Portia Nichole

I feel like there's a permanent knot in my throat and pit in my stomach. I want to pull my hair out and hide from humanity.

I had no idea how much stuff I have been suppressing with drugs and being clean feel like it's going to kill me.

How I feel is directly affecting every aspect of my life.

Everything I love and care for is falling apart. And I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.

This is not who I am, this is not who I want to be or how I've ever been before.

Everytime you walk out that door I choke.

Your history of infidelity plagues me.

I can't see why I would be worthy.

I wasn't sure if I could do this at first, but something told me you were worth it. To just be patient.

It took me a while to find the strength to look that deep inside you again but when I did, you had softened. You opened up your heart to me. Like an abandoned puppy realizing they found their forever home.

Hesitant but hopeful.

You let your guard down and I silently swore to myself, whatever it takes. You'd learn that you were safe.

That it was time to let the war inside you come to an end. It was time to rest your weary head. Your nobility will never be forgotten. How you took on all of them.

I was warned of your dangers, how you had the tendency to hurt others. No one took the time to tell me just how you had suffered. Maybe its something they just never considered.

I was told to stop taking in 'broken' men. That I couldn't fix them and it wouldn't make me happy. But you were so beautiful, you're a mosaic of every heart break you've been through. And I just could not stop staring at you.

Every piece of your shattered soul fits together like a puzzle. Watching you come together, you are so unstoppable.

A stand off of just who cared more.

Laying on the concrete floor.

The rise and fall of your chest.

How precious your every breath.

Your profile should be chiseled from marble

The way your ears lobe make my eyes roll.

I would gawk at your beauty over a view of the city.

The amount of lightening I feel in my veins could brighten this city.

Maybe, then we could all be happy.

Sitting pretty.

Wind howls through the walls, Shutting off every light.

Painful goans from a foundation that's withered and old.

A bomb goes off over a shift on the floor board.

Windowsills whistle, trying to keep in the warm.

You can hear my heart throbbing, from being ignored.

I keep holding my breath, trying to steady the reps.

Tucking my chin deep, down inside my tornado chest.

My skin crawls with static, from here on, I panic.

Phantom foot steps creep to the threshold, I'm paralyzed watching the handle jiggle.

The door leans open, no one is there.