random rants

List of hobbies in case you want to connect:

(1st~7th June 2026)

haha ew. one of the worst weeks of my life. statins make me turbo tired. good things happened too: hangout with a friend. art. doctor visit. got a haircut. still overwhelmingly tired and in pain.

trying to be more deliberate about designing the upcoming feature for my game - exploration - and balance coming up with cool ideas, but not putting them in code until they're ready to be worked on.

several past footguns on this project were because I excitedly designed data structures with what sounded cool, and not what was well thought out. so, obviously, i'm trying to think things through and commit to code only what I'm going to work on right away. (savegame migration is also a hassle when you're not working with just loose json)

also realizing how much "easier" it is to develop games that follow a formula. I don't mean that making whatever unoriginal popular AAAA shooter sequel is easier than my silly game, but the closer you follow genre conventions, tropes, formulas, the fewer chances you give yourself to shoot yourself in the foot, and the easier it will be on your player cognitively.

Some more minute game design notes about exploration and procgen below the fold

Today I had a migraine that made my face and jaw numb.

Anyway. I find myself strangely at peace - not fully, I think the worst hasn't hit yet - but still somewhat at ease and ready to reevaluate the hostility I felt towards my mom a lot of my life.

2018 was the wildest year for me. After the whole Crazy Neuroscientist situation, my Swiss bestie visited in part during the same time as my mom's first and only visit to Estonia.

It was a little cumbersome. Fitting 3 people into 3 rooms wasn't the most cramped, but having to translate between English and Slovak gets tiring, mostly because one language is foreign to me and one is alien. I convinced everybody to have a daytrip to Rakvere and the adventure started great when the train wasn't running due to repairs, and we missed the replacement bus.

My mom refused to take a taxi, so we wouldn't make it to the train on time. Well, it's fine, we can take a bus. We got to Autobussijaam and I thought "oh, a bus to Narva is bound to go to Rakvere right" and I was _almost_ right. I walked to the attendant, I said 3 tickets to Rakvere and the attendant gave me tickets, we sat down and an hour later watched on the phone screen as sped past Rakvere towards Ida-Virumaa.

Welp, team, what do we do. Mom said she was already feeling nauseated from sitting in the back of the bus, so we got off at the nearest stop, i.e. in the middle of nowhere.

We consulted the map and the timetable and with about 2 hours to kill, we decided to check out nearby small town which was at least near the sea. Little did I know that my future ex's mom grew up there! I won't know that for another year though.

We get to some ruins by the sea, gremlin around with Fi, my mom eventually catches up, we check the time, realize there's nothing to do in Aseri, so we walk back and find an anachronistic roadside .... ??? restaurant??? thing. Where we eat for like 2/3 of Tallinn prices, which mom of course complains about and tell me how I could cook better food for that kind of money. Yeah cool I guess labor is free or whatever.

like did Boards of Canada run cryptic marketing campaign, publishing encrypted messages and VHS tapes or radio signal or scavenger hunt or w/e, did they organize listening parties around the world? good for them! sounds like a high energy endeavor. I would just release the music. Not the same effect, not the same aesthetic, not the same enigma. But again - enigma is for people with extra energy.

when the weather gets hot, bring out the stupid portable AC

before that, start dipping your feet in cold water, you got that washing up bowl for this exact reason

watch videos with intent

even if your lifestyle and brain space doesn't really allow for just napping or daytime sleeping, if you feel the need to lay down, try to just like. not do anything for 10 minutes. If you feel the need to suppress anxieties / occupy your mind, you do have about 20 unheard audiobooks. Maybe there's some podcast about procedural generation or game design to listen to. No video, no scrolling, no chatting, no multitasking.

if you're already watching videos, make notes

it's fine to pause and think about things. encouraged, even

the usual barrage of litmus test and similar questions: "am i enjoying myself" "is this fun? urgent? important? necessary?" "is this what I want to be doing today, now, at this hour" "can I batch this task with other similar things" (eg one pomodoro of answering emails and messages) "where's my to-do list" "did I check my calendar recently" "do I move / almost-exercise according to my current energy levels" "did I take meds / vitamins" "did I drink enough water / am I secretly hungry" "is it time to start or stop consuming caffeine according to mr. clock" "maybe you've had enough sugar for today already" "have I read something recently" "have I closed tabs recently" "is there something recently expired I could/should eat"

finish at least one painting thing and hang it on the balcony door

diagnoses are starting points, not end points

(25th-31st May 2026)

Well. That was a difficult week, not going to repeat why. Once in a lifetime situation etc etc.

Anyway I finally added some silly Tracery to my project, e.g.

and after replacing the berry name and the count, this will generate sentences like "Picking 3 strawberries" or "Foraging a few strawberries" or "Gathering like 3 super juicy strawberries". Does this change the game? No, but I want to add a lot of variations to phrases repeated often in the game so it doesn't sound so robotic, so this is right at the core of my ethos/aesthetic.

I also added auto-leveling up of the main stats (Strength Perception Endurance Charisma Intelligence Agility Luck Kindness, shortened to SPECIALK) and made the stats affect at least a few things, so it's slowly starting to feel like a game.

Then I started planning exploration and other activities in the game and started planning out a world map.