Millions Delusions™

I get it. You get it. We all understand exactly how and why he is the way he is. So many people have put this idea into better words than I could. He witnessed an unspeakable horror at an incredibly young age. He knew he was different, that he was other, and a worry set deeply into his bones that humanity would reject him for being born who he is. 

And he was right. It was so much worse than he could have ever realized. He was born to be an object for humanity to use as they see fit. All he wanted was love and peace for himself and his brother. And after seeing that? What they did so mercilessly to Tesla? Who can blame him for not believing in any future with humanity in it. Who can imagine a future without unbelievable strife and prejudice when you’re outnumbered and are seen as an item to dissect and toy with as you see fit

And yet

And yet

In his fear, in his need to control and correct, the cycle continues. The abused becomes the abuser. He assaults his brother multiple times. He takes away Vash’s autonomy and manipulates his body without his consent. Hell he happily experiments with/tests and uses Vash’s body while unconscious. He says he loves Vash while refusing to hear a word coming out of his mouth. Because, if he has a moment of doubt, any hint of weakness, all of that anger slips away and he becomes that boy again–afraid and weak and alone

In his fear, he takes plants. He strips them of their independence and will, denying them their souls. Again, he uses the bodies of his siblings against their will. He displays their corpses to keep him angry instead of putting them to rest. He kills and breaks apart the body of his sister so that he doesn’t have to die, so that he can be reborn. He willfully denies the thoughts, dreams, and pains of his sisters and instead absorbs them, impregnates them, tries to kill them in the “right” way

In his fear, he drove humanity into hurting his kind more. He forced their hand into injuring and killing more plants than they’d ever dreamed of harming. He’s the one that put Vash into a constant position where he’s gaining mountains of scars. (His brother who, on the opposite end of the spectrum, has let the cycle of abuse continue while using himself as a shield instead of breaking free from the pattern.) He uses and discards the humans near him no matter the kindness and devotion they shows him

The same behavior Knives shows everybody and everything else

He’s awful. Absolutely sick and perverted and so stuck in his own mind that all he does is hurt and hurt and hurt

And yet

I get it. I’ve been traumatized to the point where all I want to do is cause pain in return. To feel that justice can exist and will come to pass, no matter the cost. To be so afraid that anger is the only safe emotion you can cling to. It’s what makes him one of the most compelling antagonists I’ve ever seen. Kudos to Nightow for fucking me up about Knives and his pain more by the day, honestly

It sucks, because deep down Knives wants to be understood and wants to feel safe. But years and years of repeating his mantra of hatred has him in complete denial about reality and causation. Knives has so much power, but it is never enough. Behind all of his masks, Knives is still a little kid that feels rejected and threatened by the bad humans. His anger hides fear and sadness. Anger is a much safer emotion since it enables you to act upon it. Anger makes you more than a victim. Anger makes you strong. A fallacy, but one that is not easily understood.

Knives has many examples of humanity’s depravity. But he cannot see that he is a cause for it. Many examples are his own making and thus become a selffulfilling prophecy. Vash’s body is an examply of all the bad things humans do. But Vash clings to other memories, memories where he was successful, memories in which he helped and in which people thanked him.

We can talk about the different Knives and how it looks like Stampede Knives has the most control over human leadership, after that Trimax Knives (from the looks of it). But powerscaling is not the important part about this. It is that Knives is an active parcipitant in maintaining his delusions. And that is the tragedy for me. Knives needs someone stronger than him to cut through his delusions and slap some sense into him. But there is none. His brother is the only one. But he is too occupied being his complete opposite as a people pleaser and avoids the conflict with his brother. Knives is too big and too strong and too scary for anyone to stand up to him. And that leaves him and his inner child that so desperatedly needs someone at his side isolated, rejected and alone.

okay okay i have finally gotten a free moment, everyone behold my son whom i love very much

he's based on the adorable loaf design by @papasugu, my friend brought them to my attention and i went "hey i could make that" and that was the beginning of the end for me

Some drawings of Vash based on the new revealed concept sketches!