A terrible god, lost and abandoned amidst the sands of time only to be recovered sometime in the early 1990's when a new housing development was built on top of him. This out-of-time deity occasionally writes things of merit, but mostly wonders why the Void never returns his calls.
Lucienne Prophet watched the Chosen One die. Now there is no one left to stop the apocalypse. But she will not sit back and wait for death, she will try to stop the God of Darkness no matter what stands in her way.She’ll have to recruit some people abandoned by the Empire of Light to help her stop the end of the world. A blood mage with a centuries long vendetta, some spies with questionable methods, and a woman made of fire.Will the war finally consume Lucienne? Will the gods of Light and Dark finally destroy each other and the world in their long war?
I wrote this 116,000 dark fantasy knowledge back in 2019. It's long, but it's good, I promise.
The book is heavily influenced by things like Mass Effect and the original Dragon Age. We have prophecies that may or may not be true (I mean the Chosen One is dead in chapter 2 so like... yeah), we have blood magic, we have vows of eternal vengeance and hatred, we have blood oaths, we have morally ambiguous spies, we have a world spanning religious empire of light and beauty that totally isn't rotten to the core, we have Lucienne and Aracelis as a pair of leads that are really the only thing that the other has to hold on to in the End Times, and we have a badass wardog named Sasha (she's the best).
Below will be some heavy spoilers just in case you want to know about all the things before you commit.
Lucienne Prophet watched the Chosen One die. Now there is no one left to stop the apocalypse. But she will not sit back and wait for death,
SPOILERS
Aracelis is a blood mage in the last remaining country outside of the Ilanem Empire
She's committed crimes and is imprisoned when the paladins of light invade and start to destroy her country
She loses her boyfriend in the fighting and swears death upon all of Ilanem, summoning a blood demon of vengeance that is bound to her body and soul
Lucienne Prophet is the last surviving friend of the Chosen One who died trying to stop the coming apocalypse of the Corrupt and the God of Darkness Cimenor
She hates Michael (the Chosen One) because he abandoned her, leaving her for dead, and got her husband killed when he rescued her. Both Michael and his god refused to save or heal either of them, so Luce is very bitter
Luce has a wardog named Sasha who's last order from Luce's husband is to protect her no matter what
Luce refuses to just let the apocalypse happens since the Chosen One is dead, instead she takes her Rangers to the most dangerous places and continues to fight, pushing herself beyond the breaking point
Recognizing that Luce is the only hope for stopping this war, she is "chosen" by the God of Light, something she doesn't want, but she will use
Luce recruits and uses the other military branches as she is elevated to a position of power, recruiting a couple of spies, Roth and Charna, who lead the Inquisition, she also recruits the immortal and, up until this point, hidden Aracelis into her crusade
Aracelis secretly convinces Luce to do a ritual to give herself blood magic as well, as Aracelis thinks that the only way to really fight this thing is to use every tool at their disposal
Luce also frees a fire spirit that had been chained up and used as a symbol by the Church of Light
over the course of the novel battles are won and lost, Aracelis and Luce get closer
but Aracelis is compromised, more than she knows
the deals that she made to destroy Ilanem also want her to kill Luce, who she has been in love with for a long time, she refuses to do so
which results in a tense fight with Luce (and a Corrupt Dragon) and ends with Luce seemingly killing Aracelis
but Aracelis is immortal, she can't be killed by something as trite as swords
that doesn't change much for Luce who killed her
Aracelis swears a blood oath to Luce, now magically compelled to help her in every way
Luce, Aracelis, Charna, Roth, and the fire spirit Shula go to confront the God of Darkness and it's armies of Corrupt
Roth and Shula die in the assault
Luce manages to kill Cimenor, almost dying herself
Aracelis is compelled to not act during the battle as the darkness has a hold on her
the novel ends with the victorious team returning to Ilanem only to be greeted by the "resurrected" Michael and the God of Light who wants them all executed for heresy
Aracelis fights her nemesis and Charna helps
Lucienne as a chosen of the Light God can't fight, but when she manages to act, is severely wounded
Aracelis kills the Ilanem god and finally completes her end of the deal, freeing herself from her vengeance demon
Sasha lives through the entire book
Aracelis at some point admits to having feelings for Luce, Luce in turn is beyond stressed out and simply cannot think beyond surviving the next few minutes, although at the very end she recognizes that she does in fact have feelings for Aracelis
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using "what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament" to mean "yeah i made an embarrassing reference but you understood it which is also embarrassing" is very funny to me
my favorite part is that absolutely nobody says this except here. so if you use it in public, it's a dead giveaway that you spent the last ten years on tumblr. but then again, they recognized it, which means they were at the devil's sacrament
I tested this theory in the wild the other day at work. I was on a call with my department lead and a few other folks and I replied to an email the DL had sent me, thinking that, because he was on this call, he wouldn't notice when I sent it and would not catch me multitasking.
However, he replied to said email within five minutes, asking a question that required an answer. So I answered and was like "Also, I was going to apologize for answering emails during this call, but I see we're both here at the Devil's Sacrament, so I don't think an apology is necessary."
I watched him read that on screen and try not to laugh. And then at the end of the call as everyone started saying goodbye, he goes, "Hey, MJ, I meant to tell you. I like your shoelaces."
And I looked straight into my camera, stone cold serious, and said, "Thanks. I stole them from the president."
And the rest of the team was like, "What...the fuck...?" before he abruptly ended the call for everyone.
So now my DL and I know this about each other. He could be any one of us.
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see, Roland Emmerich is the better Stupid Summer Blockbuster Movie guy because Michael Bay definitely didn't add in a (platonic, friendly) gay kiss to any of his movies in their anniversary celebration editions (especially not between Jeff Goldblum and actual out gay actor Harvey Fierstein)
quod erat demonstratum
also yes Independence Day is a big loud stupid movie but it's a big loud stupid movie about a jewish nerd with SUCH severe ADHD he misses the apocalypse starting and a black NASA-candidate fighter pilot who is getting engaged to his stripper girlfriend (who has a son from a previous marriage) (and who gets to inform the first lady of the US that she's an exotic dancer to burst her little neat bubble of political correctness) and puts in enough scenes between characters that you give a shit about those people
if you have to watch a big loud stupid movie, you can do much worse
also if you don't like this scene i don't like you. harry connick jr really said "my character is going to be a supportive drunk girl, a little obnoxious, and super into my best friend/wingman, and that's my entire character"
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in other developments re german/anglo cultural exchange on breadstuffs, this image was posted to a facebook group yesterday
the following events ensued:
1. predictable lively discussion on the preparation of Wienerschnitzel, in which natives and wurstaboos are pro-puff and everybody else is like *confused dog head tilt* why wouldn’t you want the crust to stay ~attached to the thing you put it on? as with other fried foods?
2. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my band name” jokes
3. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my stripper name” jokes
4. one “ah yes, Bad Schnitzel! a lovely spa town” joke
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ive never played baldurs gate 3 in my life but i just woke up from a dream where astarion had a little brother named bimbles but players fucking hated bimbles bc in the game astarion would care more about bimbles than the player so ppl started uploading videos where theyd kill bimbles and a video called “900 ways to KILL bimbles in baldurs gate 3” got like 10 million views and then bc of the backlash larian studios released a patch where astarion would kill bimbles early in the game if the player asked him too but he’d do it while shaking and sobbing in total anguish and ppl started posting videos of the scene where astarion kills bimbles with titles like “baldurs gate 3’s BEST patch”
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