the analog brain

Some nights even filling up the kettle and setting an empty mug out for my morning tea felt hard. But I was always thankful for it in the morning.

Other nights, one thing would lead to another, and I’d wake up in a clean house with everything ready to go.

And, on a rare few nights, the one thing that I could do to make my morning easier was going straight to bed and allowing myself to rest.

A comic I posted last night for patrons, but I wanted to share here too! This has been the time lately 😂😩😔👏✨️

But brushing your teeth for 30 seconds is better than not brushing them at all when that 2 minutes seems exhausting.  Doing ten minutes of yoga is better than 10 minutes of sitting when 30 minutes of cardio sounds impossible.  Changing my clothes is good when a whole shower is impossible.  Standing on the porch for a few minutes is worth it after being in the house for three straight days because I don’t have the energy to go anywhere.

But since I am starting a new planner, I have blocked off a little section for three things: Consume, Create, Maintain. And each day, I want to have at least one thing in each box.

Consume can be: Watch movie. Scroll social media. Look at pretty art. Play video game. Read book. Listen to music. Listen to podcast. Drink a latte. Have a candy. Brew some of the fancy tea. Etc.

Create can be: Draw, paint, doodle. Crochet. Write a long blog post. Write in my journal. Put stickers in my journal. Work on a jigsaw puzzle. Make some food that involves more than opening a box. Have an in-depth chat about our D&D characters with friend. Arrange trinkets on a shelf to be aesthetically pleasing. Create a playlist. Etc.

Maintain can be: Text friend and ask what's new. Write a letter to grandma. Call sister. Dust off the bookshelf. Put away that half finished craft project. Brush the cat, or clip his nails. Change the sheets. Go grocery shopping. Use a sheet mask. Use that leave-in conditioner. Throw out that dried-up nail polish. Etc.

I'm going to compile a list of self care blogs here. If you know of any more, let me know!

Brush your teeth - @brosser-les-dents (I run this, obvs)

Reminder to shower - @showertimereminders (I also run this)

Reminder to eat - @mealreminders (and this)

Drink water - @drinksomefuckingwater

Take meds - @didyoutakeyourmedstoday

Stop scrolling reminder - @slowscrollreminder

Hourly (ish) reminders to move - @movementnudge (and I also run this, lol)

Relax and self maintenance - @fucking-relax

This sounds so harsh, but please bare with me.

I procrastinated a lot growing up. I still procrastinate today, but less so. And yet, I got good grades. I could write an A+ paper that “knocked [my professor]’s socks off” in the hour before class and print it with sweat running down my face.

I was so used to hearing from teachers and family that if I just didn’t procrastinate and worked all the time, I could do anything! I had all this potential I wasn’t living up to!

And that’s true, as far as it goes, but that’s like saying if Usain Bolt just kept going he could be the fastest marathon runner in the world. Why does he stop at the end of the race??

If ANYONE could make their top speed/most productive setting the one they used all the time, anyone could do anything. But you can’t. Your top speed is not a speed you’re able to sustain.

Now, I’ve found that I do need to work on not procrastinating. Not because the product is better, even, but because it’s better for my mental health and physical health to not have a full, sweating, panicked breakdown over every task even if the task itself turns out excellently. It’s a shitty way to live! You feel bad ALL the time! And I don’t deserve to live like that anymore.

So all of this to say, I’m not wasting a ton of potential. I don’t have an ocean of productivity and accomplishments inside of me that I could easily, effortlessly access if I just sat down 8 hours a day and worked. There’s no fucking way. That’s not real. It’s an illusion. It’s fine not to live up to an illusion.

It shows that we are conditioned from a young age to believe that if we don't do what is expected of us, that it is a personal failing, regardless of if those expectations are actually achievable without inflicting harm upon ourselves.