keepsake

the fact that bison wears a jesus shirt in his fantasies of killing kant has been nagging me since the moment i realized it and i think i’ve realized why it is - and the reason for all of the things pointing towards and symbolizing bison as jesus.

it’s because that’s how bison views himself. not as actually jesus and the second coming, no, but he views himself as righteous, as a reckoning for all these people that they kill. he believes their mother when he says they only kill bad people, and that’s why he gets so much enjoyment out of it, why he involves himself far more in it than fadel, who always detaches himself. it’s why he delights in the idea of killing kant now, fantasizes about it, because he thinks that’s what’s right. kant betrayed him, and he’s a good person. he’s righteous. so that means kant deserves to die for it.

and that’s why kant is judas the betrayer AND john the beloved. because when bison knows it’s coming and turns a blind eye, he views himself the same way as jesus turning a blind eye to judas’s betrayal. and he’s the one the makes kant into john the beloved finding the tomb empty first because he hides from him (notably after kant had confessed to not wanting to lie to bison anymore)!

bison views himself as righteous. as jesus.

but he’s not. because jesus would never take joy in killing anyone. jesus would never have fun with it, in the same way bison does. and even if he did, jesus wouldn’t want to stop to date.

but you know who doesn’t take joy in any of it? who detaches himself from it? who seems, in the very least, suspicious of their mother?

you know who’s birthday is on christmas?

And I understand it's part of promoting as a pair and whatnot, but Khao seems to get a lot more kudos to his acting than first does? For example, I saw a comment on an Only Friends reaction regarding FirstKhao's amazing acting and chemistry. And I was expecting someone to reply agreeing and saying that they are both amazing actors, because they are, but instead they talked about Khao's ability to pull out amazing acting from anybody he works with, even the most ok actors. And I don't think they meant it like this, but couldn't it be read as kinda a diss on First? They didn't comment on his talent at all...

But Ayan, Gaipa, Ray, they've all had their moments of breakdown, the catharsis of tears that often become the points of merit. It's often those scenes that are brought up while discussing Khao's acting. (Yes I am aware we're all talking about him embodying all his characters in every breath they take and no, no one could've played them better than Khaotung.)

The point is, often times emotionally explosives performances are referenced as the epitome of acting and while First has had his fair share of such scenes, the magnitude of their contexts are nowhere near the same. It hurts more to see Gaipa mourn his mother and Ray's battle against himself than Alan grieving a relationship or Sand's measured stoicism.

Khao has had the chance to nail more such roles compared to First. First's characters have more or less been reigned in, subtle in expression, always scrambling to swallow the storm type of characters. Be it Akk or Sand, they're written to choke down their feelings.

And First does it so well! It's simply incredible watching him every minute detail that flits through and how much storytelling it does. We do talk about it. The viewers, and the fans definitely do.

But yk who I wished talked more about this? The actual creative team begind the series, the writers, the directors, the show runners, the award jury, yk people whose acknowledgement and appreciation earns him more opportunities. I've always felt that they don't talk enough about him and his acting, the behind the scenes (at least for Only Friends) don't spend time on First and his before and after of a taxing performance. He's mentioned briefly, or talked about in association with Khao and there's nothing more.