Bundle of Misery

There should be a game where it starts with old school graphics and as you level up it gets better and better

Clapping is just repeatedly high-fiving yourself over someone else’s achievement.

The worst part of having a good imagination is that you continuously imagine yourself acomplishing things and then never do them because you already imagined the sense of accomplishment

I don’t follow the “respect is earned” philosophy. I respect everyone automatically and then each person has the opportunity to lose my respect based on their behavior.

Anything ‘Made In China’ has traveled more of the world than I have

In video games, you gain XP from success. In real life, you gain XP from failure.

I love how television has redefined the word ‘marathon’ to the exact opposite of physical exercise

My dog knows more English than I know Dog.

I wonder how many memories I’m in.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog

If you get a house for Christmas, you’ll be living in the present.

I am both pro and anti gun. I think it would be really cool to have a gun. But I don’t wanna live in a world where I guy like me can have a gun.

“Don’t kid yourself” should be a slogan for birth control pills