i read your outtake of "come on baby light my fire on" and it was pretty biphobic. you should make a quick research before writing something like that. it's fucking offensive. i used to idolize everything you wrote but now i can't even reread again bc i can't see those stories in the same light after that. i talked to my friend, who is bi, and she felt the same way and i realized that the problem was not just me, but how you wrote it. ik you are giving us free content and i really appreciate that, but it was very uncomfortable for me to read something like that
I'll confess I've sat on this message for a few days, trying to decide the best way to respond. At first, I considered deleting it and ignoring it completely, but if someone, anyone, even you, reads this and as a result takes the time to think twice before sending a hostile and unproductive message like this to another creator on here, then at least something constructive will come out of your message. Because what exactly was your goal with this?
My second gut response was to lash back at you with "Is being bisexual and married to a heterosexual for fifteen years count as doing enough of a "quick research" for you?" But I'm also aware that's not the best response either for a couple of reasons, beyond the fact that it was a very emotional response to a message that showed up when I was in the midst of dealing with multiple stressors that had nothing to do with fandom.
1. I shouldn't have to parade my sexuality or my personal life out on display as defense of my writing. I shouldn't have to parade it around or share it with strangers on the internet period. It should be my choice when and where and with whom I entrust that piece of my identity. I can easily give you the benefit of the doubt that you didn't know since, as I said, I don't parade it around. It's not announced in my bio, I don't have the bi pride flag plastered over my blog, but... I shouldn't have to do that. I actually despise that I'm telling you this, under these circumstances, but I've not made it a secret on here either. I've said things in posts and tags and replies and in conversations, that several people on here already know or intuited it from tumblr alone. AND again, if you or anyone else reading this learns to stop for one freaking moment and consider the fact that you do not know everything about a creator on the internet, and it is dangerous and cruel to make assumptions that you do know all about them before you send messages like this that could potentially cause harm to an individual, then I am glad to do it for them.
2. I am fully aware that my experience as a bi woman, and those of the people I know and am friends with who have shared there's with me, and all the reading that I've done, does not make me an expert on all things bisexuality. Which means there is always room for me to learn and to grow. Perhaps there was in fact something in my story that could be interpreted as something offensive, and I would be more than willing to listen to your and your friend's concerns, so long as you manage to actually discuss it rather than charge with blazing guns and accusations into my inbox.
What exactly do you define as biphobia? What exactly about that story would you classify as biphobic? You don't bother to say in your message so I'm left guessing. You don't bother to open a dialogue for discussion or learning or growth of any kind. Was it the open communication between Katniss and Peeta? The fact that the story dealt with the fleeting nature of desire versus the strength of commitment? Was it the fact that Peeta had vague lingering feelings that temporarily flared up when confronted with a former crush? Or was it the fact that I wrote it so that Peeta's relationship with said crush included a friendship and mentorship of sorts? Or was it the fact that an established couple felt comfortable enough using those fleeting feelings for some sexual role play? Maybe it's the fact that Katniss went through a consideration of more adventurous and taboo sexual possibilities? Perhaps it was the fact that they didn't handle the situation perfectly, as many human beings tend to do? I don't know. You didn't even give me a chance to figure it out, let alone address it or learn from it.
Because here's the thing, if I can admit that I am not The Expert and All Knowing Judge On What Constitutes Biphobia, and therefore there's room for me to learn and grow, then I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you could as well. Maybe, just maybe, there's something you didn't see that I did, that others of various declared sexualities who have approached me about the same story have applauded. The point is, when you come at a writer in the manner you did here, you leave no room for discussing various viewpoints and perceptions.
I'd like to take a second to point out something else that irks me about your message. You claim to have idolized everything that I've written. First off, stop. Do not idolize fic writers. ANY OF US. We are still human beings and are therefore perfectly fallible. We are going to screw up at some point. It is inevitable. And if fandom responds by deciding that's it, we're done with this person, over one perceived offense or mistake, then no one is going to attempt creation anymore out of total fear.
Furthermore... if you have in fact read and "idolized" everything that I've written, that would include stories that tackle some pretty uncomfortable topics. Stories that involve sex workers, grief, PTSD, trauma, assault, combat and war, abuse, racism, sexism, single parenthood, etc etc etc, several of which I've gotten negative feedback on, some worse than others. I would like to think that I've handled all of those topics with empathy and respect. I'd like to think I've handled comments on those stories with respect as well. Perhaps I haven't. I'm not perfect, after all, but my point is, if you've really read all of those stories where I dive into messy or tricky or... uncomfortable... topics, and you came out the other side with any kind of respect or admiration for me as an author or as a human being, what on earth made you think that the best course of action over this piece was to blaze into my inbox with nothing but accusations and no pathway for discussion?
So again... what did you hope to gain with this message? Have you achieved it? Because if you're really trying to make the world and fandom a better, more open place, then this kind of message right here isn't going to do it. Maybe my story won't either, but since you didn't bother to tell me what was so "fucking offensive" about it, I can't say one way or the other.
I'm going to do something potentially stupid and leave the anonymous option available, just in case you do actually want to have a discussion about this. I won't hold my breath for it, because quite frankly, the tone of your message isn't that of someone I think wants to discuss anything. But if you do want to have a discussion about it, please do so with some kind of mutual respect for the fact that we are both human beings who both come from backgrounds the other cannot possibly fully know or fully understand, and who are both probably dealing with a lot of shit in life that the other one is completely unaware of.
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