A terrible god, lost and abandoned amidst the sands of time only to be recovered sometime in the early 1990's when a new housing development was built on top of him. This out-of-time deity occasionally writes things of merit, but mostly wonders why the Void never returns his calls.
Lucienne Prophet watched the Chosen One die. Now there is no one left to stop the apocalypse. But she will not sit back and wait for death, she will try to stop the God of Darkness no matter what stands in her way.She’ll have to recruit some people abandoned by the Empire of Light to help her stop the end of the world. A blood mage with a centuries long vendetta, some spies with questionable methods, and a woman made of fire.Will the war finally consume Lucienne? Will the gods of Light and Dark finally destroy each other and the world in their long war?
I wrote this 116,000 dark fantasy knowledge back in 2019. It's long, but it's good, I promise.
The book is heavily influenced by things like Mass Effect and the original Dragon Age. We have prophecies that may or may not be true (I mean the Chosen One is dead in chapter 2 so like... yeah), we have blood magic, we have vows of eternal vengeance and hatred, we have blood oaths, we have morally ambiguous spies, we have a world spanning religious empire of light and beauty that totally isn't rotten to the core, we have Lucienne and Aracelis as a pair of leads that are really the only thing that the other has to hold on to in the End Times, and we have a badass wardog named Sasha (she's the best).
Below will be some heavy spoilers just in case you want to know about all the things before you commit.
Lucienne Prophet watched the Chosen One die. Now there is no one left to stop the apocalypse. But she will not sit back and wait for death,
SPOILERS
Aracelis is a blood mage in the last remaining country outside of the Ilanem Empire
She's committed crimes and is imprisoned when the paladins of light invade and start to destroy her country
She loses her boyfriend in the fighting and swears death upon all of Ilanem, summoning a blood demon of vengeance that is bound to her body and soul
Lucienne Prophet is the last surviving friend of the Chosen One who died trying to stop the coming apocalypse of the Corrupt and the God of Darkness Cimenor
She hates Michael (the Chosen One) because he abandoned her, leaving her for dead, and got her husband killed when he rescued her. Both Michael and his god refused to save or heal either of them, so Luce is very bitter
Luce has a wardog named Sasha who's last order from Luce's husband is to protect her no matter what
Luce refuses to just let the apocalypse happens since the Chosen One is dead, instead she takes her Rangers to the most dangerous places and continues to fight, pushing herself beyond the breaking point
Recognizing that Luce is the only hope for stopping this war, she is "chosen" by the God of Light, something she doesn't want, but she will use
Luce recruits and uses the other military branches as she is elevated to a position of power, recruiting a couple of spies, Roth and Charna, who lead the Inquisition, she also recruits the immortal and, up until this point, hidden Aracelis into her crusade
Aracelis secretly convinces Luce to do a ritual to give herself blood magic as well, as Aracelis thinks that the only way to really fight this thing is to use every tool at their disposal
Luce also frees a fire spirit that had been chained up and used as a symbol by the Church of Light
over the course of the novel battles are won and lost, Aracelis and Luce get closer
but Aracelis is compromised, more than she knows
the deals that she made to destroy Ilanem also want her to kill Luce, who she has been in love with for a long time, she refuses to do so
which results in a tense fight with Luce (and a Corrupt Dragon) and ends with Luce seemingly killing Aracelis
but Aracelis is immortal, she can't be killed by something as trite as swords
that doesn't change much for Luce who killed her
Aracelis swears a blood oath to Luce, now magically compelled to help her in every way
Luce, Aracelis, Charna, Roth, and the fire spirit Shula go to confront the God of Darkness and it's armies of Corrupt
Roth and Shula die in the assault
Luce manages to kill Cimenor, almost dying herself
Aracelis is compelled to not act during the battle as the darkness has a hold on her
the novel ends with the victorious team returning to Ilanem only to be greeted by the "resurrected" Michael and the God of Light who wants them all executed for heresy
Aracelis fights her nemesis and Charna helps
Lucienne as a chosen of the Light God can't fight, but when she manages to act, is severely wounded
Aracelis kills the Ilanem god and finally completes her end of the deal, freeing herself from her vengeance demon
Sasha lives through the entire book
Aracelis at some point admits to having feelings for Luce, Luce in turn is beyond stressed out and simply cannot think beyond surviving the next few minutes, although at the very end she recognizes that she does in fact have feelings for Aracelis
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I often think about that post that was a fake dating profile for a cat that was all about chickens, like wanting someone with posable thumbs for opening chickens.
to give some entirely bizarre context, nigel farage (extreme cunt) has stepped down from his position as MP for clacton (due to a scandal where he received £5 million from a crypto billionaire that could have been laundered) only to run again so that he can prove people like him. and the only person running against him is count binface. who has been a staple of british politics for many years. and now the british press is forced to interview him seriously while he sits there with his binface.
Spin the wheel again. That’s who’s trying to protect you.
(If you have zero idea about a name you got, spin until you see someone you recognize.)
Are you safe?
Absolutely not. I'm dead. 100% dead.
I might stay alive, but it'll be a really close thing.
I'll take some hits, for certain, but I should be okay in the end.
A few attacks might get through, but nothing concerning.
The attacker might be able to get in one lucky hit. If that.
I am the opposite of worried. I'm 100% safe.
…Look. I've tried picturing this. But I honestly don't know how to answer.
Remaining time: 4 days 20 hours
(I've run this poll twice before, expanding it significantly for the second run. With about a year passed since that second run, I thought it was time to add another couple hundred names to the list and have another go.)
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Is Tumblr aware of Count Binface, current hope for our nation?
Let me explain:
Grotesque fascist grifter, Nigel Farage, is the leader of Reform, the racist far right party he created because UKIP got what it wanted (Brexit) and it sucked.
Having tried and failed to be an MP many times (but somehow getting more screentime than any Liberal Democrat or Green politician), he finally succeeded in the last election because people were so overwhelmingly pissed off with the Conservatives, and many right-wing people saw Reform as the new Conservative Party; partly because it's full of rejects from the Conservative Party.
Speculation: he doesn't really want to be an MP, he wants to be a fascist grifter. He's annoyed by suggestions he do things like Be In His Constituency and Serve His Constituents.
He's recently been caught having accepted a VERY large amount of money from some unsavory people that he insists was a totally legitimate 'donation' and not breaking any rules.
Only it did break the rules and it's very clear that it did and things are in motion to hold him to account.
To avoid this, he has resigned as an MP, saying this is a protest at his treatment by the 'establisment' (he is a rich fascist grifter, but he likes to cosplay as a Man of the People). This has triggered a by-election, in which he is standing, with the hope that the people of his constituency will either elect him in a resounding win, indicating they don't care that he's corrupt (having not heard everything the investigation is uncovering), or someone from Labour or the Conservatives will win and he can swan off to America, free to grift again because of what the 'establishment' did to him.
Only, all the major political parties have agreed not to stand, stating openly that this is an obvious stunt and they won't legitimise it. So if he doesn't win, he can't say it was because he was too much of a rebel and the Establishment went against him, he'll just be a loser, which doesn't play too well with the right-wingers he wants to grift. And if he does get back in the investigation will go forward without any kind of 'mandate' from his constituency buoying him up.
But. There is another option.
COUNT BINFACE IS RUNNING.
Count Binface is part of the grand British tradition of joke candidates who stand as a protest option. They usually don't get enough votes to get their deposit back (which is supposed to deter unserious people) but they don't care, because DEMOCRACY.
Of course, Count Binface has never won, but it is hilarious to see a completely serious pathetic fascist concede defeat while standing next to a man with a bin on his head to whom they are democratically equal.
But if nobody else is standing. And if enough people in Clacton-on-Sea are finally cheesed off enough with Farage not doing anything for them, there is just a chance that one of the funniest things to ever happen in politics will happen.
Imagine. Imagine for just a moment that the Grotesque Fascist not only loses, but loses to Count Binface.
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