I would have imagined that after a year of no communication, it would have left me in a state where speaking your name didn't leave me in pain and missing you didn't cut so deep. Except a year has passed and I still miss you as much as the day I told myself that letting you go would have been the best thing for the both of us. What are you doing nowadays? Do you still have the same love for your favorite sports? Do you still travel to hide within the mountains? I've been okay. I still have my nightmares except you're not here anymore for me to seek comfort in. I still wish you'd call me sometimes so we could unexpectedly have a two hour conversation on a random Tuesday. I miss you and as much as I want to reach out to you, I can't bear the thought of hearing how you're doing better because then it would mean I wasn't the one to help you be better. However if I were to bump into you, I'd want to remember what it felt like to mold myself in your arms. I'd look you in the eyes this time to see if I could feel anything you couldn't say to me. I'd brush my hands against yours to see if your fingers also longed to hold mine. And if it meant this would be the last time we were to see each other in person, I'd be honest and tell you I might have loved you.

I really hope you're doing okay. And if for some reason I also linger in your mind sometimes, know I'll always be a little bit yours.