chaotic balance

I'm just waiting for it to burn out completely.

You gave me hope.

The way you lit up every corner of the room with your kindness.

Your smile so beautiful that there isn't anything to compare it too.

You're the sweetest, most patient person I knew.

I'm honored to have loved you.

I'm shattered without you.

My hope was because of you.

I thought maybe life wouldn't be so bad if there's a loving human like you on my side.

I miss you deeply.

You accepted me for who I am without expecting me to be more.

I've never known someone with that capability.

The way your laughter spread through my body with an urgency like electricity.

It made me happy, as if you could reconnect the wires that had fallen apart without you.

I'll never hear it again.

You were living proof that there is kindness, patience, and acceptance on this planet.

How could you leave so soon?

I just want to be held in your arms for 1 more night.

But I want it to last forever.

You never let go of me.

How could you leave me?

I know you didn't want to and had no choice.

I just wish this was different.

I wish we didn't have unfinished business.

I wish I made more time to be by your side.

I wish I wish I wish.

I can't change the past.

I can only begin to give to others what you gave to me.

The impact that you left on me is enormous.

It's like an imprint that reached my soul.

I will never be the same.

Your departure from this world has changed me forever.

I really thought I had found someone good who wouldn't leave me.

And you left in the most cruel way.

The permanence of death is the hardest part.

The way my whole body craves an afterlife leaves an empty sort of aching.

I know that there's nothing beyond our bodies made of star dust.

If the souls do exist, what are our chances of finding each other again?

My mind can't handle this.

I am deeply wounded.

Every day that you're gone is one more day that I want to tell you about.

I sometimes imagine that you're sitting with me.

I sometimes imagine that you're holding me.

I know this isn't true, but somehow, it brings comfort to pretend that you are watching me.

So I talk with you.

I won't hear your voice ever again.

I break when I talk about you in the past tense.

For the rest of my life, I'm alone.

Without my hope.

There is something more I want to write.

I don't think this will ever be done.

I couldn't stop thinking of you and the way you greeted me with an unenthusiastic "howdy" everyday.

I had a stranger ask about you.

They were unaware you left this planet.

I said no and continued to

Good night my lover

In some ways I envy you.

In other ways I feel pity.

I need you back.

Please come back to me.

I can't help but remember with tears.

I miss you too much.

To know that you're permanently gone is to know heartbreak.

I wear you in a heart strung around my neck.

I hold it in my hand whenever I think of you.

You were supposed to be there today but you never showed.

I wept when it became apparent that you couldn't.

It's been 3 weeks.

Please, please come back to me.

It felt so special

I hope you both are haunting me

Today it felt like you were holding my hand

I just want to be held in your arms again

I want to hear your giggle

I'm scared that I'm forgetting what you sound like

Please come back to me

I turned 29 yesterday.

I want to show you all the silly things I bought myself for my birthday.

I want you to laugh with me when I tell you about my horrible spending habits.

I want you to drive me and my car home one last time.

Your seat position is still saved in my car.

It will be forever.

I need you back so badly.

This can't be real.

I love you

It seems like I'm the only one who's changed.

My whole personality changed when you left.

I'm no longer excited about sharing stories with anyone.

You were the only one I could trust.

If you were here I wouldn't have made so many mistakes.

I've self harmed and I still can't wear a shirt that shows my arms because I'm embarrassed.

You wouldn't make me feel embarrassed.

You would give me the courage to be confident and not care what people think.

You always reminded me that I could be loved for who I am.

Now I've regressed into changing my personality for my family because I'm afraid they won't love me for who I am.

You did more for me than you knew or will ever get to know.

It feels like everyone else is back to normal and I'll never be the same.

I miss you

When will you come back to me?

I need you to come back.

This really can't be reality.

Something happens every single day that I want to talk to you about.

Today a customer asked if you were working.

How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that question.

I wish you were working.

I wish you were there and we were closing together again.

I miss you so much it hurts.

Please come back

I lost my labubu today

You would be there looking for it with me.

I miss you

I love you

Please come wrap me in your arms one last time.