imnobodies

Have you ever really thought about the Edelweiss flower?

I was looking at some pictures of them the other day, and honestly, they really struck a chord with me. They grow way up high in the mountains, surviving freezing temperatures, harsh winds, and thin air. They aren't the brightest or the most vibrant flowers. They’re pale, a bit fuzzy, and they have this beautiful, slightly melancholic reputation of being "everlasting." Even when they are picked, they don't really wilt or change; they just kind of pause.

Lately, as a woman just trying to navigate adulthood, I’ve been feeling a lot like that little mountain flower.

There are days when I wake up, go through my routines, and if I’m being completely honest with myself... I'm not precisely alive though. It's a strange, floating sensation. I'm not sad, and I'm not broken—I'm just sort of suspended in time. I'm just existing, quietly enduring whatever the altitude of life throws at me.

Sometimes, just being present and holding your ground is its own quiet victory.

But here is the beautiful paradox: I am actually quite happy.

It’s a weird feeling to explain to people. Even with that detached, floating sensation, I look around and realize how incredibly lucky I am. I have the warmest, most genuine people in my corner. My friends and the people I love are like the solid ground beneath that high-altitude rock. They keep me tethered when my mind feels like drifting away.

And life itself? It is actually getting better. It’s unfolding slowly, but in a really, really good direction. The rough patches are smoothing out, the heavy days are getting lighter, and the air feels a lot easier to breathe lately.

The takeaway: Maybe I don't feel like a vibrant, sun-chasing sunflower right now.

The reality: Maybe I don't feel 100% "alive" in that loud, energetic, movie-character sort of way.

Here is a fun fact about me: I am a huge cat person. I have always had a soft spot for cats, no matter what breed they are or where they come from. I love fluffy British Shorthairs, elegant Persian cats, and even ordinary street cats that I accidentally meet outside my house.

Some of my cats were not planned at all. I simply found them wandering around outside, looking hungry, confused, or needing a safe place to stay. Of course, I could not just leave them there. I brought them home, gave them food, and eventually treated them like part of my family. That is probably one of the reasons why I believe every cat deserves love, whether it is an expensive purebred cat or a small stray cat with no home.

One of my biggest dreams is to have an Ashera cat someday. They look so majestic, exotic, and almost like a small wild cat. Their unique appearance makes them completely different from the cats I usually see. I know owning one would come with a lot of responsibilities, but the idea of having such a beautiful and unusual cat is still exciting to me.

I also dream about having my own place for cats in the future. I imagine a large, comfortable space where different cats can live safely and receive proper care. It could be a responsible cat-breeding place, but I would also love to make room for rescued and abandoned cats. I want them to have enough space to play, climb, sleep, and enjoy their lives without feeling afraid or neglected.

My dream home would probably be full of cats with completely different personalities. There would be a calm British Shorthair sleeping on the sofa, a fluffy Persian acting like royalty, an Ashera walking around like the owner of the house, and several rescued street cats running everywhere. It might be noisy, messy, and full of cat hair, but honestly, that sounds like happiness to me.

Cats are not the only animals I want to have, though. One day, I also want to have a Corgi. Their short legs, fluffy bodies, and cheerful expressions are impossible to resist. I can already imagine my future Corgi trying to play with all the cats while the cats stare at it with annoyed faces.

Wow, my mind is completely blown today. I had a really deep conversation with my close friend, and they gave me the biggest reality check of my life. We were talking about relationships, and they brought up this concept called a "Twin Flame."

At first, I was like, "Wait, is that just another word for a soulmate?" But my friend explained it’s way deeper than that. They told me that a twin flame is literally considered to be one soul split into two different bodies. It’s your ultimate "mirror soul." While a soulmate brings you peace and comfort, a twin flame comes into your life to trigger massive spiritual growth. They reflect everything about you—your light, your hidden fears, and your deepest truths.

Then, my friend looked me dead in the eye and said, "You know you've already met yours, right? It's happening to you right now with xxxx."

Suddenly, everything just clicked. When I look back at our connection, the signs are undeniably there. It totally proves that they are my twin flame:

The very first time we met, it didn't feel like meeting a stranger. It felt like reuniting with someone I’d known for lifetimes. I felt this weird, instant sense of "home" and safety with them.

From day one, we were just naturally drawn to each other. Even when we don't talk, there's this invisible string pulling us together.

This is the wildest part. On paper, we are basically from completely different worlds. We have totally different backgrounds—different ethnicities, cultures, races, and religions. But despite those massive differences, our brains work the exact same way. We literally finish each other's sentences, share the exact same core values, and understand each other without even speaking.

They reflect parts of myself I didn’t even know existed. They make me want to be a better version of myself just by being in my life.

It explains perfectly why we were so quick to realize that we are so alike despite our contrasting backgrounds. Our souls speak the same language.

But honestly, realizing that I've met my twin flame also makes me wonder: what do I do now? After doing some reflecting, I’ve figured out the best steps for me to navigate this intense connection:

1. Twin flame energy is super intense. The best thing I can do right now is not force any labels or rush the relationship. I just need to be present and let things unfold at their own pace.

2. Since they are my mirror, the best way to handle this connection isn't just obsessing over them, but focusing on healing and improving myself. If I do my own inner work, our connection will naturally grow healthier too.

3. Our differences in culture, race, and religion aren't obstacles; they are beautiful parts of our story. The key is to keep an open mind, respect each other's beliefs, and find a beautiful harmony in the middle.

4. Because our souls are so deeply connected, we can see right through each other. There is no room for playing games. I have to be completely vulnerable and honest about my feelings, fears, and boundaries.

5. This is probably the hardest part, but I just need to trust the universe. Whether we are meant to end up together forever, or if this is just a massive soul lesson I need to learn, I have to let go of my expectations and just appreciate the journey.

astaga kak tony, bisa2nya melimpir ke sini, hhmm males nih ngasi tau tapi takut dicegat ga bisa masuk ke ruangan nih besok HAHA

Abercrombie & Fitch Authentic Woman EDP yg citrus-fruity ada hint woody nya gitu sih

Tamburins yg Lale

Santa Maria Novella yg seri Melograno Odcocan (ini aku hemat2 karna lumayan rare carinya skrg, aku jastip sama temen aku di luar negeri waktu itu)

3 ini sih yg aku suka pake, kadang kalo ga ada urgensi giat penting, aku cuma pake body butter setelah mandi, trus pake body mist, gitu2 aja sih, aku jarang keringetan yg gimana2 sih

I just want to remind you, it could be that caring what you give to other people doesn't necessarily turn around with you, and there's nothing romantic about being sincere alone. You two have to go through with it.

If I'm being honest, you want the ending, you don't want to come back, do you? Every day you try not to get attached to this guy. But with the reply, you just reset your progress from 0 again. Sometimes staying away is indeed a need to be trained, no need to reply, if you need to block or mute, that's fine. I don't think anyone's childish with that.

And in the future, I'm not gonna let anyone who hasn't finished with his past get into my life again.

Lucu juga kalau dipikir-pikir. Seharusnya, menurut skenario awal kehidupan, aku ini tokoh figuran yang mati di babak pertama. Sejak lahir, label "tidak dibutuhkan" sudah menempel rapi di jidatku, bersanding dengan stempel "bodoh" dan "sumber masalah". Sementara saudara-saudaraku yang lain dipoles mengkilap bak piala kebanggaan, disayang dan dieluk-elukan, aku justru mendapat jatah makan hati tiga kali sehari. Tapi hebatnya, napasku masih panjang, dan entah terbuat dari baja jenis apa, mentalku ini menolak hancur meski sudah dihantam badai makian bertahun-tahun.

Ironisnya, si anak bawang yang sering diremehkan ini justru tumbuh menjadi martir paling setia. Alih-alih membenci, aku malah terkena sindrom "terlalu peduli". Demi Tuhan, aku bahkan rela menunda mimpi pendidikanku, mengorbankan masa mudaku demi menjadi garda terdepan saat kondisi tanah kelahiran sedang tidak baik-baik saja. Aku menjadi "tumbal" yang sukarela demi adik-adik dan orang tua, menjadikan hatiku seluas samudra untuk menampung segala keluh kesah mereka, dan tumbuh menjadi pribadi yang tulus—terlalu tulus, mungkin—kepada siapa saja yang aku percaya.

Lalu, tibalah saat di mana aku merasa sangkar emas ini sudah terlalu sesak. Setelah 20 tahun hidup dalam belenggu rutinitas dan ekspektasi, muncul keinginan sederhana: aku ingin kuliah di luar kota. Bukan sekadar mengejar secarik kertas bernama ijazah, tapi aku ingin belajar menjadi manusia dewasa yang utuh, lepas dari bayang-bayang nama besar keluarga.

Ah, ya, keluargaku. Kami bukan keluarga sembarangan. Ada darah "istimewa" yang mengalir deras, lengkap dengan aturan leluhur yang daftarnya mungkin lebih panjang dari kitab undang-undang. Hidupku dikepung tata krama, kewajiban menjaga warisan, dan ketaatan mutlak pada Tuhan serta tradisi. Di sini, nama belakang bukan sekadar identitas, tapi beban yang harus dipikul dengan senyum, tidak peduli punggungmu sudah mau patah atau belum.

Kupikir, pengorbananku selama ini bisa menjadi tiket untuk membeli sedikit kebebasan. Ternyata aku salah. Restu itu mahal harganya, dan sepertinya dompet emosionalku belum cukup tebal untuk membayarnya. Keinginanku dianggap angin lalu. Solusi mereka sungguh "bijaksana" dan penuh perhitungan: silakan kuliah, tapi di sini saja. Cari yang fleksibel, yang praktis, supaya apa? Supaya aku tetap bisa bekerja mengurusi warisan mereka.

Cerdas sekali, bukan? Mereka ingin aku bergelar sarjana, tapi tidak ingin aku punya sayap. Mereka ingin aku pintar, tapi cukup pintar untuk mengurus aset keluarga, bukan pintar untuk hidup mandiri.

I'm one of your followers on your social media. I've seen so far you've never been interested in just being close to a man,what is your desire for a relationship between a man and a woman ?

I'm so curious !!

You know friendships like Abun and Aca?

I want a 'slow burn' relationship, watching each other from afar, but don't hesitate to call each other, there's no insecurity to approach, respect each other, always start a conversation asking how your day is, just go through until you two find the answer to what you need to do. I'm willing to walk slowly to adjust my pace to the new guy, rather than running fast but alone.

I'm one of your followers on your social media. I've seen so far you've never been interested in just being close to a man,what is your desire for a relationship between a man and a woman ?

I'm so curious !!

You know friendships like Abun and Aca?

I want a 'slow burn' relationship, watching each other from afar, but don't hesitate to call each other, there's no insecurity to approach, respect each other, always start a conversation asking how your day is, just go through until you two find the answer to what you need to do. I'm willing to walk slowly to adjust my pace to the new guy, rather than running fast but alone.

wih, akhirnya ada yang tertarik nanya buku yang lagi aku baca, luv sekali!

okay, ini 3 buku yang lagi aku mau selesaikan bacanya akhir tahun ini:

Perempuan di Titik Nol by Nawal As Sadawi (tentang perjuangan keras seorang perempuan Mesir bernama Firdaus melawan sistem patriarki dan penindasan sosial, ekonomi, serta fisik)

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (tentang rasisme, prasangka, keadilan, dan hilangnya kepolosan di kota fiktif Maycomb, Alabama, tahun 1930-an, perjuangan melawan ketidakadilan sosial, pentingnya hati nurani, dan pelajaran moral tentang melihat dunia dari perspektif orang lain)

Tarian Bumi by Oka Rusmini (tentang perjuangan perempuan Bali yang terbelenggu adat, tradisi, dan ketimpangan gender, serta mempertanyakan status perempuan sebagai objek seksualitas atau makhluk yang punya hak memilih)

bonus deh, dan ini ada 1 buku yang sudah aku aku selesaikan dan seru karena ngangkat isu mental health dan orang pinggiran: