nonsense

Today I lost my vomit reflex. This has never happened to me: it is a relief for me to vomit. This sounds sick, but after every binge, when I vomit, I feel clean. It's like starting from scratch. So, imagine this: I ate a lot, like a lot, and went to the bathroom and nothing. Nothing came out. My stomach was very swollen with food, with salt water. It hit me in the stomach. I tightened my belly fat. I scraped my esophagus with a fingernail and... nothing. It was exasperating. I tried 4 times in a span of 3 hours. I drank like 2 liters of water just to throw up. Finally, it happened. I'm tired. My body can't handle this routine anymore, so I'm going to stop bingeing. I spend a lot of money on food, I smell bad, I clog my pipes and I damage my teeth. I need to stop eating, I eat emotionally. I need to put those emotions aside and just look pretty and thin, right?

I'm sad; I don't want a lover, I want a friend. A real friend. Someone that' not just wanting to jump on on me.