bpd

the bpd urge to delete all your socials / change all your handles / change your name / shave your hair / rebuild your personality from the ground up / start smoking / get drunk / delete all your contacts / throw your phone into the ocean BC of one difficult social interaction

I wanna fucking kill myself

"bpd is so hard to be around, it's really hard to manage" what if I die

Sometimes I find myself thinking I should kill myself so that everyone feels sorry for me but then I wouldn't be around to experience everyone feeling sorry for me

Wanting to talk about this but a life time of being told I'm bossy and mean and manipulative has me doubting my own intentions. If I tell you I feel unattractive is that actually just me trying to pressure you into fucking me? Or is it me manipulating you to control the situation and make sure I'm the centre of attention?

When you're hyper sexual to disguise the fact that you feel utterly unattractive and your sense of being completely unlovable translates to feeling completely unfuckable so you push for sex to make yourself feel wanted but it doesn't work so you end up having loads of sex and feeling empty and hollow and it somehow makes you feel lonelier

Aaaaaaaaaaa

pay attention to me I'm sorry I'm being annoying pay attention to me I'm sorry I'm needy pay attention to me I'm sorry I'm so demanding pay attention to me sorry I'll stop I'll stop I'll stop I'll stop spend time with me sorry notice me spend time with me sorry I'm annoying sorry I'm like this sorry