飛ぶ

She had everything. A new laptop, new mobile –prepaid of course- and a hidden location. Hidden not I the sentence of some secret basement but nobody who knew they were here doing something that could put her behind bars for more than twenty years. Especially the businessman she was dealing with were really attached to their money. They weren’t known for their sympathy. She had to play this game very carefully or she might get some sick bastard on her back. Just to learn her a lesson. No, she didn’t want that. There was little that she had taken with her. Some clothes, a bit of cash and some snacks. Nothing special that identified her. Nothing that made her stand out from the crowd. Just an average woman. Just a person. The exact thought she was going for. To be seen but forgetten in that exact same moment. It was the best camouflage in her opinion. For a moment the woman looked up from her stuff. She wasn’t alone in this game. Her second man wasn’t far off doing his own thing. Looking at him made her sad yet happy at the same time. Damn situation, made her feel all conflicted once again. It wasn’t like they were both here for their own enjoyment. Going on a vacation or something, no not at all. The atmosphere was grim and everything but feisty. Sighing she looked away, letting him deal with his own feelings for a moment. Since she knew she would be a pest if she didn’t give him is personal space. Instead she looked out of the open windows. This house, she always loved it. The warm colors of the walls, the open space between the furniture, the way the windows looked over the garden and the streets. The many flowers that colored the big patch of green. It looked so normal. As if she was visiting her friend and not using her house to do some underground business. If she just knew what she was doing right now. If Akame knew..

They never wanted to be like this. Nobody wanted. Just like nobody wanted that day to be reality. That day, in the busy street of Seoul, the citizens became a part of a game. A sick game with humans as players and blood was the price. Even now it made her sick in the stomach to think back. The screaming was still echoing in her ears. The shivers returning on her pale skin. It was a day engraved in the people’s minds. Just like it wanted. Like the Killer wanted.

She stood and watched. Before that, she walked and froze. Akame looked up at the screens. The boards used for commercials and other announcements was for once in the day black. Pure black until the sound began. Sounds that made children cry, woman gasp, men freeze. She froze in her steps, hesitant if she should carry on her way to home. The decision was not on her. As the black faded following the sound. It wasn’t anything spectacular. Just a room. Dirty, empty. It was nothing yet it was everything. The screams, the horror it kept going while the room was unfazed. Nothing happened. It was confusing. It was mysterious. People didn’t want to watch but they still stood there with their necks craned up to the sky and looked at the scene unfolding right before their eyes. The sounds continued and soon it became worse. Everything went black again yet the sounds were even worse. It made her stomach roll. Around her children were shielded by their mothers. Akame too, she wanted to protect herself from this gruesome moment. Crawl away because this wasn’t something she wanted to be part of. Yet again, this wasn’t her decision to make.

Thursday already. Akame glared at the little number written on the calender. It might be a bit old school to have a calender on the wall and actually using it. For busy mom’s like her it was the best way to keep track of little things. Birthdays, family meetings, stuff like that would be written down the lila colored calender with cute kittens. Still staring at the current day she clucked her tongue, disspleased with what she saw. If she had to count it were roughly seventeen days. Seventeen days! There was an incredible nag inside her body. Which started after the third day but after two weeks tolerating the feeling inside of her, Akame was ready to snap. Alright, that’s it. She wasn’t going to keep this crap up.

 Furious clicks on concrete –it was a wonder she didn’t puncture the ground with her heels- the woman walked to the building in sight. The motor of her car still warm from the use. The back of her black jacket rode on the puffs of wind. She was all ready for the evening. A quick touch of make-up done before the mirror in the hall –she had almost forgotten- and a switch of shoes and she was presentable for the public. Presentable in a not work outfit. She didn’t want to look like some sad woman going only on business dinners. It would be nice though, having her boss treating the whole company with a nice dinner party. Too bad, her boss was a jerk. Anyway, she knew she looked good and it made her feel good too.

Akame loved evenings. When her home would be filled with music in the background and the soft hissing of meat in her frying pan. With Hyun Su napping on the couch she found her time to relax. The sight of the little boy resting under a blanket, his expression so careless and relaxed. If she didn’t have a meal to prepare she could sit forever next to him. Caressing the chocolate brown strands till he would wake up. His face resembled his father’s like two drops of water. Every time she would watch him she saw somewhere her beloved. It hurt from the inside but she could never look away. This was her son, she wouldn’t neglect him just because of her own hurt. Instead she spend every free moment with him. With work and being a single mother she could say it killed her social life. Except it didn’t, not so much that it bother her. Akame had her fair circle of friends and family. People who knew they could always invade her home whenever they wanted. She knew them, trusted them by heart. Now Hyun Su was old enough to remember their faces and names he asked multiple times for one of her friends. The boy had some favorite noona’s and hyung’s but he seemed to like all her friends. Of course he did, Akame didn’t let anyone in who couldn’t be in the same room as her son. Speaking of friends, she needed to text that guy. Smiling when the dark haired male popped in her head she took out her phone. He was probably still at work or whatever he did at home. She knew by heart that he would come to her house rather than his own apartment when she invited him.

►Mushroomhead, dinner at mine. If you’re good, dessert and wine after. Come quickly.

It was busier than she expected it to be. Standing tall on her heels she stretched herself over the line of waiting heads. Obviously the theaters hadn’t opened their freshly new doors yet for public. It would be soon. The monochrome ticket in her hand with the timetable on the backside was her proof. ‘Looks like we have to wait a bit more, Su.’ She cooed at the kid in her arms. The boy looked her in the eyes. Identical eyes meeting as if he understood what she just said. Even though he only responded to the part of his name. Her little boy, she thought and filled with pride Akame couldn’t help but grin. Pulling him a bit closer she hummed. What was the last time that she actually went to a dance performance? How long hadn’t she been in that dark hall filled with red chairs and dimmed light. Four years, maybe worse. She couldn’t wait to sit back in the dark room and enjoy whatever performance they would give.

The curling letters on her ticket were beautiful, neat. It forebode a grant opening for the new theater. For months it had been hidden for public’s eye by setting big board before the constructive side. A week before the actual big day the performers themselves had ruled over the markets and streets. Passing a free ticket to every passerby who didn’t rushed passed them in a rude manner. By chance Akame had been in the busy shopping streets. The diapers needed a refill and fast. You never knew how long they would last with a kid from just three in your arms. Now that she looked at the finished project she had to give the builders some credit. They did a good job. The dark wood was beautifully detailed. The architecture made her resembled the old school theatre’s back in the day. Dimmed glass gave a preview of soft carpet and a big lounge accompanied with a big bar. Which would be needed analyzing the big crowd before and behind her, all would be thirsty in the end of the day. That the first two drinks were for free wasn’t doing any good for the poor souls standing behind the bar. Akame could already see the staff pre-preparing the snacks and food before they would be cornered by a crowd of hungry and thirsty people. She was glad that she never had to stand in their place.

Finally, it was over. She forced herself to stay put otherwise she would sprint right back to the green fields where her lover was just buried meters deep into the ground. With most guests actually gone the funeral hall felt empty. Even if she knew that the last people were taking their jackets and made their last small talks. Her task was done. No more bows for unfamiliar faces or condolences from friends of friends. She didn’t have to see how other people broke down in tears while she couldn’t cry with them. There wouldn’t be any more flowers on the already piled up bouquets before his picture. Above all that, she didn’t have to share the last moments with her husband.

Akame breathed in. For the first time she felt like she actually got some oxygen. The suffocating feeling had troubled her the moment a sea of black dresses and suits dripped in like rain. She stood up from her place. In the end of the hall she could hear the voices of her in-laws. The sweethearts had been there every step of the road. Right there to hold her hand when she walked on the edge. A smile revealed itself on her pale painted lips. She couldn’t wish for better in-laws, she deemed herself lucky. Giving them one last look Akame turned her back. Heading for the only place her heart seemed to be.

Satin black gloves ditched in the green grass. Her hair freed from any binders or clipping. Her nude feet dug into the fresh earth. The cold stone under her fingertips made her shiver. So cold, unlike the man that it should represent. The engraving was pretty but too neat, too clean for his clumsy behavior. He would have been happy though.  ‘It’s been a long day, love.’ Caressing the stone she merely whispered. He could hear her, she knew he would. ‘Actually I’m glad it’s all over. You know it better than anyone.’ Her shoulders rocked in a soft chuckle. It sounded fake. ‘We wanted to keep it small. Family and friends only. But the government wanted to pay their last respects. So many high chiefs and ranks. They looked like little soldier puppets. The one your son loves so much.’ Her chest hurts. It stabbed. Little stabs in and out. Leaving burning marks from the inside. Fresh tears gathered, watered her eyes. Their son. Their beautiful son. ‘You saw him, right. Hyun Su, he holds your name. Aren’t you proud? He’s such a strong boy. He drinks well, he has your laugh.’ Hurt. It was evident on every place of her body. She couldn’t defend herself against it. Whatever she did, whatever she tried. The pain stabbed her. She bled hot tears. Clamping her hand before her mouth. She didn’t want them to hear her cry. Not more than she already did. For a moment she wanted to be alone. No son who demanded a strong mother. Not her in-laws who tried to cheer her up with sweet words or even the loving phone calls of her cousins and nieces. They knew her pain, understood how it strangled every breath out of her exhausted body. They knew but they never could share the same feeling. A feeling of your heart bleeding. Wrenched, twisting inside her body before it would be jerked right out. To hear the faint beats of her heart while you doubted you were alive. It hurt. So, so much.