The Realist Me You’re Gonna Get

So, won't you stay? Won't you stay? Won't you stay with me?

I like to pretend sometimes... Pretend that I had a different life, different family, different job, friends, or body. I like to pretend like I was every going to be enough for him and pretend like I still believe that there was some kind of future for us. I pretend a lot. Pretend it doesn’t hurt to know he was fine without me when I felt like I couldn’t breathe without him. Pretend like I didn’t lose myself in him. Pretend like all the things he did in our relationship were okay. Pretend like all the things I did were. Pretend that I don’t hate him. Pretend that he is gonna wake up one day a realize how badly he fucked up when he let me go. But then... I come back to reality. Reality sucks but it’s better to live in the real world than an imaginary one. But even then, sometimes when I’m really sad, I pretend like he’s holding me as I fall asleep. Tonight might be one of those nights.