#AGERE-grets

I'm sorry if I wasn't more clear in my posts. I know ace isn't explicitly nonsexual. I was trying to acknowledge that ACE folks exist in BDSM spaces, and that some of them do explicitly state that they do not find kink sexual. I've seen regressors become uncharacteristically ace-phobic and deny that it's possible to be in a power play without finding it sexual or having sexual attraction to their partner in a dynamic.

Did your dynamic change once you were adults?

Was your relationship different in private than it was on social media?

Just wanna say that I hope you're doing well and having a good day/night/whatever time it is for you! You're awesome and I mean that. Your patience and willingness to confront age regressors with firmness but also kindness/willingness to help is amazing.

-🐀

I appreciate it! I know I don't have any reach or influence right now, but I wanted to start a place to talk about these things and let former regressors/groomed regressors talk about their experiences.

I wish I got more submissions, tho I don't want to be seen as an anti-agere tea blog. That's not the point. I want regressors to see that they've let in/normalized kink in nearly every aspect of their little space. They use kink to heal without fully understanding the complex consent theories behind power exchanges, and they're being taken advantage of by groomers that know how to appear "safe". They see kink as universally bad, immoral, evil, or pedophilia. That's not an environment that encourages education. It creates a deep shame that locks away totally natural, normal childhood development.

I keep reading what professionals say "Inner Child Healing" should look like, and every single regressor out there would explode if they really followed these books advice. True, radical healing and growth would be telling you're inner child they're not dirty or immoral for masturbating and having fantasies. That's so freeing, compassionate, and understanding.

But you'll never see regressors nurture their sexual side like that. And that's why they'll never heal their traumas. They're stuck being emotionally and sometimes physically dependent on a Dominant. They are staying children in a time when they must learn independence and healthy coping mechanisms. Their entire mental health strategy is completely dependent on someone else to process their emotions. It's literally the opposite of inner child healing. It needs to stop.

It sounds dramatic, but when I see regressors talk about caregivers and diapers and pacis, all I see is mentally ill teens self harm. I don't see much difference between regressors like that and pro ANA/ED communities that think they're "Body Positive". Giving into their unhealthy coping mechanisms and encouraging others to do so. Competing for who is the most "little", the most "pure". Any suggestions that their coping mechanism is causing them harm immediately shuts them down or causes them to lash out.

Art therapist Lucia Capacchione (PHD) says in her foundational book "Recovery Of Your Inner Child"...

"Countless clients and workshop participants have said that it's the easiest thing in the world to give love and care to others, but when that comes to nurturing themselves, it is a different story. In fact, it is the most difficult task they ever had to do."

Look closey at most Inner Child Healing books by doctors and therapists and you'll see a common recommendation; re-parenting yourself.

The point of inner child healing isn't to have a caregiver take care of you while you roleplay a child, you are the parent to your inner child. You have to caregive to your inner child. The validation and nurturing needs to come from within you. A therapist can help guide you on this journey, but they aren't supposed to act as a surrogate caregiver. You cannot heal your inner child if you're making your partner do the work for you.

Inner Child Healing is so powerful because you and only you are giving it the validation, protection, and love it always needed.

If your Inner Child needs a roleplay caregiver, you are no longer Inner Child Healing. You are using a D/s kink dynamic nonsexually as a coping mechanism. Kink and power exchange can be used radically to heal from serious traumas, but that doesn't mean it's safe for minors or "SFW".

What real Inner Child Healing looks like:

🌼 Writing a letter with your non dominant hand.

🌼 Going to a playground with a friend, observing how kids loose themselves in play.

🌼 Journal as your inner child.

🌼 Playing with toys you had/wanted as a child.

What nonsexual D/s looks like:

🖤 "Head cannons" of caregivers.

🖤 A Mommy or Daddy (other than your parents) providing you rules, structure or support as if you are a child.

🖤 Needing a partner to help induce your little space or take care of you in your little space as a Mommy or Daddy.

🖤 Wearing adult sized clothes, diapers, pacifiers and bottles from kink shops.

I believe there needs to be MORE kink education underage. They need to know what a power exchange is, what nonsexual role play looks like, and how consent works in risky dynamics. Most online regressors have much more in common with DD/LG than they do "inner child healing", which is why so many teenage regressors switch to DD/LG when they come of age. If that overlap wasn't there, you'd rarely see that happen. Like, ask yourself, if your regression is so therapeutic, why won't your licensed therapist let you call them mommy or daddy? Why won't they change your diapers? Why are these D/s dynamics and kink clothing never mentioned in the inner child healing books? Why do so many regressors conveniently hide the fact that most inner child healing therapists and sources say you need to re-parent yourself, not find a surrogate parent?

It's controversial, but I don't really mind that teens develop kinks underage. I don't mind that they buy kink gear. Diapers, onesies and pacis never hurt me while I was safe and secret in my room. It was a euphoric, healing space. The danger comes in when the role play starts to happen. The slow, secret grooming that on the surface, looks nonsexual and innocent. But it's not. It's a D/s relationship that teens cannot enter safely. Just because it feels and looks innocent doesn't mean it's not kinky.

DD/LG is weird. There's alot to unpack, and there's no definitive, universally accepted source for *why* some develop this kink. There are guesses, and there's enough evidence to show that it's not correlated with pedophillia, but there's still a lot to unpack. I know it's weird, and I know it can traumatize some people. For now, it's considered an extreme kink, and that's okay.

Caregivers can't replace trauma informed therapy.

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Involuntary regression needs psychiatric intervention before it's "safe" to role play with a caregiver.

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Voluntary Age Regression is just Age Play that's not sexual.

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Coping mechanisms aren't automatically "SFW".

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Your illness can be valid as well as harmful to yourself and others if left untreated.

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Co-Opting mental illnesses to hide underage kink desires is common and difficult to spot while you're also underage.

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Grooming can happen without obvious sexual discussions. Do not assume it's safe to role play just because someone claims they're not sexual.

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

Yea, don't tell me you're a trauma regressor that's easily triggered into painful, uncontrollable, nonverbal regression...then make a public account with a DNI. Discord isn't safe either, because you have to trust the mods of that individual group. Discord only scans for CSM, and relies totally on reports from members within a group. That discord group is only as safe as the mod wants it.

I agree that AgeRe should be done privately offline, tho it's still risky when you're living with your parents. Many parents don't care if you claim the paci they discovered is "therapeutic", they're either going to find it weird and shame you, put you in therapy, or even feel guilty for having a child that feels so traumatized that mistreated that they feel the need to play like a baby again. Even talking about it online could be risky if your parents use any kind of parental monitoring software.

I've spoken about it here before, but social media is not a safe place for minors to be around even when it's sfw and their parents are fully involved. I saw a video once where some creators hunted pedos online by creating realistic looking fake accounts with pictures of adults that were digitally aged down, and most creepy DMs happened within hours, sometimes minutes of first opening an account. Now, add agere into that. They're children that are acting like even more vulnerable, younger children while circumventing just about every tool and adult meant to keep them safe. They're creating content that would likely be considered CSM in court because of how similar it looks to adult sexual content. Regressors that say it's "victim blaming" are right, but fail to understand they just jumped into shark infested waters without a cage while bleeding. The rest of us are on the boat screaming "please stay here and wait". But they're so desperate to get to the shore they'll put themselves in harms way.

That's so frustrating. Like, I get that some communities are really sensitive to anything kink or sexual related. Some people just aren't at a point in their recovery to handle certain topics, and they want to make a community where they feel "safe".

But it's not fair to demonize and run out someone in your group that just happens to have fetishes or other totally legal sexual desires. I know that age players get really grumpy when some uWu sfw Age Regressors who swore up and down their regression was never kink...make a JFF within a month of turning 18. And I'm sure that has an effect on the AgeRe community, forcing them to do everything possible to keep the image of not being a kink. But I've been saying for a while that if AgeRe's just accepted kink exists and quit saying that Age Play is diet pedophillia, there would be so much less animosity between communities and make the nonsexual littles feel safer knowing that if they begin to have sexual feelings, they have a safe place to ask questions rather than suppress and deny. I was into kink underage, and oh boy, not having a safe community to talk about things openly lead me down very dark paths that I wouldn't wish on anyone else.

Adults have a very strict NMIK policy, even demanding followers unfollow other followers that have teenage followers. Guilt by association is a terrible policy, and removing teens from the conversation leads them right into the hands of people who will take advantage of them. NMIK only works if every adult follows that. I don't see talking about kink as any different than talking about sexual health. The same advocates that hate abstinence only sex ed are more than happy to take an abstinence only policy towards kink. Like, come on, when was the last time telling a teenager "no, ask me when you're older" has ever worked.

I am actually in my mid 20s, and I struggle a lot finding a place because so much agere communities seem to be tailor to 18 and under which personally creep me out. As someone who has looked for discord communities to feel less alone, its honestly disgusting and the ones who proudly promote their high levels of young members is down right horrifying.

I'm not even a little who personally want a CG. I find the amount of minors talking about their "daddy or mommy" or even their big sibby that they met online is so scary. I feel like the agere community has idealized and made the aesthetic of the ideal little being cutesy cared for by their CG. A lot of the Agere Community honestly feels like its for the aesthetic and the moment you show signs that your little side stems from trauma and you aren't cutesy they attack. Hell I've been told I should be a mommy purely because I'm not small and tiny and have a more "mommy body" whatever that means (I haven't even shown people pictures of me, but I draw my sona to have my body and I'm not a small flat chested girl who looks 10)

Thank you so much for putting the perfect words together. It really does feel like age players stole the power play of kinksters, demonized sexuality and then attacked a lot of members who have actual trauma that causes it.

Even when you see people talk about involuntary regression (when the little can't control their regression) its always done so cutesy. And at times it's so sickening. The agere community has became so much about the cute aesthetic when it was originally supposed to be a place where people could heal from trauma imo.

Its also crazy because like you mention how it feels like they stole the label to be little in public around other people. But I don't control when I feel little. When I'm little out in public I'm not happy playing around about it. I hate it I hate feeling little around people so much. It's terrifying. I don't want to draw attention to myself. I don't dress up like a giant kid in public I don't want people knowing. Even when its a positive trigger (like when I had to go to the aquarium, it hit me hard into little space) I'm quiet I'm shy I avoid people. When I regressed I don't want someone to treat me like a child because I was hurt.

I actually felt awful for that anon you are talking about because I get it. Besides my own personal messed up relationship with sexuality I wont get into. I can relate on another hand because a big issue I have when I regress is I'm not a good little girl. I don't want to be a good girl. I do awful things when little. Not like illegal things. But I've accidentally ripped off a teddy bear's arm once in one of my fits. I often end up inflecting the abuse I've suffered onto my stuffed animals and then spend the next hour crying over having hurt them and being mean. Then when I've calmed down I have to stitch them up again. But that isn't cute, that isn't sweet or fun. If I told other littles in the community a lot of my little episodes involves me reenacting the trauma I've experienced on to a poor innocent plushie I would be seen as a monster. I couldn't ever have a CG because my little side isn't a sweet good girl. I am a little monster because I had to be a good girl growing up and just take it. I had to be mature and good, so now I'm a giant brat who is very immature.

Reading your blog makes me see I'm not alone and that there are other littles who are hiding their ugly side. Thank you so much for sharing 🌗

I was never in the AGERE community. When I was younger, all we had were TB/DL and maybe DiD groups with little alters. AGERE is a newer phenomenon that got popular around 2017 (at least according to keyboard searches on Google).

It's strange to me that a couple of anons here have mentioned how poorly the trauma regressors are treated because that's totally different from what I've seen AgeRe sold as; a coping mechanism for trauma. They'll scream it all over tik tok. Anyone that argues them..."trauma" is almost always brought up to legitimize why they are wearing onesies and sucking pacifiers on their main. For me personally, that's really the only reason I don't see AgeRe as a complete and total fraud. Even voluntary regressors, I understand that little space is restorative and fun. But AgeRe's seem to not understand that kink doesn't always have to be sexual (proved by the existence of ACE folks in BDSM) and that kink can be restorative as well as a coping mechanism. It's not a great coping mechanism, but the idea that a sexual coping mechanism is "bad" and a nonsexual one is "good" is the kind of black and white thinking you'd expect from a younger audience. I think they're BOTH unhealthy in many ways and extremely risky. They're fun, and can be healing, but absolutely not replacements for real therapy.

The focus on caregivers underage is what scares me most. I really don't care too much if someone enjoys the aesthetic and asks people not to be so fucking horny around them. Even more controversial, I think the harm in children ordering onesies, pacis and diapers from kink shops is overstated. A diaper on a teen is very, very different than impact toys or bondage gear. Even if a teen is secretly sexually aroused by a diaper...who cares? The power play aspect is where most of the harm comes from. Being controlled at your most vulnerable without the protections of your parents, with only limited knowledge from other children who are also hiding things from the people meant to keep them safe.

When I discovered agere community now an adult I found a lot of similar situations as age play community. Where you have a lot of people in the agere community trying to imply people who dont go as young as toddler or baby are less valid. I found people telling me even in the agere community that unless Im toddler or younger Im not really a little and I just am pretending.

I have friends who are in the agere community and I have friends in the age play community and honestly I dont get why there is so many agere people who hate on age players / abdl people who are completely non sexual? Also I find the minor targeted Agere communities extremely scary and uncomfortable I feel like those places are just filled with actual dangerous people pretending. This is coming from someone who was a minor who went into age play communities who said 18+ and ones that didn't and I found that the ones who were 18+ were often times more dangerous and creepy.

I feel like discord servers that advertise being full of minors is so so so dangerous even if people claim Agere is safe I've seen a lot of creepy agere people and experience creepy users too using the term Agere that I just feel like its so icky. More so since so many of those chats have Little Looking for CG channels! May I be 🌗Anon?

This is why I'm also so confused about the hate, these communities are so similar. Middle space in both communities don't seem to be as desired as "infant space", tho it kinda makes sense that Age Regressors don't want middle space because middle space for many of them was like, a few years ago. When you're over 25, middle space makes much more sense. Instead of saving for a house or contributing for retirement, you long for parts of your cringe era that was chock full of nostalgia.

I wonder how many regressors asked you to be their "babysitter" as a middle too.

And yea, I agree with you, I don't think SFW minor agere discords should allow role play, match making or dating. If they wanna RP their weird fan fics, sure, but no fucking way should there be CG/l rp in a minor discord. The way I've seen anons describe these "sfw" agere discords make them sound very NSFW, low key horny places.

I mean how there will be posts or fanfics where a kid is a little and their parent is encouraging them being little and "supportive" Its hard to explain but sometimes imagine posts or posts about how parents being extra encouraging of regression in minors is extra creepy to me.

Or like how you'll see a post with a little being like "I'm gonna ask my mommy for some new little stuff as a reward" and it just makes me feel so on edge and ick

I feel like the agere community often not only ignores trauma littles but demonizes them because they aren't as "cute"

Being a little isn't always having lots of cute toys and drinking out of sippy cups and using pacifiers in front of your family and them being supportive and kind.

Sometimes its hating yourself for not being like people your age. Its laying in bed crying mutely because you don't want people to hear you. Its having to grow up so fast as an actual child you don't have childhood memories to look back on.

Its not knowing how to play the way you did when you were a tiny kid because you were forced to stop much too young.

Sorry I wanted to vent a little more Im sorry if this is stupid. Im just happy that there is a blog that is willing to show the neg stuff of agere community 🌗

(CW: CSA, OCD)

See, I consider the trauma regressors the original (and only) Age Regression community. Like you said, they're the ones who either can't control their regression, or need to re-parent their inner child who was denied fundamental early development. I think age players stole the power play of kinksters, stole your label, and demonized sexuality in order to live out their fantasies publicly and gaslight anyone that questions them. They claim it's healing, but what they really want is validation and permission to behave in maladaptive ways.

I'd feel so betrayed if a community that was focused on "healing trauma" shun the members that experience childhood trauma in distressing, unfamiliar and uncomfortable ways. It reminds me of the tik toks that say that OCD is glamorized until you're hospitalized for malnutrition from a contamination compulsion.

I felt terrible for an anon on here that admitted to feeling aroused while they were involuntarily regressed/dissociated, but couldn't tell their community without the fear of being called a pedo or socially shunned.

like WTF? AGERE COMMUNITY WTF?

i understand i like when people make Angel Dust a little because of his trauma and i am a trauma little myself but making an abuser a little OR A CAREGIVER EVEN SOMETIMES TO ANGEL DUST HIS ABUSED VICTIM????? it makes me so upset i legit dont understand cause the agere community tries to act all high and mighty about being better than the age play community when they are literally idealizing a sexual abuser as a caregiver

(CW: Animated sexual assault)

Lol excuse me? I'd understand Lucifer Morningstar in an UwU sfw kind of role play. Lucifer is an awkward dad that makes rubber duckies. Loves his daughter, protective, swoops in to save his daughter and supports her dreams. Dad as fuuuuck.

Alastor so far is like, the flawless Dom that you're intimidated to be around because they always have some kind of plan or scheme going on at a high level. But that intimidation is comforting because you know there's nothing you can do but go along with it. He's got everything figured out. He's got *you* figured out. Wanna make a deal? Unhealthy, but I could see that maybe working into a more "edgy" sfw agere roleplay. Maybe.

Val? He's a Vee. There's a whole musical number about how angel dust is sexually enslaved to him. I had to watch the musical number again and Jesus, it's WAY more sexually explicit than I remembered. Angel Dust gets blindfolded, gagged, and is forced to receive oral while singing about being disassociated. That character is deff being r*ped on screen. No way you ship Val as a caregiver unless you're into BDSM for reasons that you probably need therapy for.

i’ve been coming to terms with my interests in age play/abdl recently (though in retrospect it’s always been there, just repressed, as kink often is) and ironically starting out identifying as an involuntary regressor is how i got there, which is still true, but i guess i’m actually “dualcom” which is just my dirty little secret i guess. i do consider it totally separate from my involuntary regression though, even if my kink side is still pretty non-sexual.

while i’m not one to ever put my sex life on blast, especially on a platform i’ve worked hard to keep sfw, it does feel disheartening that i see ppl— friends, even, getting their buttons pushed in the same way i do from certain fictional scenarios that i wish i could be like “hey! i think you’re a lot like me!” (i wouldn’t anyway, it’d be overstepping.) but i do wonder if i have friends who think the same thing about me y’know? without the context of the way sexual autonomy gets written off in a manner comparable to the church, it doesn’t seem like it SHOULD be as untouchable a topic as it is.

no one in the world knows i’m both.

p.s. in case anyone needs to hear it, if you’re regularly thinking about and yearning to be babied even while totally big… something to consider.

(CW: Age Play, kink)

Also late for me. Also ranting that might not make sense but, here ya go anyway.

So many age players discovered their kinks underage totally independently of the internet or external influence. I'm hesitant to suggest it's a fundamental sexual identity, but many AB/DL's I've spoken to can trace their kink back to extremely young ages. Some knew they were kinky before they knew they were queer. It's a taboo subject to talk about openly, but every time someone opened up to me about it, they felt relieved and validated. They swore they were alone, and hid their history with kink because of how controversial and taboo it is to talk about sexuality and children. Groomers thrive off of that darkness and ignorance. If we are more open about our unique repressed sexual development to the right people, I believe we will find better answers to the deep insecurities we hold about liking diapers and pretending to be a baby.

The AGERE community loves to accept and validate everything weird, atypical and unhealthy...but as soon as you suggest that even your involuntary regression is sexual and you don't understand why, you're thrown out and accused of being a sexual predator. It's so hypocritical. AGERE's act like the fundamentalists of role play. Anti-sex, pedo obsessed, puritanical, narrow minded, reactive, undereducated and tribal.

Sorry your ask got buried. Sometimes asks just disappear.

You can tell me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe any board certified therapist, ABA or RBT advocates for parental role play outside of a therapists office, and definitely not to the extent most AGERE "caregivers" perform. If you were regressed involuntarily, wouldn't it be worse to encourage and extend that dissociative episode? Why are we continuing the loss of autonomy in someone who can't control it? Are there seriously people out there who think it's more harmful to say to an involuntary regressor like you "I'm not your Mommy", and instead, treat you like a helpless child for as long as possible?

It's so frustrating getting hate for suggesting that even in autistic dynamics, it's not appropriate, safe or ethical for a romantic partner, intimate partner, or very close friend to role play as a parent in a way that mirrors age play. I never said that caregivers are bad people for helping an autistic person when they're most vulnerable...but there are necessary boundaries that have to be maintained if therapy is your true goal.

I have no problem if your partner is overwhelmed, nonverbal, regressed, needs to be spoon fed a meal while wearing an adult bib.

I have a problem when that overwhelmed, nonverbal partner is deliberately infantilized, fed from a hello kitty plate, wearing a bib and onesie from an AB/DL shop and called a good girl/boy/baby while the caregiving partner blows off anyone that dares suggest that it's an inappropriate dynamic as an ableist or sexual pervert.

However, I have multiple guides for how to mute hashtags, and trigger warning anything DD/LG related. I'm not trying to sneak my content into the feeds of regressors that can't handle it yet, or easily triggered by DD/LG. I'm very open about what I do here. If you don't like the content, you have ample opportunities to stop reading.

I know what I do here is controversial because it's meant to be read by the people who adult kinksters aren't "supposed to associate with". But these adults don't see all the former age regressors that come to our community wounded, broken and in desperate need of guidance. I don't think it's right to gatekeep information on kink, power play, bdsm and safe role play behind an arbitrary age when it's clear that minors are already engaging in BDSM without even knowing it, and are being hurt by groomers that *swear* their role play is not exploitive because it's not overtly sexual.