Adrian O'Blivion

Did you ever get the feeling you've been at the party too long? I was going to the UU for a long time with that feeling. My close friends had all moved away or died, there was a new guard who had even omitted me from the membership roles. I was told I wasn't a member of a congregation that I had been going to for 12+ years(!?) Then, when Don Mohr died the guy who had taught me to meditiate, Dave Dickey showed up at the memorial service. 

2 years hence I had been to the Zen center after reading Hardcore Zen by Brad Warner. I went through the orientation but got the impression I had pissed off the monks there somehow. 

I wrassled with this for a long time. Turned out the feeling was completely wrong, it's just that Soto guys can be kind of strict and rough. I look at it as an initiation to get through. 

So Dave had been spending his time at the Zen center. I told him about my experience there and he said they were in actuality a very friendly bunch that was just the way they came across. 

So I forced myself to come back. Most of the time Dave and I are the only ones there besides the monks and I often screw up the moves. There's a lot of bowing in different directions turning and standing up at certain times. If you do it long enough there starts to be a certain coherency in it and I suspect this is all part of the experience. 

But going there has been like therapy for me. I've struggled for a long time with the regret of not accepting reinstatement to Wells Fargo, which would have been a sweet deal, but also would have meant that I would be doing nothing but foreclosures instead of SAVING people's houses like I was when I first started.