not a perfect soldier

“so, uh… what’s goin’ on? don’t mind me, just… hanging around.” please also ignore the thug stuck to the wall behind her. he’s not having a very good day, either.

   “looks like it.” steve laughed softly, head shaking as he eyed the thug webbed to the wall. “and it looks like you have the situation well under hand. didn’t expect anything other than that.”

god, she hates it.  she hates this gnawing, angry, destructive thing that sits coiled beneath her ribs.  it’s too much, and it’s not fair to put her own guilty conscience on steve too, but she’s not sure who else to tell.  “ i just — i’m sorry. ”

“hey, it’s okay. we all have moments like that. you’re not alone in those thoughts and they don’t make you a bad person.” he offered a small smile. “i’ve thought it too, but the difference between us and the people we fight is we don’t cross that line.” 

                ❝ —— Steven. ❞ Natasha said fondly. It was nice to know that at least one person from her group was here. ❝ —— I didn’t they allowed ancient artifacts into such a new city. Are you heading up the historical archive section? ❞ Her peach colored lips tugged up in a smirk.

              He can’t help but smile softly. It was really good to see Natasha again, especially considering the circumstances and everything that had occurred between him and Tony. “Always with the old man jokes, ‘Tasha. Hate to break it ya’, but I’m actually teachin’ art here.”

       distrust, anger, pain; they’re all things tony feels. he can’t help but think steve has a welcoming party back at his apartment, one full of people who don’t know the entire story, who don’t know that a man who values honesty and helping people went against everything he’s ever preached. the anger branches from his childhood ( at your age, captain america had already ——so on, so forth ) , and the pain is a sick thing, brought on by the urge to agree. he won’t.   ‘ hindsight is 20/20. ’    both for steve understanding it was wrong and for wising up himself. he won’t do this  —— he won’t crawl back to the person who took it all in the first place. tony stands firm in his beliefs, pride deceitfully radiating off his words; he’s never had to be perfect, he’s not able to be, and so if this vision of perfection, of leadership can lie, so can he. there’s nothing more expected of him. there’s no one left to disappoint.

     there doesn’t seem to be any way to get through to tony. it seems no matter what he says, things aren’t going to change between them. ( and he hates it even if it had been necessary. ) steve knows better than to expect that things between them would smooth over and they could forget everything that had happened. that’s an impossible thought, and he’s not trying to do that. hell, he still has anger over the events and it’s going to be a long time until he can fully trust the man he had once called his teammate. ( and one of his closest friends ). “i’m aware of that.” there’s a heavy sigh from steve. he’s tired. it’s a feeling he always has these days. “please, tony. just one night, can’t you just do that?? i ain’t asking for anything more. don’t ruin your birthday over this.”

Robert Downey Jr. kisses Chris Evans at the London premiere of Captain America: Civil War (April 26, 2016).

Captain America: Civil War + comics

say no to hydra cap (via evanstanx)

       ‘ steve. ’ tony takes caution to not sound as plastered as he is. obviously, steve likes exploiting weaknesses - exhibit A: the arc reactor - and tony knows better now than to trust him with something so fragile ( himself ) now. ‘ is it more LIES? how about secrets? well, you know where i live —— mail ‘em there.  ’ why should he go anywhere with steve? he’s not in any sort of debt to him, he doesn’t care for the feeling the beats at the inside of his rib cage whenever he’s with him. it’s best to avoid the problem entirely.

      he expected nothing less from tony now. steve didn’t like it in the slightest, but it as going to be a while until things were worked out. ( if they were even worked out in the first place. ) “i deserve that. and i know i shouldn’t have kept that from you, tony. look, i’m not here to fight right now. it’s your birthday, and i’m waving the white flag here for a truce for now.” it was the best that he could do in this situation. it was tony’s decision if he’d accept it. steve had ruined things, he knew that, but it didn’t erase how he felt about the other, or that his birthday should be better than what it seemed to be right now.