💭

why does heartbreak feel like a familiar place. this feeling just feels inevitable now, i think i’ve just ran my longest sprint and got carried away in the high of running too fast and so far that i didn’t believe i’d ever have to stop. but now it just feels like there’s no where left to run and heartbreak welcomes me back home. this time i didn’t land here in a sudden crash or tornado that brought me back all bruised and confused. i think i eventually realized i slowed down and then began walking slower and slower until i turned around altogether and walked back here myself. i didn’t want to. i thought that if i could backtrack or even run backwards it could stop me from ending up in my inevitable fate but i knew that ultimately i would watch that feeling creep up over a hill like an old home that appears at the end of a winding road and that id stare it down as i came nearer willing myself to stop reaching that destination but not being able to. and on that defeated walk back every single step stung. every single step felt like heart break. there were so many steps that brought me to this place and feeling every one of them is why landing there didn’t come as a shock. it was like a metaphorical period marking the end of prolonged suffering. the confirmation of that journey. just like an older woman looking at you and gripping your face with a sorrowful but warm look in her eyes and saying, “i’m glad you’re back.” if i could give heartbreak a face and a home she’d be that older woman living in the house on the hill. and i know her well.