Another 5SOS blog.

Hi guys! Since I had such a great reaction to the first part, I decided to go ahead and make this into a mini series. Here is part 2. I hope you guys enjoy it! Let me know what you think. 50 notes and I’ll post part 3 :) and another thing. If you guys ever want a personalized imagine, please feel free to just ask. Xoxo -San

2 weeks, 5 days and about 3 hours since I was face to face with the past I worked so hard to forget. My whole world was turned upside down in minutes and nothing has ever been the same since. I tried to go on with our normal routine, I really did but no matter what I did, I was forced with the crippling truth everytime one of the boys reached out to check in on Luna or ask to see her. At first I dodged their calls and ignored the texts, then I started making excuses, which eventually I ran out of so here I am waiting for them to take her to the park for a couple hours. Terrified out of my mind that I would have to face Calum. Something I’m not sure I will ever be ready for.

My heart pounds as I pace back and forth in my small apartment. Luna was contently playing with her toys in her playpen after waking up from her afternoon nap. Oblivious to the fact that her mom was close to a nervous breakdown. I packed her bag, which included just about anything I could think of. An extra outfit, diapers, toys, a bottle, some snacks, and her pacifier. Maybe I was going a little overboard but this was the first time I was leaving her alone with someone else ever. I worked at a daycare so I never had to rely on someone else to watch her in her whole 16 months of life.

I was just about to call and tell them I wasn’t ready to leave her alone maybe some other time when I heard the doorbell ring. I at least had to let them see her now.

“Come in.” I call out as I go over and pick Luna up into my arms.

“Babygirl.” Michael coos happily, coming over to take her from me.

“We’ll have her back before dinner, promise.” Luke smiles at me.

“Just be careful, that little girl is my whole world.” I feel my eyes starting to get misty.

“Hey, we love her too. You know we would never let anything happen to her. Okay?” Ashton comes over and bring me into a hug.

“I know, its just, I’ve been so damn emotional lately.” I admit with a giggle. Realizing how silly I sound. They weren’t kidnapping my kid for crying out loud they were just wanting to spend time with her. Which they deserve.

“Does Calum…you guys didn’t say anything to him did you?” I ask them awkwardly.

“No he doesn’t know about Luna. But he does know we seen you. He’s a mess.” Luke tells me as he take the baby from Michael.

“Okay good. I don’t know if I’m prepared for that just yet.” I sigh, my hands running through my unruly blonde hair.

“We’ll you’re gonna have to tell him eventually…” Ashton wrinkles his eyebrows.

“He deserves to know, and Luna deserves a father.” Michael agrees.

They were right, yet I don’t know if I could ever bring myself to confess this to him. It was too late. I was already in too deep. He would hate me.

“I just need more time…” I give them a painfully look, hoping they’ll drop the subject.

“We’ll be here when you’re ready. We’re always gonna be here for you.” Ashton kisses the top of my head.

“Okay, go before I change my mind.” I laugh and practically push them put the door.

“Mama loves you baby.” I lean down and kiss my pride and joy.

“Don’t do anything stupid to my kid. Yes I’m talking to you, Michael.” I warn them, looking directly at Mikey.

“Don’t worry, she’ll have pink hair and an eyebrow piercing before her next playdate.” He smirks.

“Michael Gordon Clifford.” I hiss.

“Kidding.” He chuckles, shutting the door leaving me alone for the first time since Luna was born.

I picked up a book and tried to read a little bit but then put it down. I turned on the TV but quickly shut it off within ten minutes, not finding anything to catch my interest. I was just about to vacuum for the fifth time today when I heard a light knock on the door.

Its only been an hour, surely they wouldn’t be back already. I had no friends and my family all live far away so I had no idea who it could be.

I nervously walk over and open it slightly to take a peek. My knees almost giving out on me when I seen the one person I was avoiding.

Calum.

I shut the door, then quickly open it again, all while he just stands there and stares blankly at me. Like he just seen a ghost.

We just stand there forever. Nobody moving or saying anything. The only noise was the sound of us both breathing heavily.

“Do…would you like to…come inside?” I mumble softly, barely able to form the words.

He nods, not speaking just following me into the apartment and to the kitchen.

“Can I get you a cup of tea?” I cough nervously. My mind going a million miles a minute.

I try not to gawk at him too much but I can’t help it.

He has changed so much in two years. Yet he looks exactly the same. He was bigger, more muscular, and he cut his hair but I could still see the ends curling up and his eyes, still the same chocolately brown I remember yet now they look tired, no more like exhausted. I think even thirty years from now he would still be the most attractive person I’ve ever seen.

“Please.” His deep voice finally speaking.

I grab two cups and set them on the table, filling the tea kettle and putting it on to boil before making myself sit down and face him.

“I had so much I planned to say to you if I ever seen you again, and now here you are right in front of me and I can’t even form a complete sentence.” He laughs without a trace of humor.

I look away, not able to meet his eyes.

“Why?” He manages, sounding so defeated, helpless.

“I’m sorry.” I mumble, tears coming out of my eyes effortlessly.

“Sorry? That’s all you can say? You broke my fucking heart. You left me with no note, no explanation, I came home to an empty fucking house and no way to contact you. Do you realize how bad you hurt me?” I can see the pain in his eyes.

“It hurt me too.” I croak out.

“So why did you do it? Whatever was wrong, whatever the reason, I could have fixed it-”

“No. You couldn’t have fixed it. Don’t you get that? I left for you. So you could have a better life, so you could live out all your dreams.” I cut him off.

“My dreams mean nothing if you aren’t there to experience it with me. Don’t you get that?” He reaches across the table and takes my hand.

“You just don’t understand.” I pull away, knowing that if I let him back in it would ruin everything. The whole purpose of me staying away would be screwed and all this would have been for nothing.

“So make me understand. Because I don’t think I could walk out of here losing you again.”

“Calum, please don’t…” I beg him.

“No. I refuse to let you go again. I didn’t have a chance to fight for you last time but I will now. So tell me what made you leave? What is so damn bad that can barely look me in the eyes.” He walks over and pulls me to my feet, so I’m inches away from him.

Every kiss, ever hug, every single memory from before comes flooding back without fail. The scent of his cologne almost enough to send me over the edge.

“Please don’t hate me.” I whisper softly.

“I could never ever hate you.” He lifts my chin up so I’m now looking at him.

“Right before you left for the tour with one direction something happened…” I pause not knowing exactly how to continue.

“You can tell me anything love.”

“I wasn’t feeling well. I started getting sick all the time so I went to the doctors.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Are you okay?” His eyes immediately flush with concern.

“I didn’t want you to worry. You were so busy with the new album and everything else going on. Plus you were about to go on your first world tour.”

“I would have stopped everything for you. You know that.” His thumb brushes my cheek.

“And that’s exactly why I didn’t tell you. You would have thrown away everything you worked so hard for. I couldn’t allow you to do that.” I sniffle.

“What was wrong? Are you still sick? Is it cancer?” I could see his worst nightmare flash across his face.

“No. I’m fine.” I reassure him.

“So then what was it?” Now he just looks confused.

“Calum…when I went to the doctor, I found out I was…pregnant. ” The words taste like poison coming out of my mouth.

“What?” A look of betrayal appearing as he steps back from me.

“Please tell me you’re joking.” He runs his fingers through his thick hair.

“I’m so sorry.” I repeat the words I already said earlier that night.

“I have to…I gotta go.” He shakes his head and races to the door.

Alright guys! Here it is. Part 3 of the Little Secret. mini series. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know if you guys would like a Part 4 or if you want to keep the ending to your imagination! Love you all. Xoxo -San

2 hours, 46 minutes, 10 seconds since my world was shattered, again. Except this time it was the other way around, Calum walked out on me. He just left. Gone without any kind of response. Not that I can blame him at all. I totally and completely deserve everything thrown my way. I deserve ever bit of anger he has for me. I didn’t have the strength to move, I just kind of sat there. Looking at the wall blankly. I cried so much the past few hours since everything happened, I didn’t even have it in me to do that anymore.

I was so far gone into my head that i didn’t even hear the door open.

“Mommy, we’re home.” I recognize Luke’s playful voice as he and the other guys walk into the room, Luna snuggled up into Michael’s chest, fast asleep.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t even realize it was so late already.” I get up from my seat and carefully take her into my arms.

“What’s wrong?” Ashton asks, his voice filled with concern when he sees my red puffy face.

“Calum came over.” I bite my lip.

“Shit.” Mikey curses under his breath.

“How did he take it?” Luke looks over at me like he was afraid to hear my answer.

“How do you think?” Nobody answered.

“He didn’t go absolutely ballistic did he?” Ashton asks.

“No. He left. He said he had to go and walked out.” I shake my head.

“He’ll come around. You remember how he gets. He just needs some time to let it sink it.” Luke reassures me.

“I know.” I force a smile. “How was today? Was she good?”

“She was great. We had so much fun.” Ashton informs me ruffling her dark curly hair. Making her stir a little.

“Yeah, I mean I almost beat up this 2 year old little boy for looking at our princess but it was fun.” Michael grins.

“Shut up.” I giggle at how protective they were already. I definitely wasn’t going to have to worry about guys when she was a teenager if these dorks have anything to do about it.

“Is…is that-” All four of our heads snap to the doorway when we heard a deep voice. Calum. Eyes fixed on the little girl still curled up in my arms.

“Yes.” My voice is shaky and uneven but I owe this to him.

“She’s beautiful, bro.” Ashton walks over and pats him on the back. Giving him some encouragement.

“What’s her…does she have a name?” His eyes move to mine.

“Nope, she’s nameless.” Michael jokes trying to lighten the mood but we all just turn and glare at him.

“Her name is Luna.” I answer him, the tension easing but it still felt like a dark cloud was surrounding us.

“I like that.” He mumbles softly, a tear falling from his eyes.

I’ve only ever seen Calum cry one time in the 4 years we were together. That was when his dog died. Other than that he is the self proclaimed tough guy of the group. He hardly ever shows emotion. If he’s upset or sad, he locks up his feelings, throwing away the key to anyone who tries to see him vulnerable. That’s just how he is, or perceives himself to be at least. But if you strip back his tough guy exterior, he’s the sweetest guy in the world. I mean, this is the guy that calls his mom almost everyday just to tell her he misses her, The guy that has his big sisters name tattooed on him. The guy that used to bring me flowers every single Tuesday because was that was the day we met on. See Calum is a big softie. He just doesn’t let anyone see it.

“Would it be okay if I held her?” He asks me timidly.

“Of course.” I smile, surprised that he even asked. I was so sure that he wouldn’t want anything to do with her.

She moans softly when I transfer her over to Calum, her tiny eyes fluttering open and melting into his.

“Oh my god. She looks like me.” He laughs, like music filling the room.

“Ya think?” Michael chuckles.

“She’s so tiny. I feel like I’m gonna drop her.” He says holding her closer in his arms.

“It’ll take time but you’ll get used to it.” I tell him, a genuine smile forming on my lips for the first time today.

“We’re gonna go. Thanks for letting us spend time with Lu today, we’ll be back for her again soon.” Ashton gives me quick hug as he and the guys shuffle out the apartment, leaving just Calum, Luna and I together for the very first time.

“So am I going to be able to see her or…”

“You really think I would keep her away from you, Cal?” I was offended that he even asked me that.

“Well for some reason you decided to keep her form me for this long so I didn’t know.” He says sarcastically.

“If I’m not mistaken, you always told me you didn’t want kids.” I remind him.

“That’s before I knew I was a father. This may not have been in my plans and it may have come as a complete shock but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy about it. I want to be apart of her life.”

“Her life?” I was a little hurt he left me out of the equation

“Listen, I love you. I’ve always loved you but I don’t know if I can get over this. Its not like you kept a dog from me. I missed the first year of my daughters life because of you.” I don’t think he meant his words to sound as harsh and bitter as they came out.

“I can’t take that back, believe me I wish I could but I didn’t want you to miss out on all the amazing opportunities you had going for you. So I’m sorry, if I could go back in time and change it I would but that’s life. We make choices and we have to deal with them.”

Hi guys! Here it is, part 4 of the Little secret series! I’m SO sorry it took so long to write, but it’s here now so I hope you all enjoy. I’m gonna be starting another 5sos mini series soon, so send me which boy you would like it to be about. Thanks so much for all the support. As always, personal imagines are welcome. Love you all! -San :)

2 days, 14 hours and 37 excruciating minutes since Calum told me the words that kept burning in my brain. He couldn’t forgive me, and while I understood that, it didn’t make this any easier. I had absolutely no right to his forgiveness, but deep down, I still hoped he would give it to me. The moment I seen him look at luna for the first time, I knew I made a terrible terrible mistake. Now it’s far too late for me to fix it, even though I would do anything in my power to make it all right.

I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with school, and working extra hours, but if I thought luna reminded me of Calum before, it was nothing compared to what I seen when I looked at her now. Seeing the similarities between the two of them was all I could do anymore, and it was driving me borderline crazy. I even called the boys to take Luna for awhile so I can try and sleep, something I haven’t done in almost 72 hours. Not that it helped at all. I just tossed and turned, my mind not turning off. I finally decided to take a walk to my favorite coffee shop for a pick me up and to get a some fresh air.

The weather was perfect as it was the time the seasons were starting to change from summer to fall. The once muggy air was now brisk and chilly. I force a polite smile at the older couple at the table near the entrance when I walk in. After waiting a few minutes in line I ordered and shifted my way down the counter and waited for my vanilla latte.

“Large? You know that’s gonna hurt your stomach if you drink it all.”

I look up from my phone and see Calum standing next to me, putting his wallet away. I was surprised he remembered that coffee made me sick if I drank too much of it.

“I haven’t been sleeping much, I need it.” I mumble.

“Yeah, me either.” He replies, fidgeting in with his car keys.

We both stand there awkwardly and wait for our drinks, neither of us knowing what we should do. It amazed me how two people could share so much history, and have such an unbreakable bond, yet not be able to speak at all.

I sigh in relief when I hear the barista call my name, moving to make a quick exist.

“Wait…” I stop when I hear Calum yell as he races to catch up with me.

“Yeah?” I give him a questionable look.

“I’ve been thinking…”

“About?” I raise my eyebrow, wondering what the meaning of all this was.

“Luna, the band, how I was going to work this all into my schedule…you.” He bites his lip.

“Me?” My chest tightens.

“Yeah, believe it or not, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you…listen, I’m pissed at you for keeping something so huge from me, but I’m more hurt.” The frown on his face feels like someone taking knives to my heart.

“I know…” An ashamed look coming across my sullen face.

“I don’t think you do. I should have been there for you, I should have been the first one you told the news to. I should have been holding your hair and rubbing your back when you had morning sickness. I should have been out at 3 am getting your ridiculous cravings. I should have been holding you while you cried when the hormones got the better of you. I should have been the one putting the crib together even though you would have insisted I call someone. I should have been there when your water broke. I should have been freaking out about getting to the hospital in time. I should have been holding your hand and whispering in your ear it would all be okay. God damn it, I should have been there.” Tears were now streaming down his face and that was enough for me to lose it myself.

“I didn’t want you to have any regrets, Cal.” I sniffle.

“The only regret I have is not being able to experience the best thing of our lives with you.” He steps closer a interlocks out hands.

“I love you, and no matter how pissed off or hurt I am, nothing will ever change that. I may not have like what you did but I know you had good intentions and did it all for me, and that makes me love you even more. I already missed out on too much in your guys lives, don’t make me miss anymore.” His eyes plead with me.

“Calum, I would- oh just kiss me you fool.”

Hiiii there, this is just a quick little imagine I wrote when I couldn’t sleep. Hope you guys like it. If you do let me know and I’ll write a part 2 and maybe make it into a mini series. Love you babes! Xoxo, San

2 years, 6 months, 3 weeks, 4 days. That’s how long its been since I’ve seen him. Well, in person at least. I see him everywhere I go. On TV, on the cover of cheap magazines, all the billboards in the city, but mostly I see him when I look into my daughters big chocolate eyes. The eyes that so obviously mirror his. In fact, everything about her resembles him, so much so that sometimes it still takes my breath away. From her curly black hair and tan skin to the same dimples that cave into her tiny cheeks. She was practically his twin.

“Mama.” I snap myself out of the daydream I was caught up in and look down at my sweet little girl.

“What, baby.” I answer her as I continue pushing the cart down the grocery store isle. Looking through the glass coolers, debating on what I wanted to make for dinner. I was tired from working a double shift today so I most likely would just pick up a pizza or some take out on the way home. I just needed to pick up a few basic things. Diapers, eggs, tampons.

“Milky.” She mumbles softly. It was just past 7 so I knew she was getting hungry and tired. “Mama, milky.” She repeats louder.

I dig through the diaper bag and found the extra bottle I always pack for special cases like today. I shake it up a little bit to mix around the formula that settled on the bottom and hand it to her. Which takes gratefully and quiets down.

I move my way through the store, grabbing what I need and tossing it in the cart. My heart nearly drops to my feet when I see a few familiar faces not even 10 feet away. Luckily, the one face I was so scared to see, wasn’t there. I sigh in relief but my body still trembles. They would surely tell him they saw me…and Luna. What would he say? What would he do? Would he try and come see her? Would he completely ignore the fact that I kept his daughter away from him for the first year and a half of her life? All these questions and more started running through my head. I need to get away without them noticing me.

“Y/N? Is that you?” I try and catch my breath, stopping dead in my tracks when I hear the strong familiar accent I would know anywhere.

“Luke, Ash, Mikey…It’s so good to see you guys.” I smile and make eye contact with the three boys I used to be so close too.

“We’ve missed you so much.” Ashton walks over and gives me a huge hug. Luke and Michael following soon after.

“I’ve missed you all more than you know.” I tell them honestly. And it was true, the day I left Cal, I also left behind my best friends.

“How is it being rockstars?” I ask them with a smirk.

“Incredible.” Ashton beams.

“Unbelievable.” Luke agrees.

“I’m so happy for you guys, I’ve been keeping up with the tour and everything.” I tell them proudly.

“Why did you just disappear? You meant alot to us ya know, not just Cal.” Mikey frowns, a look of disappointment and hurt coming across his face.

“I know. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt any of you.” I apologize. Tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

“Calum hasn’t been the same since you left…” Ashton informs me sadly.

“I was trying to protect him.”

“Protect him? From what?” One of them starts to ask but stops.

Like clockwork I hear Luna start to fuss. All eyes dart to the baby in the front of my cart.

“What the-” Ashton’s eyes widen in realization.

“No fucking way.” Michael’s jaw drops.

“Is that…is she?” Luke stares at Calum’s mini me, a look on his face saying he already knew the answer to that question.

“What do you think?” I answer, my face now wet from crying.

Nobody says anything for the longest time, they all just take a moment to look at her, like they couldn’t believe what they were seeing.

“She looks just like him, its scary.” Ashton chuckles, breaking the tension that fell around us.

“Oh I know.” I giggle as I search for a tissue or something to dry my face.

“What’s her name?” Luke smiles at her.

“Luna.” I tell them as I take her out of the cart and into my arms.

“Hi babygirl.” Mikey coos as he and the other guys all crowd around me to start playing with her.

“Okay, we have to go now guys.” I laugh and tell them after 5 straight minutes of them playing and giggle with her in the middle of the frozen food section. We were starting to get some dirty looks and I need to go home and take this all in. Everything was so overwhelming.

“Nooooo…” They all whine.

“You mean we’re never gonna be able to see our niece?” Ashton gives me a sad look.

“Oh come on, you can’t keep her from us now. Look she loves us.” Michael grins hopefully.

“Please let us see her again.” Luke pouts.

“Fine. Text me when you guys want to meet up and we’ll go to the park or get ice cream okay?” I finally give in, knowing there was no way I could keep these dorks away now.

I hug them goodbye, having to practically pry Luna away from Michael. It made my heart swell seeing how much they adored her already.

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