xo

It was 2 days ago, I talked to him about it. I obviously wasn’t ready but I really had to. Letting go feels harder when your heart’s still with him. I know exactly that what we did wasn’t right. I was just keep holding on to my ego. I refused to stop and I was hurting.

But I do love him.

What makes it hard for me to stop, is the fact that I will and have to live with those memories. None of them are bad. And his affection, I never thought I would ever enjoy and even addicted to someone’s affection like his. To the point I trust myself to him. I won’t let anyone touch me, but he surely has that access with no second thought.

But it also confuses me. How can I choose to trust him that much? How can I even love someone who’s not even mine? Everything’s so self destructive.