Akira the Wife of Basil

write about a childhood memory that keeps coming back even though nothing particularly important happened in it. maybe it is just a room, or a game you used to play, or maybe the sound music or voices from another part of the house. try remembering it properly, not just the version you've been repeated to yourself. what did it smell like, was it morning or already dark, how old were you, were you wearing something you would hate now, what did you think was going on? and why did your brain keep that one tiny scene so clearly when there are whole years you can barely remember. maybe it came back because of your mood now, or because something in your life feels vaguely similar, or maybe there is no reason and that is the strangest part.

think about someone you barely knew and still remember all the time. like genuinely barely knew. one night, one week, one summer, whatever. write down everything you still know about them and then everything you have probably invented since.

write about the last time something felt a bit supernatural, even though you know it probably was not. a message arriving at the exact wrong or right moment, seeing the same number over and over again, hearing something in an empty house, dreaming about somebody and then seeing them the next day. write the sensible version first. then write the version you would tell if you were allowed to be slightly delusional about it.

make a list of things you used to be obsessed with and then dropped without ceremony. not just songs and books, also people, foods, apps you checked every day, outfits you wore until you hated them, routines, ways of speaking, entire personalities. don’t organise it into eras or explain yourself too much. I think it is more interesting to see what appears next to what. maybe there is something on the list you did not actually stop loving, you just forgot to look at it.

pick one dream (sleepy dreams not goals lol) that stayed with you and write down every part you can still remember before it disappears again. the silly details too. especially the silly details. where did it happend and did you know the place? were you alone or with someone and if so did you know them? did something feel completely normal in the dream and then horrible or strange once you woke up? and what had been going on around that time, what were you thinking about too much, who were you missing, what had you watched before bed, what were you trying not to think about. don’t make every object into a symbol because sometimes a chair is probably just a chair, but sometimes it really does feel like your brain knows something before you do.

write about an object you have kept for no proper reason. maybe it is broken, ugly, cheap, cute, from somebody you do not speak to anymore, or just something you have moved from drawer to drawer for years. where did it come from? when was the last time you actually looked at it? imagine throwing it away and be honest about whether you would care. I have things I would not notice were gone for months and would still be devastated when I finally realised.

──── ୨୧ ────

yayy that's it guys, first post after a looong time! I missed you guys so much, and I hope you all are having a lovely summer so far. <3

questiones or requests -> ask malu

Well I have this semi-distinct memory of when I was probably in a crib in the spare room (basically that was a light blue room in my old house that my parents slept in, idk why it was called the spare room :P). I think my mom was showing me her lime green shoes, that or I just happened to see them. I DISTINCTLY remember that it was light outside. I was probably a baby so yeah I'd probably hate wearing whatever I was wearing now XD, and yeah there was no reason which is kinda creepy for some reason?

I distinctly remember this girl from the psych ward who was very nice to me, but she kind of had an oddly "mean" attitude, but not in a bad way? I don't think I really invented anything about her, but one thing that stuck with me for no reason was that she called Taylor Swift T-Swizzle and she once went to a concert cuz she won a ticket or something. Apparently she didn't even like her music but she got FREE FOOD!!! She was very direct and for some reason I always looked up to her because she was so confident in her actions. Well, despite her saying she HATED people looking up to her... Ollie from St. Mary's, if you're seeing this, I'm sorry for looking up to you (doubt you're reading this tho)

Not really supernatural (haven't had those) but when I started listening to the album Origin by Evanescence, the album (which I'm actually listening to right now)... it SPOKE to me. Like, not literally, but it felt like it was speaking to my heart. I didn't really think much of it at the time, but now I seriously think that it was just the right time for me to find that album. Now I listen to it almost every day and it somehow just makes me feel so much better. The sensible version would be that it's a coincidence, and there was nothing else to it. But if I'm really allowed to be slightly delusional, I think God might have "sent it to me". As in, I think I was supposed to find it. Listen to the song Lies, but also the lyrics, and you might understand why I made the connection to God.

I've gone thru quite a few phases, here are a few:

Nu metal phase, I LOVED the band Hybrid Theory, or well, the early iteration of Linkin Park. (IN FACT!! (FLEX) I actually own an original 1999 copy of their self-titled EP which cost me 400 USD AND you can't even find it anywhere!!) Apparently Origin by Evanescence (my favorite album) IS nu metal but tbh I don't see it

I wanted to crochet but just dropped it cuz I was really bad. Maybe I'll pick that back up again, idk

5. In late June, I had a dream where I committed suicide and was reborn into the same family, but with the traits I always wanted (won't go into detail for my own sake). But for some reason, there was a "scene" where my body was falling apart. It paints a really sad picture; getting what you want, but with a terrible price. The one location I can remember is my house, and I was talking to my mom at some point.

6. Well, one thing I've kept is this letter bead with a Q on it. It was given to me by someone at some super organized group therapy place (almost as organized as my psych ward except it wasn't the whole day obviously, and you could talk to people more), as a token of my membership to The Cult™️ (I have joined A LOT of "cults" lol). Unfortunately, I misplaced it when my family and I moved. Again, I doubt they're reading this, but if they somehow are, hello Quinn from Direction.