beaux yeux ♡

Blue. When he cried to me about the girl who used him and threw him away, the tears in his eyes. When he smiled and said that his mother had enough strength to hold the entire family together, even when he was falling apart. Green. When he picked blades of grass and placed them in my hair, asking why there was no equality for plants, kissing the palm of my hand before placing a small dandelion in it. Yellow. When we got our first car together, when we drove for 4 hours just to get to a little piece of nowhere that we had never been. When I threw my head out the window and moved my fingers through barley and we couldn’t hear the sound of our own thoughts, over our little taste of forever. Purple. When he introduced me to his roof top, when we talked until the sky turned to purples, pinks and blues. When he first told me he loved me, when he looked at me as I looked at the sky. Red. When he kissed me. When he sighed “I love you” and I pretended not to hear it. When he asked me to meet his parents and I said I had plans. When he showed me his artwork and I just smiled. When. I. Just. Smiled. When I didn’t tell him that all I could see was colours, and all I could hear was his name. When he didn’t realise that he was his own god damn piece of art and I was not even a rough sketch. When I just smiled and told him that he was more. Black. When he kissed me and shouted that he loved me, but I couldn’t see more behind his hazel eyes and I couldn’t see less, and I knew that a life without me would be his destiny, and he had to lose me to be free and he tore his work and he was blue and green and purple and yellow and he was every emotion that I have ever seen and I cried and I shook and I laughed because the only black I had ever seen in his life, was me.

I keep telling myself maybe we were too young, like meeting at 15 years old wasn’t old enough for you to keep me around. I guess we both had a lot of living left to do like new people to meet, other people to ‘love’ and new places to see. But as the days turn into months and months will eventually turn into years do you go looking for me in others, do you do things that we used to do, just so i cross your mind on purpose? When you are 18 and realize you can make your own decisions, without your high school friends that you don’t see anymore or when your parents finally get off your back, will you look me up on some social media site and realize I look different like my hair is shorter and I dyed it blonde, will you look at my smile and realize I don’t smile the way I used to smile when we were young and in love, will you notice little changes that only you and I would notice? Do you ever think of your future and hope somehow someday we will meet again, the same way we met that first time when we were both 15 and never felt love like this before… I know for sure that days turned into months and even when they turn into years my love for you will never die, until I do. But even when I’m six feet under your voice will still remain in my ears and your touch is all my skin will feel and your face is all my eyes will see, but at least I won’t be able to feel the aching pain in my heart every time I hear your name or when someone asks me about my first love.