akercekomes

sometimes i genuinely can’t believe brocedes is real like what do you MEAN they were each other’s best & only friend as children because they were so far ahead of everyone else. what do you mean one of them came from unimaginable wealth and privilege and the other grew up in public housing and faced classism and racism in probably the world’s biggest nepotism sport. and what do you mean they both make it to the top of the sport they’ve spent their entire lives trying to reach, and they fulfill all the dreams they had as children, and they’re doing it together. they reach the peak of their careers together, and both shine so brightly that they burn each other out. like what do you mean as soon as one of them beats the other after three years (and a lifetime) of trying to get the upper hand, he retires instantly from this sport that has been their entire lives because beating the other was all he ever wanted to get out of it? what do you mean one of them can’t even say the other’s name to this day? what do you mean they still live in the same building??? and that’s not even the full extent of their lore. it’s downright shakespearean and it’s worse because they’re REAL

my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.

This “hanging out” you mentioned is intriguing. Have my people call your people

kids arranging a playdate

reblogging because The Odyssey art is so rare

we need to make using chatgpt embarrassing bc sorry it really is. what do you mean you can’t write an email

If you're a writer you're supposed to write a lot of bullshit. It's part of the gig. You have to write a lot of absolute garbage in order to get to the good bits. Every once in a while you'll be like "Oh, I wish I hadn't wasted all that time writing bullshit," but that's dumb. That's exactly the same as an Olympic runner being like "Oh, I wish I hadn't wasted all that time running all those practice laps"

bingewatching will never come close to bingereading. there is nothing like blocking out the entire Earth for ten hours to read a book in one sitting no food no water no shower no bra and emerging at the end with no idea what time it is or where you are, a dried-up prune that's sensitive to light and loud noises because you've been in your room in the dark reading by the glow of a single LED. it's like coming back after a three-month vacation in another dimension and now you have to go downstairs and make dinner. absolutely transcendental

(Will never not reblog this beauty. What genius.)

need a polite way to say "im not engaging in a discussion on this topic with you because the conclusions you have reached are based on so many interwoven layers of misconceptions it would be easier to just like, hard reset your whole brain, just start over as a baby and try again"