singer songwriter crushes

Agreed. Teen me was in love with this movie and scared to watch it around my dad.

*note: every performance is gay because she is gay. These are just some highlights.

———

Paraphrasing, “I sang ‘I Will Always Love You’ to Dolly, romantically”

A series of Brandi singing gays songs she wrote about her wife, Catherine, to/with her

Gay songs she covers with Catherine (extra gay points for the Indigo Girls and Tracy Chapman of it all, extra bonus for the opening for Joni Mitchell):

You know that feeling when you were a gay mess in the 00’s and sing your penance via a Robyn cover?

Lesbian “She Used to Be Mine,” no further comment necessary

There’s something so gay about Brandi singing the straightest song of all time

“If She Ever Leaves Me” her gay Western song

This, which is gay in ways too unfathomable and deep to explain, via farmer_doug1 on instagram

Me: minding my own damn business in the grocery store

One of my students and a few of his teammates enter the dairy aisle. 

My student is holding hands with one of his teammates. 

My student: Oh hey, Professor X!

Me, who has both my student and his girlfriend in my class: …Hello

My student, looking at his hand-holding partner: Oh! Don’t worry. My girlfriend knows. Not that I’m cheating! I’m not cheating. I’m not gay.

Hand Holding boy: Not that being gay is a bad thing! It’s a good thing!

My student: Right! But no, listen. We aren’t together, we just hold hands in public sometimes.

Hand Holding Boy: Especially on Friday nights. And weekends. And at away games.

My student: Because sometimes people will say shit and then we can punch them! And if the fight started because someone was being homophobic, coach won’t get mad at us.

Kamala Khan meets Nick Fury

#The most relatable avenger (if she gets in)

Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read.

I would like to have a product that was available for three easy payments and one fuckin’ complicated payment. We can’t tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch! The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination! Good luck, fucker! That last payment must be made in wampum!

One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture is of you when you were younger. “Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.” “You son-of-a-bitch! How’d you pull that off? Lemme see that camera… What’s it look like? ”

An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order” sign, just “Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

I play golf. I’m not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole-in-one. But I did hit a guy. And that’s way more satisfying. You’re supposed to yell “Fore!” but I was too busying mumbling “There ain’t no way that’s gonna hit him.”

- “Tennis is depressing because no matter how good you get, you will never be as good as a wall”

- “I used to do a lot of drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who would be really mad if she heard me say that.”

- “I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna stick pins in all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners so it doesn’t fall down.”