imperfectly perfect skin

this last day was the worst.

i want to share with anyone reading this to NOT do accutane if you have struggled with depression or anxiety in the past.

please, for your own good DO NOT DO IT.

i don’t know who all will ever read this, and even if i don’t know you, i don’t want you to die.

as a person who has experienced depression and suicidal thoughts in the past, i am begging anyone not to do accutane. this was the worst the thoughts have been in my entire life.

it was so bad i considered suicide and had the worst panic attack in my entire 15 years of living, i saw my life flash before my eyes it was that bad of a panic attack.

unless bad skin is already making you want to kill yourself, do not do accutane. because although not everyone has the depression side effect, there is the possibility that you will, and as a person who has struggled with depression in the past, this is the most severe that it has ever been and it is NOT worth it. i repeat.

IT.

IS.

NOT.

WORTH.

IT.

thank God today was my last pill. only problem is, my mom knew i was struggling and she told me not to take it, but because of my paranoia and fear of my acne coming back and having to do this all again or have it all be for nothing, i took it.

and BOY was i wrong to do that.

if i had never taken it, i bet i would be starting feeling better by now. i wouldn’t have had a major panic attack that will haunt me for the rest of my life, along with the fact that i had such bad thoughts and sh’d in the last month.

IT IS NOT WORTH IT.

DO NOT TORTURE YOURSELF AND YOUR MENTAL HEALTH FOR “CLEAR SKIN.”

DO.

NOT.

DO.

As a person with acne, eczema, psoriasis, and thick calluses on my feet, and who is pretty much allergic to everything, excluding shea butter, cocoa butter, and only one brand of makeup, I would like to take the time to say that people with skin conditions are beautiful.

People do not have to have smooth, clear, “flawless” skin. I certainly don’t. And the older that I get, the more my eczema spreads, which will only stop once it’s all over my body. My skin is always very dry and very fragile even when I put on lotions and creams and whatnot.

And as for acne, I have that all over my upper body. My face, my head, my neck, my chest, my belly, my back, and my upper arms.

And no, I’m not ashamed of any of this, nor should I be made to feel that way. I am not this untouchable, disgusting thing that should be hidden from the world. I am a human being with my own life, and my own beauty, and I deserve to be respected and treated as such.

And NOT despite my skin conditions, but WITH them. Because people like me exist, and we deserve to be seen and represented.

The nature of one’s skin should not ever determine whether they are beautiful, or worthy of love and respect.

I already am. Because I exist.

My skin is beautiful in all of its little dry scales, flakes, bumps, calluses, acne, and dark spots. And I refuse to let some ignorant people tell me that I should feel ashamed of my own skin because it’s not like everyone else’s. This is MY skin, and I decide how I feel about it. And I love it. I refuse to let anyone make me feel bad for how I was born, and for how my skin turns out. I am not a mistake to be fixed. I am worthy, regardless of what anyone says.