Documentary Production Blog

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Why is there only 3 rough cuts submitted out of 8 projects? 

Those teams who have not submitted their rough cut on the blog will lose marks on subject participation unfortunately. I expect to see all team's fine cuts on Monday Week 12. 

Please refer to my previous post to see what I mean by a fine cut. 

Those teams who have submitted their rough cuts as asked, will be receiving feedback tomorrow (Wednesday evening) to help fine tune the edit. 

See you all in class at 11am on Monday 3rd February!

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Rough cut_4697KEY&4110WILLIAM

Dray's feedback -

Hi William and Key, 

Great interview, a very compelling and heart-gripping story.. Right now the story drags out TOO much, and can be easily fit into around 6-7 mins. 

Firstly, the flow of all the story parts from beginning to end is good, just needs to be cut down (close all gaps in sentences, make sentences shorter, etc) so I don't think any restructuring is necessary. However I've written down each topic with its timecode so you can see the flow in writing: 

KEY PARTS TO INCLUDE (mostly everything):

0:04 - 0:08 - [name] 

0:13 - 0:27 [concentration camp intro] 

0:28- 0:44 [subjected to persecutions in Czech] 

0:46 - 01:01 [pack suitcase]  

1:10 - 01:32 [accommodation condition] 

1:55 - 02:17 [travel to first ghetto] 

02:24 - 02:54 [first ghetto conditions] 

03:03 - 03:26 [suitcase left on train] 

03:27 - 05:37 [story of windowless train being gas chamber] - TOO LONG, strong story but needs to be CUT DOWN 

05:55 - 06:26 [stripped, left with 49 survivors] - TOO MANY GAPS - need to CUT DOWN

06:57 - 07:16 [rumour, last concentration camp] 

07:17 - 07:54 [description of last concentration camp] 

07:56 - 08:34 [free of charge] 

08:39 - 09:31 [fed and able to stand again] 

Just for the end of the clip, is there anything the survivor says that talks about how his luck, and what he does now in Australia?? It sort of just ends abruptly before he says "thats my story", even if its a good ending, we sort of want to know how he is going now after moving to Australia. Any grabs about that? Or perhaps you can make it a title at the end? 

Music selection is perfect, just remember to time it correctly with the interview piece. Also you will need a considerable load of overlay footage in this documentary, but we will talk about that on Monday.

The suitcase part I think is quite powerful, maybe somehow integrate an image of a suitcase, or film art shots of a suitcase being abandoned at a train station.. Just any vision of a suitcase would bring meaning to his character. 

Let me know if you have any questions regarding this feedback!

Cheers,

student work

Dray's comments: 

KEY PARTS TO KEEP: 

0:00 - 0:04 [intro, from Pakistan] 

0:04 - 0.07 [pro-gamer back home] 

0:07 - 0:11 [games played]

0:27 - 0:37 [discovering Counterstrike] 

0:49 - 01:02 [started gaming in high school] 

01:16 - 1:41 [used to play sports, then fell in love with CS] 

01:43 - 02:05 [parents weren’t happy, but helped him try professional gaming] 

02:05 - 02:18 [played games all day, everyday]

02:18 - 02:22 [wanted to be best in country]

02:23 - 02:46 [winning first match] 

03:37 - 04:14 [parents unhappy, but happy when he got paid] - (cut down a little more)

04:46 - 04:58 [dad impressed] 

05:17 - 06:03 [starting in competitive gaming / group selection] 

06:43 - 06:56 [dont play competitive anymore, just for fun]

06:56 - 07:13 [why moved to Australia] - (cut down a little more)

07:13 - 07:31 [good CS group in Australia but weren’t friends so quit] 

07:41 - 07:45 [day job as housekeeper] 

07:45 - 08:14 [would prefer gaming over sports] 

Suggested restructure: 

Beginning: 

- VISION: counterstrike/dota competitive gameplay (either from FreezOn or youtube)

- winning first match 

- intro, from Pakistan

- day job as a housekeeper 

- VISION: (montage) Hassan hero shots, photos of his award wins 

Then lead to:

- why moved to Australia

- discovering counterstrike 

- pro-gamer at home 

- games played 

- started gaming in high school 

- used to play sports, then fell in love with CS

- started in competitive gaming/group selection 

- played games all day, every day 

- VISION: (montage) People in net cafes/stock footage of non-stop computer action 

Then lead to: 

- Parents weren’t happy, but helped him get into professional gaming 

- parents unhappy, but happy one he got paid 

- dad impressed 

- wanted to be best in country 

Conclude: 

- don’t play competitive anymore, just for fun 

- good CS group in Australia but quit 

- would prefer gaming over sports 

See what you can do with the edit with this restructuring, it will probably cut around 1-2 mins of the clip. Also, if you haven’t already, try filming as much footage as you can of just ‘people shots’ in cafes, computer labs, libraries, etc.. So you can use to show people playing online games (even if it isn’t competitive) and just loads of gameplay footage of DOTA/Counterstrike,etc.. really need to build this world of electronic gaming, and how people’s lives change because of it. 

Let me know if you have any questions regarding this feedback

Cheers,

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