....

im screaming...nobody hears me... im drowning...nobody sees me.... Lost in this ocean so deep and profound that nobody!... nobody could possibly find me. Set a drift by unfortunate events that I caused just by existing... its okay im used to my lungs screaming... under the weight and agony of everything i hold locked so deep inside me. Every tear i blink away. Every. scream that i swallow. EVERY CRY of frustration that i bury deep inskde of me with no way to fix it. I am swimming against the tide but it holds me there. Begging to be set free as the seaweed that is my memories wrap around my legs and drag me under.... Its okay though I learn to drown out that agony...

what do you do when the world feels like its crashing and asking for reassurance is a trap youre not willing to fall into. You want to know to understand. To let them ease your mind...But what if what they offer is not ease...But pain wrapped in pretty words.

sometimes i really hate this feeling of worthlessness that just washes over me. a slight change of tone.. a little bit of silence. The quiet gets loud when your brain tells you youre not worth it... Theyve finally given up. They don't like or want you. They... Say healing isn't linear but i don't even know where to start. The demons in the back of my brain will always thrive in the dark... Dark its so dark in here. The light that used to be visible at the end of the tunnel keeps getting duller and i wonder. My mind wanders begging questions like why am I here? what did i do? and what is the fuckingpoint? I will go on though. Ive promised. Which seems like such a shallow reason but. at. least. its a reaon.

listen i desperately need someone to be the adult for me cuz like i do not have it down...ughhh