. sloppy, wet and messy.

his hands finally on your breast squeezing and pinching your nipples between his index and middle fingers. the feeling made you whine in his mouth, your noises pleasuring him more than anything.

his mouth trails down leaving wet kisses along the sides of your neck and chest making it to your nipples. if there was one thing this man was good at it was using his tongue, the way he flicked it and circled all along your nipples made you grow wetter the more he did so.

"these are so pretty, baby" he said mouth full on you tits, you moaned and bucked your hips against his because of the nickname. you've been wanting to hear him call you that in that little voice of his and hearing him for the first time did something to you.

you grew needy, you wanted more.

you whined pulling on his shirt wanting it off. "starting to get impatient huh ? you want this off ?" him talking to you like that had you at your worse.

"please" you say eyebrows furrowed wanting him naked already. he smiled picking you up, laying you in the middle of his bed.

"slow baby, we have all night. no need to rush sweetheart" he knew you loved the nicknames from the way you squirmed, he also knew how much you needed him from the way you whined quietly waiting impatiently.

he loved to tease you, just like he always did.

he pulled his shirt off over his head, you stared at his perfectly toned body you hadn't seen since his last swimming competition in high school.

fuck you had been missing this for so long.

"anton please, touch me" you said in the shyest yet neediest way possible. it stunned him, the way you expressed yourself, he's never seen or thought of you in this way.

"tell me how much you want it baby" he whispered against you neck hands shimmying their way down your shorts.

"please, i need you so bad, do whatever you want i just need to feel you anton" you said quietly in his ear making sure he heard all of it. his fingers circling on your clothed pussy, panties still covering you.

he gave in after your words and took his hand out your shorts pulling them down along with your panties tossing them somewhere in his room. you felt the cold air hit between your legs making you close them instinctively.

"don't close you legs pretty girl, theres no need to be shy. i want to see what you've been hiding from me for so long" his hands traced slowly along your thighs before sliding back up to your waist, lingering against your smooth skin.

as if every touch mattered, as if holding you meant everything to him.

slowly his head lowered between your legs the more he spread them open, without ever losing eye contact. everything felt so agonizing at the pace he had placed. slow, attentive, and intimate.

his hands wrapped around both your thighs, grounding you, his tongue placed flat on your clit. he hadn't moved and you head was already tossed back from the mixed warmth between your legs.

your hands flying to his soft black hair pulling and pushing his head from the pleasure, you can feel him pressing his nose on your clit while his tongue pushed between your folds the more your hands played in his hair.

"fuck anton that feels so good, don't stop" you moaning made him look up at you turning him on even more seeing how you bit your lips trying to not be too loud.

he took two fingers, spitting between your folds, pushing them in. "this makes you feel good baby ?" he said between your heated thighs looking at you.

you moaned his name in slurs not knowing how to respond. his fingers pushed in and out, curling them deep inside your tight pussy. your own body responded for you.

his tongue gave in a last swirl around your clit, releasing you with a pop sound from his mouth. his tongue drove up from your lower stomach to you breast as he sucked on one nipple and kneaded the other one with his free hand while his other hand still pumped you pussy.

you moans became louder the more he pumped, you felt a knot form inside you, a knot you've never felt. "oh fuck i think i'm gonna come" you blurt out between breathy moans.

he pulled his fingers out before you came making you feel empty. you whined and he hushed you up quickly kissing you, salivas mixing, including the taste of your own. it was hot, dirty, something you've never done.

you almost understood anabella when she told you about every guy she had fucked and how amazing it was.

you unbuttoned his jeans and played with the waistband of his calvin klein boxers, there was faint smile you can feel forming on his lips between the kiss . he pulled down his pants with his boxers releasing himself.

he was the hardest he's ever been, he couldn't deny it, no one has ever had him like this. you can see his glistened tip from the moonlight peaking threw his curtains. "look at how you've got me princess" he looked at you as you looked down at him.

he smacked his tip on your clit gently and rubbed himself between his folds. he knew how to tease you enough for you to squirm under him "anton please, i need you" you pouted, he loved it.

he kissed your temple right before slowly inserting his tip in your tight little pussy. you can feel him stretching you going as slow as he could so he wouldn't hurt you. you really couldn't keep your composure anymore.

"hurry anton" you said desperate to feel him move inside you. he looked at you nodding making sure you were okay with it.

and so he did what you said.

his hands held the back of your thighs, he pushed himself as much as he could in you. "mm fuckk" he dragged out a moan under his breath. you let out a loud gasp when he pulled out and pushed back in farther.

his thrust became shorter a, little faster, still deep enough to hit that little spot you felt you high at. "yes yes, don't stop, please anton" your hands dug into his bed sheets.

he let go of your thighs and hovered over you a little closer, close enough to dig your nails into his arms. "you make me feel so good princess, you're so perfect, so good to me, taking me in so well"

his words didn't stop, almost praising you every time he slipped into your messy cunt filling you up.

his hand dipped between both of your bodies rubbing hard on your clit "fuck anton i'm so close, keep going" you moaned, he looked at your face, the way your mouth formed an "o" shape and how your hair was all messy on his pillow.

nothing of his has ever looked this precious, not even his grades, or his perfectly written math equations.

you were his, and no one had to say it nor deny it his body claimed you. and you let him.

you came all over him, legs shaking, arching your back off his bed. he pulled out and fisted himself right over your belly shooting warm white ropes "mmph baby" he moaned massaging your inner thigh looking at his mess.

you both laid next to each other breathless and tired. he stood up after a few minutes and grabbed a towel from his bathroom.

you were stuck staring at his room, staring at the moving fan. you had never felt this vulnerable next to someone, next to a guy. even less.

this wasn't your thing, and it certainly wasn't your place to come between your best friend and her brother.

in that moment, as he got up to grab the towel, every thought of being a failure drowned you.

why could you ever do something like this ? why would you ever let yourself go this far ? what could possibly make this feel worth it?

you never felt like enough, so why did having sex with the most forbidden person make you feel like you finally were enough?

rule#1: never let a boy separate us. rule#2: live together forever. rule#3: don't ever get with anton.

those were the rules, ever since you were 6 years old with anabella. they never changed and why should they now ?

you laid in this bed almost wondering how horrible you became, how you completely forgot about your parents, how you completely forgot about your grandmother, how you most importantly forgot about anabella.

"you okay y/n ?" he looked at you as your eyes watered looking up at the ceiling. you felt like you were about to get sucked into the mattress, like if you were going to disappear.

"baby what's wrong ?" he pulled you into your arms as you cried, losing notion of everything around you. your breath shortened and you felt suffocated.

the first panic attack you had since your grandmother died.

"hey i need you to breath, in and out, look at me" his hands brought you face up making you look at him. his voice calmed you and his eyes led you perfectly.

he was perfect.

no one ever brought you balance the way he did. you spent so long feeling like a problem without a solution, like a calculation that never added up.

he became the missing piece that made everything finally make sense.

your breath became slow as he held you against his chest, both of you sitting in his bed. you can hear his heartbeat, slow and calm helping you relax your own.

"do you regret it ?" he asked, worried he had done something that would scar you more than you've already been.

you looked up at him lost of words, him studying your face the same way he does with all his papers and yours.

"i don't know.." you say, almost as if you regretted saying that.

"its this feeling i can't shake, letting your sister down, letting my parents down, letting my grandmother down knowing, i was always taught to keep my word, to keep a promise. to never let myself go completely."

he looked at you taking in all the words you say, letting them comprehend a little better in his own mind.

"y/n, you need to recognize that you aren't a failure. no matter how much you fall, the amount of mistakes you make. your hardships. the things you do on a daily basis that you think are wrong don't make you less. they make you a human being."

he brought you up just enough for your eyes to find his, holding your gaze like he needed you to see him.

"they teach you, help you learn, help you grow. no matter how much people, family members, friends tell you that your less, you'll always be more. because having and being less always makes you grow more than people who already have enough."

"you're not a letdown and you have to stop believing you are. because you're human just like me, anabella, your parents, and your grandmother.you don't always have to be in control, you chose your peace over your control and if it feels correct then be it."

his words brought tears to your eyes, not the kind born from sadness, but the kind that came from realization.

you never realized how much you had been sabotaging yourself until that moment., how much you tried to become for others and not for you.

it was time you started to learn, to grow, but to plant your own flowers in your own garden, without your grandmother, your parents or anabella. not to let them go, but to finally create something out of it.

to build to finish to destroy and to build again.

because these things are given to you as a human.

the world may recognize your actions, but will it ever recognize your dreams?

he wiped your tears and gave you a smile, leaving small kisses on both sides of your face before laying you down beside him, your head resting against his chest. for once, you let yourself be still without control.

anton, threw the blanket over both of you, one hand over your waste pulling you closer to him and the other hand petting your head. as if he was never going to let go of you.

maybe, he never will. and if he never does, neither will you.