Skylar

Hi there.

I’ve been having blogular thoughts all week, but I decided to save them for a traditional Sunday post. The blog has been a bit out of routine recently. There’s a lot of stuff I’ve saved up to write about, so this may end up being a bit of a long one. We’ll see though.

I guess I’ll start by saying that my feelings about the blog have been complicated recently. It’s not that I don’t like writing it or want to stop or anything; I just want to feel like I can speak freely. The scary part about writing something that you know your friends are going to read is wondering what they’ll think when they read it. I think I’m pretty open with my writing, but maybe not as much as I could be.

This is kind of like when conservatives complain about their free speech being taken, and people respond to say that freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from consequences. Although, I guess in this scenario I’d be the conservative.

Speaking of conservatives (sorta), today was Pride. All the festivals and parades were happening all over, including in New York. I had originally planned on going up to New York to see friends, and celebrate, and have fun; but I decided not to go. The flights were more than I wanted to pay, and it just didn’t feel right. I’m not sure who I would’ve hung out with or what I would’ve done, anyways. It did make me kind of sad to see it all happening through Instagram though.

A lot of the stuff I have written down to talk about is kind of similar; maybe because it all stems from the same feelings. It’s mostly self-reflection and thinking about the way I approach my relationships with people and things.

I think I’m very easily consumed in a lot of ways. There are a lot of things that completely take over my mind. My most recent example would be the new Olivia Rodrigo album. I listened to it for the first time, and then I kept on listening and listening and listening. It doesn’t help that I can relate to the source material a little, but I feel almost addicted to it. The amount of times I’ve screamed the ending of “cigarette smoke” in my car in the last week is probably unreasonable. I get that way about other songs and albums too, like during sophomore year when I put on “Sober to Death” as the first song every single time I put my earbuds in. Being super obsessed with music is probably pretty normal though.

It’s more than that for me. I struggle with change, so when I get used to something new I can’t seem to let it go. Take London, for example. I wasn’t sure about it at first, but the longer I stayed there, and the more I did, the more I wanted to stay. I still think about it all the time and wonder what I would be doing if I was still there. Then there’s relationships, both romantic and platonic. I clutch onto people so hard, and I want them to be one of my people forever. As is life, people change or do things you don’t expect. Sometimes it’s small things that are easy to move past or grow around, but other times it’s big things; things that change everything.

I think I have a (maybe bad) tendency to cut things off. When things don’t seem right or I feel let down or lied to, it seems like a sign. I can name at least three people from high school who I was once close friends with, and now haven’t spoken to in years. It’s not that I don’t have reasoning behind ending things, but I guess I’ve been worried that I’m too harsh or too quick. There are situations I can think of where that probably doesn’t apply, but it still scares me. Am I the type of girl who pushes people away? I’ve been trying to be better about being peaceful, and letting things go.

I don’t want to end up alone, but I also don’t want to end up disappointed. Navigating relationships is so scary, and I’m just feeling like I might be a hateful person. Not in a silly ‘I’m such a hater way,’ but in a way where I actually hold resentment in my heart. I feel so angry so often, and I imagine myself making other people feel bad. Is that who I am? It’s not who I want to be. Sometimes I walk around and wonder what other people think when they see me. A girl with a constant sour look on her face who always has some snark comment to share?

In fairness to me, I’m kind of going through a lot right now. I’m usually sort of okay, and I can get along when I need to. Sometimes, though, it all hits me in the chest and makes my head feel heavy. 

My birthday is coming up in five days. I don’t have any plans for the big 21, so I’ll just be a lonely single girl living it up in the big Fort Myers. Maybe I’ll spend the day lazing around doing nothing, and then have a drink with dinner. I sure know how to party right? It’s kinda hard to celebrate myself right now.

This post is kind of a bummer, so let me end it off by talking about OR3 some more (+ some other good music I’ve been loving)

My favs from the album are as follows (in order of album appearance):

stupid song

my way

the cure

what’s wrong with me

expectations 

cigarette smoke

Other songs I’ve been loving

Lost boys by Phoebe Bridgers

Casual by Chappell Roan

The Subway by Chappell Roan

That’s all I’ve got for you today. Hopefully I’ll be better soon.

Love,

I’ve been feeling the call to write something down, so I have to answer. The going has been kinda tough recently.

Recently I’ve been juggling some complicated feelings. There’s a lot of sadness involved, but also annoyance(?) and some confusion. I don’t really wanna say anything too specific. A lot of this stuff is happening to me for the first time, and it’s hitting me a lot harder than I expected it to.

It’s definitely shaping up to be a big bad bummer summer. I hoped that going to work would distract me while passing the time, but my woe finds me even there. Sometimes things get too slow and I watch my coworkers chat with each other while I stand alone and I see something on my phone that makes my heart break a little. Then I say I have to pee, so I can run to the bathroom and stop myself from crying behind the concessions counter at the movie theatre. 

I feel weird about feeling all of this, because I’m also feeling a lot of other stuff too. There was a moment yesterday where I thought something had happened, and it made my heart sink to my stomach. I know I’m being very vague about this all, but I think it’s for the best this way. #realonesknow Everything feels so cryptic and weird these days anyways.

If this weird sad summer has brought me anything, it’s a new closeness with Conner. We’ve been friends for a while, of course, but recently we’ve bonded over our shared misery. I’m not sure if it’s really helpful for either of us, but it’s at least sort of comforting. We’re coworkers now, and we worked together for the first time today. That was actually fun. Our shifts overlapped for 3 hours, and barely anyone came in that whole time. It was like a paid hang sesh.

When I came home my parents had already left for dinner without me. The second I sat on my bed I felt it all come back. Today I think I’m sad about it, but other times I’m definitely more angry.

About a month ago my cousin died. I guess they knew he was gonna die young, but it was still sort of unexpected. Tomorrow, we’re leaving super early to fly to Chicago for the funeral. Maybe I should be more sad than I am, but I feel like it hasn’t really affected me that much. I feel sad for my mom and for my aunt and uncle, but it hasn’t really hit me as much. That’s probably bad to say.

I guess I’m kinda just writing this one to say that I’m feeling pretty bad. I don’t know what exactly I did to put myself here or why things are the way they are. In some ways I do, but in others I’m totally clueless. Maybe that’s why I was being so vague before, because it all feels very vague and unclear to me.

There’s more I could probably talk about tonight, but I think it’s best saved for another post. I have to be up early tomorrow anyways, so I’d better not stay up much later. Sometimes I feel so corny writing these and imagining other people reading and trying to decipher them, but that might just be the whole point of the blog.

Whatever

Love,

Hey everyone. I’m bringing you a Thursday blog, because I was flying to New York on Sunday. I would apologize for the lateness, but I think you all know what to expect by now. As always, it’s my blog my choice.

My dad and I flew to New York for 48 hours to move my stuff out of storage and into my new apartment. It was a pretty fun and efficient trip, and I got to see PJ and Ellie which was super fun. My dad and I got dinner and went to see The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. It was a super fun and entertaining show, and Artie from Glee is in the cast! They do this fun thing where they bring people from the audience up to be guest spellers, and our show had the 2026 Scripps National Spelling Bee champion as one of them. He was nuts, and apparently only in 8th grade. I kinda felt like a loser when I found that out, but oh well.

I enjoyed that trip for the most part. It was a good break from Florida life and working. That’s right everybody: I got a job! You’re reading the words of the newest concessions worker at my local Regal. It’s a pretty easy job so far, and all my coworkers have seemed mostly normal. I pulled in like 37 hours this past week, so it’s definitely filling my time at least. It does seem like working is the only thing I’m doing nowadays though.

It’s kind of hard seeing everyone moving back to New York for the summer so they can start their internships, and hang out with each other. It’s not all bad I guess. I save a lot of money being home with my parents, and I get to spend time with Chloe and Conner a bunch. I just feel a little trapped.

As I’m writing this I’m kinda thinking that there’s barely any people who I want to read this who actually will. I think there’s maybe two people left who I want reading my blog that actually tune in when I text them. That’s okay. I didn’t really start the blog so a bunch of people could read it, as exciting as that would be. I started it so I could write out my thoughts in a more complete way, and sometimes as a way for people I care about to keep in touch with me.

When I said it was a loser summer, I really meant it. Every day it becomes more and more true. I’ve been kinda into playlist making lately, and my most recent one I made for the summer time. It pretty much just has a bunch of loud and kinda stupid songs that are supposed to stop me from getting too sad. I had to really put it to the test yesterday, and I would say it kinda failed. #rip It might not be best for pulling me out of a pre-existing sadness. It’s called “This summer will ruin my life 💯”

Speaking of sadness and music, here’s some other stuff I’ve been listening to lately:

the cure - Olivia Rodrigo

The Wings - Gustavo Santaolalla (from the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack)

Persimmon - The Army, The Navy

I’m in a bad mood. Can you guys tell? I worked 5 hours later than I was scheduled to today, and ended up missing the movie I was planning on seeing. That’s not why I’m in a bad mood though. I think I kinda just wish more people meant what they said. I like to think I’m pretty honest and upfront with people. When I don’t like someone I don’t talk to them, and I don’t pretend. If I didn’t want to be friends with someone, I wouldn’t be. I’ve ended friendships before, and we’ve all gotten over it. Why not just be honest?

I think I’m writing this blog from a place of irritation, but that’s just where I’m at right now. I kinda just wish I could go somewhere by myself, and not hear from anyone or about anything, and just live in peace for a few days. I don’t know where I’d go or what I’d do, probably just get bored, but it still sounds nice. Sometimes I love my life, and other times I really hate it.

Love,

What is up you guys?! It’s me, Skylar! Back with another banging blog for your reading enjoyment! Before we get into this freaking awesome post, I should let you guys know that blogs will probably be more biweekly during the summer since I have basically nothing going on. That’s right guys, for the next 3 months I’m pretty much the most boring girl alive. :P 

I’ve been home for like 2 weeks now, and I’ve more or less settled into the mundane routine of south Floridian life. Conner is finally back in town, so I at least have someone, other than my parents, to occasionally hang out with. In fact, yesterday we hung out all day, and did basically everything Fort Myers has to offer. We got lunch, went swimming, walked around Barnes & Noble, and walked his dog. More excitingly we hung around our high school and listened to the current members of our former a cappella group record their newest album.

Since being back, I’ve been to a few events at my high school which have left me (as usual) reminiscing on the past. It’s always the music that will do it to me. The first thing I went to was the choir’s end of year concert where they sang more than one song that we did when I was a member. It’s been such a long time since I was a part of a group like that. One where I felt like we were really creating something good. I was in choir for a year when I started college, and it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t the same. So, when I go to events like that, and see the kids who are still in it, I guess I get a little jealous. It makes me want to find some way to be a part of it all again.

This summer is the first time since graduating that I’ve been back home early enough to make it to a concert. Maybe that’s why I was feeling it all so strongly. As I very dramatically said to Lydia though, “The only thing stronger than my desire to stay forever is the thought of people viewing me as the girl who won’t let go.” It’s just hard to walk away from a group I was so passionate about for so long. Conner and I agreed, though, that it’s a loser summer so maybe the girl who won’t let go is who I’ll be. Just for a little while.

The only other interesting thing I’ve done so far is drive up to Orlando for Chloe’s graduation. We made a whole weekend out of it, and I stayed up there with her from Friday until Monday. I had planned on driving back on Sunday, but I was far too hungover to attempt it. That’s also why I didn’t write a blog last week. Listen, my best friend can’t just graduate without us doing a little partying.

We were pretty much the only people that had that idea, because the bar we went to was basically dead. Maybe everybody did their partying the night before or something. Regardless, I still had a very good time. I sent some drunk texts, took some cute pics, and sent a selfie to the guy I met at the UCF club almost 3 years ago. Basically, I did everything necessary to have a great night. Hard to say if the hangover was worth it, but oh well.

During my drive home, I decided to put on Twin Fantasy by Car Seat Headrest. It had been awhile since I’d listened to it, and it called to me. I used to listen to it a bunch during my Ram Van shifts, but this past semester I don’t think it came up once. It’s really such a good album, and I think the last two songs are so beautiful. For some reason, I had a really emotional reaction to it during my drive. I was trying to sing along with the last song, and just started crying instead. I guess I sort of associate that album with a different time of my life.

Contrary to what most of the people I talk to might think, I’m still trying to figure out where I’m at. I just don’t really feel like talking about it with people anymore. Not that they’ve done or said anything wrong, I just don’t feel like it brings me any peace or closure or satisfaction to try and explain my feelings to someone else. Even to the people who know me best. I’m mostly okay I guess, but sometimes if I’ve had a boring day, or a sad TikTok pops up, or the wrong song starts to play I can’t help but cry. Today is one of those days. I guess it just takes time.

I try not to let guilt or nostalgia control me too much, but those might be two of my most plaguing emotions; at least right now. If you guys want, you can tell me what you think yours are. I’m sure it’s always changing, and it’s different for everyone.

I do like blogging, but this one has left me feeling a little sad. I’ll just get back to my knitting now.

Good night.

Love,

Welcome to my first ever American blog. 

Well, I guess they’ve all been American since I’m the one writing them; but this is the first one being written in America. That’s right, the blog wasn’t just a London thing. It followed me home! I’m committed to keeping the blog alive, even if I’m not confident I’ll have much to write about these next few months.

The dreaded, scary summer is here. We’re two days in, and I would say I’m feeling good so far. It’s off to a slow start, because both of my friends (that’s right I only have two) are still in Orlando. For now, I’m spending all my time with my parents who seem to be becoming victims of their old age.

My dad had surgery on Wednesday, and I didn’t hear about it till Thursday; so he’s been hobbling around for the past two days. Meanwhile, my mom is out with a sore throat. It’s basically just like London: the two people I’m living with are apparently dying.

Being home has been pretty chill overall. I don’t have anything too exciting to report yet, other than my car being dead when I arrived. That issue was easily fixed, though, so it’s not a big deal. I’ve eaten at two restaurants since being back: Jason’s Deli and First Watch, both of which were very yummy. Other than that, I’ve just been hanging around. 

My dad and I watched the Magic lose game 7 earlier, so I’m running out of teams to root for in the post-season. I just checked the score of the Cavs game, and… it’s not looking good. Any suggestions for a winner are greatly appreciated. It was nice to pretend the Magic were gonna go far, but after they blew that lead on Friday I knew it was over. #whatever

Last night I saw a TikTok about wishing you were still 17, and it made me think I needed to amend my April 5th blog. It is very easy to miss being 17, but something about that post made me think about everything I would lose if I went back to then. There are so many incredible people in my life who I didn’t know back then. I can’t even list all the relationships I formed after high school that I could never give up. I don’t think things would ever be bad enough for me to say goodbye to those people.

Starting college was tough for me, but I’ve experienced a lot of cool stuff over the last three years. I live in New York for most of the year, I spent 4 awesome months in London, and I saw Clairo in concert. When I was 17 I’d never even kissed anyone, so what was so good about it anyway. I think it’s definitely easier to fall into the everything sucks mindset, but it’s much more fun to live in the things aren’t so bad world.

I’ve found myself looking back at London very fondly, not that I thought I wouldn’t. I guess there were just times while I was there when I felt like all I wanted was to go back to America, but when that time actually came it was hard to leave. Maybe it’s always hard to say goodbye, especially when leaving such a unique and once-in-a-lifetime experience. For me, the last couple weeks were so weird. I had a bit of an emotionally tumultuous semester, so I had a lot of mixed feelings about leaving. I’m an American girl, and the familiarity of the states called to me. At the same time, leaving London meant leaving a lot of things behind. Literally and figuratively.

As I’m sure you all know, I went into the semester with a boyfriend, and left without one. (It started pouring rain as soon as I wrote that lol) Figuratively, leaving London meant leaving behind that time of my life. The time where I was dating someone for 2 years, and things were perfectly good as they were. Literally, it meant saying goodbye to being in the same physical place as him, and hello to the potential of never being in the same place again. That’s a very weird and scary feeling to grapple with. I always thought things would be easier if we just hated each other, but for better or for worse, that’s not the case. As is typical for me when talking about this, I don’t have anything very thoughtful to say, so I’ll just move on.

Let’s talk music. I have two fairly different songs for you, both of which I’ve been listening to on repeat.

Fuck My Computer - Ninajirachi

Coffee & TV - Blur

I’ve been into whatever the vibe of Fuck My Computer is lately (sorry I don’t know genres), so if anyone has song recs like that please send them my way. The Blur song has an interesting intro, and then transitions into a fun indie rock (idk) song that I really enjoy. I’ve actually been listening to that whole album, and it’s pretty good. I’m trying to be on a more upbeat vibe this summer so that my spirits can stay high. I’ll let you know how it goes.

This one might not be my best work, but I’m gonna get into the groove of American blog writing soon. Even if I don’t, you guys already know. #myblogmychoice

Later losers.

Love,

Hey guys, happy Sunday! Don’t be mad at me. Please. Last weekend I was out of town until Monday, and by the time I got back I was in no mood to blog. I told myself all week that I would write one, and then I didn’t. Please please please please forgive me.

I’ll make it up to you by telling you all about PJ and I’s exciting trip to Phantasialand in Germany! It was probably the most lit time ever. On Saturday night we stayed in some freaky tiny home on a farm. When I woke up there were two roosters right outside our door, and they crowed bright and early for us. Luckily, it was only a short stay there before we left for the park. On Sunday, we spent all day roller coastering it up, and it was epic. We went on pretty much every coaster we could over the course of the day, and they were all pretty enjoyable. I would say my favorites were Taron and Colorado Adventure.

We stayed at a hotel in the park, and our stay came with a free 3-course dinner at their restaurant as well as access to the exclusive bar. Of course, we had to take full advantage. By full advantage, I mean that PJ and I got super drunk off of a “cocktail bowl” before dinner, and had to rush through our meal because we were not having a good time. The food itself was fine, but the night was unforgettable.

On Monday, we spent more time in the park re-riding coasters and wandering around. It’s possible that the previous night's drinks slowed us down a little. We still had a great time though, and I recommend Phantasialand to all the coaster enthusiasts out there.

I leave London in 5 days, which is so so crazy. I’m feeling super weird about it. America calls to me, and I’m very excited to go home; but there’s a lot of things I’ll miss about being here. I really love a pub vibe, and it bums me out that there’s nothing quite equivalent in the States. Speaking of pubs, I’ll miss my pub knitting nights every Monday. Tomorrow is my last one ever, and I’m actually so devastated about it. I can’t think about it too much.

I’ve also met so many cool people in London, and going straight into the summer is scary. I’m not gonna see a lot of those people for awhile, so having a more recent connection makes me nervous. I’ll also just miss the proximity I have to people here that feels different than when I’m in New York. I guess it’s the fact that we’re a smaller group of people all doing this unfamiliar thing together, with little to no connection to our “normal” lives. That creates a feeling of closeness that you don’t find in other places. I believe that the growth I’ve experienced with people here will last, but it’s such a weird feeling to say goodbye to the environment that shaped it. Does that make sense?

Since this was my last weekend, I’ve been doing my best to make the most of it. I’ve been out every night since Tuesday either full-on partying or just getting a few drinks. It’s been a lot of fun, and definitely has solidified the feeling that leaving will be a hard goodbye. I’m usually not one for going out, but something about having a chill pub steps away where I can meet up with cool people has sweetened it for me.

I guess I’m just doing a lot of reflecting this week. This semester has been an eventful one, and not just because it happened in London. My classes drained the life out of me every week, but there’s something very special about being here. I’m sure my summer will be magical, but I’ll be ready to come back to school and see everyone again. I think New York will shine in a whole new light for senior year.

I’m not really sure what I’m saying honestly. I kinda feel like Hilary Duff at the end of one of her Disney movies. #girlwhosgonnabeokay I think some thoughtful reflection at the end of a huge life chapter is good though. Think about things! Consider the circumstances! Understand who you are!

Guys, I think I’m happy. I know I’ve spent a lot of these blogs making myself seem super miserable, and truthfully there were times this semester that I thought I might be. I kinda have this feeling though, that whatever happens, things will always fall into place. Sorry, I know that’s really corny. Of course it still requires some effort on my end, but I don’t want to feel like everything is going wrong all the time. I think maybe things are going just the way they’re supposed to. Scary! But true?

Good bye London. We hardly knew you. (I just started tearing up)

Love,

Anna-Rose and I have just finished up a discussion about the age-gap vampire yuri story I’m writing for class. We usually try to get straight into the important stuff at the end of the night. My professor seemed to enjoy the snippet of it I submitted a couple of weeks ago, so hopefully she’ll support it once it’s more fleshed out.

Not unrelated, but I was in Vienna over the weekend (I’ll talk about it later) and therefore wasn’t able to watch the new episode of the Pitt. I’m interested to know what’s gonna happen, because it’s the second to last episode and I feel like things aren’t that close to wrapping up. I don’t know what I’m gonna do when this season ends and I have no new content to look forward to. Good thing I’m back on tumblr I guess.

Luckily for you guys, I’ve been in a better mood since my last blog, so you won’t have to hear me complaining/wallowing too much in this one. Being more chillaxed in general is pretty nice because it means my mood is one less thing to worry about. All I have now is my one billion presentations coming up.

I’m just gonna throw a note in here that this post might be a bit short and rushed, because I got back late and I’m feeling lazy. They can’t all be masterpieces. #myblogmychoice

So, about Vienna. This trip was exciting for me because it’s the city I most wanted to visit while studying abroad. Tickets were kind of pricey, so I pushed it off for awhile, but I finally made it. I liked it. I really wanted to see some spots from the movie Before Sunrise, and I think I accomplished that goal. I went to Alt & Neu, the record shop where they listen to music together; the cafe where they have a fake phone conversation; the statue they lay on at the end of the movie; and the theme park where they ride the ferris wheel. It was all very cool to see! 

While I was there, I also went to the Belvedere museum and saw some great pieces, including The Kiss by Klimt. I posted all of the pieces I really liked on my spam Instagram if you guys care. I think I can be kind of a lazy traveler sometimes, but I feel good about the stuff I did and saw. Now I can leave London feeling like I did what I wanted.

In other news, my flat seems to be afflicted with some kind of plague or curse, as both of my roommates have fallen ill. They seem to be of the mindset that I need to be getting sick too, but luckily I take vitamins so I should be good. Everyone please keep them in your thoughts though, and manifest my continued health. I really don’t feel like getting sick, so hopefully this London illness doesn’t get me.

I’m feeling pretty much ready to go home, especially now that I’ve been to Vienna. Being abroad is tiring, and I miss the way food tastes in America. You know it’s serious when I start making lists of all the foods I’m gonna eat when I get back. I know I’ve talked about being stressed going into the summer, but I do think it’ll be good for me overall. Florida heat is the only thing that can save me now. I need to feel those high temperatures in my bones.

There are probably more things that I could talk about, but I don’t really feel like it and I think trying to write about something I don’t care about would make for very boring content. I apologize for a short, maybe slightly uninspired post, but sometimes you have to appreciate the lame posts while you wait for the gems.

#Losercore

Love,

Has anyone else ever woken up one day and thought about how nothing will ever be the same as it was?

Senior year of college is coming up incredibly quickly. I’ve registered for my fall classes, and I’m leaving London in less than a month. All I can think about is how much simpler my life was when I was a senior in high school. I miss that time in my life.

I guess it’s probably pretty easy to romanticize a time of my life that I’m not living anymore. If high school me was reading this she’d probably tell me all about how much everything sucks, and blah blah blah. In my head, things weren’t so scary back then. I had issues of course, but overall 17 was a pretty simple year for me. 20 not so much.

My blogs have been feeling pretty existential lately, but I guess that’s just where I’m at right now. I’ll try not to bog this one down with more of the ‘scared of the future’ thing I’ve been talking about for the last 3 weeks. It’s scary. We get it.

Sometimes I worry that my interpersonal skills aren’t very good. I have friends, of course, but I feel like I’m constantly creating complicated situations that I don’t know how to get out of. I’ve been worried about the summer, but maybe some time apart from everything will do me well. This is kind of how I was feeling at the end of sophomore year too, but I think those situations were slightly different. Regardless, a summer of moderate isolation seemed to help. Hopefully it will again.

You guys probably read these posts, and think I’m miserable. I’m not. Or at least I’m not as miserable as I could be. Things are just complicated right now, and I didn’t sleep very well last night, and I’m listening to Phoebe Bridgers. It probably helps that I'm not talking to anyone about it.

These days I sing all the breakup songs to myself in the mirror. Loser alert! Believe it or not, it’s kind of hard to find songs from the asshole’s perspective, so I take what I can get. Should I drop my playlist? That might be a little tedious to type out, but it’s public on my Spotify if you guys care.

Sorry that this blog post is no fun at all. I’ll switch gears.

On Thursday, PJ and I went to Brighton for the day. I liked it, and thought it was very cute. We went to the arcade and both learned that we’re susceptible to gambling addictions, so I’ll try to avoid the casinos once I turn 21. I had fish and chips there which was okay. I’m not a big fan of fish, but it didn’t really taste like anything. We did have a good meal though, and I’ll talk about it as part of my favorite eat of the week.

We went to Flat Iron, which is a UK based steak restaurant. I saw there was one in Brighton, and snagged us a reservation. The food was very good, and you get a lot for the price. When you sit down they give you a tin of beef fat popcorn, and when you leave you get free ice cream. So for $40 I had those, an order of steak, 2 sides (which PJ and I split), and a cocktail. In my opinion that’s a very reasonable price. The steak was yummy, but my favorite dish was the crispy bone marrow garlic mashed potatoes. PJ thought it had too much butter, but I really enjoyed. Another stand out would be the drinks, which were £9 each. I thought mine tasted good, and we agreed that they were decently strong. I’ll definitely go back the next time I’m craving steak.

As far as music of the week goes, it’s pretty much the same as last week. I don’t really cycle through songs that quickly. I have been listening to a playlist I made a while ago of songs I used to hear when I was a kid in the car with my parents. It features hits like: “Turning Japanese” by The Vapors, “Lemon” by U2, and “Jenny Says” by Cowboy Mouth. Those can be my three songs of the week. That playlist is also public on my Spotify… if you guys care.

I just got home from seeing a movie with friends. We saw The Drama. I think I enjoyed it, but I have to think about it more. Maybe that’s weird. I went with a group, but I don’t know if a group activity was right for me tonight. I’m feeling very antisocial recently. I don’t know. Sorry. Maybe I should be writing a review of the movie, but I just can’t right now.

The point of starting a blog was just so that I could say everything I wanted to. Sometimes that means saying things that make me sound annoying, or weird, or unpleasant. I like to think I’m not actually that way, but maybe I am. Maybe that’s okay.

I’m sure none of this is particularly inspiring, but hopefully you all enjoyed it. One day I’ll write a post that isn’t so depressing. I’m not there yet though.

Love,

The creative juices aren’t really flowing right now. I’m sitting on the couch staring into space, as I do, and trying to think of something interesting to say in this blog. Part of it is probably the fact that I just posted one of these the other day, but my mind is also kinda blah at the moment.

My mood is a bit swingy these days, maybe because the weather is back to its old dreary self. You would think the sun setting later would make me happier, but I’m pretty much stuck at contemplative. Current favorite activity: staring out of windows. This could just be the Sunday scaries, although I don’t really have anything to be Sunday scared about.

I’m gonna be dramatic for a second…

Does anyone else ever feel like they’re not doing life the right way? I don’t know what’s sparked this thought, but sometimes it seems like I’m not feeling or thinking the right things. Maybe I just need to start seeing my therapist again.

I actually had a very good day yesterday, and a good weekend overall. I’ve been partying it up and living large. That’s probably evidence that this is just one of those days. Let me try to get out of this mood and change the subject.

Yesterday, I went out to dinner with PJ and Carter, and it was soooo good. I love going out to eat so much; it’s actually like a passion of mine. We got Thai food from this place called Khao Bird which is also a certified B Corp. I didn’t really know restaurants could be B corps, but it was cool. Almost everything we got was kinda spicy, but in a really good way. 

My favorite dish was probably the bone-fat rice with marrow that had a hint of crunch to it. That wasn’t spicy, but it was the perfect side to offset the heat from the other dishes. I also really loved the chicken meatballs we had which were wrapped in pork caul fat. Mmm they were so good, and had an amazing sauce on them. I just looked up their menu, and it says they were cola glazed and barbecued with crispy garlic and ginger.

That was probably my favorite meal of the week, and I would definitely go back. I used to be very picky, and I still am about some things, but I’m proud of my willingness to at least try things. As time has gone on I’ve found that I usually end up enjoying it, or at least not hating it. Recently, I tried raw(?) herring in Amsterdam, and it was decent. Raw fish has always been one of those things I was a no on, so I was surprised by my non-hate.

PJ suggested I add some type of food segment to my blog, since I love eating out so much. I agree. Even if that’s not what the whole blog is about, I think adding a little something about what food I’m eating makes the posts a little less generic. That way people aren’t just reading about a 20-year old’s extremely average life. 

Other interests I have that I could talk about on occasion: music, knitting, and TV. So now I will give each of those their time.

In class on Thursday, my professor played the song “I Feel Love” by Donna Summer. I’d heard it before of course, but it wasn’t until then that I realized how fire it is. It’s very danceable which I love, and I actually heard it at the bar last night. Here are 3 other songs I’ve been listening to a lot recently:

Ring My Bell - Anita Ward

Purple Rain - Prince

My Man - Rachel Berry opb. Barbara Streisand

I’ve been slacking on my knitting the last two days, and now my professor wants me to skip knitting club tomorrow for a walking tour. I can’t tell you anything I’d rather do less than that. Even worse, she wants me to buy my own ticket for 15 quid, and the school will “reimburse me.” A likely story…

I tried emailing her to ask if I could do the tour on Wednesday night instead, but I have extreme doubt that she’ll reply. I feel like if she’s not gonna be there anyways, why would it matter what day I go? My heart is telling me that knitting club is the way to go, and I always follow my heart. I’m currently making the Barcelona Button Top by MadebyRosh using the yarn Merino Uno by Lana Grossa in beige.

Finally, TV. I love watching TV (especially while knitting), and I’m currently watching The Pitt. I watched the first season last semester, and really liked it. Season 2 is released on a weekly basis every Thursday which is a little annoying because this is the type of show I want to binge. I really like it though. This season has really been hitting me, and I’m on the edge of my seat every time I tune in. I have no idea how this season is going to end, but I’m very excited to find out. If you’ve been watching please let me know so we can discuss. 

I mostly included this last segment, because I wrote another blog so recently and didn’t have much to say. Please let me know if you enjoyed it. I’m sure the formatting and flow could be better, but as I always say: My blog, my choice.

Sorry about my mood.

Love,

Got a secret can you keep it swear this one you’ll save…

Did you guys watch Pretty Little Liars? I didn’t, but I remember being really obsessed with the theme song in middle school. I definitely thought I was super mysterious back then. Do you guys think I’m mysterious? Nowadays I’m more content with being pretty easy to read. 

Let me address the elephant in the room: it’s Thursday. Please forgive my lateness. It may be a bit too early in my blog career for me to be missing uploads, but I have a good excuse. I had two papers due this week plus a bunch of other random assignments. Unfortunately, I’m not in a mindset to crank out an essay in a few hours these days, so it all took me kind of awhile. Regardless, I’m sorry and I’ll try to do better.

I’ve been in a decent mood recently, but earlier I had a bad nap dream. A nightmare is bad enough, but during a nap is really crazy. Talk about disorienting. It’s kind of ironic though, because I was just telling some friends that I haven’t had a nightmare in awhile. At least not a physically scary one. All of my dream trauma is emotional. This one was a combination of both. 

I know this is my blog of honesty, but I’m not gonna get into the emotional details. It’s part of my secret. The physically scary part had to do with getting a bunch of cuts on my hands, and when I woke up my hands felt like they were burning. Kind of a mood killer for the day, but I’m trying not to let it get me down.

This blog is actually coming to you from my Thursday evening class: Rock and Pop Music Since WWII. It’s not as exciting as it sounds. Basically the professor just stands up front and lectures and occasionally we go to gigs to see amateur musicians. We’ve been to three so far, and they have all been more trouble than they’re worth. Everyone in this class probably thinks I’m a miserable loser… probably because I always look miserable and never talk to anyone. Today I identified the Dr. Who theme song within the first second of it playing, so now we can add nerd to the list.

Skylar Manietta: Miserable Loser Nerd.

Yesterday, I interviewed with CohnReznick. It was a weird setup where they gave me questions and I recorded myself answering them. The problem is that half the questions were stuff about my work authorization and if the NY office was the most convenient for me to commute to. It just felt very awkward recording myself saying “No, I will not require sponsorship to work in the US in the future.” I guess we’ll see how it goes, but I’m sure it’ll just be AI watching the videos anyways. Whatever.

It feels funny how soon this semester is gonna be over. I still want to go to Vienna, but there’s not that many weekends left. I haven’t traveled as much as I thought I was going to, but I’m okay with that. The places I’ve been have been cool, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with spending time in my ‘home base.’

I’m excited for the summer, but also a little bit nervous. I guess it just comes back to being scared for the future in general. Genuinely all I want is a job after college, but I don’t know how to tell companies that I can be whoever they want me to be as long as they hire me. That’s probably kind of a sad thing to say, but oh well. I need to fund my knitting habit somehow, and I can’t work at Ram Van forever.

I’d like to do some reading this summer if I can. I’ll definitely have a lot of free time #joblessloser, so maybe I’ll try to get to the beach a bunch or at least sit in the pool. I bought Hamnet to read at the beginning of the semester, but my progress has been unimpressive. Honestly, if I could knit in the pool I’d probably do that instead. Alas, reading it is.

Couldn’t quite finish the blog in class, so I’m speed-typing the end at home. The bar needs me, so there’s no time to waste. Everyone always wants to go out at 9pm, and I don’t know it just seems a little early. I need a little time to decompress after a long class of not paying attention. Some people just don’t understand. Nevertheless she persisted. Ninth Ward here I come!

Stay woke.

Love,

It’s blogging time!

I’m back in London as of like 7:30 this morning. We took basically the first flight out of Budapest which was probably for the best. I had a lot of fun on spring break, but I think we were all ready to be done traveling.

Technically being in London does mean our trip is over, but being abroad means that the travel never really ends. It seems like this is just the point in the semester where we all start to get a little homesick. I definitely am.

Everywhere we went in Budapest reminded me of somewhere closer to home. It’s probably a combination of things making me feel that way. I spent a lot of time sitting next to bodies of water and contemplating while we were traveling. What can I say? I’m just such a deep thinker. The place I sat in Budapest reminded me a little bit of Lakes Park, not that most of you would know anything about that. It doesn’t matter though, because it probably wasn’t very similar at all. I guess the feeling of being there was familiar.

Right now I’m just feeling kind of melancholy. Sometimes it seems like one thing in my life goes wrong and all the cracks start to show. Saying that sounds like my life is so troubled or hard or something, and it’s really not; but these days I’m just feeling very afraid of the future.

I got rejected from a job that I really wanted, and I was so close to getting it. Obviously a rejection doesn’t mean the end of the world, but it just makes the future seem that much more uncertain. What would I do if no one ever hired me? I have another interview at least so all hope isn’t lost; it’s just very discouraging. I’m definitely not one of those people who doesn’t ever want to work. Quite the opposite actually, I get so bored when I don’t have a job. And I hate not having an income, it makes me so anxious.

I’m sure talking about jobs and the future is not that interesting of a blog topic, so sorry about that. Honestly, the problem with writing my blog in one day is that I always think of things to talk about throughout the week and then forget about them. I should probably start writing more things down.

I left my journal in London while we were traveling, so I kind of turned into a notes app warrior for a few days. I’ve never been one for that lifestyle, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. All that thinking was making me feel a little crazy, but I guess a good body of water will do that to you. I did most of my thinking in Prague. Partly because I got sick and partly because people weren’t sick of hearing from me yet. There was one day where I sat in this park near a pretty pond and listened to the same 17 songs on repeat and stared off into the distance for like 2 hours. My phone barely works nowadays, so I have plenty of time for real thinking.

This could just be the homesickness talking or maybe it’s my general irritation regarding my classes, but I’m ready for this semester to be over. Now that spring break has passed, it’s time to get back to work. The problem is that I hate all of these stupid classes, and my professors assign the most meaningless homework ever. Then, they make it worse by acting like their class is the most important one I’ve ever taken. Bro… you teach Sports Marketing. What do you mean no one gets an A on this paper? 

I’m just generally irritated lately, I suppose. I don’t really like being that way, but maybe sometimes I need to be. Hopefully other people don’t feel like I’m always irritated. Things aren’t all bad, life is just tough sometimes. My life has definitely been harder than this before.

Guys I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. I think I might be a little sleep deprived, but hopefully all this has made sense. I feel like my first post was good and deep and thoughtful, and the following ones have been less so. Whatever.

My blog, my choice.

My final thought is that I might make the blog public so that people can follow it. That way I won’t have to text all my readers every time I make a new post.

Love,

As the title may suggest, this blog was written in Berlin. It may also suggest that I’m kind of annoying. Sorry about that.

If I were a second blog post, what would I say? Probably something like: thank you guys so much for all the support on my first blog. It really meant a lot and I can’t wait to see where we all go from here. I love my fans!!!

Maybe not…

I do really appreciate everyone who took the time to read it, and who are taking the time to read this now. It does mean a lot.

Believe it or not, I’ve chosen to start a blog at a very confusing and complicated time in my life. So I’m using my second apology of this post to say, sorry in advance for talking about my breakup so much. If it makes you guys feel any better, there are some people who have to listen to me talk about it everyday. So if you think about it, you all should really be grateful… in a way.

So I’m in Berlin and I’m sulking. Why? Because this past Monday, I decided to go no contact with Sean. ‘But Skylar, why weren’t you already no contact with him?’ Please! Save your judgement. We broke up on good terms and I didn’t want to lose him as a friend. Unfortunately, all talking to him did was make me extremely confused and conflicted. Now that we’re not talking I’m happy to report that I’m feeling extremely confused and conflicted. We’re making a lot of progress.

Today marks 3 weeks since we broke up and almost one week of no interaction. I don’t even know what to say about that. I’ve been sad, hence the sulking.

Yesterday Miranda and I went to this Volkswagen exhibition thing. It had some different models of Volkswagens and also other cars from brands I didn’t know they owned. Corporations are so sneaky sigh. It was cool though. They had little listening areas with 5 songs from each decade since the 50s and we were jamming. The 90s one had Creep by Radiohead, so I would say I was fulfilled.

I would say today was better mood-wise than yesterday. I’m feeling alright overall, but definitely like my mind is elsewhere.

Tomorrow we train to Prague to see the sights there. I don’t really know what goes on in Prague so if anyone has recommendations please let me know. We’ll probably see some historical sights and maybe some music? Miranda leaves us half way through that leg of the trip. Wahhhh.

Call me crazy, but I’ve been missing Florida. I think the weather there this time of year is really lovely and a Florida beach trip sounds so healing. It’s possible that I’m feeling a bit nostalgic recently. Maybe I miss my family a little bit. Or maybe I just miss my sister's free haircuts.

I really want to chop my hair off again. I’m tired of the long hair; it’s annoying and gets in the way and it doesn’t look as good as the short hair. The problem is: I don’t want to spend a million bucks on a haircut. I want to spend zero bucks on a haircut. Is that so much to ask? Apparently. Maybe I’ll get it cut, but chances are I’ll put it off forever. I’m well on my way to Rapunzeldom.

I wrote this whole thing on my phone because I didn’t want to lug my laptop across Europe for spring break. Hopefully that doesn’t reflect too much on the quality of this post.

Let me know what you think.

Love,

How to start a blog? What to write about in a blog? Will people read my blog? Is it cool to blog?

Guys… I’m taking a big leap here. The concept of a blog is exciting to me, however if I want to pull this off I have to be willing to be a little vulnerable. If I keep things too priv, then I might as well just stick to Instagram, but how far can I go before I’m sharing too much? What is oversharing?

Okay, sorry. No need to get overly corny and/or deep(?).

I love to tell people things, and I love when other people tell me things. My goal is to be honest, and let my heart tell me if something is a little too much to share. Kind of like journaling, but other people read it. Maybe any readers can tell me if they didn’t really want to hear about something too.

I don’t plan on spending too long on these posts, because I want my real thoughts and personality to shine. That being said, if anything I write here doesn’t really make sense, please leave me be. Nobody's perfect. I also am assuming the only people who may read this are people I already know, so no introductions are in order. Sorry.

Before I get into anything too serious, let me give a thank you to the 4 gals who commented in support of my blog journey. I couldn’t have done it without your validation. Miranda, Ellie, Anna-Rose, and Chloe I love you guys.

- Alright, begin blog -

Ending my almost 2-year long relationship has given doomscrolling a whole new meaning. I’m not even doing it on purpose, but it’s like I open TikTok and every other video is relationship advice, break-up advice, happy couples, and other general doom. And it’s somehow all completely pertinent to my situation and feelings. What’s a girl to do? Probably just get off of TikTok… but if I did that, what would I do in my spare time? 

The truth is, breaking up was (and sometimes still is) one of the most emotionally taxing and scary things I’ve ever done. There was a while there where I didn’t think I would be able to do it, but in the end I knew it was the right thing for us. I’m hesitant to say too much about my break-up feelings out of respect for him, but I’ll still say what feels right. 

Breaking up on good terms is kinda weird and scary and complicated. I have zero negative feelings towards him, but it’s also like… we broke up. We talked every day since March 2024, and I don’t want to stop talking, but we broke up. You’re my friend and we have so much in common and I like hanging out, but we broke up. It’s definitely weird being the one who does the breaking up, because I don’t know what’s allowed and what’s kinda evil. It’s all a process I guess. It also hasn’t been that long so I think some complicated feelings can be excused.

If this is how you're finding out that Sean and I broke up, I apologize. I get scared to tell people. Feel free to be mad at me.

Sort of related, but I guess it was a big weekend for Pokemon GO. I think I kinda dropped the ball on that. Yesterday, I wasn’t in a state to be leaving the house and unfortunately, nobody seems to be lining up to join the Betsey Trotwood gym raids :/ If I cared slightly more about the nuances of this game, I might be a little more bummed but I think I’ll make it. I have been playing a lot more than usual though so I’d say it’s an overall win.

I’m feeling insecure about my comma usage right now. Can you guys not judge me for my reliance? Thank you <3

London is a cool city, but in my opinion it’s very similar to New York. I hope it’s not problematic to say that, but it’s how I feel. I mean that mostly in the way that they’re both big cities with a lot of transit and food and cars. My problem is that I’m a bad explorer, and so I never find the cool niche things that make a place unique. I did go on a walk today and ended up at a park I didn’t know existed. It had swings! I’m usually not much of a walker, but I needed to get out of the house today (and I was gonna try to play some Pokemon GO). I think a casual walk can be nice, but definitely not by myself. With no company, I get easily bored and sad and then I go home after like 20 minutes. Lame.

Classes here are not my favorite and they’re all 3 hours long so school has been a bit of a slog recently. I will persevere though, because overall being abroad is very cool. Travelling has been fun so far!

Spring break starts this weekend and I am sooo excited. We’re going to Berlin, Prague, and Budapest which I think will be an awesome combo. Even better though, Miranda is coming for the first half!! I can’t believe we barely knew each other before the summer. Missing her and our Ram Van psychosis. 

I don’t want to reveal too much at once, so I think I’ll leave it here for the evening. I enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoyed reading it, whoever you are.

All my love,