P. PETTIGREW     â±Â   peterpettigrcw
âi bloody knew it.â he says with his own snort, shaking his head, watching his friend light his cigarette and hold out a hand for one for himself. âbastard, you are.â he says with his own cheeky smile. he would never admit it, but it was nice being able just to talk like this out in the open and not behind closed doors and in the quiet. it was easier, he thinks it might be the same for sirius. most of their conversations were held in the dark and in the quiet. he never minded it, in some ways peter was always a little secretive, not for his own benefit but for the benefit of others. he thinks maybe thatâs why his teachers often found him untrustworthy, but he didnât know if they just had projected what he should be because of people like james, sirius, remus, even lily were all brilliant and there was just something about peter that lacked what they had. he never cheated when it came to tests, he had decent marks, but he was just more cunning than he needed to be, held back bits of information because he wanted to see the whole thing before he could make up his mind. he reaches out to touch his friends shoulder and smile, âi think adulthood is a scam, but if you ever want somewhere to breathe a little you can always come to my home for a bit. mumâs been wondering where you lot have been.â he lets him go now. he wouldnât understand what it meant to live in a world like this, looking back briefly at the black estate, but he could certainly be there for his friends that needed him. peter wasnât good at a lot of things, but he did love his friends more than anything and would do just about whatever for them.Â
he doesnât know how else to explain the last bit, he couldnât exactly divulge what really happened, he had tried to keep it close to his chest, maybe afraid that if he said something then it would ruin whatever was left of it. he never liked secretsâbut he had so many of them. âitâs complicated,â he says shaking his head. âyou know after i got attacked by mj i didnât go home for a day, just couldnât bring myself to do that knowing how my mum is,â always worried about peter flying off the handle. âi still feel the bind if i think about it hard enough,â he didnât know if it was the aftermath of what happened or some kind of anxiety but he shakes his head as if heâs clearing it out of his mind for good. âsure, but we have to take in the fact that my body is small.â he says with another laugh shaking his head. âi feel like that would just weigh me down for good. maybe thatâs what you want.â he teases, hitting his shoulder.Â
  â   đąđđđđđĄâđđąđ đđđ đĄđđđđŠ ,     how i ever even  got  you is a  wonder ,  â    sirius grins ,  shaking his head as he moves to tap of his  smoke .  he turns to give peter a softer smile at the offer ,  the reassurance  needed  even if he knows itâs foolish to ever  doubt .  heâd honestly place  bets  on peteâs mom beating  his own  if it ever came to proving  affection  .  but .  he still isnât  her  son ,  wouldnât  dream of taking that title away from peter ,  even if brothers  exist  he feels itâs almost not the same â  having  someone  come in and receive what should be  yours .  and maybe thatâs his own upbringing speaking ,  whispers of rights and  power ;  but he canât shake it enough to feel any more than the mere  comfort  at the  possibility .  so he says ,     â   iâll keep that in mind ,  â    and leaves it at that .  sirius  has  been doing better ,  after all ,  when it comes to playing his  cards .  he can see his parents are almost  skittish  with how  fine  heâs been .  how  present .  the look gets almost  smug on walburga , too .  as if she thinks thatâs  her doing ,  when sirius is honestly just tired of it all ,  and would take utter  quiet  over anything else ,  lest it lead to the real repercussion of losing what he has  â  like he almost did .  lessons  learned ,  he supposes ,  from taking more than a few things one step too far .  so .  he shouldnât really  need  the help ,  or comfort .  hopefully .  if things keep going the way they are .  ideally ,  his parents never  ask  too much and he  inherits  what he does and abolishes the  line  on his name .  regulus can keep doing whatever the  hell  he wants  â  and maybe that  is  for  the  best .  isnât that what heâs always wanted ,  anyways ?  but that exact train of thought barely helps  calm  his next one - peterâs answer about it being  complicated - the snippets coming together in a way he didnât find  nearly  as enjoyable .   â   when  you  say  attack ,  â     he begins ,  slower .    â   pete ,  â    sirius  narrows  his  eyes .    â   what  exactly  did  crabbe  do  to  you ?   â    still ,  however â  sirius is quick to shift at the quip wormtail  throws  him ,  lips quirking in humour before his eyes  dart  over peteâs form .    â   are we still talking about the  rat  ?  â    he prods ,  coming into a full  grin  now .  he refuses to  budge  at the hit on his shoulder ,  coming in  closer  instead .   â   only if you ask .  â