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Will it be still the same if I still wake up?

Will I open my eyes the same way

And look at the world same?

The dreadful dreams have magnified and the mirror is hazed

My hair have curled my identity

And my eyelashes now hold my soul

With each drop touching the lash, I wash away from the shore

With a land so old ,I draw a portrait

Black in colour

White in essence

And grey at heart

I walk into it with all my breath

Knowing it could be my last just to hide in shades to look at you

You, who is now my beloved, are my source of colour

And when you said you love black I was once again looking at you

Your eyes are so full of shades that I forget to look for their colour

They shine when you are with me ,

everything is fine and suddenly everyone and everything magnifies, large, overwhelming, big enough to be scary, to fear, to run away, to distance , to shut myself up.

In hiding of shame i hide my love for you

so that you do not recognize it and rebel

my fort is not strong enough for your army,

so i hide in the caves of rotten dead bodies

you are a warrior i guess,

and i find it difficult to even defend myself in words, in terms,

yesterday night there was no one so I stayed silent and the walls talked. they laughed at me for talking non-sense, for growth into some thing i myself do not approve. I cried, and they, they laughed.

the next day i talked less, for my sake, so that i would not have to go back to silence which is very loud, but speak now but I hesitate, i hesitate to tell people what they want to listen.

the snow melted but i was still frozen, your hands don't touch mine anymore may be that's why. I saw you and i was back at my place with corners spacing in and my breathes spacing out. You laughed and I, i cried ( irony , you said you wil make me happy). I walked passed you, but my heart forgot to follow me and now it is still waiting at the stairs to catch a glimpse of you. My mobile phone still considers you their favorite, my favorite, when your head has already deleted me like a long due file. I feared , I hesitated and finally fell in love with you. You, who I wish to erase now, but I know a scar will be left.

i miss him, i know i will but for how long? that is a question. i scared that when I go back I would have nothing good, or exciting waiting for me or for what I will be waiting. I am tired of being the courageous and talking everyone into things, sorting out issues and all i cannot.

you seem like me, small, pained, laughing just like me. you look at me everyday or should I say i search for you everyday, it is just the same. my half words that are incomplete you listen to them completely. flawless you say, my dear half-mate you make me feel full, complete something that I am not capable of being you make me want to live it, fully, completely.

to go from past to present, bare feet, you realize the kind of path you walked on, its roughness, pointedness, shallowness, all ,everything. when you look around you see people but you do not see yourself in them. you are no where and this feeling hurt.