AIRAKSARANG

Their eyes don’t lie!

Xixi & ZZ have the hottest bts in the game.

I 💜 them so much❣️

Like this post if you love them too❣️❣️

P. S.

Word on the curb is that they are in France with my other obsessions:

SO, WUDN'T NOBODY GONE TELL ME...

That it was time for me to put back on my whorein' shoes, cause it's time for me to whore all over this precious BL!!!!!!!

I'm not even finished with the 1st episode and I'm crine ALREADY.

What the actual fuck did I almost miss!!!!!@@@?!?#*$[÷,

Thankfully, I get to binge this bitch real fast before episode 8 drops.

¿DOES THIS MAKE ME A CHEATING WHORE ¿

Because yall know how much I 💜 RL, but..... Yun Qi and his beautiful, silver-tipped black square smokin' ass is hot af.

P. S.

I'm so proud of RL for being solely responsible for paving the way for contemporary CBLs.

😢ME WHEN I BROKE DOWN AND WATCHED ANOTHER BL

CC is me, tenderly assuring SW (Revenged Love) that I still looooooooooove him. Cause I dooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

IT CAN’T ONLY BE ME!!!

Ok, I legit CAN’T watch another BL. I don’t know if I should SOS the BL gods or something, but I need help 😭.

I’ve come to terms with RL being THAT ex. You know, the one you just can’t get over. I’d love it if anybody could shoot some recs my way.

This drama killed me in the best way possible.

IS IT JUST ME OR…

Keep your 👀 peeled for my next recap episode, because this thirst bucket is still watching RL…. again.

P. S.

Let’s see if we can trend the tag I created

#I’m addicted to Revenged Love

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TXN!!!!!

RE-WATCH EPISODE 5: THE LOOK YOU GIVE WHEN YOU CUM FROM A KISS

And it’s reeeeeaal baybee! Ain’t no amount of camera tricks nor acting methods can manufacture the way ZY actually and factually fell in love with TXN right here. From here on out, these two ciss instead of kiss.

Anyway, back to the rabbit hole!

SO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT...

The best character in this masterpiece?

In episode 3 (Graduation), we got plenty of swoony moments between CC & SW, yet nothing beats the fact that they had sex in this episode. Okay, maybe they didn't have sex, but you know good-and-damned-well that this:

is the functional equivalent of getting pregnant in dramaland. And if that wasn't sexy enough for you, imagine how in love SW & CC were after holding hands for hourzzz. I 💜 that CC was so enthralled with holding hands with SW that he completely blew off dinner with YY and his parents. And if this still isn't making you 🫠, then watching him daydream (really night dream) about the whole ordeal while he leans against his Benz smoking should do the trick!

This drama only gets better with each rewatch. I hope you're enjoying my recaps as much as I enjoy posting.

Yours in abject obsession,

THIS IS KINDA ALL I'VE GOT TA SAY ABOUT EPISODE 2

The end.

ONLY IN DRAMALAND….

Is it sexy as fuck to be surveilled while you sleep for 3 days straight. If I’m keeping this shit a buck, Chi Cheng can stalk me like this aaaaaalllllll daaaaayyyy if he wants to.

Anyway, Happy Sunday RL’ers❣️Can’t wait to 🏊‍♀️ back into my rewatch of Episode 2. Hope to see you there.

🥵🔥🌶️

REWATCH: EPISODE 1: GRUDGES SHALL ALWAYS BE AVENGED

New Names (according to the episode)

Chi Cheng: King of the Heavenly Realm of Chain Smoking

Suo Wei: Qi Qiong The Brave

Cheng Yu: The Human Gay Detector Test

Xiao Shuai: The Dry Comedian Who Will Fuck You If You Don’t Hurry Up and Put Some Damn Clothes on Suo Wei

Yue Yue: Pickmeisha

I love how absolutely smart these guys are in their own ways. Now that I have a good framework for their personalities, I notice all the quirks they have.

Chi Cheng’s mannerisms are very similar to that of a snake. When Yue Yue touched his arm after she looked at the snake in his backseat, he recoiled while he moved his arm out of reach.

Suo Wei is actually a perfect name for him. Nothing but bravery can make you toss a vase of candy at the owner of the bazaar, pick a stranger’s pocket on a livestream, and refuse to open your truck at a checkpoint.

Cheng Yu always X-rays any person he’s in a scene with. He breaches every physical boundary you’ve got until he sees exactly what he needs to find out.

Xiao Shuai is arguably the funniest person in episode one. His comedy is dry and easy to miss, if you pay attention he’s always got a look on his face that says, “Okay, I’m going to let you find out how stupid you are on your own.”

Can we agree that Yue Yue is awful and doesn’t deserve any explanations other than the obvious? Yes? Great! I’ll catch up with you in my rewatch of episode 2.

I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN

Just like I knew I would, I’m readying myself for another round of this addictive drama. Please tell me that I’m not the only one still obsessed with the couples in this drama.

Join me, as I walk through each episode for the second time around.

💞AIRAKSARANG

P. S.

As a jewelry designer, I’m often inspired by the dramas I watch. This one is called The Green Eyed Monster.

EPILOGUE

SOREN

His girth expands my grip as he waits for an answer to his rhetorical question. He rolls my body atop his, lifts to the seated position, and crunches his lower abs until he fills me to the brim. I shiver from what’s coming after his caressing hand finally lifts me. As if my weight is negligible, he clenches his deft grip around both sides of my abdomen and lifts. I travel the length of his wood. Never breaking eye contact, he finishes his proposal. “Today.” That one word completes a sentence I’ve yearned to hear all my life. His hardened biceps contract to lower me ever so slowly into the best seat on Earth. The second I glimpse the sincerity in his epicanthic gaze, I lose contact with the last of my self-control. I couldn’t answer Xu Lin if I tried, yet he knows that his answers stand zero threat of opposition.

XU LIN

Soren isn’t asking me any questions when I tell her how to dress. She doesn’t sneeze when I give her my t-shirts and socks to layer atop her clothes.

Soren takes my hand and braves the dark hallway to a secret exit out of the hotel. It doesn’t matter to her that the emergency shelter-in-place isn’t over. She follows when I lead her through the pitch black hotel to the outside. Soren trusts me. Blindly, implicitly, and completely.

SOREN

The knee-deep piles of snow are blinding even in the darkness of night. I’ve never felt safer than holding on to Xu Lin, making slow but steady progress down to the Blue Shark.

He’s taking me to my baby, despite his caution earlier, he always had a plan to help me. For that, I love him more than I can articulate.

Xu Lin’s instructions to layer like I never have before are paying off. Only my eyes suffer from the bitter cold. Every few steps, Xu Lin stops to shield my face from the brutal winds. I’m desperate to peel off my ski mask to kiss his warm lips. His obsidian eyes warn me against it every time my fingers tease at the neck of the ski mask. Instead, he plants a clothed kiss against my scarf. Nothing can replace his lips; his weight pressing against my mouth is enthralling.

When the Blue Shark is in sight, we stop taking breaks to brave the wind, cold, and snow to finish our trek. Several feet on either side of the door, Blue Shark staff work feverishly to clear the snow. Their work makes the last few feet of our journey a cakewalk.

When the staff spots us, they hurry over to help us inside. Despite the snowstorm, the house is as packed as it is on a clear sunny day.

When I’m reunited with Logan, I don’t have to fight his ego. He welcomes my hugs and kisses.

“I’m so happy to see you, I can’t even be mad at why you came out in this weather.” Logan squeezes me tighter.

“I’m sorry, honey. It’s all my fault for making you worry about me. Xu Lin knew that I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight without getting to you.”

Logan releases me to laugh. “Well, at least now you’ll lose sleep for a totally different reason.” He peers at the population of happy drunks. They look relieved to brave the storm at the best place in town.

“I don’t care where I sleep. As long as you’re safe, I can manage.”

A glass clinking loudly behind the bar cuts our conversation short.

Xu Lin stands next to Sven, staring at me with a look I’ll never forget.

XU LIN

“Thank you, friends, for being here. Okay, okay, you’re trapped, yet it is still my… our honor to welcome you to our wedding.”

SOREN

The bar loses its mind over Xu Lin’s announcement. Since the hysteria only grows, I beeline for Xu Lin and pull him down the hall. After we’re behind the curtain of his private table, I grill him.

“What’s…going on?”

Xu Lin peels off his top layer. Thankfully, he’s still got a few more shirts to go. When he’s down to his white button-up, he strips me until I’m down to my white silk ruffled-collar blouse. We continue to strip until he’s in a pair of black slacks, and I’m in a pair of black pencil trousers. It’s crazy that he was able to instruct me like this without my asking any questions.

Staring at our reflection in the full mirror on the wall, we’re cherry-nosed, but happy.

Xu Lin takes me by the hand and leads me to the pool table. He perches me on the arm and then cages me in.

“If this is too tacky for you, we don’t have to—.”

I kiss his words away. “Nothing about you is tacky. I just don’t understand how we can get it done logistically. We're not Swedes, there’s no minister, no rings, nothing that will make us husband and wife, legally.”

A knock on the wall interrupts me.

Xu Lin leans over to whisper in my ear. “I’ll be right back.” He rushes to the curtain, opening just enough to have a conversation. When he’s finished, he closes the curtain tightly and returns.

He’s so cute, leaning in front of me. I want to pull him down on the pool table to put that fantasy to rest, but now is not the time.

Xu Lin takes my left hand in his. He threads our fingers and then pulls them up so we can both see.

“My ring size is the average size for a man. What about yours?”

“I am, too.”

A lone tear slips down the bridge of Xu Lin’s nose.

Surveying his face, frantic about the injury, I wipe the tear dry.

“What’s wrong?”

“Sven’s an ordained minister. As such, he keeps sets of wedding bands on him.”

I ignore the stinging in my eyes to interrogate Xu Lin.

“A bartender who’s an ordained minister? Now I’ve heard it all.”

“There’s plenty of time for more explanations. Suffice it to say that his ministry is as legit as his job keeping this place running.”

Xu Lin smooths my hair. “So, we can check off the rings and the minister. As far as legalities, I’ve already started our marriage license online.” Xu Lin pulls out his phone and has me check over the information. “Is it right?”

“Yes. How did you know all this?”

“You sent me your financial information, too, remember?”

“Yes.”

“Apart from your address, you told me everything else. As I said, if this is too much, we don’t have to do it.”

I hop down and pace the room. Xu Lin watches me pace in front of his table.

“Flowers?”

“We’ve got flowers.”

“White flowers?”

“White flowers.”

I face him. “I haven’t told Logan.”

Xu Lin closes the distance between us. “I’d never have asked you to marry me without talking to him first.”

XU LIN

Crying now, she stammers, “But what about us not seeing each other the night before? I don’t want us to have bad luck.”

I embrace her from the back, pat her cheeks dry, and hug every ounce of warmth I’ve got into her.

“I don’t want to live this life another day without being your husband. Today is me telling the world in no uncertain terms that you own me forever.”

SOREN

Hand-in-hand, we exit his private area. Before we get far, Nadia races over to hand me four clipped white tulips.

Xu Lin leans over to whisper, “Those represent, you, me, Logan, and Meng.”

I water the flower with the tears falling from my eyes.

I quickly dry my eyes when Here Comes the Bride is performed by the house band, School, starts.

“Ready?” Xu Lin smiles.

I nod and then squeeze his hand.

Logan and Meng stand at the head of the bar facing the door. They look as handsome as ever, standing as the rightful witnesses to our love.

Sven, a man whom I’ll never quite understand, stands in a white collared gown. He’s as ready as he’ll ever be with his bible pinned against his heart.

It’s like a scene out of a rom-com, except instead of laughter, every person in the bar is crying. Sniffling is the only sound after School finished their rendition.

Sven, despite carrying his bible, doesn’t need it. He informs the patrons why we’re gathered here today with his thick Norwegian accent.

“Forgive me, Soren, but I call him Champ, is that ok with you?”

“Yes.”

“Wonderful. Weeks ago, when Champ asked me to officiate his wedding, it filled me with pride. Not only had he found love, but after meeting Soren, I knew it was true love. He has touched the lives of every person here. He’ll never understand the impact that a spirit like his has on a person. I, too, have been a stranger in a foreign land. It is my honor today to be able to call him my friend. Blessings on you for asking a chap such as me to share in your happiness. Furthermore, Champ was adamant about not setting a date. He assured me it would happen before he left Helsinki. Whenever I’d ask him if he was ready, he’d say that the perfect time would present itself.” Sven claps his big hands together like a coach ready to lead his team to victory. “Ladies and gentlemen, the time is upon us. Xu Lin, take Soren’s hand and repeat after me.”

XU LIN

THE FINAL CHAPTER

XU LIN

We only make it to the lobby doors, before we’re stopped by an attendant frantically trying to usher us back inside.

“I’m sorry sir, and ma’am, I have to ask you to report back to your rooms.”

“What’s going on?”

“The National Weather Service has issued a level nine snowstorm for the metro area. The way it’s coming down out there, you’ll get trapped in snow drifts before you make it very far.” The attendant points to the floor-to-ceiling windows. Sheets of snow fall at an apocalyptic pace.

Soren nearly drops her phone she’s so desperate to talk to Logan. Thankfully he answers right away.

“Are you ok? Where’s Meng? Why are you still out? Are you warm? Okay, we’re on the way to pick you up, tell Meng to watch out for us.”

Stepping around me, Soren races for the door.

“I’m sorry ma’am, if I wasn’t clear before, but the shelter-in-place order is government mandated. You’ll be detained as this area is under a state of emergency.”

“You can’t keep me from getting my son.”

The attendant, struggling to maintain his Norwegian politeness only widens his stance.

One look at Soren tells me that she won’t be listening for any good reason, and I can’t blame her. I too need Logan and Meng back with us, but this is not the way. Instead of talking her down, I stride over to her, squat, and pick her up. Soren resists against my strength, but relents after a few angry minutes. We’re in the stairwell when I stop walking.

Soren slides down my body to the floor. She looks up at me, angry and terrified.

“Are you going to kill me next? Because that’s the only thing that’ll keep me from getting my baby!”

“I understand what you’re feeling.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Soren.”

“Xu Lin!”

We would stare off for the rest of eternity if the lights hadn't blown in the building.

“I know you’re mad at me right now, but we have to get back to the room before something dangerous happens.” Soren yanks her hand away from my reach, but I steal her hand back. “Come on, I promise you can argue with me as much as you want back upstairs.”

The hotel is eerily quiet while we scale five flights. When we re-emerge in the hallway, we hang close to the wall as a guide back down to the room. Even with the cell phone light, it’s as dark as I’ve ever seen it inside a building.

“We can’t afford to keep our lights running like this, we’ll need the power to call Logan and Meng.”

Soren kills the light immediately.

Once inside, I circle the room, opening the wall-length curtains. For now, the blinding white snow is our only source of light.

Soren stands with her hands crossed, leaning against the bar counter. Her phone rings and she answers.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” She paces the floor while she interrogates Logan. From her responses, I gather that Logan and Meng are safe and sound at the Blue Shark. They are not drunk, at least not anymore. When Soren ends the call, the weight of Logan’s safety has lifted.

“Sounds like the guys are safe. Is that right?”

“That’s what he says, but how can I be sure? I don’t even know how long he’s been a smoker. He’s not going to tell me the truth if he’s hurt.”

Rounding the couch to sit, I urge Soren to join me.

“Did Logan sound like he was biting back pain?”

“No.”

“Was Meng close by?”

“He jumped on the phone to parrot Logan’s story.”

“Then, I wouldn’t worry. Meng’s a loyal guy. If anything were to happen, he’d fight right alongside Logan.” At this, Soren removes her body from her spot to join me on the couch.

After she’s seated, I continue. “While being together is preferable, I’ve always felt Logan was in good hands with Meng. Nobody knows this city better than Meng.”

“I’ve never heard you say so many good things about Meng.”

Sitting back against the couch, I exhale.

“It was Meng’s companionship that strengthened me when I first moved here. He was already attending Hexian University when I arrived.” My chest fills with something I’d rather not be feeling right now. “He’s still here now because he refuses to leave me to live here alone.” Turning to Soren I speak the last line I hope I ever have to say about Meng, “So you see, Logan can’t be in better hands. Once he sets his mind to something, he doesn’t stop until he accomplishes his goal. Meng finished college years ago, yet he vowed to live his life with me if only to ensure I wouldn’t be alone.”

Soren shifts to wipe the tears from my face.

Taking her hands in mine, I kiss the bridge of her knuckles on her delicate fingers. “I know why you’re rejecting my love.”

Soren pushes away, but I follow her, never letting her get out of my grasp.

“You think that one day, I’ll wake up and regret ever meeting you. You think that I’ll go home and find another love. You think that being with me, you’re robbing me of a future with a woman my age.” I release her hands, to kiss her tear-streaked face.

Her arms snake around my neck. I flex to pluck her from the couch. When I get her to the bed, I strip her of her clothes and then strip mine.

Slipping underneath the covers, holding Soren’s warm body close to mine, I tell her the truth.

“Knowing that Meng was going to waste away in Helsinki, despite my protestations, I knew I had to force him to leave. The only way I could move out without him following was to get my doctorate at university. Waiting for a response to my application meant I had to live on campus.” Soren lifts to watch me finish a story I swore I’d never tell. “I’d started avoiding his calls and texts to get him used to living by his terms. Even though I did this, I’d still come to town to make sure he was ok. He never knew it, as I never told him when I was in the area. This isn’t going to sound right, but I had concluded that I had nothing to live for. From a logistical standpoint, I had no family. My older brother had married and started his own family soon after he left me at home. Knowing that Meng would follow if I moved to another continent, I decided to end my life.”

Soren places her fingers atop my lips, horrified to hear me speak such blasphemies.

“It was supposed to happen the night I met you.”

Soren, now straddling me, holds me tight in her embrace. Her body shakes from the strain of hugging me.

“I’m not telling you this to manipulate you into being with me.” Hot tears spill out of the corners of my eyes filling my ears like cups.

“I’m telling you this because it’s all I’ve got. It’s the last thing about me that you don’t know and no matter how bad it makes me look…”

Soren jerks her head up and slams her lips against mine. I don’t understand why she’s still attracted to a man as pathetic as me. When our lips part, I can’t help asking, “Do you still love me?”

Weeping, Soren pulls me up into the seated position.

“As long as I live, I’ll never stop loving you.”

“You won’t leave me?”

Soren buries her face into the crook of my neck. Her shoulders tremble as a torrent of tears slide down my chest. “I’ll never leave you.”

I squeeze her body as much as I can without hurting her. “Then why were you trying so hard to get me to leave you, earlier?”

She’s silent, while she builds her courage to answer. “Because I’d never survive you leaving me first.” Before I can interject, she cuts me off. “I hate myself for hurting you like that.”

Taking her face between my palms, I shake my head as the explanations of how much I love her, tie my tongue. I kiss her with feelings I’ll never be able to express.

SOREN

Xu Lin flips to position me on my back. Hovering over me, still kissing me, his pelvis rocks between my legs, until I’m open wide enough to receive him. Anchoring his arms on either side of my head, he lowers until he’s rimming my opening. He takes one hand and aims his shaft to begin his descent. This time, for the first time, his desperate moans echo in the room. Hearing his aroused utterings for the first time seizes my clitoris until it spasms. My clitoris clenches and releases longer than any orgasm should. He slides his length back out and then plunges inside again. When another orgasm erupts, weeping is the only thing I can manage. Xu Lin pulls out but kisses me and sucks the length of my neck until he reaches my face. With new eyes, I gaze into his sparkling obsidian eyes. I’m full of inquisition about the meaning of what he’s doing to me, but there’s only one answer Xu Lin’s willing to give. He rocks his pelvis to slip back inside. With his lips closer to my ear, Xu Lin’s deep voice travels down my ear canal and jets for my core. Ropes of Xu Lin’s love fill me until the juices splatter on his abs, my stomach, and thighs, and then onto the bed. Still rock hard, Xu Lin strokes me for an eternity, until we have no choice but to move off the soaking wet bed.

Wrapped up in the couch covers, I look up at Xu Lin’s cleft chin. The roof of my mouth tingles with so much arousal for him, that I’m afraid it’ll never go away. I’m so addicted to this man that leaving him was never an option. And that was before he turned into a man I’ve got to learn all over again. When he stirs, I snap my eyes shut. He cups my ass with one hand, gives it a little squeeze, and then settles back into slumber. I bite back an orgasm so strong it brings tears to my eyes. What’s happening to me? Why does everything Xu Lin does make orgasm like this? Xu Lin slides down to face me nose-to-nose.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Xu Lin takes my hand, wraps my fingers around his hardened cock. “Does it have anything to do with this?”

The roof of my mouth tingles so much, I have to nod.

“Do you want some more?”

I nod again.

“Okay, but one thing first.”

“What?” I ask with a voice desperate for his impending pleasure.

“Marry me.”

FANTASY VS REALITY

SOREN

Hugging Logan and congratulating him on his first big win, feels like a dream. He and Meng are like two peas in a pod with the way they work the room. I’ve always wanted him to have a friend that he could trust.

The guys prepare to take the festivities out on the town. No one’s been drinking, but I heard a reference to the Blue Shark, which will involve copious amounts of alcohol. Before I can approach Logan to give him a friendly reminder to take it easy tonight, Meng finds me.

“Don’t worry about a thing, I’ll make sure that our star player doesn’t get too drunk tonight. Besides, coach threatened to kick me off the team if I didn’t watch out for him.”

“I should go with you guys.”

“No, you shouldn’t.”

“Why not? I promise not to embarrass you guys.”

Logan ambles up to us, telling Meng that he’s ready.

“Sure you don’t want me to celebrate with you guys?”

“I can’t stop you, but wait a while before coming.”

“Why?”

Logan winks at a pair of young women giggling at him and Meng.

“I, see.”

“Yeah, so don’t pop up without texting me first.” Logan glances around the banquet hall. The assistants should have known that the guys would want to party anywhere but the hotel after the Open. “Where’s coach?”

My heart squeezes at his question. “I don’t know, I haven’t seen them since after the Open.”

“Want me to stay and wait with you?”

“Absolutely not, you go and enjoy the evening. We’ll catch up with you later.”

Logan lingers, but I push at his tall, slender body until he’s next to Meng and the rest of his friends.

The room empties, but Logan comes back after. He bends down and hugs me for several tight moments. After he releases me, he kisses my cheek. With glistening eyes, he says he loves me before he runs off again.

After I can exit the banquet hall without sobbing, I sneak back up to my room. I’m desperate to wash the grief away before Xu Lin returns.

While in the shower, my grief snowballs. In a few days, we’re going back home. No mental contortion can fit the fantasy between Xu Lin and me going beyond Helsinki.

While showering, I missed three texts from Xu Lin. Instead of messages, he sent information for three accounts. The total for the three accounts is two hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

I’m calling him when the buzzer in my room sounds. As soon as he’s inside I grill him.

“Why did you send this? You didn’t even block out your account numbers or personal information. Don’t you worry about online security?”

He smirks and sits me down on the lover’s seat.

“Wait for me to shower?”

I can’t wait, but my tongue ties when he strips out of his clothes on the way to the bathroom.

When Xu Lin finishes, he joins me on the couch. He’s still drying his slightly longer than buzz-cut hair. “I sent you that information because I wanted you to know everything.”

“You don’t have to share your financial information with me.”

“You should know that information.”

His confession provokes me to pull out my phone and send him my account information.

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I did, especially after you’ve shared yours with me.”

My heart thumps in my throat as the most important revelation I should share stands on the edge of my tongue. Xu Lin pulls me up from the couch before I can speak.

We slip underneath the covers, with him spooning me from behind. His strong heartbeat thumps against my back.

“There’s something you should know.”

Xu Lin scoops my already close body closer to his rock-hard chest. Before I can speak, Xu Lin climbs to the other side of the bed, to face me. I love it when he does stuff like this. Instead of turning me around, he’d rather take the initiative. It’s little shit like this, that’s making it impossible to tell him the truth.

He thumbs my cheek and kisses it after he finishes sweeping the flesh.

“Logan’s dad committed suicide when I was eight months pregnant.” I stare at him in the ever-darkening hotel suite. Xu Lin’s facial expression doesn’t change.

“He killed himself because of m…”

Xu Lin crushes my body against his. I try to finish, but he interrupts.

“No.” Xu Lin says with so much force, my throat fills with choking grief. “No, you didn’t.” He speaks with intimate knowledge that’s breaking my heart into a million pieces.

I push him away to speak. “I’m a ghostwriter. I’ve never published any of my own work. I never went to college. I couldn’t justify using money for anything other than my son.“

Xu Lin attempts to pull me back in, but I jump out of bed before he can catch me. The blood boiling in my veins is too hot to stay still. Xu Lin slides to the edge of the bed to watch me pace.

“This trip has been nothing short of amazing. Between meeting you and Logan making it pro, I don’t know how to make sense of my life now. The one thing I’m sure about is that you deserve the kind of life you can never have with me. I do not have money. I am past childbearing age. I can’t sit back and watch you discover what Logan’s dad saw in me.”

Xu Lin shoots off the edge of the bed.

“Soren, stop.”

“There’s nothing to stop, Xu Lin. This conversation needed to happen. We have to face the way life is, instead of the way we wish it was. It never matters how much we like each other now. What matters is what we’ll feel when all the love is gone. Everything we ignore now will be the center of our problems later.”

XU LIN

Ever since Logan talked to me on the rooftop, I anticipated this conversation. If Logan could see how much I loved his mother, I had to make her know the same.

I’ve failed, according to what she’s saying right now. Nothing that she’s saying could jeopardize my love for her, yet her certainties are making my blood boil. My rage isn’t for her but for that dead son of a bitch who still has her living a life sentence of inadequacy.

“Soren, I am and will always be your man.” I close the distance between us.

“We’ve got a lot to consider, you’re right, but none of it involves us not being together.”

“Let’s go to the Blue Shark.” Soren races around the room to re-dress.

I dress, but won’t leave without addressing the elephant in the room.

“Wait.”

Soren waits for me to speak.

“Let’s not leave the conversation like this.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Anything except that you want to break up.”

“I don’t want to break up with you.”