Relapse #1738

Date me I’m the whole package babe, clingy, always asleep when you need me, and a lil ugly

being passively suicidal is so wild bc sometimes ill say shit like “i kinda want to die today” the same exact way i would say “i kinda want mcdonalds today” like. wow.

me: i should- brain: OR you could kill yourself

me: *constantly thinks about dying in order to avoid all of my problems* me: this is fine 

name two things better than self isolation and the refusal to face reality

A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

Everytime I read this it fucks me up more.

I’m never going to stop thinking about this damn

I get jealous really easily but not like an angry vengeful jealous more like a really sad lonely jealous because everybody likes everybody more than they like me and I really really don’t blame them. 

It sucks being so messed up that you constantly need to be told that you’re wanted and why you’re wanted, but being too afraid to say you need to hear it constantly because you don’t want to be annoying or a pain or selfish.

sometimes i’m like “wow i hate myself and want to die” but on good days i’m just like “wow i hate myself”