I like strawberrie smoothies and noodles💜

One time when I was a kid, I had a science teacher with a snake as a class pet, and said snake was almost done shedding. There was one little bit of dried skin stuck to its face and I was like, “would it hurt him if I pulled that off?” And the teacher said, “yes it actually could, it’s probably still attached to living skin if it hasn’t come off yet” and I was like “oh, sorry,” and he said, “that’s okay, you were just wanting to do the primate thing.” And damn, that’s such an accurate descriptor.

adrian: it's the confidence. just act like you own the place, dear

[later]

grace: ... you're in a ball.

rocky: yes we'd still love you if you were a worm

rocky: no we're not mad at you

rocky: yes we love you

grace: 🥹

Aliens reacting to our wildlife.

Because, god, if they think we're Space Orcs, wait until they see the shit that could scare or amaze us.

Like:

Alien: "Human, I was looking over my notes..."

Human: "I have a name-"

Alien: "Your closest living ancestors are of the genus Pan, yes? These "Chimpanzee" and "Bonobo" creatures."

Human: "Uh, yeah. Funny story, they wouldn't be living nowadays if it wasn't for NATO signing the ENCR Preservation Act-"

Alien: "In 2031, yes, I know, that's not what gets me. What gets me is, uh...I was unaware your empathy and barbarism was genetic. Chimpanzees enter into societies and build tools, yet also cannibalize weaker factions and have "hair-trigger" tempers."

Human: "Yeah, Chimps are fucking terrifying."

Alien: "...They're what?"

Human: "They're...fucking terrifying?"

Alien: "They scare you?!"

Human: "Why wouldn't they? They have super-strength and sharp teeth, not to mention the grey matter. Piss off a Chimp and you could, literally, lose your face."

Alien: "YOUR KIND ROUTINELY BUILDS SUPERWEAPONS AND INGESTS POISON FOR FUN, AND YOU'RE SCARED OF YOUR PRE-SAPIENT RELATIVES?!"

Human: "Wait 'til you find out how we feel about bears!"

random eridian: and now, for a few words from our newest member

We are freakishly perceptive. We are such a social species that we can read body language super well, so social in fact that we can sometimes instinctively pick up on the body language of other species. Other aliens had to learn the body language of the other species but humans somehow just know, and they don’t ever forget it either.

im actually quite proud of this one

rocky: fine then! we’re getting a divorce! and i'm taking the pebbles!

Grace, on recording: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING.

Voice from back of room: welp, we’re fucked, it was nice having life on Eath while it lasted.

Stratt: Please remain silent. I assure you he has this under control. He’s got this.