Gamer Princess

So, I’m just going to rant a little bit here about something that’s really bothering me as an avid female gamer.

This morning I was on Xbox Live playing ESO and chatting with some people in a party I’ve gotten to know through playing ESO. Most of the people in the party were indeed male gamers, most of them my friends online, but there was one who I didn’t know very well. I, all of a sudden, speak up about something, and he goes, “There’s a girl in the party? I don’t like it when girls are in the party.” To this I reply, “And why is that?” He answers, “I just don’t like playing with girls online because they’re not good at video games. Every girl I’ve played with online has been horrible.” Astounded at his remark I reply, “Woah, that’s so stereotypical. I for one am not the best at games like Call of Duty or Destiny, but you shouldn’t just generalize a specific trait with a gender.” He goes on to say how it’s all science because guys have faster reflex times etc., blah, blah, blah, and while that may be true, he shouldn’t be so sexist and dog a girl for doing something she enjoys just as much as some guys do. I have been discriminated against by many male gamers just because I am a female playing online. It sucks. I’ve been told that I’m probably fat and ugly and that’s why I’m a female playing video games, I’ve been accused of being a guy using a voice changer to sound like a female because there’s no way a female would be playing GTA V Online, I’ve been called just “the girl in the party” and not by my actual gamertag like most people go by, and I’ve been told what to do, how to do it, and the best way to do it because there’s obviously no way I would know how to play a game, right? I have loved video games ever since I was a little girl, and was probably the only one in my group of friends growing up who avidly played games, so yeah, at times I felt embarrassed when I would be asked about my hobbies and one of my top ones would be “playing video games.” Socially, it just didn’t seem normal for a girl, so yeah, even as today more and more people are accepting of it, there are still those assholes out there that think girls can’t and shouldn’t play video games. Well, I’d just like to say to them, kindly screw off…and to anyone out there who has ever felt that they’ve been discriminated against for playing any video games, to you I say, game on! :)

As a little girl, I was really into pink and princess-iy styles (still am in a way) and my older brother would babysit me. He always tried to find things to keep me out of trouble: like washing baby dolls in the real bathtub or going into my older sister’s closet for shoes acting like a grown up lol. The only thing that allowed him to keep me occupied was attending my little tea parties. Obviously, He hated those, and really looked for a new alternative to entertain his little sister. His first attempt was introducing me to his second passion (his first was sports), which was video games. My first impression of games were…not a good start. I thought that they were all and only about violence, bloody,shooting, destruction, and beating people down to a plup (due to the games he played)…and it seemed like only boys played them. So I felt intimidated to play them.

But then he stumbled across a computer game called “The Sims”, that would change my viewpoint on games entirely. The sims (to me) were about creation, design, choices. Things that I thought a video game would never be about. Some years while playing the sims, my brother bought me “Kingdom Hearts”. My first thought here was ‘wow, I like these characters!’ being a bit of a ‘Disney kid’ and princess, I loved mickey mouse and Disney in general. But the actual tale within KH made me want to play it more. It was a boy on a magical journey to see a new world, that turned into an adventure to save his friends and along with the girl he loved. “love” and “friendship”? none of the games my brother played had such a element and yet they were things I related to as a child. And this sparked a question I had towards my brother. “But I thought all games were all about violent and about hurting people, how come these aren’t?” He answered “Abby, games are for everyone. Everyone plays differently. If we all played the same, it would be pretty darn boring. So there’s different kinds of games. But everyone and anyone can be a gamer.”  That same day, I put all of my “assumptions” and “stereotypes” aside.

As I became older (still simming with the Sims 2), I started to branch out more to Final Fantasy while still maintaining my outside life. Yes I still shopped with my friends and had slumber parties like most girls. But there was always the hidden “gamer girl” in me that I never really told a lot of them(I wasn’t afraid to tell though). At times it would sort of slip, but no one would believe I literally enjoyed games like I did. I went from Animal Crossing to Zelda to Smash bros, to Pokemon, while still being being well.. me lol. Reality started to strike me both ways though once I entered middle school.

As I said above, I was never afraid to say that I loved playing games. But shockingly enough one day in class the subject presented itself and I answered. What I never expected was the backlash from both genders. The boys all said “What? girls don’t play that stuff. Especially not a girly girl. C’mon.” and the girls were like “Stop lying. You’ve never played a game a day in your life. Popular girls don’t play games.” It’s insane how kids (and adults actually), label people simply from how they look and act and figure their life story is one singular way. I never saw myself as a ‘popular’ person as a kid..never. I was just an odd girl who loved just pink and was really talkative. But I guess that was all the stereotypes needed to make assumptions and throwing in video games was a brain error for them lol.

In school there was a after-school club hosting a Smash Bros.Tournament. I actually entered, along with a cheerleader that shocked every gamer there. I ranked in 3rd place, I had lost to the cheerleader (she was really really good). But she actually won the tournament and it stunned the whole school. But there was always the “The nerd let her win. He probably had a crush on her.”  whispering remarks. And it was remarks like that, followed me almost everywhere in the gaming world. years later, my pc gaming had met it’s wits end with my HP Pavilion during the sims 3′s very early era. This is when I learned about “Gaming PCs” from my husband (who obviously was my boyfriend at the time lol). So one day I was around the stores looking for a better game to run the sims and hopefully other games. In one store, while my sister and I are talking to a store employee about the right laptop..apparently a small group of gamers overheard us and started to snicker and laugh in a whisper (even though half the store could hear them). I finally decided to walk up to them and said “Umm, I’m sorry but what’s so funny?” and one of them had said “A girl trying to buy a ‘gaming’ rig for ‘playing dollhouse’ is fucking hilarious.” My sister snapped back at the guy “Well paying that much just to relive World War 2 could sound just as stupid. But hey, it’s how you play” (my sister’s sarcasm never fails lol). They both got pretty pissed off after that for some reason and were like “This is why girls shouldn’t play games. They ruin freaking everything.” and then left. When I told my husband about that scenario, he was ready to find the two. But obviously it wasn’t worth it…some guys(and even some girls) still live in the dark ages.

Fast forward all the way to now. I’m a married mother of 2, Interior Designer, and I’m a proud gamer girl who also plays MMOs. But no matter how much time passes by, the old sexist/prejudice ways in gaming never really die. For example, my husband invited me to play ESO. We actually played with friends of his from his old hometown in boston. While my husband was at work, one of them (who didn’t even know my husband and I were married) during a weird subject said “I would only let a girl in my party if she were cute in real life. But a cute gamer girl? Is that even possible?” Like what? My mind was like what the heck does that matter? and I pretty much blurted that out “Seriously? Last I checked we were playing a game, not a beauty contest. I don’t stop every guy from not being in my party just because he doesn’t look like Chris Hemsworth :3 .Just think about that.” and think he did. After every guy screaming burn he did apologize and the rest of the group kinda explained who I was.

I also play Final Fantasy XIV. I have to admit, out of all of the MMOs and online games I’ve played, FFXIV has been the most understanding. Sure there’s still some sexist gamer guys, but a lot of them there are understanding. Which is why I noticed there’s sooo many girls there compared to the other MMO’s I’ve played. I actually played it a lot while pregnant and even during dungeon runs with randoms,the male gamers were actually more understanding if I had a sudden “afk”  compared to other mmo male gamers. They even took the time to teach me and were surprised at how rapidly I learned the game.

I’ve tried a few Xbox/PS4 games with my husband…but it does result a little weird or just awful…so I tend to only play single player games on there because sometimes it gets crazy. Even though I still don’t really play shooter games, I believe in the words  my older brother told me when I was little. “Everyone and Anyone can be a gamer.”  Doesn’t matter what your female friends or male gamers say or think.