when I as a heterosexual woman say that I’m not changing my last name when I get married because I’d like to retain the identity I was born with and someone responds by saying “I think whoever has the cooler last name in a couple should win and the other person should take that name haha” I honestly find that annoying and dismissive. while it’s nice to imagine a world where gender has no bearing on surnames (and I think people should do whatever they want), it feels like that response is glossing over the root of the problem that MY choice is responding to — i.e., the fact women have been socially (and at one point, legally) required to give up their own names in favor of their husbands’ for generations. To go against this expectation in the United States in our present day is still treated as a radical act inviting judgment and reproach.
And to be frank, it’s exhausting to try to talk about this issue with people who take for granted that everyone in an immediate family unit needs to (or ought to) share the same last name. I’m not judging anyone who does want to have the same last name as their partner and/or children, but I promise you the family unit is not going to crumble over something as arbitrary as a name. I should not have to justify or argue for my right to keep my name. For me, it’s about basic autonomy and the desire to retain the identity that people have known me by for my entire life. and considering how strongly I feel about this, it should come as no surprise that I would never dream of asking my partner to give up his name either. Sometimes spouses have different last names and it’s genuinely not a big deal despite the widespread hysterics.
ellievsbear
stormborns
yousharknotpass
tangentwithtanner
kianamaiart
jacobvanloon
turnnoffyourmind
janainaart
