stories of july

you reading this is not a coincidence, you were searching for something, you’re carrying a heavy load, you can’t seem to smile and figure out your next step, you just want to disappear and be done with this cruel world, but you are needed, you are still breathing, you are still feeling things, you are still here and you will continue to exist because you are beautiful, you are wanted, you’re existence is a means to celebrate. Talk to someone, it doesn’t matter who, or even what, talk and you’ll be heard, you are beautiful, every atom in your body is pulsating sending shock waves to your being feel it, let it radiate, you are matter, nothing can destroy you, YOU MATTER.

Natawa na lang ako kanina. It was both absurd and hurtful, so itinawa ko na lang. I was trying to use my head kahit labag sa loob ko. Hihintayin ko na lang yung time na matanggap ko na ng buo na ganito talaga ang kalakaran sa ‘adult world.’ Na nakakadisappoint talaga ang mga tao and that includes myself.

So nakapagdecide na sila last friday. Tomorrow na ang simula para sa formality achuchu. Nasaktan ako. Masakit pa rin hanggang ngayon. Di pa rin ako handa para bukas. I’m putting things off. Susuko na ako. Sumusuko na ako.

It’s 2020. Taon-taon ko nga palang pinaghihinagpis at kinekwestyon ang simula ng bawat school year.

Isang guhit para sa bagay na ibinigay at wala akong magawa kung hindi tanggapin. Dalawang guhit para sa mga bagay na binago at wala akong magawa kung hindi tanggapin.

Heto na naman tayo sa panibagong simula. May saya naman kasi may makukuha akong hindi ko na naalalang gusto ko pala, pero hindi laang talaga ako makuntento agad agad. Magiging okay din naman ito, may mga sana pa rin ako habang hindi pa opisyal ang lahat pero lagi naman ngang ganito ang aking emosyon sa tuwing mag-uumpisa. Kakayanin, pero ilang taon kaya akong ganito? Hahaha

And I'm back. Binalikan ko talaga ang thread na 'to kasi yes, magsisimula na uli ang bagong simula soon at yes, may nilaan sa akin na aking paghihinagpisan kapag naging opisyal na ang lahat. Ako ay trying to be calm pa lang muna hanggang sa 'di pa naaannounce sa kadahilanang naasa ako sa pagbabago kahit ilang confirm na malamang ay hindi na mabago. Update kita self haha

It's always "I love you" and never "I will stand with you between the heavens and the earth" and"I can not breath when you are not near" and "My heart calls your name"