if there is a god

pride and prejudice (2005, dir. joe wright | director’s commentary)

Your wish

YOUR WISH is that you are outside

In a wet field

At the crack of motherfucking dawn

Not in your warm wonderful bed

But in a field

Wearing your ugly ass pajamas

Bra-less, probably, so hopefully that won’t be a problem for you running from any wild animals you come across

And as you wander through this moist landscape of pre-caffeinated muck

(yes I said moist)

You see in the distance

A dark figure approaching

(And I just want to reiterate that it is DAWN)

Now I believe that this scenario means that you are walking on your own land

So what’s really happening is that you are strolling thru your backyard

In the wee small hours of the morning

And you notice a dark figure approaching you

And as this figure grows closer you see that it is a man

A tall man

Wearing his (time and cultural equivalent of) underwear

STRIDING UP TO YOU

In the middle of a soggy field

At dawn.

This is your dream.

This.

To be out of bed

in nature

encountering men in their underwear, committing illegal trespass, stomping towards you