it’s me , hows it going. I Don’t actually know if anyone reads these. Maybe one day i’ll do this more regularly, but this is where i’m gonna start. I had grew up around amazing people. No ifs ands or buts all the people in my close knit group of friends were amazing and i don’t blame them , but i always felt just normal among them. I am an ok artist, but many of them were, better, i could cook, but anyone can follow a recipe, i am musical, but not nearly as good as them. My every passion, my every skill, my every thing that made me me, was merely average, lacking even among my amazing friends. I can’t get over it to this day and to be honest it’s always made me feel other, like i was less. Don’t get me wrong i realize it’s all me , they never treated me differently never left me out, always gave me the benefit of believing i was better than i believed/ knew i was. But i always have felt like i was the dumb one because i know just how amazing my friends really are. Most of all my best friend CME. He is inspiring and completely frustrating in that he has only ever failed at one thing to my knowledge. CME is smart, talented, good looking, and charismatic. We don’t talk much these days, both our faults really, neither of us seem to be able to remember the other unless we are in eyesight. though sometimes i wonder if perhaps i am simply imagining our close friendship because he is nice to me. I realize this whole thing probably just sounds like the whining of someone who is unhappy because life didn’t go their way but on my part i’m just trying to get out this feeling. I don’t regret most of my life decisions mind you I've made my share of bad ones. From time to time i just wonder if i really belong anywhere at all. I wish i was as amazing as My friends, as CME , i hate that i have always felt this way but i’m just average and i can’t seem to stop. life goes on and i’ll always just be. anyways i’m sorry for this post , just ignore it and move on if it gets you down. my life’s not that bad, i have a job , a roof over my head, and a couple people i hang out with from time to time and ill keep on living my average normal everyday life . because at least i’m alive right?