Katarina

It's late night when I'm writing this blog. Couldn't sleep due to heat, itching and possible rainfall since I'm hearing vibrations outside my window.

For the last two months, I've been visiting a gym in my city. My parents told me to sign so I can stay fit and meet somebody. I started off normally, running on treadmills and lifting weights in the way only I know. But then I decided to go to group trainings. They have all kinds, from morning and yoga to pure core and hiit. On one of those group trainings, when I saw the instructor, I felt slightly warmer and couldn't take my eyes off of him.

I won't mention their name, to protect their privacy, but I might have fallen in love with the yoga instructor (actually, more than yoga). I can't tell what it is that he is drawing me towards him. Is it his tattoos? His face? The fact that he loves yoga like I do? Or his music choice at the training?

Anyways, I've been coming to his trainings to practice yoga, and see him. However, when it comes to guys, my shyness gets the better of me and I begin to avoid eye contact. I had some bad experience involving guys back in school, being bullied and all, that it might have transferred into my adulthood. I fear saying something stupid that would make me hide under bed covers, or doing something wrong that would draw too much attention.

Once, when I came to the group training that involves lifting weights, he came to teach. He was replacing another instructor. At one series, not realizing that I was holding the weights the wrong way, he came over to me. He was telling me to hold the weights widely (hands closer to the edges), but my brain and body couldn't agree between each other, so I did the opposite. That situation might have drifted the instructor away from me. He must have thought that I'm stupid, that I'm not paying attention. It is true that I've been having problems with listening and attention lately, like my mind can't process anything, and then it's all scrambled in my head.

I've been leading a battle inside my head. In that moment, reality just becomes a framed picture. It's not that I don't like socializing and that I don't care about anybody. It's just that my mind gets full of memories and fears, like a virus that cuts off what you could actually be.

I've been meaning to tell something, at least a word, to my instructor. I can't tell 'I love you' so that he doesn't get scared. Although, according to his Instagram, he has posted some selfies of himself with another woman beside him. Is it his girlfriend? His sister (they somehow seem to look a like)? Or his wife (it can't be, he doesn't have a ring)?

Anyways, I might just have to wait for him to approach me, or just 'fill' myself with confidence to ask him out. But one way or another, if I keep coming to his trainings, he is going to get curious about me.

I just finished filming Grand Theft Auto III Definitive Edition, and the Trilogy overall. Apart from EA FC 24, I need to find something else to film that would include actual commentary and my facecam. I film EA FC 24 on PS5, and filming with commentary is a bit trickier than on PC. Last time I did that, which was on PS4, my commentary jumped forward a few times, the overall sound was low quality and the clip skipped a second or two.

I'm pretty sure that YouTubers use a special kind of recording software to capture PS5 games (or TV screen itself). And, as far as I know, I can't use any kind of webcam on PS5, that it has to be the kind made for the console (forgot the name). All I can do is record it all separately, but I would have problems syncing it all. There is also the storage problem. PS5 doesn't allow recordings longer than an hour, and the USB stick I use to transfer the clips from PS5 to my PC can't hold the files that are bigger than 4 GB, but it can hold overall 30 GB. It's why I'm sometimes forced to edit my videos in Share Factory. I'm not comfortable doing all edits on console and with a controller, which is why I prefer editing on PC instead. I thought about using my father's Canon camera as a facecam, but I'm not sure in how much storage can a recording of, say 30 minutes, hold. As for microphone, I would need a longer wire from my father's PC to where I'm sitting and playing PS5 games.

To be honest, I'm not really satisfied with how my commentary keeps going. I keep silent there and there because I'm too focused on the game that I can't let anything out. Or maybe it's because English isn't my first language. But I didn't have these problems while commenting Criminal Case. Because nobody leaves a like or a comment on my videos (the last few I filmed), I can't grade my commentary. I was told by my parents that my voice sounds monotonous while commenting. I don't prepare myself much before filming (although I should), and I just get in it. The reason I started the channel was to show off my skills and have records of my achievements. Men get surprised when they see a woman play games, let alone be good at them.

Anyways, the next thing I want to record is, again, something from my childhood, and childhood from everybody born after 1997. I'm talking about Hunting Unlimited 2010. (Picture below):

It's a hunting simulation type of game where you play levels (challenges) where you need to kill and bag animals, like real hunters, from elks and bucks to bears and elephants. I found out about this game at age 10 (I think), at one of my village neighbour's PC. He had this game, but only up to 6 tiers. I played and liked it, although I feared going up against predators, especially moose and buffalo.

My father got this game for me, and had up to 9 tiers, including hunting for wolves. I never managed to play all of the challenges, because of the fear of unknown when entering each challenge. I feared some predators, as said above, but also when the playing conditions included foggy weather, when you can't see if someone's coming for you. Not to mention the music score that plays when a predator comes after you (and you don't know where they are).

I feared even non-dangerous animals, including bucks, but only because, well... the death in this game is like in Crash Bandicoot. Mess up once, and you're dead. No health bar at all. You get in the way of any animals, you're dead.

I'm thinking about replaying this game, like I did with GTA San Andreas (without using the cheats), to finish something I wasn't able to do, and finish it without fearing anything. It would be the same as with The Evil Within, where I kept saying 'stay calm, stay calm' whilst Ruvik was hunting me in his own mansion. In this game, the tactics are neseccary. One thing is for sure: Don't get in the way of animals. Let them circle you, but don't get in front of them. Kill them before they get you.

There are only little bit of gameplays of Hunting Unlimited 2010 on YouTube as far as I know. One guy did a full non-commentary gameplay of it, and the rest are all old videos dating 10 years back without commentary, and not in good quality. I think I should make a difference. I had already tried to make a thumbnail for a single video of Hunting Unlimited: Here you go:

I was trying to make it look like as if I'm a hunter looking at my target that is a moose. It's just missing the game logo and the number of the episode. I'm thinking about making those types of thumbnails, without a screenshot from the game itself, as I think it wouldn't attract so much attention. Something, unique.

The title of this post? Well, I might as well go and mix old and new on my channel, make it available for anyone, young or old, nostalgic or new gamers. I'm trying to differentiate myself from other YouTubers by providing content suitable for anyone.

Yesterday, I made a gig on my Fiverr profile. I made it so I can gain some work experience, since most of the companies out there are looking for somebody with work experience, no matter the skills or education. I think that is unfair; how else am I gonna gain work experience if I don't work?

Anyway, I made a gig on Fiverr about translating stuff from English to Croatian and vice versa. I'm became very fluent in English in the last couple of years, with my YouTube channel and with English Classes at college. Even my teacher was impressed that she even told me that I speak with an american accent.

Just an hour after I published the gig, I've been receiving lots of messages in my Fiverr inbox. But most of those messages came from people without profile pictures who ask me about contacting them on Telegram or providing them with my e-mail. And none of them made an order. I assumed that those are spammers.

It's sad, for me, because I seem to only draw fake people to me than real people. Like I'm not conditioned for serious business.

I finished translating my unpublished novel so I can send it to my local publishing house. Before I do, I let my family read it first, for proofreading and to see the first reactions. I somehow assume that my parents will get to know me better, I have that feeling. Just as Neil Gaiman said, you need to expose yourself and be honest. And I literally feel like I just walked down the street naked by giving my novel to be read.

PlayStation Plus Extra subscription ended on Saturday. Now I'm waiting for the Easter to get a discount. It's not easy, at least in Croatia, since they increased the prices of all PlayStation Plus services after they finally introduced euros on their website. Between inflation and the fact that the tax money probably goes to war in Ukraine (and I assume Gaza as well), everything had become so expensive.

It's going to be 6 months now that I'm unemployed. I'm having problems communicating and naming some of my good qualities.

Well, it's going pretty slow. In these last few weeks, I had two job interviews, with one being over the phone. I had signed up for an agent in call centre, first for Hrvatski Telekom and then for HEP. I haven't passed the first interview, and for the second... I was supposed to have an interview face-to-face, but then I got called that it was postponed. Then the other day I find out that I haven't passed it.

What was I thinking? Who would want to hire a person with shyness who struggles in social situations to work in call centre?

Every night, I get all these thoughts and emotions about how I'm unemployed, like 'how could you? 'find a job, goddamnit', 'you're not good enough'. I can't stop thinking about, and I can't sleep with all these emotions coming out at night that I suddenly start crying.

I'm not like everyone else. I'm not a hard-worker, I'm a person with ideas. I'm not a builder, I'm an architect. And how do you communicate your good qualities when your past experiences keep coming back with the details depicting what didn't go well last time. Instead of learning from mistake, you run off.

I hoped to be a successful youtuber by the time I finish college, but now I'm stuck earning only 40 euros per month, and nobody commenting on my videos. I can't tell if I'm good. I'm not so talkative as I should be, fearing that I might say something stupid.

I signed up for a freelance writer job at BeWriters last Saturday. Then I had to go through the language test on English. I aced through it all, and then I needed to write a trial essay using MLA citation.

Today I received the feedback from BeWriters, and it broke my heart to see that I didn't pass. Not only that, but every criteria was checked as unacceptable. Picture bellow:

It just can't be. I nailed the English test very well. I was a top student in English classes at the college, and to think that all of the criteria is unacceptable breaks my heart. Then the essay. Ok, I may have not sticked to MLA citation and all, but it's just that, at the college, we learned to use the Harvard citation style for all of our seminars. I did everything well in the essay. I separated it all in paragraphs (introduction, facts and the conclusion), I was supposed to have 300-400 words (I made it to around 360) and I cited (alright, interpreted) all the sources I've used, even named them all at the end of the paper (name, year, website name, website link and the day I accessed the site).

I was in tears after I read about the results. I couldn't accept it, so I emailed back to BeWriters and I'm still waiting for their response. It's a mistake, it has to be. Who knows, it may have been an AI that checked the answers. They didn't even provide a detailed feedback on what I did wrong.

I was in tears for the next hour that I almost didn't get to record the next part of my Hogwarts Legacy gameplay. It took me that long to pull myself together and go and lose myself in the game.

The whole essay bellow:

Ever since the World Cup in Qatar, and since I started playing Fifa 22, I got interested in football, and started watching it more - not just the local league (that is Croatian league). Mostly I follow the clubs where footballers from my country play in. That goes for Man City (Gvardiol and Kovacic), Real Madrid (Modric) and Dinamo Zagreb (everyone in my family cheers for Dinamo).

I mostly watch Premier League because it's so fun and interesting, and some of the players are just, well, good. Apart from Man City, I follow Liverpool (some Croatian players played in that club like Lovren and Biscan) and Tottenham (Modric played in there before Real Madrid, and Kranjcar as well if I remember correctly). Recenlty, I started watching West Ham games as well - They have good players. Then there's Man United. I actually watch them because they're too funny, conceding goal and kicking themselves out of Champions League. It's not the same Man United as it was during Fergusson's time, and while Rooney was still playing. I sometimes switch to LaLiga, but mostly when Real Madrid plays. Here and there I switch to Ligue 1, but not so much, only to see results when PSG, Marseille or Lyon plays. I sometimes switch to Serie A, when either Inter (Brozovic and some other Croatian players played in it), Milan (out of nothing), Torino (Vlasic, but he's not so good, everyone knows that) or Atalanta (Pasalic plays in it, and they're interested in bringing Baturina from Dinamo). Then there's Sassuolo where Erlic plays, but I rarely watch them, and Lecce - I only heard recently about them that they have Pongracic. I have access to some great football leagues, but not Bundesliga. Lots of Croatian players play in Germany like Kramaric (Hoffenheim), Majer (Wolfsburg), Beljo (Augsburg), Stanisic (on the loan in Bayer Leverkusen from Bayern) and Jakic (on the loan in Augsburg from Eintracht). For Bundesliga I only watch the results on my phone app. I wish I could also watch the dutch league - They have Ivanusec in Feyeenord and Sosa and Sutalo in Ajax.

Now the players: of course, my favorite players in Premier League are Gvardiol and Kovacic. Kovacic has very good dribbles, and Gvardiol can literally play multiple positions (and be a wall in defense). I also like Haaland (yes, another Man City player). The guy is like a goal machine, not to mention that he looks like he's not from this planet. Then there's Foden. For his age, he really plays like he is a big star. Maguire - well, I only like him for being a laughing stock. I can't understand how his long passes end up at the opposite player's foot, and what is he doing in defense line. If you ask me, it's gotta be how Man United kept changing formations and tactics through the last few years that somehow affected him.

Now is there a player I don't like at all? In Premier League, that is Alvarez. It has nothing to do with how he plays, but because of what he is: a jerk that ran into Livakovic at Qatar World Cup and got a penalty. The VAR was sleeping throughout the whole game against Argentina that they didn't see that Alvarez was the one who ran into Livakovic on purpose, and fell to the ground with a smile on his face. Then there's Messi. People can say all they want that he is a genius and a good person, but I don't think the same. I think the whole World Cup thing was made for him to lift the trophy, just a product placement stunt, being Fifa's pet and all. And the ballon'd'or this year was given to him, for what? For being a best player only because Fifa wants everyone to think that? It's for all those reasons that everyone on Balkan likes Ronaldo more than Messi. And also, Joao Felix - I think he's the one that goes after money, not the game. He switched Atletico for Barcelona, and everyone in Madrid was angry about it. If it's my country, it would be like switching Dinamo for Hajduk. Not to mention that Joao Felix even celebrated the goal against his former club. That's not what a player does. If you ask me, he is also a jerk, nothing like Ronaldo as everyone claims he is.

I just finished watching a full playthrough of Ratchet and Clank Into the Nexus by Full Playthroughs. I had also played that game back in 2013, just when it came out. I was very happy to be able to play another Ratchet and Clank game, and I really enjoyed playing Into the Nexus. This game has everything, but unfortunately, it's too short. I finished it in 1 day. I feel like the developers didn't try enough to release the new Ratchet & Clank in the same fashion as the previous games, not to mention that this game was released just a month before PlayStation 4 came out.

Let me tell you briefly about the plot with my own words: The game starts on a spaceship freighter that serves as a prison where Ratchet and Clank, along with their robot friends Cronk and Zephyr, need to escort Vendra Prog, the dangerous and cold criminal, to the prison, but they get attacked by Neftin Prog, Vendra's brother, who hired Thugs 4 Less, the guns-for-hire, to get Vendra out. The freighter explodes, killing Cronk and Zephyr along with it, and Ratchet and Clank are the only survivors. They manage to slip into one of Thugs 4 Less' ships that takes them all the way to Zarkov Sector, the sector that was declared abandoned and haunted. They land on one of the planets out there, Yarik or whatever it's called, and they find out that Vendra and Neftin contacted a monster being, called Mr. Eye, who they want to bring into their world, using a low-budget Dimensinator, the device that opens portals to other worlds. Ratchet and Clank manage to escape, and they need stop Vendra and Neftin from bringing Mr. Eye to their world. They track Vendra and Neftin on Silox (if I remember the name correctly), the abandoned urban planet. But they're late. Vendra manages to summon and bring Mr. Eye into their world. Instead of working with Vendra, Mr. Eye's minions capture and take Vendra into the Nether, their world. Ratchet and Clank team up with Neftin to get the real dimensinator, located in a museum on planet Igliak, so they can banish Mr. Eye and his minions from their world, and free Vendra.

After watching and coming back to this game, I had the idea: I could write a fan fiction of this game. I wouldn't change anything in the original, but rather expand the storyline. Like, how were Vendra and Neftin able to make their own dimensinator? How did Vendra get caught in the first place? How did she get into contact with Mr. Eye? (Well, that part is somehow explained by the number of dictaphones we find in the game). Ratchet & Clank is an adventure game, and adventure games have to be lengthy (10 hours or so). There's got to be more to this story than me, and other gamers like me, didn't get to see. I really want that to happen.

One more thing: at the end of the game, after Ratchet and Clank had a small talk in front of Cronk and Zephyr's statues in the museum, Ratchet leaves alone, and Clank picks up the real (and now broken) dimensinator, and takes it with him. Then the scene ends, and the credits start rolling. That actually makes perfect sense, given that in Rift Apart, Clank builds back the dimensinator by himself as a gift to Ratchet so he can find Lombaxes, his species. If anything, Insominac Games actually continued from Into the Nexus instead of the remake (and the movie).

It's been 4 months since I graduated from college with the Master's Degree in Economics. I'm still looking through all job offers I can find regarding marketing field. I sent out lots of job demands, even open demands to some companies in Osijek. But unfortunately, nobody answered back.

You think that the companies are more eager to employ youngsters and freshers than somebody who is 40+ years old. That didn't work out for me. Everywhere I look, employers look for 2 or 3 years of experience, entry-level or otherwise. There are no marketing offers in my town and no possibility for remote job from some companies. I feel like I live in a wrong country, and relocating is not what I want.

People around me keep pressuring me to just go and find a job in anything, saying that you need to start earning money. But what nobody can understand is that I might not be good enough or that I won't enjoy work. I am told that it's a rare thing to enjoy your work, but that only goes for the previous generation (gen X). I want my job to be my passion as well. I like marketing, I like social media, I like video editing, and film making and writing, video games... It's what I like doing.

All I have right now are my YouTube channel and my unpublished novels that nobody wants to publish. YouTube isn't going well right now this month; everyone is still not sober from the New Year.

My shyness keeps coming back with all the bad experiences I had in school, including bullying and projects fails. I think everyone thinks that I can be a good leader, but I just can't see it when nobody wants to listen. I can't even get to talk because that person will talk forever without an end, and then everything that I wanted to say just comes out of my head. No happy memory of success comes back to me till somebody mentions it. How do you find a job when you suffer from severe shyness? How do you sleep when all you get are lots of emotions and reminders of what happened in past?

This week I need to go to job counselling again, just like every 8 weeks when you're unemployed. I was told to look at some of the vouchers, but I haven't found anything that is of interest to me, either not free or not related to my fields of study. I'm just gonna tell them that I want to work here and ask them about which companies to accept freshers with no work experience.

For years, since I was 10 years old, my online nickname has always been "Ratchet CRO". I named myself Ratchet after the main character in the game series Ratchet & Clank, and the CRO is the first 3 letters of the word "Croatia", my country.

I first found out about Ratchet & Clank when I played Ratchet & Clank A Crack in Time. Ratchet looked like somebody I had already seen in my life. The truth is, it reminded of Jak 3, another favorite game of mine. And I immediately fell in love with Ratchet & Clank games, repeating them over and over again. Between exploring planets and battling robots and aliens, these games have everything you need.

Sadly, I'm a bit disappointed with the last few Ratchet & Clank games that came out. First there's the remake of the first game; for me, it was too short, there should have been more to this than immediately go battle the final boss (not to spoil who you battle). It was a complete replica of the movie. Then there's Nexus. Too too short as well, like the developers didn't have enough time to make the full-length game. And finally, Rift Apart. I'd say the length is good, and the story as well, but I feel like it still missed something that the very first Ratchet & Clank games had. Of course, it has to be children-friendly today. Maybe it's that silence between characters during the actual gameplay that I found soothing, not including the cutscenes.

I feel like I made a mistake about which game to play next on my YouTube channel. After finishing Watch Dogs 2, I went through Epic Games's library to find the next thing to play. Apart from bunch of good-looking horror games, one game got my attention. And that is Black Book.

Black Book is a game set in Russia during 19th century (I think), and you play as Vasilisa, a young koldun (in other words, witch) who sets on a quest to unlock the seals of the Black Book she carries with her to save her late husband's soul from going to Hell. On her way, she battles monsters and chorts (bigger monsters from hell who torment people), and helps peasants out. This game's ending also depends on the choices you make - and I feel like I messed this up.

Along the way I have the icon of coffin displayed that marks the number of sins I've made. According to some online chats, the number of sins is the one that will affect the ending. My number of sins is now over 200, and that is like a bottom line to get at least some good ending. I made some bad choices without thinking clearly on what will it affect (stuff like stealing, not helping peasants out and sending your own chorts to torment peasants which you NEED to do).

I'm not very satisfied with my gameplay, much to the fact that I made bad choices, but more to the fact that it's a Russian game. Knowing what Russia is doing now to Ukraine, I don't think it's a good idea to continue going with this gameplay. It's not my fault. The game description said that this game is inspired by Slavic folklore and Slavic mythology. The game could have been set in any of the Slavic countries, not just Russia.

I'm not getting many views, nor likes, nor comments, so I can't tell the opinions of my fans. It saddens me to think that I do all these efforts to give people my gameplays and to not be seen, it's just like in my school days when I say something, but nobody pays attention to me, like I don't exist. In truth, I do want some attention, but at the same I don't want to be in center of attention. It's an impossible combination.

Back to the game, the game got my attention because I was interested in learning a bit about Slavic mythology. It's not something you learn at school, knowing that it didn't last for long, after Christianity was introduced (at least in Croatia). It's gotta be shortly after reading American Gods and Norse Mythology, both by Neil Gaiman, that I got interested in mythology stuff. I knew from before some basic stuff from Greek mythology, only little about Roman mythology but Norse and Slavic, nothing (maybe little, but nothing specific). Only what Marvel showcases with Thor and Loki.

You can find my full gameplay playlist here:

Hello,

In this post, I want to talk about one of my favorite games from childhood, which is Heroes of Might and Magic III. Or as everybody calls it, Heroes 3. This game is one of those games that you play to rewind down after coming from work/school.

So, what's it about? It's a strategic type of game where you play as one of the selected factions and heroes, and the goal is to defeat all the other factions in the game, whether it's singleplayer or multiplayer. The game takes place on a made up map, and you explore, collect stuff and gain skills for your heroes to battle monsters and other heroes. You can play against CPUs or against other players, including 2 or more players playing on one PC.

I got introduced to this game when I was like, 9 or 10 years old. One friend from that time introduced me to this game, and I immediately got hooked up on it. I liked exploring around the map and collecting gold and goods and just expand the towns with units of soldiers and other useful stuff. And I played it passively, meaning that I wasn't playing against CPUs and other players. I actually played against myself. I selected as many heroes to play as I wanted (8 is max), and I just played and explored, and when a battle came, it would just be around witnessing with whom did I make more progress with. It's weird, I know. In truth, I was a bit afraid of playing against CPUs, no matter the difficulty. Once, I lost town to a CPU, and it also scared me to see them move after I had finished my turn. It's why I kept to playing on my own. It was actually pretty good, relaxing if I might say. That was before I started playing Minecraft when Heroes 3 was the game I played after coming home from school.

I was gonna play on revisiting this game now as an adult, but unfortunately, the hard drive where Heroes 3 was installed, stopped working, and I lost it. Too bad. Right now, the game came out as a HD version, and there have been some contradictions from other people, saying that they don't like the HD version. From the shots I saw online, it actually looks good, but it's weird seeing all the heroes with clear faces. There have also added a few keyboard shortcuts (if there weren't any in original version).

Now, in the beginning, I started out with the main town being Conflux (the one with elemental units of fighters like fire elementals water elementals and more). I liked playing as Conflux, I believe it was in an expansion version and not in original game. But the one town I often liked to play as (I don't know if it's because of the units or the entire theme of it) is Dungeon. This is an underworld town populated mostly by fighters from Greek mythology, such as meduzas, minotaurs and manticores. Then another one of my favorite towns, for which I really love the entire theme as well, is Rampart. Rampart is a mixture of medieval japan and Shire. The fighters are dwarves, elves, pegasuses, etc. The worst one, probably because it has a sad soundtrack playing in the background, is Necropolis. Necropolis is a graveyard town with all the dead fighters like skeletons, witches and vampires. The only strong unit there are skeletons, who are equiped with swords, and they do a lot of damage if they have a high number of points. I also don't like Stronghold. It's like LOTR town populated by all the bad guys, with fighters like goblins, orcs and ogres. I'm gonna say that, according to some youtube videos and online chats, that people like Castle a lot. It's the most normal town populated by human fighters like pikemen, archers, and some 'not' normal fighters like angels and griffins.

Searching through YouTube, I wanted to find some gameplays to watch while falling asleep, but there aren't many. Only a few longplay videos made by 2 or 3 youtubers. I feel like this game deserves more attention, even now it wakes up nostalgia in some gamers, me included. Actually, this game is as old as me.

Hello,

I haven't written anything here in a while, because I lost interest in Tumblr, not knowing what to do with it.

I haven't even been honest much on this profile. I just graduated from college as a marketing graduate, and I don't know where to go next. I try to do a lot of things that I have a passion for, like writing, managing my YouTube channel and drawing. Everyday, I try to learn something new. I'm sending my job demands to everyone looking for a marketing graduate, video editor and a writer. But so far, only few replied that I didn't pass, saying that there were better candidates.

I remembered what I wanted to do when I was a kid. As I recall from my school days, my schoolmates said they wanted to be doctors, mechanics, retail workers, policemen and such, and me, I was too shy to actually say what I want to be when I grow up. So I lied about wanting to be a doctor, to not reveal anything (and I couldn't have been a doctor, I'm not smart enough).

I actually wanted to be a storyteller. It's what I always wanted. I was that kid in class who always daydreamed and made stories up in their head, to the point I wasn't paying attention in class. Even the teacher noticed it. As the school progressed, the more I got shy, and no professor was of help to me. Then the bullying came, and I completely closed myself off. Between being addicted to video games and going through rough school days, I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. Video games were like a coping mechanism for me, which then turned into an addiction.

Then, about 4 years ago, I made a decision to write a fictional book. It was weird, considering that I never read anything after primary school, and not going into the library. It wasn't because I didn't enjoy reading, it was because I didn't know what to search for, and also my anxiety was getting in my way of asking questions. I couldn't just say 'I'm just looking'. I think I was also reading wrong books, the only interesting one I remember was Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens (the only book I didn't skip pages and chapters). I guess, because I liked movies and video games more than books, I wanted more than just a written word, to actually see it, and be the character himself. It's how I always feel when I play CoD Warzone 2.0.

One weird old guy appeared on my Facebook feed while I was scrolling down. It was an ad for his MasterClass, and when I saw him, it woke up something inside me, the desire to write a story, knowing that it was what I always wanted to do. If not make a movie, then write a novel. That guy, was Neil Gaiman.

I couldn't afford a MasterClass, so all I did was write from scratch, not knowing how today's 'novel' should be written. So I went with reading, starting with Jules Verne, then moving up to Neil Gaiman's Ocean at the end of the lane, and finally to J.R.R. Tolkien. Also, J.K. Rowling.

To make this even weird, I don't write my books in my native language (Croatian). Instead, everything is on English. My only explanation is, I daydream in English (that's what YouTube made of me). How do you explain that to someone you know well?

There we go, I got it all out. I write more than I actually talk loud. Sometimes it's good to be alone and quiet in a room, but not for too long (I found that out during pandemic).

Goodbye,

99katarina99

Last night, while I was watching TV, I remembered one game that I couldn’t remember it’s name. When I was 5 or 6 years old, back when I lived with my grandparents and when my uncle still had PS2, I discovered the game called EyeToy Play. This is a game that was ahead of its time. With a special camera called EyeToy, it captures your movement and everything that you do happens in the game, if I could say it like that. 

EyeToy game has lots of mini games including Kung Fu, washing windows (although it’s not called like that), dance, box and so on. All I could remember was the music from Kung Fu mini game that I liked. 

I searched for any kind of videos, typing ‘ps2 webcam’ and it immediately came up. When I saw the gameplay, I remembered everything. Now that I finally found it, I’m happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I found the game and sad because I probably won’t play it again any time soon. 

It’s also sad that nobody knows this game. This game is among those games that were forgotten over the years. Now nobody knows about it and how great it was back in the day. I guess I could say that this game including PS2, are dead and will never come back.

And the 4th picture of mine to get submited on UNHCR. 

“Probably gonna regret this” drawing.

Yesterday, I drew over the picture above. @neil-gaiman​ invited his fans to illustrate one of the seven images selected from his poem What You Need to be Warm. I’m not so good at drawing on paper, so I did it in Gimp. When I saw my last result I thought “Did I make this?”. I never thought that I’m this good at drawing. 

P.S: Looks like it’s from some cartoon.