dark passenger

Jaden wanted to laugh, because Akila was right. He was a pretentious douche bag and he had survived far too long through far too much shit to die at the hands of a kid. He was almost offended Akila thought he faked it, but then… Akila didn’t know anything. He still thought that Jaden abandoned him and he had yet to clear up that mess.

He made no move to get up, his eyes drifting away from his friend so he could stare at the sky. He was avoiding eye contact for several reasons, most of which involved intimacy issues– yeah, even with his best friend. “I got kidnapped by some fucking hunters,” he admitted, the smile slipping from his expression. “They kept me captive for years. Experimented on me. Nearly killed me a few times.” There was a bitterness to his voice that he didn’t fight to hold back. Why should he? He was nearly blind in one eye because of them.

“I didn’t abandon you. The second I escaped I tried to go back home, but you weren’t there and they were. I’ve been looking for you ever since.”

Akila finally let go of Jaden’s shirt, looking down at him as he spoke - sharing bits and pieces of the time they spent apart. And just like that, ‘former friend’ didn’t seem to be what Jaden was anymore. He jumped straight back into feeling like Akila’s best friend, and what the fuck was up with that? Everything he said made anger and heartache buzz through him, along with a panging stab of guilt. 

On instinct he had wanted to bolt upright, ask where the fuck this group of hunters were and where he could find them. For once, though, he seemed to ‘read the atmosphere.’ He was probably only able to do that because it was Jaden, honestly. “Are you-” okay? What kind of dumbass question would that have been? Once Akila started talking, he seemed to realized that he was essentially stranding the guy, and he should probably get the fuck off of him now that he wasn’t contemplating strangling him. Rolling off to the side, he stretched himself out next to him, hands behind his head, as he mirrored Jaden in staring up at the sky. “You survived all that shit just to be offed by some pipsqueak kid? Yeah... you definitely would have made up a better fucking story than that.” His voice stayed soft as he spoke, trying to get his sympathy across without having to say it. “I just... I wish I could change our stupid ass stories.” Especially Jaden’s. “Can’t change them, but I can murder those fucking hunters.” At least he wasn’t yelling and screaming it, but hearing how bitter Jaden had sounded made him want to do something, and what else could he do? “Just so you know, I am going to fucking murder them.” 

The next second, Akila was laughing. The sincerity in which Jaden spoke just dragged it out of him. They were both douchebags, sincerity was hard to come by with them. But it wasn’t just that. It was also because it was so stupidly fucking touching that he couldn’t do anything but laugh. “Man, that’s pretty fucking gay of you.” But fuck if that hadn’t been nice as hell to hear. “Sorry, sorry. That was sweet, really.” Okay, now he was just being an absolute asshole.

“Yes. I don’t like the cold. I’d prefer not to get cold when I can go somewhere where it’s warm. Is that so hard to understand?” 

“What the fuck did you do before? Turn into a bat and fly south for the winter? Have you ever heard of a fucking coat?”

“Well… it’s kind of true. Have you ever thought about anything like that?” He went on, not really bothering to let the negativity get to him. “It’s kind of cool… do you think that there are like… air fish?”

“Yeah, sure, when I’ve been fucking stoned out of my fucking mind. And have you ever thought about anything like shutting the fuck up?” Akila circled his thumb over his temple, wondering when the stupid questions would fucking end. “Are you high? You have got to be fucking high.” Fuck, Akila should probably stop asking questions to the guy who seemed perpetually stuck in lala land.

One of Jaden’s biggest fears, one of the things that kept him connected at least partially sane for several of his years, was that Akila would struggle with controlling his wolf. How many bodies would be on his friends conscious before he could find him and teach him control? Maybe he didn’t have to be worried, he couldn’t help but think, as Akila pushed him further into the ground. His friend was completely raging and there wasn’t even a sign of golden eyes.

He relaxed, his grin remaining. “Still sticking with it? You think I’d make up something like that? Some fucking twink of a kid got the drop on me, you really think I’d want that on my rep?” And wait, did Akila really think that Jaden faked his death? How low had he come to think of his friend over the years? His smile softened and he let Akila do what he needed, to get the rage out. “I didn’t abandon you, if that’s what you think.”

Did he think he’d make up something like that? To Akila, that was almost a loaded question. He thought the Jaden he had sculpted into his nemesis was more than capable of doing anything and everything to ruin his life. If he separated that delusion from the Jaden he used to know, though... The answer was no, it didn’t sound like something he would do at all. Jaden had been his best fucking friend, and somewhere along the line he had nearly forgotten who Jaden was, focusing on making him something convenient for the truth he wanted to believe. “No... you’re a fucking pretentious asshole.”

Fuck. Being around Jaden again was making it so fucking clear that everything he made up had been just that - complete and utter bullshit. How long had he been fucking running? Afraid of what he had done, afraid to face the fact that he didn’t know why the person most important to him vanished? Jaden smiled, and it was like the final piece of the delusion was broken away.

And in that moment, he didn’t care that this meant his past was at fault. He’d handle that another time. Right now, he was focused on the fact he may have just gotten something back that he had been too lost to realize he had been yearning for. “That... Yeah... that’s what I thought.” Akila sighed, hanging his head as he felt his fists further unclench from their former grip on Jaden. “What the fuck else was I supposed to think?!” He tried to snip, but fuck if he wasn’t embarrassed. And another part of him was still scared that in the next second, Jaden would laugh, and confirm all his former thoughts were true. Funny, at one point, he had needed that to be true, and now he desperately wanted this in front of him to be the truth.

The boy didn’t even have the decency to look upset. Here he was, covered in blood that Sam was nearly positive didn’t belong to him, and he was smirking. That was enough fro Sam, who’d seen far too many bloodthirsty monsters laugh over their kills in his life. “If you don’t know, that’s a good sign you hurt someone. Where’s the body?” He didn’t really think he was going to get an answer.

Great, the kid was being snarky. Covered in blood and snarky. Great combo. It reminded Sam briefly of Meg, before she’d made the tentative switch to the good side. “Awesome, that’s….” Recognition dawned on Sam, though it was more akin to being smacked upside the head with a two-by-four than a sunrise. He’d met the boy before, years ago, and let him go. Damnit, how could his judgement have been so wrong yet again?

It was his duty as a hunter to prevent these kinds of things from happening, to stop monsters before they could hurt anyone, and from what Sam could see, that bridge was long-crossed. “You promised me you had this under control. That was the only reason I didn’t kill you years ago. You have to pay for the lives you’ve taken.” There was no doubt in Sam’s mind that the boy had taken many, nobody stared down the barrel of a gun the callously if they were innocent. He lifted his gun into position and aimed. “You don’t get to hurt anyone again.” Sam himself would have to live with the guilt of knowing all the blood came right back to his hands.

“When you get blackout drunk, do you remember exactly what you did or where the hell you left shit?” Maybe he shouldn’t have worded it that way, that was like admitting he had no semblance of control. But what’s the worst thing this guy could do with the information? Kill him? Akila turned his head, letting out a pitiful, huffed laugh.

This guy clearly had some hero complex, and right now, in this short one shot in his lifelong escapades of heroism, Akila was the villain. It was fitting, really. For someone else to realize he’s a monster when he finally accepted that the villain in his own story had always been himself. Akila had gone through life pretending to be the morally grey protagonist, off to settle a score, to right a wrong. Jaden had been a scapegoat for everything he couldn’t face, and now here he was, finally ready to not only accept what he was, but to atone for it.

“It’s called denial, I’m a fucking expert.” He couldn’t resist snipping, even in a situation like this. Then the hunter said exactly what Akila had been thinking - that he’d pay for his crimes. To anyone else, his crimes had probably been numerous, including whoever he hurt - or killed - just moments ago. Akila was already too disconnected to care about those people, he only cared about atoning for one life - the life that was the start to this whole journey, the one that lead him here. “Then fucking do it already. I don’t need your heroic explanation. I get it, so fucking get on with it.” He was scared. Of course he was scared. He talked a big game, but knowing everything was about to be over was still terrifying. Akila felt himself trembling, but he just closed his eyes, and waited for the inevitable blow. At least he wouldn’t have to think anymore. And hey, maybe he’d even see that son of a bitch again.

You son of a fucking bitch. “Nevermind, found him,” Jaden said, turning away from the other he had been talking to… to find Akila all but lunging at him. And really, in retrospect, he should have been expecting it. Akila was always one to jump to conclusions and Jaden had been gone for ten years without a single explanation. Jaden would have thought the worst, too.

He dodged, though not entirely. He wasn’t entirely sure what Akila was aiming to do, but he let the guy tackle him, a shit eating grin on his face. Yeah, Akila was pissed off and this was definitely like poking a sleeping bear, but he was happy. He had found him. “I’ve already done the whole, dead thing, and really, it doesn’t suit me well. Can we skip that part and get on to the hugging and tears?”

Seeing Jaden again was surreal. As much as he was already pissing him off, Akila was glad he wasn’t shifting. And that alone was the reason he wasn’t. It was subconscious, but Akila wanted to be present in the moment. He didn’t want to run away. He was confronting this, even if it was in a rather unproductive way.

Fists balled up in the front of Jaden’s shirt, roughly tugging at him. "You’re still sticking with the whole ‘I died’ bullshit?” If Akila had any concept of chill, maybe he would have stopped and asked questions instead of making one incorrect accusation after another. Wrinkling up in nose in distaste, he shoved harder at Jaden’s chest as if it would sink him into the ground. “I’ll hug you in a fucking choke hold.” Then why wasn’t he doing it already?

Alexandria let out a little laugh, shaking her head as she took another step towards him. He thought he was scary, she was sure, his eyes a bright gold… but Alexandria wasn’t scared. “Maybe I am,” she said, reaching out for him. She didn’t touch him, she wouldn’t against his will, but her fingers lingered near his hand. “But I care about you and I’m not gonna let you be alone right now. You don’t have to tell me anything, but I’m here.”

Akila looked at her hand as if it were the most perplexing thing he had ever seen in his life. He felt his finger twitch as if he wanted to reach out to her, but made no move to do so. He felt some of the tension drain from his body as she continued to speak. He didn’t have to talk about it. Yet if he didn’t, his thoughts would continue to cycle on repeat. He’d be trapped in his own head, and sooner or later there wouldn’t be any escape. Maybe he should metaphorically take the hand she had selflessly offered him instead of pushing this off. “I just- I don’t know how to talk about it. It’s all a fucking mess in my head, and-” Akila gripped at his hair, lightly tugging, wondering if he was making a mistake. “I... the guy I wanted to kill-” Somehow, saying that to Alexandria made him feel like he should feel guilty or ashamed. “The guy I needed to kill. He’s already dead.” Akila didn’t realize it, but his wolf like features had all but vanished. He felt so close to losing control, then... suddenly, he was himself again.

Sam had heard the scream from far away, the sound of someone in deep trouble. He’d known even as he was racing in the direction of the noise that it would be too late, that whatever he found would be left in remnants when he arrived. What he hadn’t expected was to find a man–no more than a boy, really–with arms streaked in blood.

It was clear he was going to be trouble. Sam cocked his gun, the clicking noise echoing through the open space. The boy knew he was here, now. “What happened here?” Sam demanded, trying to sound at least a little sympathetic. The boy might have been attacked, after all. He hardly seemed well. “Is someone hurt?” There was no sign of a body right near the boy, but Sam had a suspicion he would find one if he looked around.

Cutting to the chase, he locked eyes with the boy, enunciating each word. “Is this your blood, or someone else’s?”

Akila slowly raised his head when he heard the click of a gun being readied. He moved his head a little to one side, as if he were contemplating what to make of this situation. A gun pointed at him should scare him, right?

Looking beyond the gun, he saw a familiar face. The man, the hunter, had let him go once before. It felt like lifetimes ago now. Akila had begrudgingly said he was fine, could handle his power, could stay in control. It was all bullshit, he knew it then, and he certainly still knew it now. Part of him wondered if he would have turned out differently if he had asked him for help all those years ago, but the rational part of him knew he had already been beyond help even then.

“Beats me,” he rasped out with a smirk. It was the truth, after all. He could never remember enough to give a fucking detailed report. “Hurt, or worse.” His voice was low and disconnected, as he continued to consider the gun. Jaden was in this position too, huh? Only... Jaden still wanted to live - to see him. God, that was so fucking laughable! That Jaden had pleaded, had thought of him, and now here was Akila, realizing he had nothing to plead for.

“Oh, it’s definitely not mine.” Looking away from the gun again, he met the hunter’s eyes. “Regret having let me go yet? Pretty poor judgment call.”

Alexandria was careful not to take her eyes off of him, afraid that he might bolt the second she even blinked. He seemed like the kind of guy, the guy who felt like he had to choose between fight or flight when there was a third option. “Of course you can,” she said, just as softly. And then she saw the shift- such a minor thing, his eyes flickering gold and his teeth- canines- growing past his lips. It was a fight for control and he was scared, but… “I’m not leaving. You aren’t gonna hurt me, I know you won’t.” I trust you. How many times did she have to tell him that he was good before he actually listened to her? “Akila, please. If you hold it in, it’s only gonna get worse.”

At this point, he was fearfully waiting to lose all control, to blackout and lunge. He couldn’t let that happen. Taking a few steps away, he finally snapped his head up, bright golden eyes finally meeting her’s. “You don’t fucking know that!” He didn’t want to yell at her, he didn’t, but if he hurt her-  “I-” killed her. He almost said it, the retort was on the tip of his tongue to prove her wrong, but he choked. “You don’t know what I’ve done, you keep thinking I’m not some piece of shit, and I don’t fucking get it.” He felt hysterical, unhinged, and... she needed to go. But then she pressed forward, and Akila felt his stubborn resolve crack ever so slightly. When was the last time someone tried to get close, to help or understand him? With all the damn walls he built up, with the bite his words always seemed to carry, it was smart that others hardly ever took a step closer. Yet here was Alexandria doing just that... “You’re seriously such a fucking dumbass.”

Did he kill someone again? He didn’t know. He didn’t care.

Every time he shifted, he’d only remember broken fragments of his time as a monster. With her, though... With her he remembered everything, it was etched into the back of his eyelids, imprinted in his mind. As much as he ran - from thinking, from confronting his problems - that was the one thing he had never been able to fully escape. Hearing about Jaden, how he died, how he had been searching for him, only served to bring these memories to the forefront all over again.

Because it was his fault. Not Jaden’s. He killed her, and it was his fault... Right?

He was spiraling, still trying to flee from his thoughts, but for once he was unable to. And so he fazed in and out, the line between a wolf and a man blurring. If he couldn’t bask in denial any longer, then maybe this was the only way he could cope - to lose control.

Alexandria watched Akila, noting the conflict that seemed to pass over his face. Anytime he spoke, that cold exterior would show, only to disappear as soon as his words dropped. He was trying to be strong, but there was clearly something going on that was tearing him up inside. “You don’t have to bottle it all up, y’know. Sometimes it feels better to talk about things, when you’re sad.”

With an exasperated laugh, he ran his hands through his hair. Of course she wouldn't buy it, of fucking course. “I can’t.” The very prospect of talking about it made fear and dread shoot through his veins. Talking meant facing what he was so desperately trying to avoid. Yet she made it sound so fucking simple. Why was everyone trying to get him to face this shit? That kid, Alexandria, his own fucking mind. Maybe it was all his fault, not Jaden’s. His thoughts kept wandering down a path, involuntarily seeking the truth, to the point it was getting harder to keep blocking off. If he talked about it... if he reached the conclusion he didn’t want to make, how would he cope then? He felt his canines elongate, his eyes flickering as his thoughts begged to be acknowledged. “You need to fucking go.”

“I guess thats one way to look at things.”

Looking back over his shoulder at the bits of body, he felt himself wince, immediately facing forward again so he wouldn’t feel the urge to hurl. Death didn’t bother him, dead bodies didn’t bother him, but body bits were a little fucking disgusting. “Dead and de-fucking-initely not getting an open-casket funeral.”

Matt clamped his eyes shut just so he could get a fucking grip. He gasped for air, for some kind of perchance to cling to. He was in public, making some stupid scene in front of a guy who was trying to comfort him despite the fact that Matt killed his friend. He- He didn’t understand it, but he needed to try being calm.

But the more he tried to force it away, the worse it got and for a second, all he could do was fight for breath. He sank to his knees, fingernails digging into the pavement and his head shook violently. “All he wanted to do was find you,” he forced out, his gasps for air replaced by a sob. He could still hear the pleading, like Jaden was there, begging for his life. “He was just trying to find you and I killed him.”

“He... what?” The word came out as if he were in awe. Was he joking? Had this all really been some sick joke? He desperately wanted it to be, but all he had to do was look at this kid to know it wasn’t.

Jaden wanted to find him. The thought made his heart do a pathetic skip he’d never admit to. The next second the feeling was crushed, any momentary hopefulness dying on the spot. It didn’t matter if Jaden wanted to find him if Jaden was gone. Nevertheless, that ever so brief longing only seemed to make the truth hurt that much more.

Akila felt like he lost his former best friend all over again. Only this time, anger didn’t automatically replace the sinking feeling in his chest. Jaden wanted to find him to laugh at him, to rub everything in his face. He told himself in hopes he’d feel the rage that usually came so naturally. It may have worked, if it hadn’t been even easier to deny the entire situation. “No.” It was too much to process, too much to digest. He was so overwhelmed that his mind kept making realizations, only to panic and flee from acceptance all over again.

“I have to go.” There was more to the story, more that he should ask, but he couldn’t find it in himself to do more than escape. Akila should want to ring this kid’s neck and watch the life drain from him, but at the same time... Here was this boy, not much older than he had been when his life went to shit, sobbing in front of him... A part of him wanted to talk to him, maybe even be there for him. But he couldn’t be. He needed to run away, from all of this. “I’m sorry...” Ah, and that’s what it was like to mean those words. Funny, he was saying it to a person who took so much from him. “I just... I have to go.”