Great Advice From Gabe + Jane

Hello!

This is Gabe, of Gabe and Jane. We are looking for questions for our new(ish) advice column. We really think we can help. Please feel free to ask us about anything that’s bothering you, whether it’s an impossible boss at work, a romantic disaster, something to do with the unspoken mystery of your family that started before you were born, or just anything. We keep it anonymous, and we take it seriously.

So please, send questions, or help get the word out to people who really might want some third party advice from two people who GET IT.

I went to a show with a girl I have been having sex with for a while with no strings attached. I know she wants to be my girlfriend but I don’t like her like that. I ran into a female friend of a friend who is married and looked absolutely stunning. We were all hanging out and I was reminded how unequivocally charming and hilarious she is. The show started and we were all watching together. The girl I was with was in front of me and the married one behind. I was in a chick sandwich — the front is rubbing her ass on my crotch and I feel the married one in back pushing up also. So I’m leaning back and dancing with both unbeknownst to the one in front but really getting a hard on bc of how much married woman in back felt. Front girl thought she was killing it as a result of my erection that had nothing to do with her. Show was over, we said our goodbyes and decided to go to another bar. Guess who’s there? She must have just went for a drink earlier and was on her way out. Bummer. We hugged tightly and she said in my ear, “Too bad you didn’t get here sooner or we could have fucked in the bathroom” and disappeared.

If I ever find myself in this position again, is it out of line to make a move or go for it if the opportunity presents itself?

“One of my best friends offered to pay for a weekend at a hotel in Miami so that we could catch up and she could escape the NYC winter. Three hours after arriving, she believes she’s coming down with a cold. Twenty-four hours later she gets diagnosed with influenza. I, of course, stayed in our room to help her (she was really fucking sick), but now I’m afraid I’ve caught it. Should I have booked my own room to avoid the flu and save my vacation or risked it for a bestie?”

“I am addicted to stalking my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. That is already a problem I probably need some advice for, on its own, but: I just accidentally liked her photo on Instagram. This also maybe wouldn’t be a big deal if I hadn’t recently fav’d one of her tweets. How do I either stalk more carefully or just stop this insane behavior altogether?”—Anonymous

I was recently invited—by a beautifully designed email invitation—to a “homos only” party. The invitation specified that only gay men were invited to attend. Attendees could bring guests…as long as those guests were gay men. In all my 29 years of being gay, I’ve never been invited to something that excludes everyone except for other gay men. I feel kind of weird about this but I’m not sure why. Should I still go? Should I be annoyed by something so, well, annoying? And more important, can I feel annoyed and still go? —Anonymous