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Last few month, I've found out my few physical data, like DNA(SNPs), sleep quality with plus oximeter.

These data gave me a new point of view for my identity. Why I had long time anxiety, why I struggle with work/study, lack of concentration... I thought it is me. But here there are a data, that addressing or gave me a hint of the relations. Also this made me to think like "might be these are hackable!". I post about depression and breath last time, here I bought a pulse oximeter to check my sleep and blood oxygen level. I also able to check what is going on in my blood when I meditate. (additionally I would love to check co2 level, although this is one is not so cheap and easy gadget) Anyway, cut a long story short, I would like to compare my brain state between laughter and meditation with Muse.

"Is Laughter The New Meditation?Joyful laughter immediately produces the same brain wave frequencies experienced by people in a true meditative state," says Lee Berk, lead researcher of the study and associate professor of pathology and human anatomy at Loma Linda University."(Might be someone already has mentioned....)

http://www.prevention.com/health/healthy-living/laughter-new-meditation

Since I have been started this meditation, I often aware about breathing. I realised about my shallow breath. 

Recently I've found out that sometime I hold breath when I work and some times while a sleeping. I have done a medical check and doctor said that I have light level of sleep apnea syndrome. 

So might be that is why when I meditate with deep breath, some times my body feel bit dizzy and my neck skin have slight numbness. 

Also I found the sleep apnea syndrome lead to poor concentration and depression. Actually I have mild anxiety for few years, and probably this is related. 

reference 

I am shy to show my bad English writing… but why not…

Day 1 : Like a dance? It was fun!

I woke up with a bad dream, which is my friends made great projects and I haven’t make anything new last few years.... One friend in the dream said “oh what are you talking about? your work is in the past”… Joy’s nightmare story flash back and I thought this is a good time to try meditation.

I made a big cup of latte. Googled some instruction or tips of meditation in Japanese.  And I forrowed it. Find a good place, open window to get the fresh air. Not noisy place, how to breath : say if inhale length is 1, hold 1, exhale 2. etc

Also I download “Headspace”, try 10min trial.

I also tuned on the humidifier. Sat against to wall with pillow on the bed. To add more comfortability, I put duvet on my body….

When I hard “there” story of Joy, I thought it might be similar to dance. I love dance for few hours alone, why I love? I love the moment I don’t think, just I become a machine of dance, listen and move some part of muscle.  After awhile some moment came that is I am really happy about "I have a body". I can just think how to move my body and enjoy the moment. This is might be close to “enjoy/ live on current time”. 

So I started to meditate with the imagination that  'if I could get the mental state like long time dancing by just do meditation is awesome!’.

Actually, after 10min meditation didn’t give such feeling but so far somehow I loved it, so 10min was too short. I try to find bit more longer one.

2nd try, it was great too! When the app said feel like flow or rise up when you inhale. I felt 20percent like dissy. like white out, airly feeling. 

Also when it said “when breeze out, your body sank…” I felt bit like that.

It was so fun! Some moment I could get non thinking time, it was great feeling. 

Actually I tried meditation casually without much research before, it was boring. 

How was the day after that? Not much change or not great for self control.

Because I ate a cake…. that I should not eat, I am try to lose a weight.

I guess is this the one, “License to sin: why being good gives us permission to be bad “  from  "The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It "by Kelly McGonigal Ph.D. 

Before sleep I’ve read the book again to check why meditation is good for self-control. 

Day 2 :  Like a scuba diving? It was fun!

I woke up late.. my iPhone runout the battery in the night, luckily today has no class also. 

I made latte, went toilet, and find meditation guide in Youtube.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIJQsE8C5Is

I prefer headspace more, the app is more easy to listen. But somehow I was tearing after 4 min. Because Headspeace remind me about my mother  by the piles of these word “unconditional love””where ever you are , you are fully supported”.

So then I thought , oh might be I am bit tired and I tried to hide it out the feeling unconsciously…

Anyway I had to continue the meditation to stop crying ( concentrate to breathing is good tips to stop crying)

After few minute, I’ve realised this time I am breathing so slow and deep, some time my breath stopped.Try to smooth breath.

I breath from nose and exhale from mouth, like scuba diving, emit tiny bubbles continuously. 

This time I found out position of eye ball or say "switching of visual cortex". Just close eyes and close eyes for sleep is different.

I felt close eyes for sleep is more thought are comes up. More noisy. I guess sleep mode uses visual cortex active as open eyes. Create virtual (brain memory) 3D and 4D world.

I guess just close eyes are more like “gray flat screen”. Less info to the brain.

The voice guide said "release the fear" in the beginning. the structure of guide and scuba is bit similar, always beginning is feel the fear but after that you cannot doing anything except calmdown. do not hold the breath, exhale little air slowly…image like dive into your mind and body… 

I thought these meditation app or videos are using NLP and hypnotism technique.

So then some moment I felt my body and my mind had bit separate. I knew I can move my body, this is my body, but some how I could feel my body more like third person’s point of view, mean I felt my body objective. 

After while of this moment, I felt  “oh, there is bit of piece of my observation mind…..umm? I am observing my observing mind? hehe funny…!”  

Day 3: 30 min +10min?

I cannot find anything special new experience to write in here.

Day 4: 45min is too long...

More difficult to concentrate, I think the guide should be talk more often, otherwise my mind think other staff more often.  

I should change to 20 min length. I prefer to have super deep slow breath, but I guess this is not proper way to do?  

Day 5-10: Back to Headspace beginner course. (15min) 

Overall of these days, there were not much new experiences…  day by day difficult to concentrate.