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Took me until about halfway through college before I realized “study” means “play with the material in a variety of ways until you understand it” and not just “read the assigned chapters and do the homework” and I think that probably should have been discussed at some point prior to that.
This is not a new thought on my physical disability situation.
But my body being like this right now is because of my heavy training in childhood.
This is going to be a long one so, more under the cut.
CW: for brief mentions of anorexia and the Eteri expiration date
I will start by explaining a couple of examples of this with the team Tutberidze.
The team Tutberidze is managerd by Eteri Tutberidze and is mostly known for her olimpic winners, all being trained through their early teen years until they're able to finally get to the olímpics.
Issue is, the way she trains them, notably to do quads, is via starving them (they're not allowed to drink any water or eat anything on competition days as Alina has mentioned before), the main way you can do quads is if you weigh very little.
So she focuses on that, low body weight, and forgoes a lot of strength training that is not needed for that technique. Now, in the early teens everything is okay, issue comes at 16-17.
Yulia Lipnitwkaya, in 2014, was the first in this long line of hers. She did great in her individual olimpic category and went home with gold through the team event.
When she went back to Russia her body started crumbling down, all her skills slowly diminished, her technique became poorer and failed most jumps.
At 19 she retired from competitive skating.
Then there's Evgenia Medvedveva, she went undefeated for two years after junior categories had been fully won. She then went to the olimpics.
She was 17-18 when she went to the olímpics with her teammate Alina Zagitova (being 15 and much less injured). Six months before the olimpics Evgenia fractured her foot, which she still skated on during europeans being beaten by her teammate Alina.
She went to the olímpics still, both skated great, Alina won by 1.31 points and for the first time Evgenia cried in a competition. After 11 years of training under Eteri she went to another team in Canada.
Alina slowly lost her skills at 16 and by 17 announced she was going to take a pause in competitive figure skating. At 19 she left competitive and was hospitalized for three months to battle her anorexia.
Eteri has never been able to train boys into the Olympics (in single category) as far as i know, this plus how all this athletes slowly crumbled down physically after a certain age has created the term "the Eteri Expiration Date" which is 17 years old.
My specific case was similar, artistic/sincronised swimming, competitive training that favored girls of 11-15 and while we trained our strength and all, it was favored to be on that skinny side, not fit, low body weight focus.
My chronic pain started at 15 with my articulations then moved to my back with the scoliosis at 16. By 17 I stopped going to training for personal reasons.
At 18-19 I was also battling with anorexia and semi successfully got out of it on my own, to this day I still have to battle with that way of thinking.
I recently had the chance to talk with one of my old teammates, she basically told me our trainer ignored questions about me when they asked why I wasn't there anymore.
Most importantly, I asked her about the physical side, if she remembered it being LIKE THAT, now, she doesn't have any physical disabilities, but she did leave at 15 a year later (she was younger than me) and did agree that the training was brutal, bruises were common nearly every week, and that our trainer was probably thinking Olympics when training us. Plus, she also went through ED issues.
I'm not sure if this is a few isolated cases or this is a genuine phenomenon at this point, I always second guess myself, so.
If you have had this experience, know someone, have any more info on this, etc. Please comment it.
I won't make a paper or anything but putting a name to it, or maybe there already is one, would help.
If nothing comes of this at least I put it out there, this is half a vent half that reaching out thing honestly.
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This is unrelated to what I originally made this vlog for, but I feel like I have no other place to talk about this (my other vlogs are very specific in theme).
Thing is, I often feel like I'm not disabled, maybe is internalized ableism, maybe it's me being an ass to myself, maybe it's Maybelline, idk
I have scoliosis, this brings chronic pain for me, and fatigue, but it's always been manageable, It's a mild case according to doctors. I've never had mobility aids nor anything of the kind, and outside of some nerve damage on my leg (and probably more due to masking my autism since I was young), I don't think I have any other mayor issues.
I know, logically, that I'm physically disabled due to this, but it feels like I'm faking it a lot of the time. Like I'm not deserving of the help or the community when it's only one thing, when others need that help and have it worse.
This is the same with my autism but it's been getting better, I think it's because I got the legal disability and because of it it made me realize that, wether I believe it or not, I am disabled.
But the physical part always trips me back into impostor sindrome.
At the end of the day, whenever I have this spirals on wether I'm disabled enough or not it always ends the same: I just want to have a normal life and be able to do things like everyone else, I'm tired.
Doctors dismiss, lie, and generally don't want to do their jobs.
[Personal] I was bleeding so badly my blood test results were cut in half within 36 hours, and doctors called it mild. The only doctor who helped me and recognized the seriousness in that ER was a black woman. She gave me multiple transfusions and a surgery that saved my life. (Seriously. Always choose a woman, preferably WOC doctor if you can. They do so much less dismissing. And studies show patients with women doctors literally live longer! If she was a primary, I would stay with her exclusively.) [/personal]
Point is, ableism is everywhere, and it can kill us. Don't take a doctor's word that "you're fine." If your symptoms impact you in a big way, they aren't mild. You're valid.
Also feel free to get as many mobility aids as you need. If your need for one isn't enough for the brain vibes and you need an excuse, it normalizes my presence, and highlights accessibility issues. You would literally be helping people just by existing in public.
This is unrelated to what I originally made this vlog for, but I feel like I have no other place to talk about this (my other vlogs are very specific in theme).
Thing is, I often feel like I'm not disabled, maybe is internalized ableism, maybe it's me being an ass to myself, maybe it's Maybelline, idk
I have scoliosis, this brings chronic pain for me, and fatigue, but it's always been manageable, It's a mild case according to doctors. I've never had mobility aids nor anything of the kind, and outside of some nerve damage on my leg (and probably more due to masking my autism since I was young), I don't think I have any other mayor issues.
I know, logically, that I'm physically disabled due to this, but it feels like I'm faking it a lot of the time. Like I'm not deserving of the help or the community when it's only one thing, when others need that help and have it worse.
This is the same with my autism but it's been getting better, I think it's because I got the legal disability and because of it it made me realize that, wether I believe it or not, I am disabled.
But the physical part always trips me back into impostor sindrome.
At the end of the day, whenever I have this spirals on wether I'm disabled enough or not it always ends the same: I just want to have a normal life and be able to do things like everyone else, I'm tired.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
RFI Savoirs has lots of listening and reading activities (from A1 to B2)
Apprendre le français TV 5 Monde has listening activities from A1 to B2
Tester son niveau - this is a free placement test (just listening)
CNTRL Dictionnaire is a dictionary
France Université Numérique - free MOOCS (massive open online course) with different levels: Level A1 - Level A2 - Level B1
Music
French songs you should listen to
french aesthetic songs (youtube)
Crème French playlist (youtube)
Books/Reading
GEO Magazine is a online magazine with articles about nature and history
Library Genesis has many books in french and other languages too
TV/Movie
TV 5 Monde has series and movies from France and other countries (for free), available for desktop and mobile (ios and android)
TV 5 UNIS has series and movies in French (mostly from Quebec). Some of the shows are not available outside Canada (but you can use it with a vpn)
Podcasts
Artips podcast (art, music, science)
France culture podcasts (various subjects)
Apps
WLINGUA app (both IOS and Android) teaches grammar
Other
French grammar pdf exercises - if you search the topic you're learning (example: le passé composé) + pdf, you're going to find many pdf activities from University of Quebec. Like this one: Passé Composé UQuebec
Artips is a newsletter about art, music, science and ecology that you receive in your email. You can chose the topics you wanna subscribe (example: I subscribed for art and music newsletters).