i am the riot machine

the fact that walls get dusty is ridiculous. you're vertical. act like it.

it fucken WIMDY

person: so what have you been up to me: (speaking very humble) well, I just got some new carpet.. it’s plush… person: (trying not to sound envious) pl… plush? wow. I hear thats the nicest of all carpets me: oh it’s nothing..

me and the girls out on the town

I’m the girl on the right sitting down because my feet hurt and my shoes are uncomfortable

um no offense but whom'st’ve going to loveth me

Imagine doing this in front of a 14th century peasant

this is literally the funniest comment this video could have

see also: did you need to carry around a separate device to listen to your music with which had no speakers so if you forgot headphones you were fucked

it’s so difficult not being able to use milennial humor in a corporate setting. like i made a mistake today and i wanted to tell my supervisor it’s because i suffer from Dumb Bitch Disease, but do you think that would fly?? fuck no. i gotta say shit like, “sorry for the misunderstanding!” i can’t wait till the workforce is made up entirely of millennials and i can say “sorry i drank idiot juice for breakfast this morning” and my coworkers will be like “oh worm.”

“you are. stealink…. my nuts…”

Btw. If you label a post #sfw the demon bot will pass over your post.