miss know it all

Marcos lifts his eyes up towards her. “I missed you too.” He whispers. He doesn’t know how this is going to play out but he knows that he’s willing to give it a try. To quote one of the cheesiest Netflix’s movies he would gladly allow her to break his heart in all the ways possible. He kisses her back softly, raising his hand up towards her chin, placing his index finger and thumb on each side. He groans softly, turning his head to look over at the window where the headlights are shining through the driveway. “So, if I say I’m ready to face Mrs. and Mr. Morrison?” He asks as he chews on his lower lip as he drops his hand down to his side. “Would that be too much?” All he knows is he’s not ready to leave her.

/

She smiled at what he whispered and waited for him to make a decision on what to do. “I would say you’re a brave soul.” Abigail knew better than to think Marcos knocked on her door that evening with every intention on being her knight in shining armor. She wasn’t naive enough to believe that the butterflies his confidence gave her in the moment was enough to stop all the aching inside, but she wanted to hold on to hope that things would get better despite how complicated their lives were. She heard her parent’s voices outside the door and the familiar sound of her dad jingling the keys. “I’m introducing you as a friend.” She didn’t know what they were supposed to be (or what she wanted them to be). Her parents walked in with only a short warning as they stopped to drop their things on the hooks in the foyer. “Hi mom. Dad. You’ve meet Officer Marcos.”

Marcos clears his throat, nodding his head. “I have for longer than you can imagine, Abi…” He always held himself back because she was Tia’s best friend. He hated that he knew more about the Jay and Tia situation than he’d ever let on but he was tired of running away from everything that was happening between them. He had spent his whole life putting distance between him and Abigail Morrison. Frankly, he was sick of it. He shakes his head as he glances down to watch her take another step closer to him. “I won’t.” He says quietly, raising his gaze up towards her. “Don’t we all have complications?” He whispers, letting his eyes focus on her as he takes a step closer to her. “I know,” it was a risk he was willing to take. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” He whispers, knowing the words sounded so much better out loud than they did in his head. He reaches up and places his hands on each side of her face. “I want this.”

/

Abi had a confused look on her face, because she always thought the crush was one sided until recently. His words made her breath hitch in her throat. He was willing to try things with her despite her still having lingering feelings for Jay. They were feelings she wanted to get over. She was honest when she told him that, but Abi thought it would put him off. Marcos kept surprising her. She leaned into one of his hands cupping her face and smiled for the first time since he showed up at the house. “I missed you.” Could it really be as simple as accepting the complications? They would have to live it to see. She softly pressed her lips against his and pulled away again. “Maybe you should go and I’ll text you tomorrow..... unless you’re ready to face Mrs. and Mr. Morrison.” She said to him as the lights of her parents car shined through the window as they drove up the driveway.

Jay turns his head to look over at Abigail. “She’s my friend too, Abigail.” His words are soft as if he’s trying not to rub the fact in her mind especially if she thinks that Chelsea is the one that he slept with. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Exhaling, the man shakes his head at her words. “Don’t…” He brushes his tongue along his lower lip as he steps closer, reaching out but pausing before his hand made contact with her arm. “It wasn’t Chelsea. Just… some chick at a party. She was high, I was drunk.” He swallows as he pulls his hand away from her. “I don’t have an excuse for what I did, Abigail. Not a single one.” He lifts his eyes up towards her. “And I don’t know how to… even begin to help you understand it.”

/

“That makes it worse!” Her laugh rang with hysterics. Abigail held her hand up for him to stop approaching her. “No. You don’t, Jay.” It had  to be Chelsea. She had her only other friend ask around the Eris party scene and if it was some random girl like he said then she would know. No one would protect an outsider so it had to be someone the people in Eris cared about. Abi was trying to laugh off the pain she felt as he started to rehash what happened, but she couldn’t control the tears that started to free fall down her cheeks. She wiped at them annoyed. “Shit.” She cursed to herself. “I swore up and down I’d never cry about it.” Again. The first few weeks after the fact broke her and she was a Morrison so that said a lot about how much his stupid decision affected her. She couldn’t believe she was crying in front of Jay and it made her want to hightail it out of there (or would that make her like the weak link of her family). “I love you, you damn idiot.” It was said with a heart full of obvious regret. She couldn’t be with him when it was clear he didn’t feel the same way. Abigail wished she gave her heart to someone who took better care of it. The girl wiped at her tears again. “I-I don’t want to see you again.” She took a step back and hesitated for a moment. “Just don’t mess it up with her too.” Fallbrook didn’t need more heartbroken girls. 

Marcos settles his hands down by his side as if this stance was going to keep him from closing the distance between them. Was he moving too fast? Was it possible that he heading down a path that would absolutely destroy anything that was left of his relationship with Tia after the fight the both of them had? He stands there for a moment, glancing down towards his feet as he tries to think a reasonable explanation that doesn’t air how bad his sister’s issues are. He lifts his gaze up towards her as he takes a step closer to her, shaking his head. “Because nothing is worth losing you over.” He says the words so quietly he’s not even sure if they left him. “Yeah, she’s my sister but…” He shakes his head. “I’m so fucking sick of hiding what I feel for you because of her… when let’s be honest,” he breathes. “Does she really care about anyone else besides herself?” It feels harsh but how could Tia sleep with Jay? Knowing how important he was to Abigail. “I just want you.” He shrugs his shoulders up. “And I don’t want to keep running from it.”

/

Abi’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped a bit in a small gasp. There was a split second where old memories came back around and she wanted to defend Tia against her brother’s words. She loved that about Tia, but that was because there was a time when it was her and Tia against the world. Tia was the only one who didn’t give a fuck about her parent’s high and mighty attitudes and they disapproved of the friendship because of it (which was why Abi clung on even harder). It all came tumbling down after the incident that ruined their friendship though. She was only left with a sliver of loyalty towards Tia and it had nothing to do with Marcos or the feelings she felt for him. She was shocked by that, but also by what he admitted to. “You really like me a lot then?” She could see it in his eyes so it wasn’t really a question. Abi knew that he was trying to hold himself still, but she didn’t care. She took another step towards him. “I just don’t want you to feel guilty about this later.” She would understand if he did, but she didn’t want him to. “You know it’ll be complicated between us....” Abigail used to leap into life, but things lately had made her more cautious. She needed to be upfront with him. It made her sigh as her shoulders drooped. “I’m not over him, Marcos.” How could she when she hadn’t been ready for the breakup. She was still hurt about what was and what could have been. The cheating blindsided her and she was still learning what life was in her post-Jay era. “But I want to be.” She added honestly. She felt no need to sugarcoat it, there was no faking the feelings she had around Marcos and she hoped he could feel them. 

Jay didn’t know how to fight for her at this point. How does he explain his actions in a reasonable manner? He fucked her ex-best friend while he was drunk at an Eris party and she was high. It wasn’t his proudest moment and the fact it had hurt the woman next to him in a way he could never even imagined. How could he selfishly ask her to take him back when he watched the way she lit up around Marcos at the festival a few months ago? “I would never,” he shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Even though in some way he did. By cheating on her, he turned her into a fool… Someone capable of letting the world know that he wasn’t a piece of shit like they thought he was only to turn around and be one. “She’s got some stuff going on at home. She needed somewhere to crash, that’s it.” He lifts his eyes up towards her. 

/

Abigail wanted to ask him if he ever even loved her, but she wasn’t ready for the answer. It was a double edge sword however he answered, so why ask? Had he hurt as much as her or was it a way out of the relationship inside of a mistake? She wasn’t supposed to trust anything that came out of his mouth anymore. Abigail gave him a look that said they both knew better than his I would never. “Why do you always defend her so much?” She wanted to be mad or jealous about it, but she was tired of the way he made her feel. She spent their entire relationship trying to prove to him that he was more than his parent’s mistakes and never realized that she was the one who never met his expectations. “Yeah.” Abi nodded in defeat. “Okay well everyone’s got stuff going on at home. Don’t they?” Abigail pointed off with both thumbs. “Maybe I should go.” She saw no point in sticking around to chat like he wanted if he wasn’t going to be honest with her. 

Marcos groans against her mouth as the small whimper leaves her. His fingertips dig into the wall behind him as the other hand drops down the side of her neck to her shoulder all the way down to her waist. He lifts the hem of her shirt up so his fingers can brush along the skin as he keeps his lips moving against hers. Her rolling her body against his was testing the patience he didn’t realize he would ever struggle with, the patience of making sure he didn’t try to bury himself deep inside of her as quick as he could. As the car screeching by echoed in his ears, pulling him out of the desired filled haze. He pulled back, panting against her mouth, nodding his head as he gently moves a step back away from her when her hand presses against his chest. He pulls his hand from the wall and his other hand away from her hip, placing them by his side. “Sorry I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have done that.”

/

Abigail used to have a childhood crush on Marcos, it was easy to forget him after her and Tia stopped being friends because any reminder of her hurt. Then Jay came around years later and she was head over heels for so long, but she learned the harsh reality that she had made all those happy moments up. It messed with her head and she didn’t know if she could trust her own intuition anymore, but there was always something honest in Marcos’s eyes that made her want to trust him. Was she foolish for thinking that? Was that feeling real or was she just high on his touch? Because holy shit he was hot, every movement calculated as if he was made for her. They slept together once and although she didn’t want to call it a rebound, that’s what it had been. It was fast, hot, and everything she needed then. His kisses made her wonder what it would feel like if they took their time now that she wasn’t acting out in rage. It was a dangerous train of thought and she pulled herself out of it with his words. Abigail forced herself not to touch her lips where she could still feel him from seconds earlier. “No. No, it’s okay. I was obviously enjoying that..... but, Marcos. Why the change?” She was sure he was never going to talk to her again. She couldn’t even blame him for siding with his sister, but she couldn’t do much more of their hot and cold.

It was never a lie, the way he had felt about her but it also came with his own demons he had to face. Jay had never been good at connections, relationships or letting anyone in so the fact he was able to keep her close yet so far away throughout their journey wasn’t shocking to him. His head turned to look over at her when she called him Jayden again, wondering why she kept using his full name but chalked it up to seeing if she was still allowed to call him that without getting the repercussions he gave everyone else. He nodded his head at her words, shoving his hands into her words. “I know. Believe me, I know.” he let his blue hues move towards her, finding her dark hues looking back at him. “I don’t expect you to be anything.” He said softly as he brushed his tongue along his lower lip. “I only wanted to give you the answers you deserved so that way you could get the closure you need to move on.” He said quietly, keeping his eyes on her. “It wasn’t Chelsea, by the way.” He thought about what the brunette had told him a few weeks ago about Abigail snapping at her. “Just someone who will never be worth losing you over.”

/

Abigail stilled for a second when Jay looked at her after saying his full name. She thought he was about to scold her and she was prepped to snap back, but he ignored it. Her eyes softened the smallest amount when she realized that meant he was still okay with her having that part of him and she had no idea what to do with that information. She had to remind herself that it was easy enough for him to forget her when he cheated. The closure you need to move on. That was it. For being someone from Eris, Jay was never a fighter. Not even for her and she should never have expected him to be. Was she really crazy enough to think he was more than what they said about him the whole time they had been together? Everything felt like a lie, it made her furrow her eyebrows at him (just for a sec again). Abigail had to work to loosen her tightened jaw. “Don’t take me for a fool, Jayden Hawkins. I saw her walk of shame.”

…

Marcos’ fingertips drift to the front door, pushing it shut behind him as his lips pull a few inches away from hers. His hand moves from the door up to the wall next to her head, his palm pressing against it as he tries to make sure he doesn’t rush this. In fact, the man wants to take his time with her to figure out every single spot that makes her weak in her knees. He breathes heavily against her mouth as his gaze drops towards it. His other hand raises up towards her chin, his thumb delicately running along the flesh of her lower lip as he presses his lips together to stifle the groan that is desperate to leave him. “I did,” he whispers. She doesn’t have to finish the sentence because he knows where she’s going with it. After their conversation about his sister not being okay with whatever was happening between them he didn’t think he’d ever be in the same room with her but Tia confessed it had been her who Jay had cheated with and the information changed everything for him. His sister had her own demons and at the end of the day he would go to bat for her but he was tired of holding himself back with the woman pressed between him and the wall. “Yes,” he mutters as he slips his fingers against the back of her neck and brings her back to him, pressing his lips against hers.

/

Abigail didn’t know her left from her right anymore. Her morality was in question the second she ran to Marcos after finding out about Jay, but what was happening now had the ability to turn her world upside down (what the fuck was happening with her). Abigail was so lost in his lips and in his touch that she didn’t understand the meaning behind her request. If she was being real with herself, she did but she wasn’t thinking straight when Marcos showing up was the only thing that felt right in life. A small whimper escaped her lips as she opened her mouth and welcomed him in, rolling her body against his as best as she could in their current position. Safe. Marcos felt safe. She needed that security and craved it like nothing else, but from him it was making her feel on the edge of ethereal. A loud car speeding by outside that rattled the windows made her snap out of it. “Wa-wait. Wait.” Abigail had never had to do something as hard as pull herself away from him in that moment. “Marcos.” Her voice was barely a breathe when she softly placed a palm against his chest. If they were going to do this, they would need to talk about the elephant in the room.

Chelsea’s mouth shut abruptly at Abigail’s request. Her question was a completely valid one and she wished she had a satisfying answer for Abi. But the reason it was Jay instead of everyone else was because he was one of the only people that knew the depth of what went down behind closed doors. And she wasn’t ready to share that with anyone. Apparently, even Abi in this moment, but maybe she could work her way up to it. Maybe it was time. She was about to answer when she saw the look on Abi’s face, knowing looks like that all too well. Any semblance of care and thought for her had disappeared and a verbal whiplashing ensued. Instinctually, her eyes hit the floor as she listened to what Abi had to say about her. She wished it was anger that she heard in Abi’s voice, but that wasn’t even there anymore. It was as if all that was coming from her mouth were stated facts. And that’s what they were, facts. She wanted to believe that she could convince Abi that she’d never wanted to hurt Abi, when she should’ve realized there wasn’t even a relationship to salvage in the first place. She realized she’d been stupid to think that Abi even wanted to truly be friends with her at all. Chelsea was surprised when she brought up Wren though, her eyes narrowing as her head cocked to the side. Was there hope? Was there a chance that all her words only came down to being angry about the men in her life that were also in Chelsea’s in whatever capacity they were? But no, she was stupid to even have hope like that. Years of emotional abuse at the hands of her drunken father had taught her well enough not to believe much in herself. Her eyes dipping down again, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you–I didn’t know that was–I’m sorry. I’ll stay away from you.”

/

The hurt inside of Abigail at the betrayal she felt turned more and more red the longer Chelsea stood there silently. The youngest Morrison had never felt such a fiery rage inside before. Her insides felt like they were erupting and turning her blood into lava as she looked at Chelsea with what was left of her self composure. She balled her hands into fists at her side until she felt her nails dig deep enough into her skin to leave a mark (the only form of release she gave herself since JT found her room trashed) and then let go. When Chelsea’s eyes finally met hers again, Abigail almost took a turn at looking away. Chelsea was one of her oldest friends and even though things had been rough after what happened with her mother, Abigail knew it was because she was hurt and never took the distance personally. Hurt people hurt people. Was Abigail destined for the same cycle of destruction as the brunette in front of her? The truth was that up until moments earlier when she caught her, Abigail had never seen Chelsea take her sadness out on anyone but herself. Abigail wasn’t thinking straight though, it was hard to when she saw what she saw. “One day, when you have no one left in your life that cares about you.... I hope you realize it could have been different. If you were different. If you tried, Chelsea. With your friends. With your family. God damn.” The harsh words were delivered with a tone more like Abigail’s mother than her own. Abigail knew she would regret the words later, but she couldn’t in this moment. She was done being hurt and she deserved to say what she wanted after catching Chelsea’s walk of shame so Abigail left it there and turned around to leave.

@chelseamariereynolds​

special delivery - @abigail-morrison​

Marcos had been sitting in his car, sending these text messages to her as he sat outside the City Hall. After attending the group therapy session, the one person who took over his thoughts had been her and all he wanted to do was see her. So, the second she gave him permission he put the car into the drive, tossing his phone onto the seat next to him and drove to her house. Of course, this wasn’t a good idea since Tia was someone he was avoiding and he hadn’t exactly called her out on her bullshit lie. He pulled up in front of her house, turning his head to look over at the door for a second before breathing in deeply. He got out of the car and shut it behind him, locking it as he settled his hand on his holster. He walked up the path towards the front door and stopped when he got to it. He raised his other hand up, knocking on the door and turning his head to look over his shoulder, checking his surroundings before he heard the door open and his head turned back to look at her. “Fuck it,” he breathed. He took a step across the threshold, moving his hand to the back of her head and pulling her into a kiss, her back into her house and turning so he could shut the door behind him.

/

She’d had it. The woman was done with the destruction that came from following her heart. It felt too dramatic to say it out loud and she wasn’t one to vent about real things to her friends (the few she had left after things blew up with Chelsea), but she wasn’t going to put herself into another vulnerable position. What happened with Jay had hurt, it was hard choosing to be the bigger person and finally talk to him a couple of weeks ago (or was it months?) but hearing him out was the push she needed to move on. It would’ve been too easy to slip back into her ex’s arms. The familiarity that Jay brought was tempting, but she knew the saying. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Abi rolled her eyes, because the second she shoved Jay out of her mind a certain officer rushed in. She slumped her shoulders and tossed her cute tote bag on the couch, doing a more reckless job than ever at setting her car keys by the entry table. She filled her time with Aurelia (as the Mayor’s personal assistant) after the confrontation with Marcos about Tia. Abi rolled her eyes, that wasn’t a topic she wanted to get into either. JT was right (as was the Morrison way), it was better to be blunt, robotic, emotionless. Her heart wouldn’t hurt so much if she could be like the rest of her family. She was about to head into the kitchen and make herself something quick for dinner when heard the knock. “Mar-” His lips cut her off. He pushed her against the wall, leaving her disoriented and dizzy. Delicate hands slipped to his neck and she finally pulled away flustered. “You.... You’re..... did you.....” She took a quick second to gather herself. “Can we do that again?” She asked as her eyes trailed to his lips again.

@marcosreycs​

Marcos: This is stupid. It's never been this hard or awkward to talk to you.

[erasing...typing...]

Marcos: Can I come over?

[erasing...typing...]

Marcos: Can I come see you?

[erasing...typing... staring at her texting bubbles... ]

Marcos: Can I come over, Abi?

Abigail: took you long enough :)

Jay followed her when she took his hand and lead him away from the crowd. Truthfully, he didn’t even think about the ears that could be listening to them. He huffed a low chuckle when she muttered about his father being a dick, nodding his head as he looked down at his feet. “Yeah,” he muttered as he brushed his tongue along his lower lip. “Uh, no. I go to the parties to keep uh…” He cleared his throat. “One of my friends out of trouble. She went to a party without me once… took it a little too far.” He thought about that fateful night. He cleared his throat. “But she’s always tried to…” He shoved his hands into his pockets, shrugging his shoulders as he turned his head to look away from her. “And that night it just felt like I lost everything.” He turned his head to look over at her. “Just took care of me when my parents couldn’t.” He knew he owed her this conversation a long time ago but he could never bring himself to let her see him in that kind of light. He closed his eyes and tilted his head down to look away from her when she confirmed what he had assumed when he noticed them together. “Yeah I uh — figured as much. You looked happy with him during the Christmas festivial.”

/

Abigail routinely nodded her head when she was supposed to. She wanted to cry, strike his chest with her anger, yell in frustration, or laugh at how sad and pathetic they both were. It was hard to be around him because she still loved him. She loved Marcos too. And Chelsea. And JT. And all of the people who hurt her and who she hurt in return. Abigail used to think that having a big heart was a good thing, but not anymore. “You’re saying a lot and nothing at the same time, Jayden.” She used to be the only one who could say his entire name without any repercussions and she wanted to test the waters to see if that was still the case. Abigail frowned at what he said. His words felt like cheap excuses. “You had me.” Why did everyone in her life discard her so easily? She knew the conversation would’ve been different has they still been together. She looked at him and met his eyes. She missed him. “I wasn’t happy, Jay.” Not in the way that he meant it with his words and the clear judgment. “But do you expect me to be sad forever?” She was tired of holding so much sadness, shame, and anger inside of her. Abigail tried her best not to hold grudges like her parents and brother would, but it was hard. When she saw Chelsea outside of Jay’s home she snapped. She could feel herself sink into someone who didn’t care anymore that day. Marcos was the only one who softened her up and reminded her of who she was before everything fell apart. Jay was the one who toughened her up. 

“Yea. I found it in a bin at thriftmaina. It still had the tags so I guess whoever donated it wasn’t much of a golfer either.” Speaking out of the side of her mouth, she laughed and shook her head. “Wait.. we aren’t?” She was confused when Abigail led her away but soon caught on. She liked this girl already. “It’s like you read my mind. I wouldn’t mind checking out that tiki bar I saw by the pool either. Emerson??” She purred, her brows raising curiously. “Is he single? If not, does he have a friend?” She would have to get her brother to bring her up here more often now that she knew the place was full of cute guys. “Vi is good. Violet sounds like a grandma to me.” She crinkled up her nose. “Oh uh. I like music and dancing. Big fan of fuzzy socks and I read a lot. What about you? It seems like you know your way around here.”

/

“Thriftmania has the best stuff.” Abigail expertly lied, she didn’t shop there. She just didn’t want Violet to feel bad and she was good at doing this stuff (always careful around Jay and their different upbringings). “Their loss.” She shrugged and they walked. Abigail knew her way around the country club like the back of her hand, she barely had to look at where they were going. “Not sure, but we can always ask. I doubt he would turn you down.” Abigail discarded her friends in the last couple of months, both intentionally and not. Being with Violet was a good opportunity to make a new one. She laughed at the grandmother comparison. “Violet is nice too, but Vi makes us friends. Abi and Vi, doesn’t that sound cute?” She looped her arm around Violet’s tighter than before as she smiled. “I love all of those things too! What’s the last concert you went to?” She winked at her (she did know her way around). The restaurant was getting closer. She could see it a couple of yards ahead. The fairy lights that surrounded the outdoor seating area aided the whimsical illusion it wanted its guests to feel. 

Abigail used to battle with feeling a lone a lot, but now she really was alone and the hopelessness that surrounded her felt too heavy to hold. Her shoulders weren’t strong enough. Things would explode when she tried to fix them. She wasn’t doing things on purpose (or maybe she was and she didn’t want to admit it), but she pushed everyone away. She ruined things with Chelsea. She hated Jay for a different reason now then before. She missed Marcos. She even missed Tia sometimes. She sent a quick text and got in her car, trying to hold herself together until she got to Ophelia and Sloane’s apartment. Abigail wasn’t exactly on speaking terms with Ophelia. They weren’t in a fight or anything like that, but Abigail pushed her away too. She stopped answering calls and texts months ago. She was ashamed of everything and had to drop her head when the door opened. “Can you hug me?” Not can I hug you. Abigail needed her friend this time. There was no reason for Ophelia not to be mad at her and it made Abigail’s voice weaken. 

[... staring at the phone, watching her type...]

Marcos: Great! Great. That's great.

Marcos: I'm great. All work, no play, makes Marcos a dull boy.

Marcos: I regret that text message instantly.

Abigail: Great :) lol I don't think you're a dull boy at all

[sent]

Abigail: can we talk about what happened?

[erasing... typing...]

Abigail: this feel dumb, right? it isn't us.

[erasing... typing...]

Abigail: I told jay about us

Marcos: I went to group therapy today.

[erasing...typing...]

Marcos: This isn't fucking fair.

[erasing...typing...]

Marcos: It was seven months ago when you showed up on my doorstep you know that? One year ago and you were giving me a cookie and telling me group therapy would be good for me. It's like you knew I was lost, in the dark and you saw me. You saw me.

[erasing...typing...]

Marcos: Just tell me you miss me too.

[erasing...typing...]

Marcos: Hope you're doing good.

Abigail: have you talked to her yet?

[erasing... typing...]

Abigail: I just want to be with you right now. my house is always empty. I fought with chels. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm ruining everything. I feel alone. and I miss you. your smiles. the way you make me laugh and feel safe....

[erasing... starting at phone while he types... typing...]

Abigail: can we talk?

[erasing... typing...]