Its called a birb, sweetheart.

Cleric: Ooh can I have a cheese roll please!

Warlock: I thought you were vegan though?

Cleric: Yeah, I am. Why?

Warlock: Ummm eeeer… Cheese isn’t vegan.

Cleric: Yeah it is.

Warlock: Where do you think cheese comes from?

Cleric: The ground! I’ve seen them growing before! They’re those yellow vegetables!

Bard: *to warlock* Don’t say it.

Warlock: That’s a potato.

Warlock: What if we cast water breathing on them, then give them a helmet full of water?

Artificer: ...

‪So listen. I’ve had this song stuck in my head for two days now because of this tweet. Look what they have done.‬

Me (a dwarven wizard with a pet owl) was trying to escape a haunted house.

Me: Can I just go through the door?

DM: Sure.

Me: (forgets to check for traps)

DM: A swinging axe appears out of nowhere and cuts off your left leg.

Me: Uh oh.

DM: You are now bleeding out.

Me: I staunch the bloodflow!

DM: With what?

Me: With… My owl…?

DM: You staunch the bloodflow. with your owl. You know what, what the hell. Go for it.

*Rolls a 19*

DM: Fine. You have successfully stopped the bloodflow, but your owl is now stained blood-red.

Me: Nice.

DM: there’s another axe.

The paladin: I cast Detect Skeletons. With my eyes.

[Beat]

Half-orc barbarian: Nors?

Nors: with a silent ‘Q’

Half-orc barbarian: ... where’s the ‘Q’?